Read this and found it useful, hence I am sharing here on my blog:
TWENTY THINGS A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER SON
1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.
2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.
4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.
5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.
6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.
7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.
8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.
9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.
10. Take pride in your appearance.
11. Be strong and tender at the same time.
12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.
13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.
14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.
15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.
16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.
17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.
18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.
19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.
20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.
This blogpost is an English translation from Bahasa Malaysia (Malaysia's National Language), also written by the same author, Sue - Versi asli dalam Bahasa Malaysia di sini
WARNING: LONG BLOGPOST AHEAD
The Malaysian national education sistem's core is based on one mission - that is for children aged 7 to 12 to be able stay in primary (elementary) school, which is made compulsory by law, and upon completing six years in primary school, the child should be able to achieve basic skills like Reading, Writing and Counting/Arithmetic. In Bahasa Malaysia, they are called the 3M - Membaca, Menulis dan Mengira, which translates to Reading, Writing and Counting - the '-ing' in English is equivalent to 'Me-' in Bahasa Malaysia.
As far as I know, the 3M concept has been incorporated in Malaysia's education stem since the 'Learning' era before everything was standardised to 'Education'.
I would like to share some anecdotes on the Malaysian education system, especially the primary (elementary) school education in Malaysia.
Not every student age 7 (on 31 December of that year or on Jan 1 the following year), who started Primary One (Standard One knows how to read or write. Despite the trend for children to start going to pre-school before their Primary School years start at the age of 7, there are stil some families who cannot afford to send their kids to pre-school. Hence, in some areas, there are teachers who have to deal with a big gap of the level of Mastery of the 3M skills among students.
I still remember, our teachers would beam with pride when their 'good' students could write all the 26 letters in the alphabets and pronounce all the syllables in the words without any flaws. When some students kept quiet, they will be called 'stupid' and ridiculed in many manners. When I think back, I shudder to ponder on the possible trauma and psychological effects on these students who are laughed at by the whole class just because they are labelled as 'stupid' or dumb. Some teachers (only a fraction, not all), tend to laugh and ridicule others who cannot fulfill the society's requirements of 'normal' which is the basic learning standards like reading and writing properly. If the students are slower a little bit in academic performance, they will surely be laughed at and called 'stupid'.
Why am I moved to write this article?
I HAVE A GOOD FRIEND, let's call her Madam A, who shared with me her tale of her son's 'predicament' not too long ago.
Her son, N, cannot talk as a normal 6-year-old.
"Trust me, Sue, we have sought out government specialist clinic, underwent tests and our kid is normal, he is not autistic. He is only delayed in speech. Many people commented that we are irresponsible parents, we fail to teach our son to talk. However, N's elder sisters had no speech delay. We do not want our son to be like this!
"The most hurtful is when people leer at our son when he uttered incomprehensible words like 'ya ya ta ta' while pointing to something that caught his attention. To add salt to injury, There was once when a doctor acted as if our son. N, is mentally ill," lamented Madam A.
Madam A is concerned that her son N will be labelled as stupid in primary school when he is 7 in 2013.
Some teachers (not all, perhaps only a fraction) are of the habit to be impatient at slow students, some even go to the extent of scolding the words "stupid and fools" in front of the rest of the class.
This brought back memories from over 20 years ago. There was a boy named Larry who moved to our school in Standard Four from a village school. Being a school in town, our standards of education were on quite on par with those from the city. We were shocked when Larry could barely read and write. At age 10, he only knew all 26 alphabets and could not string the letters together. It was painstaking just watching him read a single word, "S-A sa Y-A ya, saya". Of course he was laughed at and he laughed at himself as well. According to my classmates, Larry returned to his village after Standard Six and there is no more news from him after that.
There are always a small fraction of children like N and Larry, yet they are not considered seriously impaired that they needed to be classified 'mentally retarded'.
How can we provide equal education opportunity for these kids in Malaysia, or as a matter of fact, in the whole world? Like in Larry's case, the remedial teacher helped to nurture him to a certain extent where he could spell out basic words and make simple sentences in that short few years (age 10-12).
Teachers cannot afford to spend more time on slower students so the 'slow' are usually left behind while 'the normal ones' are focused upon by the teachers.
This post is NOT meant to lash out at anyone, just to share some thoughts.
The dreaded marking is here again, my least favourite part of my job.
Wish me luck! I need to make the deadline with as little human error as possible in my Maths of adding up the marks.
Tedious work and doesn't help that the kids' answers ain't up to par as well, makes you wonder "What is this kid doing the whole semester?"
My maxim now is: "Mark as if this will be the final time you are given the privilege to mark", I feel so much better already... NOT! Who am I kidding? Anyway, back to marking for now.
I know some of you may not be in my Advanced class anymore, if I ever see you again after this, chances are, you will be a grown-up, an adult who are working or married or become parents yourselves. Gosh, makes me feel so old and like you are part of my life and me as a 'parent' in a small role in shaping your future.
Class,
I am but a human being, I am not perfect, but remember, neither are you all.
I make mistakes, I am late for some classes, I do procrastinate sometimes (especially marking and returning your work), I talked too loudly, my words are not 'filtered' and I have emotions and feelings which may not be all happy and cheerful at all times, in other words, I tend to offend some of you at one point or other.
For every heart that I break or hurt, I am sorry, there are no excuses, it is something I could prevent but didn't.
For every feeling/mind that I hurt/scare, I am sorry, there are no excuses, I put it down to feelings of frustration in trying to control the class hence I resorted to threat and punishment.
For every barbed/harsh words I said, I am sorry, my mouth is faster than my brain sometimes, I regretted saying it the moment I see the looks of hurt and pain and even shock in your faces right after the words flew from my lips. I am truly sorry, I am still imperfect but I vow to improve, especially my speech.
For all my shoddiness in terms of professionalism at work, I am sorry, I have my lazy days too, that is not an excuse but remember, only 12-15 years ago, I was just like you all, a student of Mass Communication with an indisputable lazy bones, I amaze myself sometimes, why did I choose to be an educator?
The reason is simple. The reason I stayed on as an educator is due to all of you, my students.
You make me feel young and full of energy, you make me laugh and sometimes push me to the edge with anger and frustration, yet when you showed improvement or understanding, I felt so touched I can cry! I only want the best out of you, not only in exam results and assignment marks, but I wish to have a little space in your mind/heart that when you think of certain stuff like the 'Yellow M' you always call, you correct yourself and said to yourself, "Ms Tiong said it is the Golden Arch", and remember that Nike has a "Swoosh", it is not called a 'tick'.
For DPR3, I think my trademark most-used phrase is "Ada faham?", Do you understand?
For previous batches, I changed my most-used phrase from "Dunno", and my most recent phrase "Ada faham?".
Each batch is uniquely different and trust me, even if some of you can be a pain, I enjoy every moment with you all, bad or good.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the journey with me, for helping me to help you to be better humans (I hope), sometimes I feel like I wish I could just upload all that I know and experienced to all of you with a click of the mouse or by connecting to your USB drive (like Avatar), however you will then be denied a chance to truly live and make your own mistakes and learn.
I apologise for all my short comings and trust me, you all have touched my heart and become a part of me no matter how you were in my class.
I wish you all the very best in life and do not forget what it truly means to be human - to not feel sorry at the end of the day when you are about to leave this life. Ms Tiong loves you all.
I promise this will be a shorter post compared to the long posts in my blog.
Happy Independence Day, Malaysia! Technically, it is Malaya who is 55 years old, Malaysia as a country is only 49 years old, formed by Sabah and Sarawak in Borneo, Singapore (who then left about two years later) and Malaya (now referred to as Peninsula Malaysia). Malaysia Day is celebrated on 16th September. :-)
I guess I need to write an essay on what it means to be Malaysian in my opinion.
Here goes.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALAYSIAN...
TO MY FAMILY: My late grandpa (who passed away at the age of 95 in 2007 a week before my weddding) always said: "Malaysia is a peaceful place. You can earn a living as long as you are hardworking." He came from China in the 1930s, when times are hard after the 1911 Chinese Revolution. He travelled with valid travel documents and settled down in Kuching, Sarawak, a state in Borneo, where he started his family and became part of the newly formed nation in 1963 through naturalisation - he was official "British" before 1963.
Same goes to my mom's parents, my parents' birth certificates showed "British" as their nationality as both my parents were born before 1963. British or no British, we are all Malaysians now. We are not even that state-centric anymore, we have relocated from Borneo to Peninsular Malaysia, my siblings and I have found non-Sarawakian
partners, we cannot afford to be state-centric anymore anyway!
TO FELLOW MALAYSIANS: Generally we young people (sweeping statement here, pardon me please) does not really bother about National's Day after we left mainstream education, where we had to line up and sing patriotic songs as well as the National anthem on a day before or after the actual public holiday in the spirit of Merdeka - in Bahasa Malaysia, the national language, Merdeka means - Independence (Free from Colonialism).
MY OWN TAKE:
The first time I was part of a National Day countdown was on August 30, 2005. I was still a reporter back then, I sat very close to the grand stand (main stage) where all the VIPs were at. By the time the countdown of 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and MERDEKA! was shouted by everyone at Dataran Merdeka - the place where Malaya's Independence was first declared and shouted by the first Premier, Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra Al-Haj - I tell you, I actually felt a lump threatening to choke my throat, I was moved. The feeling was surreal. Here I was, at the same venue where our forefathers fought for independence and with everyone shouting "Merdeka", and I joined in as well, it beats watching a game at the Stadium or shouting for your idol anytime, the feeling is totally different! I blogged about it on Friendster but sadly, it has died a natural death, so I lost all data and pics of that night.
TO THE WORLD:
The people globally usually refer to Malaysia as only Peninsular Malaysia and shorten our citizens' name to the MALAYS. That is from the olden pre-Independent days where Malaya was called Tanah Melayu, the Land of Malays. Paintings of South East Asia map labelled Peninsular Malaysia as Malay. Even when I went to Hong Kong and mainland China, they referred to us as Malays. Fine.
RACES/SOCIETY IN MALAYSIA
For the record, Malaysia is a multi-racial country with Muslim as the official religion while non-Malays can profess any religion of their choice. Malay is the majority, with about 60% of the population, the rest are the Chinese (Chinese descent, not China-Chinese), Indian (Indian descent from India, but not India-Indian), the indegenious people in Peninsular Malaysia like Sakai, Jakun, and also 26 ethnic groups in the state of Sarawak in Borneo (Iban is the majority) and 27 ethnic groups in the state of Sabah in Borneo (Kadazan is the majority) - the two states in Borneo comprises East Malaysia, separated by South China Sea from Peninsular Malaysia.
Inter-racial marriages, and even inter-religious marriages had turned Malaysians into a colourful potpourri. I promised a short blog post, so for more information, feel free to google up Malaysia.
One thing synonymous with Malaysians are its food.
FOOD, FOOD, oh glorious food.
It doesn't matter what style of cooking it is, the Malays will cook Halal (ALMOST equivalent of 'kosher') food, but in Chinese or Indian style, we will have Malay style Chinese Fried Rice, or Indian style Fried noodles, and even the uniquely 'Mamak' or 'peranakan' cooking which is the result of racial integration of mixed marriages. Oh, don't get me started on the food for rest of the ethnicities in Sabah and Sarawak, my homeland of Borneo.
Pix shows some traditional cooking (meat in bamboo over the fire) by my friend's mom during Gawai Harvest Festival in mid-year in Sarawak.
I will not be telling the whole truth if I say we are truly tolerant with each other. However, let me remind you that even in a close-knit family, there will be squabbles and disagreements, what more to say in such a diverse community like what we have in Malaysia? Whoever we vote for, be it pro-Government or pro-Opposition, we are all just Malaysian voters exercising our rights. At the end of the day, we eat the same food, breathe in the same air, stay in the same country.
We are far from Utopia but generally, Malaysians are peace-loving people and once you get to know us and we overcome our initial 'shyness', we are always ready with a smile and will render any help we can. Just don't provoke us or call us names as we pride ourselves in our rich heritage and languages.
Selamat Hari Merdeka to all Malaysians! *Peace be unto all of us*
“@UberFacts: After age 30, the brain loses about 50,000 neurons a day. Shrinking by .25% each year.”
I saw this on twitter today and I had mixed feelings about it. Glad I know that fact because that explains a lot of things, and not so glad because I am losing brain cells.
It is like a voice inside saying: I am growing old! Oh no!
I know aging is inevitable. Being a woman, through every childbirth, you not only lose blood and bodily nutrients - it is said you lose much of your brain cells with every child. I know for a fact my own aunt lost a molar (big tooth at the back) for each pregnancy she had. She had two kids, so two molars lost it is. You can see your tooth which you lost, how about the unseen stuff like brain cells and your mental capacity?
Should I continue my PhD now or later? I find it more difficult to retain new information lately, even more so in 2012, I am more forgetful and need to set reminders for almost everything at work. I cannot recall people's names as fast as I could last year, one freaking year and I feel my brain has aged so much. Don't get me started on my physical aging!!!
I was lazing in bed this morning and snapped a pix of this - me grasping on to whatever brain cells I have left. Heard that ginkgo bibloba is good for memory retention? Let's hope I won't forget my own name too soon!
First update:
Half an hour and I only finished one script of the over 200 scripts. 223 to be exact.
I shudder to think how many hours I need to spend to finish all - OMG, 4 whole days without break 24 hours a day, non stop and plus 15 hours and 30 mins. Gulp.
No time wasted - to be continued - this shall be a super long blogpost
Second entry:
Not bad. Nearly an hour has passed and I have finished three scripts. I managed to cut down from 30mins per script to an average of 20mins per script.
I find this process of updating strangely motivating. I used to procrastinate by doing something else, very time consuming so I guess giving myself some reprieve in the form of saving my blog as draft till I manage to finish marking proves to be so far so good in keeping me motivated.
Back to marking!
Third update: I am slowing down again, completed the 5th script and my eyes felt heavy. I left my stopwatch on (oh yeah I use a stopwatch for this chronicle) and walked around the house to wake myself up.
Checked my twitter and a new 'follower' whom I then followed offered me a psychic reading online and asked me what do I wanna know. If you are psychic, you should guess or maybe you already know and not ask.
Back to marking. No psychic is gonna help me to mark anyway.
Fourth update: Two hours and I've completed 6 scripts. Still at the rate of 20 mins per script. Wish me luck.
I need to mark faster!!!
Fifth update:
Dead tired after marked 8 scripts. Will call it a night. Sat night gone - nearly 3 hours spent marking 8 scripts. I must mark faster tomorrow. Till tomorrow, nitez.
Day 2:
2.0 First update: Yawn. Bright and shine. Had breakfast. Prepared lunch and now I try to launch myself to get I to the momentum to mark again. I barely made a dent with 8 scripts the first evening (my paper arrived only late afternoon/early evening. That is like PROGRESS: 3.5% lol more than 96% more to go. Sigh.
Day 2 Update 2: My mobile Internet and also home Internet decided to die on me. I've made another 4% of progress since then. I actually feel dizzy now. Of course I didn't mark non-stop or else I will be even more dizzy. Yawn. I am so tired.
Back to marking. I shudder to think that I will be doing this again in 4 months. It is a necessary struggle in this career.
Day 2: Update 3/Last update: I went to bed without updating my journal. :p
Day 3: Update 1:
Yay! Had a good night's sleep! Off to do marking again. First, I need to change to go to work first. Marking gotta wait. :(
Day 3: Update 2:
I've stopped counting. I am
Not even halfway through and I am already at midpoint before the deadline. End of Day 3. Zzzzz
Day 4: Update 1: I need to spend half a day to do exam invigilation duty. Half day gone!
However, I felt giddy and wobbly today that I went to the doc's and got sick leave for the Day.
Marking stops for no one so I am trying to make some progress with marking here.
Day 5: Update 1: I am back to work. Marking resumes after lunch after my duty is over. Let's hope I finish this big stack before a tackle another bigger stack!
I am hopeless! Drastic measures need to be taken to ensure I complete this on time! No more updates till I finish! The end of Day 5 update!
Yay, Finally made it in one piece.
:D Phew I'd like to say "That wasn't so bad" but trust me, it WAS THAT BAD!
You may be interested in http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/07/procrastinator-embracing.html
When you cram too much into too tight a space and time, you get the extreme end of the spectrum and cannot do much in the end.
I was the first patient at the clinic today. Yeah, never got No.1 in anything my whole life but finally got No.1 being a patient waiting in line, haha.
In sick or in good health, my work has to go on at home even though I took sick leave today (marking stops for no one).
Hope no students suffer similar fate while the final exam is still going on though!
Sistem persekolahan di Malaysia berteraskan satu misi - iaitu murid-murid sekolah rendah (7 sehingga 12 tahun) seharusnya menghabiskan 6 tahun yang diwajibkan oleh undang-undang kerajaan Malaysia di sekolah dan kanak-kanak tersebut sepatutnya mencapai kemahiran asas dalam 3M, iaitu Membaca, Menulis dan Mengira.
Sebenarnya saya tidak begitu pasti sama ada mengira atau menulis yang ditulis dahulu selepas membaca, oleh itu saya menulis kedua-duanya sekali - sekali di tajuk dan sekali di perenggan ini.
Setahu saya, konsep 3M telah pun diterapkan dalam sistem pendidikan Malaysia sejak zaman 'Pelajaran' dahulu, sebelum semuanya diseragamkan kepada 'Pendidikan'.
Saya ingin berkongsi pengalaman dan beberapa anekdot (ringkasan kisah benar) berkenaan sistem pelajaran Malaysia, terutamanya sistem pendidikan sekolah rendah di Malaysia.
Bukan setiap pelajar yang berumur 7 tahun (pada 31 Disember tahun itu atau 1 Jan tahun seterusnya) yang melangkah masuk ke Tahap 1, iaitu Tahun 1 (Darjah 1) tahu membaca atau menulis. Walaupun rata-rata kanak-kanak dihantar ke prasekolah, masih terdapat segelintir keluarga yang tidak mampu menghantar anak-anak ke sekolah sebelum mereka diwajibkan untuk ke sekolah semasa berumur 7 tahun. Oleh itu, di sesetengah kawasan, para guru terpaksa menangani masalah jurang Tahap kemahiran 3M di kalangan para pelajar.
Saya masih ingat lagi, para guru menunjukkan rasa bangga apabila murid-murid 'pandai' menunjukkan kemahiran mereka menulis 26 abjad/huruf dan melafazkan semua suku kata tanpa cacat cela. Apabila murid membisukan diri, mereka disindir dan dikatakan 'bodoh' dan banyak lagi kata-kata yang seumpamanya. Apabila difikirkan balik, saya gerun merenungkan trauma/kesan psikologi ke atas murid-murid yang diketawakan oleh seluruh kelas kerana 'bodoh'. Para guru (bukan semua, segelintir sahaja) menunjukkan kepada kanak-kanak bimbingan mereka yang tidak mengapa sekiranya kita mentertawakan orang yang tidak dapat memenuhi kehendak masyarakat iaitu Tahap pembelajaran yang asas. Sekiranya lambat sedikit dalam penguasaan akademik, terus ditertawakan dan dikatakan 'bodoh'.
Mengapa tiba-tiba jer tergerak hati menulis artikel ni?
Sahabat baik saya, panggillah dia Puan A, berkongsi luahan hati tidak lama dulu. Anak lelakinya, N, masih tidak dapat bercakap dengan normal walaupun usianya sudah menjangkau 6 tahun. Puan A sangat risau bagaimana N akan menyesuaikan diri dengan persekitaran semasa melangkah masuk ke Darjah 1 tahun depan (2013). Beliau takut anaknya akan dihina hanya kerana anaknya lambat bercakap daripada kanak-kanak lain yang 'normal'.
"Percayalah, Sue, kami telah menghantar N ke klinik pakar kerajaan, macam-macam ujian dah dijalankan, anak kami normal, bukan autistik (autisme), hanya lambat bercakap jer. Ramai orang mengata yang kami suami isteri tidak menjalankan tanggungjawab sebaiknya sebagai ibu bapa. Kami pun tidak ingin N menjadi begini! Kakak N tiada masalah bercakap pun. Paling menyakitkan hati apabila orang menjeling anak kami yang mengeluarkan kata-kata yang tidak difahami seperti 'ya ya ta ta' sambil menunjuk sesuatu yang menarik perhatiannya. Lebih-lebih lagi salah seorang doktor pakar yang pernah kami jumpa seolah-olah menganggap yang anak kami, N, itu gila," keluh Puan A.
Puan A takut anaknya digelar 'bodoh' tahun depan di sekolah rendah. Sekarang, N bersekolah di tadika berdekatan rumah yang mempunyai cikgu-cikgu yang memahami keadaan kanak-kanak ini dan tidak menunjukkan rasa tidak sabar atau marah-marah terhadap kekurangan kemahiran bercakap N.
Saya rasa, walaupun minoriti, mesti ada kanak-kanak yang sebegitu rata-rata di seluruh dunia, dan ibu bapa mereka sudah tentunya berasa 'terperangkap' oleh keadaan yang di luar kawalan mereka.
Balik kepada kenangan zaman persekolahan saya dahulu, saya ingat ada seorang budak lelaki yang berpindah ke sekolah kami semasa Darjah 4, ini saya gunakan nama sebenarnya, Larry namanya. Larry berpindah dari kampung dan kami terkejut yang dia tidak tahu membaca atau menulis dan kami mentertawakannya. Hasil kelas pemulihan sehingga ke Darjah 6, Larry mampu menulis A-Z tetapi terpaksa menyebut suku kata secara berasingan sebelum menggabungkan dua suku kata menjadi satu perkataan, contoh ya "S-A sa Y-A ya, saya".
Menurut kawan-kawan sekelas, Larry balik ke kampung selepas tamat Darjah 6 dan tiada berita mengenainya selepas itu.
Sekiranya kita mementingkan hak yang setara untuk semua kanak-kanak dalam pendidikan supaya menjadi insan yang berguna dalam masyarakat, dalam kes-kes istimewa bagi kanak-kanak normal yang hanya 'lambat' tetapi tidak cukup lambat untuk dikelaskan sebagai 'slow-learner' yakni tidak dapat menyertai kelas PKBP (bagi kanak-kanak yang bermasalah pembelajaran), sesuatu haruslah dilakukan untuk kumpulan kanak-kanak 'perantaraan' seperti N dan Larry.
Sekadar berkongsi, bukannya untuk mentohmah sesiapa ataupun mana-mana pihak.
Anda mungkin tertarik untuk membaca hasil nukilan seterusnya:
I am a procrastinator. Due to an understanding of that, it comes with 'maturity' to truly see yourself for who you are - a procrastinator who loves the rush of adrenaline when you are striving to meet the deadline, and doing a pretty good job at that - when you meet others of the same nature, i.e. 'practitioners' of procrastination, that sense of 'familiarity' brought back some nostalgic feelings.
I hold the principle that if it doesn't harm anyone, I procrastinate, if it concerns a team, a group or of a larger scale, I finish the task before you can even say start. I am a selective procrastinator that way, I prioritise.
COMMUNICATING IN REAL LIFE AND BEYOND (UTILISING SOCIAL MEDIA)
You see, I have been in my current job for more than three years, and counting. For those uninitiated, I am a lecturer, an educator/teacher, however you call me, I'd like to call myself a communicator as I am sharing what I learned back in university, and also my work experience when I was still 'out there' in the industry - communication - and I find myself 'communicating' to these young people more than 'educating' them anyway. One advantage is that I get at least a third of my yearly number of 'new students' to befriend me on fb annually and I do get some of them as my twitter followers as well.
THE REALITY OF A TEACHING/EDUCATING JOB
However, right from the beginning, I am quite disappointed that the number of 'interaction' hours with the students tend to be lesser than the number of hours I spend pushing papers and deal with red pens (marking) and filling up mountains of forms and preparing reports. I think it is a global phenomenon for educators, the number of hours you actually spend with students are like a third or even a fourth of your whole workload?
YOUNG FOREVER?
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job - the hours I spent interacting with the kids (I still call them kids in a good way as they are so very young!) reminds me of how beautiful youth is, the youth that is slowly slipping away from the physical body. They keep my spirit 'young' and with that, I feel more energetic and 'alive', hubby always commented on how 'fired up' and high-spirited I am - DAILY - he calls it 'hyper'. :-)
THE TRUE MEANING OF FEELING 'OVERWHELMED'
I never really know the feeling of being 'overwhelmed' till I took on this job.
NOT when I was reporter and the editor was staying back to wait for me to finish my front page news to complete the printing of the front and back page - which was reserved just for my news.
NOT when my neck was on the line when my client was breathing down my neck and shouting on the phone when something 'went wrong' a day before a huge event or when as a PR practitioner, the media attendance was really poor (read: one media turn-up) - we turned it around and somehow did not get overwhelmed and made it positive anyway!
NOT when it was the umpteenth time your client shoved back your work at you and complained your copywriting isn't up to what they were expecting, and finally they settled for the first few drafts you sent in the first place, without realising they themselves rejected it initially. No, those are NOT overwhelming.
NOT when the board of directors dislike the fact that you wrote something without having gone through it with them, despite the fact that you are not supposed to be answering to them anyway. No, not when your career seems to be in a tight fix.
Nope, I never considered those moments 'overwhelming'.
NOT when the office politics got worse and you are on the worst receiving end of it. NO, those are not really overwhelming, it is easy to walk away when you don't really have a reason to stay anyway.
I kinda summarised my entire career's 'most difficult moments' in those few paragraphs.
lol Exciting times.
Really, the rush of adrenaline in the heat of the chase really (still) gets me all fired up. I am THAT kind of person.
OVERWHELMED: MY DEFINITION
Sometimes, it does get stressful with the sheer number of students - average ten classes which translates to over 200 students at any given semester, and multiply that number by three assignments (not including the in-between assignment exercises you give), and at the end of every semester, you get equal number of exam scripts to mark in less than a week (average five working days and sometimes a few more days if you are lucky).
I find that after my regular work hours are over, minus the family meal times, washing up and household chores, and some winding down time with hubby in front of the telly, I need to sacrifice my sleeping time or even my weekends to catch up with the marking that I tend to bring home. Oh, I abhor marking. Detest, hate, shudder with apprehension... however you describe it oh yeah, I really am not a big fan, not even a small fan of marking. If we are talking about an entire class of a single class with only 18-20 students for an entire semester, oh yes, that is fine.
With my current institution, due to its popularity and large intake of students annually, to the extent we only have a single intake yearly as opposed to other instutitions who may have two or three or even four intakes annually, I guess you can say it is worth being proud that our single intake brings in enough number of students, the volume is really overwhelming we need to put a stop to double intakes or more.
QUANTITATIVE LOOK AT THE MEANING OF OVERWHELMING:
It is easy to get 200 students or more under your tutelage at any one time. If you need to spend about 20-30 minutes on a single item to mark, if you have already done the Maths about three paragraphs before, if there are a minimum of 200 students, you should get 600 assignments, and if it is a 'writing' paper, with exercises, with another three exercises (minimum) - add another 600 exercises, and 200 full length exam papers which takes about 30 minutes to fully mark (minimising errors) - so 600+600+200 = 1,400 items = 1,400 x 25 mins (average) = 35,000 minutes = 583 hours and 20 minutes. That is equivalent to 24 days 7 hours and 20 minutes.
And we have to squeeze that into 16 weeks. Each work day, we have 24 hours - Deduct 9 hours for regular work hours - deduct 6 hours daily for sleep (minimum) - deduct 1 hour for personal hygiene stuff - deduct 1 hour for commuting (travelling to and from work, shopping for household products, etc) - deduct 2 hours and 30 minutes for meals (including preparation at home or waiting for food outside) - deduct 30 minutes minimum for household chores, mostly laundry, don't talk about sweeping or mopping, deduct 1 hour for cuddling/telly time/chatting with your partner. That is not including 1 hour of catching up with the news, going online to check mails, some family time - calling up your parents/in-laws, and doesn't include maybe another 1 hour to engage in social media - 15 mins on twitter, 15 mins on fb, nah, who am I kidding, we need to do that twice to be fully engaged in social media - so an hour a day it is.
How many hours are you left with in a day? Exactly ONE HOUR left.
And I don't have kids yet. If I have kids, then that precious one hour will be taken away. Poof. So where do I squeeze in the marking? Spoken like a true procrastinator, back to the topic at hand.
By the end of the day, when you are winding down, the last thing you wanna look at are scores of 'mistakes' and half-hearted attempts of courseworks/assignments/work, however you call it. Maybe about 10% of them would be 'gems', truly a delight to mark but if you think of the rest of the 90%, it really takes away my appetite for even my favourite food. We haven't even factored in the time every lecturer need to prepare for lessons, research time, etc. Something's gotta give. Don't we have some personal me time? I haven't stepped into a spa or salon for the longest time!
For weekends, out of that 24 hours - we tend to have 'more time' to relax, or so we thought.
SACRIFICES
It is only a sacrifice if you don't enjoy doing it and I DON'T. So you sacrifice your sleep (I've stayed up all night and only took a nap at 7am before waking up at 9am to submit the scrips), your family time (thank Goodness for understanding spouses), your weekends are gone, bye!! and who even have time for some 'me time'?
DISHEARTENING, DISAPPOINTING OUTCOME
It does get very disappointing sometimes when you have repeated the same thing for 14 weeks since the first lecture and yet, at the finishing mark, where all runners reach the final destination, they just 'don't get it' and did exactly what you told them NOT to do.
Whose fault it is?
I do take it very hard and feel very bad when students fail or fail to achieve even a minimum pass. Even with a lot of 'hand-holding' and guidance, I find that there will still be 10% who just refuse to listen or just plainly ignore what you say. Such blatant disregard do make me lose it sometimes but I rarely show it in front of anyone.
The kids tend to skip lectures, there are those who diligently attend each lecture, rain or shine, with or without 'traffic jams', fatigue or illness.
Then why do those who chose to skip lectures cannot emulate those who diligently attend each lecture?
Answer: BLATANT DISREGARD and IGNORING BASIC MORAL VALUES LIKE RESPECT for others.
It makes my blood boil everytime these SAME STUDENTS ask for exam tips or say: "Please, give us very 'specific guidelines', Miss" - I feel like they are making fun of the entire semester and disregarding everyone's efforts the entire four months. Who are you to come at the end of the semester that once or twice to DEMAND FOR SOMETHING you don't even deserve?
Some even blatantly, albeit jokingly, asked for the actual questions. You might as well break into the safe and get caught and get expelled or worse, go serve your time in jail. You wanna drag me down with such a stupid request? What's the use of attending college/university when you don't wish to use your brain?
Yes, we can procrastinate, but not at the expense of others. If it only concerns you and your personal well-being, so be it.
However, if you are in a group, or a whole big system, just one weak link will cause the entire system to fail. Don't forget that every young person will grow up to be older and be part of the system that forms the society. We are all interconnected and what you do or say will affect others.
Oh yes, I have taken some harsh actions and said some hard-to-swallow remarks especially in the heat of the moment, which I am reflecting on right now. Some people just cannot take it, hence they lashed back the best way they can by complaining or b*tching about it online. Hey, what goes around, comes around, you think we are still in the Stone Ages? This is the Digital Age where nothing escapes anyone!
Your reputation is what people think you are; your character is what you are.
I guess I am comfortable enough in my skin to not really care about either. I have a pretty good reputation and I love my colourful character. We cannot please everyone!
Anyway, at the end of each semester, I do realise I am a forgiving person. I don't hold grudges as it really will eat you up inside, and I do forgive these kids who have 'trespassed', and ultimately, youth is when you are supposed to make mistakes. I blame youth and not the humans.
"Prepare to be dazzled." - Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point and Blink
I finally got down to 'reading' the audio CD of the "Freakonomics" by Steven D. Jevitt and Stephen J. Dubner, it is an audio CD read by Stephen J. Dubner.
The CD has been bought when hubby and I were rushing to literally buy up to the maximum limit for tax-relief purposes some more than one year ago, along with many other reading materials now lying nicely on multiple shelves at home.
I love Malcolm Gladwell, and I've heard of Steven Levitt, so that is strong enough reason for me to grab the Unabridged version of the Freakonomics - A rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything - and New York Times Bestseller (which is kinda like cheating as the co-author and the voice beind the CD, Dubner, writes for the New York Times, oh well).
Why do people cheat? Cheating may not be part of human nature but it still happens... whatever if worth having is worth cheating for - "Cheating is getting more for less".
Okay, I am not judging the authors... I am just paraphrasing from what I hear being read. Just couldn't resist the play of words.
"To catch a cheater, you have to think like one".
From the back cover of the CD case:
QUOTE
"Which is more dangerous, a gun or a swimming pool? What do schoolteachers and sumo wrestlers have in common? If drug dealers make so much money, why do drug dealers still live with their moms? How much do parents really matter? What kind of impact did Roe v. Wade have on violent crime?"
These may not sound like typical questions for an economist to ask. But Steven D. Levitt s not a typical economist. He is a much-heralded scholar who studies the riddes of everyday life - from cheating and crime to sports and child rearing - and whose conclusions regularly turn the conventionl wisdom on its head. Thus the new field of study contained in this book: Freakonomics.
Levitt and co-author Stephen J. Dubner showthat economics is, at root, the study of incentives - how people get what they want or need especially when other people want or need the same thing. In Freaknomics, they set out o explore the hidden side of ... well, everything. The inner workings of acrack gang. The truth abuot real-estate agents. The secrets of the Ku Klux Klan.
What unites all these stories is a belief that the modern world is even more intriguing than we think. All it takes is a new way of looking. Steven Levitt, through devilishly clever and clear-eyed thinking, shows how to see through all the clutter.
UNQUOTE
Hubby has returned from his work trip, hence I have put a hold to my listening of the 7 hours worth of audio. Yeah, it was more to entertain myself while I was home alone when hubby was away on his work trip those few days. I am hardly half way through, but I already like what I hear. Will continue with the rest when the time comes.
This is another personal blog post. If mushy/romantic stuff isn't for you, feel free to browse away or may I suggest to you a very angry blog post that is the total anti-thesis of romance HERE
I actually wrote a blog post of a similar nature on my Friendster Blog about five years ago in 2007, which has since closed down without notice, all the data just wiped out like that, all my precious blog posts, etc. Let's hope blogger won't suffer the same fate! Anyway, I digress.
If I have to sum up our romance in a phrase, it would be:
Your voice is like: Music to the soul, music to my ears, music to my heart.
:-)
THE END: I became Mrs Lee
That is the short version of our love story.
Five years ago today, July 14, it was also a Saturday. Fancy the day actually 'repeated' five years later today. I thought it is supposed to be more than 10 years or something for the calendar to repeat.
It was the day where our courtship (dating relationship) as a dating couple ended in a series of wedding receptions. No kidding, THREE full wedding receptions to cover the legal, religious, ceremonial and traditional stuff - this is what happens when it is the LAST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION and THE FIRST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION.
We had our receptions - one each in three different states in Malaysia, one in April, two in July. So seriousy if you ask us when is our anniversary, I will ask you back, which one? Legal one, religious one, ceremonial one or traditional one?
I won't talk about my weddings. The wedding is only the end of courtship and the beginning of marriage.
I will talk about our LOVE STORY. #love Growing up, being brain-washed by Disney and fairy tales, I always believed in romance and love. It pains me that I have no boy friend when others have a special guy friend, I always asked if I am not cute enough, not attractive enough, not good enough, etc. Such were the growing pains.
Borrowing from the concept started in this particular blog post, I shall write a letter to myself, only this time, I am writing to my past-self.
Tegami by Angela Aki - If this doesn't play, Google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～ （歌詞 Lyrics） - Letter to my future self, a 15-year-old finds it hard to live and writes to her future self and she actually replied from the future and tells her to hang on.
I highly recommend you click on the play button above now, for effects.
WARNING: LONG LETTER TO SELF AHEAD
*******************************************************
Dear Sue from the past (before January 2012):
General Cover Letter:
I am not sure which past version of me will this letter reach so I shall write to each and every one of you, or rather, me, or maybe I will just refer to Sue as 'us' and 'we'.
Today is July 14, 2012. Yup, this is also the same era our favourite childhood movie by Michael J. Fox "Back to the Future" came from (Back to the Future II) - unfortunately there is no cool hoverboard that flies and no, we still never learned how to skate or roller-blade. I remembered that was our wish when we were still a little girl.
However, there is this amazing thing called the Internet - it is something like a totally different virtual world where real people interact with each other through various portals, on this thing we call computer, which has since evolved dramatically and we have these phones called mobile phones, yup, they are mobile, no, no, not the ones you see in black brief cases that men carry and take out to make phone calls, these are really small and now even small kids have them, technology has certainly changed and land lines are not exactly 'land' now with new technology. Anyway, all these are not important.
I have specific messages for each one of us starting from little Sue.
To little Sue in the 1980s-1990:
Hello little one,
We are just fine - I bet you didn't think that we'd live to be 30, or rather past 30, huh? Or maybe we did. We always had this crazy crushes with cute boys we see on TV or even in real life. Thanks to Disney, we always dream that one day our prince will really come, and we really hung on to that hope and were really excited when one of our dreams really came true -- in the form of dreams.
Oh, nearly 30 years on, yes, Sue, we are still a dreamer.
I mean literally a dreamer. We still remember our dreams. Dreams that occur when we were asleep. Remember how we had this 'to be continued' dream series back when we were in primary (elementary) school in the last 1980s? Fancy dreams having story line that continues and pick up from the previous night - we still have those now, but very rare and far in between - I sure hope we won't lose that special connection.
It goes without saying we still remember our dreams, still as vividly as ever. I think you would want to know what happens in the future right? I'm going to tell you in 'topics' so it will be easier for you to follow.
LOVE
Now, no point telling you the future dreams or else it will defeat the purpose, right? Let's talk about the dream that I know you already have at this age.
Do you recall this dream we had, where little kids our age - boys and girls - were paired up - a boy and a girl in a pair - and we were supposed to help each other cross the stream, not really a river, I remember it was more like a small stream. Do you remember our partner in the dream? Yup, the 'spoilt brat' who refused to lend us a hand in crossing the stream and we kept nagging him to the extent we behaved very un-ladylike in our favourite dress.
Do you remember his face? :-) I'd like to believe that I've married him. Unsmiling face, hair combed old-fashioned way to one side, on the chubby side, small eyes, typical Chinese boy. Dream on, in a positive way, and please make ALL THE MISTAKES in love, because without that, we will never meet this wonderful guy. For your age (less than 10) I think that's enough about love for now.
CHILDREN
I also have news to tell you, we have got this fervent (strong) dream to be a mother when we grew up, right? Well, well, don't worry so much about that dream - we have THREE 'free' kids as our godchildren now, two girls and a little boy. The two girls are related but the little boy is totally unrelated to the two girls. We became 'mummy' to these little girls pretty early! I won't spoil the surprise for you but just know that we finally became mummy and mama, although not in the way we expected.
How about our own children? Don't worry, I believe the time will come. We are still in our early 30s, and yes, we really love to have children to call our own, when playing with our dolls, Beautee and Reddie (oh I still have Beautee the teddy bear!) remember we always pretended they were our babies and we were thinking of how we are going to feed the babies and change their nappies. We will be a fine mother one day, we have three kids to 'practice' with now. When ours and only ours comes along, we will be totally ready for him or her. Don't worry so much little one.
SCHOOL
School is just fine. We will represent our school, represent our division (our district), and even represent our state at national level competition/contest - not sports though, I think you can figure out that much. We still hate to sweat or exercise but we still love books. Never lose sight of your studies, and yes, please follow your heart when choosing what to study next time. Make the same 'mistakes' and we should end up where I am at now. :-) What's our job now? I don't think it will make sense for you, little one, right about now. I have problem describing it to my two god daughters as well. Let's just say we are one very important person to many people at work. :-)
FRIENDS
Don't worry about making friends or if they don't want to be your friends. The world is so big out there, I tell you now, you can know hundreds and thousands of people you have not even met or will ever meet in real life, through this thing called the Internet.
Social life (friendship) will only get trickier after you turned 10, but don't worry so much about it, we have a great friend still very close to us, a friend we have known since we were 7. Won't tell you who she is. You will know when the time comes. So yes, we have many friends, they even help you 'count' your friends - my last count was nearly 2,000 friends. Yeah, that is like after 99, you get a 100, and after 999, you get a thousand, you just multiply that by 2!
I know this will be very overwhelming for you, dear little one, don't worry so much, and continue 'thinking' and wondering 'what ifs', but please don't let life break your soul.
Keep smiling always, little Sue.
I shall pretend I am recording an audio only-letter (voice only, no video) with a hard-copy of the letter & pix to my subsequent teen self for fun:
To teen Sue in 1990s:
Hello to the cutest girl I have ever known (we are still as narcisstic as ever),
Remember how we will get so cross (upset) when people call us cute and we always wonder why didn't anyone call us pretty? Now I know why, and I am not telling. *wink*
This was taken on our 16th birthday, how grumpy we looked in the pix! Oh, you are saying we look demure and cool in it, okay, whatever you say. And no, we don't look fat in the pix. No, no, no, you DON'T KNOW the meaning of fat yet, no, not in your teens.
Okay, you win, YOU ARE FAT, happy? - *end of argument with self and feels quite stupid trying to talk sense to a teenager* -
What do you mean the whole world 'owes' you an explanation? Hello girl, no one cares about your world, especially not in your secret code that you use in your diary, oh gosh, I can never forget those codes, and no one cares if you put on one pound or half a kg since yesterday, and no, you don't look fat, again, I repeat, you are not fat.
Okay, you ARE fat, you win, okay?
Are we still dancing in the future? Let's just say we are, but not on stage anymore. Enough said. Why? Oh, don't ask why. Sssssh. When was the last time we actually danced? Yesterday, why? What dance? You won't even know the song cos it is a current song, so quit asking so many irrelevant questions. And piano? Oh, oh yes, we still play it now. Just, treasure your piano now okay, take good care of Eterna, our beloved Yamaha piano.
You see what happens when you don't play the piano? The string tends to be cold even with the heater on and it tends to break. What do you mean you are lazy? You still have Grade 8 exam coming up in 1996, isn't it? Hello!!!
Now, now...!
Don't you wish to know which guy you married in the end?
*silence*
There, I got your attention. Listen to what I have to say first then I will tell you who.
Listen there,
I know we hated being a teen. We always felt that we are out-of-place more mature than our age and we just cannot get along well with our peers. Oh, what is peers, I forgot your English vocab is still so limited - it means people who are of the same age as us. What looking down on your English? It doesn't matter you always get the top marks (among the top three) in English in class I tell you, your English isn't that good in the 1990s. Geez, you even lost that trophy of Best English for the whole grade (Form) to Vincent, remember? Oh, it hasn't happen yet, this is not yet 1995? Okay. Ssssh. Listen to me.
Okay gorgeous, listen to me. If this isn't 1997 yet, here is a preview of how we will look like in February 1997:
AND THIS too:
While you are oggling at your own pix, I will continue with what I have to say - geez, I am finally reminded of how difficult I was as a teenager.
I want to give you some advices, in point form, since your attention span is too short:
1. DO NOT DEFY YOUR PARENTS - okay, I think you just shook that off your ears, never mind.
2. YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, not everything is about you - okay, you still won't listen to me. Okay, okay, woe is me. You have the worst life in the universe, fine.
3. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, you may not still have what you are having now in the future - okay, you are still young, so you still are not listening and for the 10th time, YOU ARE NOT FAT, what do you mean your calves in the second pix look fat? I love that pink dress okay, I've been saving it till now, more than 10 years later! Okay, you don't care? Fine.
AND ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING!!!
4. NO ONE YOU LIKE NOW will be your husband, not even the pen pal you never met!
*can imagine glass shattering and thunder booming in the background*
I think I'd better end this letter now.
Take care, teen Sue.
Know that we were the best looking teen ever, smiling or unsmiling - peace:
-- end of letter for teen Sue --
If the song above has ended, feel free to press play on this one:
*I'd like to imagine myself teleporting to the early 2000s to talk to my younger self just for fun*
To my younger self (early 2000s)
Hello undergrad!
It was more than 12 years ago since I first stepped into the university as an undergrad.
Oh, the shadow that was looming back then? The heartbreak from our teens? Geez, that reminds me of how 'loyal' we were. You mean, oh, yeah, we are still 'loyal' now, just that, we know who to be loyal to now that we are older and more mature.
I tell you now, dear Sue, having had so many heartbreaks in such a short span of time, yeah, they are short, a few years is short, compared to a whole life time - I tell you now, heartbreaks and heartaches will only make you stronger, not kill you.
Once you are stronger, you will be very well-loved as you are more confident with yourself. I tell you, oh, you are munching on cookies again, Twisties this time? Okay, pass me some. It really soothes a broken heart huh, munching and munching. Hence the explanation why I look like this now. *points to future present self*
What do you mean no one will love you?
Look at me, I am fat, I am definitely more than a few pounds overweight but I am loved and I feel loved, and I am very much capable of loving. Be at peace with yourself girl, and stop torturing yourself mentally.
Oh, is this year 2002-2003 yet? Let me tell you something girl, before the most beautiful rainbow appear, there will be rain and sometimes storm, right? Know that after 2003, our rainbow will appear and never go away for the longest time, hopefully till the end of time.
I know, cos I come from the future.
Is our husband anyone we know now... erm, if this is before mid-2003, nope.
But that shouldn't stop you from dating. Go out and date, such social experiences enrich our lives, just play safe and be safe when going out with strangers from the Internet okay?
Don't worry about our career - I think our love life is more messed up than our career, just follow your heart and do whatever we want!!! Yeah~ gimme five.
~Ciao~
-- end of letter to early 20s Sue --
To my dating self (2003-2006)
Hello there!
No, you are not fat, you are thinner than how you will be in the future. hahahaha, laughs at self.
Who cares anyway, right? We've found a boyfriend! Oh, he is a keeper for sure!!!
If this is 2003, you are just out from a relationship, and nursing a broken heart, right? Yet another failure you say? Nah, it's just one of life's trials. We will go through it just fine.
What is the month now? Do you remember the guy who kept appearing at the top of your list on that online dating site we registered with just for fun? No, not the Korean guy or the Caucasian, the Chinese one - the Malaysian.
OH, you know him already by now? Did he email you? He did? lol, sssh, a secret on how to go past the 'paid membership' and him contacting us. *giggles*
Just a reminder that he is a real gentleman, okay, he never once asked us to forget about the ex, he even advised us to give that stupid ex a chance and listen to his side of the story when he knew we might have a chance together. He isn't selfish, that is for sure!
However, there is nothing we can do, that ex is our ex, and let him be. No more in our life, we can close that chapter now. We have got this 'new' guy now *giggles*
Oh, his voice is really musical isn't it? He actually held a concert for only you over the phone? Yeah, he has the nicest voice, the most handsome and soothing voice ever, if you can call a voice handsome.
'I knew I love you before I met you' rings true for us with this guy, huh? Loving someone before meeting him in real life.
Oh, is it 2004 already?
We finally became what we wanted to become, right? To meet people and do what we love most, to write, and get paid for it - we have been a journalist or reporter for the second year by now. And yes, we have uprooted from Borneo to Peninsular Malaysia including our cars across South China Sea, with our family trailing along. Yes, Sue, we are powerful, we moved the whole family over! muahahaha.
Have we met that guy yet? We have? Finally in person? Oh, by the road side!
The Internet is known as the Information Highway, hence meeting him via the Internet and finally in real life is like meeting him by the road side?
Yeah, literally by the road side near the traffic light. I got picked up by my future husband in his car by the road side.
Oh, mama is asking us to pursue our Masters while working? Go ahead and earn the Masters, it will come in handy. Don't worry about no time for dating, this sweet guy will still be there at the end of the two years.
Wedding plans? Don't worry about the pressure from our potential-in-laws - mama has her ways to put off the wedding date until after our Masters graduation.
We will be traditionally engaged first in 2006. Oh, just had our engagement now haven't we? This is the thinnest we have been in 5 years, hahaha.
Then we will have our wedding in 2007, you already know about that, okay, I can leave now. Bye!!!
-- end of conversation with dating self --
To my married self (5, 4, 3, 2 years ago) - saving a letter to my 2011 self in another blog post another time
One word - growth.
We are all still growing and growing with each passing moment. Embrace the moment and grow together with your man. Nothing is too difficult when you have each other by your side. There will be ups and down, and married life isn't always easy, but when it is shared, it is true that love will make it all worth while in the end.
Look at what we have and not what we lack, and the world will seem to be a more beautiful place.
-- end --
So today, after five short years together as husband and wife, I'd like to wish us happiness and joy.
Happy Anniversary to us, and may we live to a ripe old age together, side by side, happily and peacefully. May we grow old together, happily married like our grandparents before us, happy to say there is not a single divorce in our family so far, not as far as older generation is concerned anyway.
May we look forward (pun intended to coincide with the pose in the pix above) to many more years together in the future, happily married to each other.
I am proud to be Mrs Lee. :) I love my husband very much and I know that he loves me very much too.
It is true when they say words alone cannot truly describe this emotion called love, and I consider myself long-winded and wordy. I will be lying if I say I can truly fully put into words just how much love I am feeling right now. It is simply too overwhelming and 'deep'. No fireworks, no sparks, no adrenaline rush that young love used to get at the beginning of infatuation stage. It is more of a 'peaceful' love, more like "I am finally at home" love. Still that does NOT really describe this feeling called love. SO Sue, you fail big time, you cannot describe LOVE!
P/S: A brief insight of how much he loves me can be found in the comment section in this particular blog post
Pix above was taken at Disney World, Orlando, Florida end March 2012, when hubby and I were there on our US honeymoon - also hubby's working trip. It was taken near the Aerosmith's Rock and Roll terrying roller coaster, which we both chickened out and settled for just a few photographs from the outside, will blog about the rides soon, the ones in Disney Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM Studios), at Disney World are really scary! Not sure when I will get around to write that blog post though, lol.
A preview of how scary the ride was - we hung about the area for about 5-10 minutes and many times, we overheard riders who just exited the ride walked past us saying things like, "I am not gonna line up a freaking one hour for that (scary) ride anymore" - "That was so scary I'm not going on it anymore", and they are young boys/teenagers, so the two of us, being past 30, opted out, call us chicken! haha
What caught my attention at the souvenir shop upon exiting the coaster ride (we went in the reverse way as we did not go into the ride) was the T-shirt, specifically, the wordings.
"If it's too loud, you're too old."
It struck a nerve. Not only is the message defiant, it thinks it's cool to be defiant to the elders. That's my personal opinion anyway.
NOTE: This blogpost will turn into a reflective post (read: Ranting) on the 'moral degradation' of our youth/adults/young seniors who ill-treat their elders who may still be alive or even put them down even in death, in memory.
It has always irked me when people lack respect or blatantly acting disrespectful to elders, by elders, it is a broad definition ranging from someone who is the younger or same age as you but is your 'aunt' or senior in some form of school/class/rank, to the definition of being older than you in age, and the 'elders' in the family, i.e. those who came before you, in your clan/family.
RUDE CHILDREN
I remembered an incident last year when I went to renew my passport and was waiting for my number to be called, when I overheard a grandmother talking to her grandson, giving him advice/asking him questions, and he ignored her completely as he was engrossed in his PSP in his hands, he was about 8 years old. Suddenly, I had to turn around and look at them as I heard a loud snappy remark from the grandson - "You are so annoying/noisy!". The grandma shut up, stunned, I guess, or maybe she is already used to that retort from her precious grandson.
Geez, if I ever have a son in the future, and I will never ever let him get away with such speech to the elders, and this is a close elder, his own grandmother! The thing is, the grandma still so lovingly offered him a jacket to ask if he was cold in the air-conditioned waiting area/offered him a drink, etc after that. Such is the unconditional love of an elder towards the young'uns. Spare the rod, spoil the kids - oh well, not my family, who am I to tell that boy a piece of my mind?
INTUITION PUT TO GOOD USE - PSYCHOLOGY GAME
Kids nowadays are smarter and craftier than before. Back when I was a kid, you will be smacked on the bottom when you were out of line (rude, lacking good manners, etc) when you were younger and when you grow older, pre-teens into teens, the cane (rattan) will land on your thighs/legs when you try to run away from the punisher, usually the dad.
Sorry, pardon my language, but a recent 'study' conducted which claimed those who were smacked when they were younger tend to fall into mental problems when they are adults are kinda 'bull' in my opinion. Are we dysfunctional? Look around.
The previous generations have survived all that smacking hundreds and thousands of years before us but in the past 30-40 years, more and more younger mental health patients were recorded, and smacking has become illegal in some states, so go figure, spare the rod, spoil the child, which in turn, affect their mental health, strong statement, I know, but that's a retort against that study, not a personal attack on anyone.
Of course, ideally, it will be best if we use the ideal gentle parenting approach with no lifting of a finger against a child. However, with the hyperactive kids overfed with sugar-filled milk powder, some sort of 'force' is required. If you are too gentle, like my close friend with a very bad-tempered toddler, the parent will be the one on the receiving end of the 'smacking' - a barely 2-year-old tot hitting his own mother. Come to think about it, a little boy I know back in the 1990s hit his own mother as well, when he was throwing tantrum and the mother didn't even lift a finger against him. The kid knows that, hence he dared to smack his own mother and continued his tantrum. Smart kid, poor mom?
WHO TO BLAME?
What has the society become? I am not blaming the gentle mothers. I cannot blame the children, as they are still young. Who is to be blamed? The milk powder/formula? The mass media the kids are exposed to? The environment/surrounding? The immediate family members? The extended family? The working mom phenomenon, hence the caretaker/nursery/babysitter is responsible?
A CRAB CAN NEVER TEACH ITS YOUNG TO WALK STRAIGHT - MALAY PROVERB
Yup, you got that right. If you have been to the beach, you may have seen the crabs walking side ways. This Malay proverb means that if the parents are behaving in a certain way, their actions will speak louder than the words they say to their children.
Children follow by example. If they see you behaving a certain way even though you have told them not to behave that way, they will usually follow the action and not what you said.
Example (many variations of the story had been told before):
Father and Mother live together with the grandma and grandpa (father's parents) and their two little children. Mother is very annoyed by the extra burden to care for the elderly on top of her two kids. Kept nagging her husband, the Father, to do something to lessen her 'burden'. The two elders' are weak and frail, cannot hold the cutlery firmly. Spilling food on the table. To 'solve' this problem, the Mother asked them to sit away from the table and gave them wooden cutleries and bowls so they will not break her precious china/glass.
The nagging by Mother continued until one day, Father relented and followed Mother's wishes to 'get rid' of the elders. He carried his parents on his back (in the older version of the traditional story) or in our modern version, he carried his parents into the car, and went up to the mountains and left them there(older version of the traditional story) - our modern version will be he left them at the nursing home (if with money), or the old folks' home under Social Welfare if he doesn't wish to part with his money.
When Father returned home, he thought he will be happy if his wife is happy. Then he saw his little boy and little girl (some versions there is only a boy, some there is only a child, no gender specified) playing in front of the house, deeply engrossed in a craft project. Curious, Father walked close and asked what were they doing.
"Oh, Father, we are making a wooden bowl and wooden cutleries."
Amused, Father asked "What is the purpose of the craft?"
"So we can give them to you and Mother when you are old like grandpa and grandma."
The little girl held out a stack of newspapers and said she will be saving them for Father and Mother to use so the food won't spill on the table/floor when they are old. *dirty* she said, making a face like how her Mother always do when talking about the two elders.
Something struck the Father and his heart beat got faster. He just saw a flash of his future and saw himself as his own parents and how wrong he was.
He went back for his parents and carried them home and lovingly took care of them until their final days. He literally put his wife in her place and she had no say in this matter. The end
Of course, this traditional story has been retold many times, and yet, not many people pay heed to the moral of the story - filial piety.
Sadly, many such stories have been circulated and people felt touched for awhile, then forget all about it when life gets overwhelming.
WHO AM I TO SAY THESE THINGS?
I am not a parent yet, but I am a child to my parents and a grandchild to my grandparents and I have the privilege of being a great-grandchild of my great-grandmother up to the age of 10. I have been taught since young to respect the elders and reprimanded if I did not greet an elder when I see them, out of respect. Asian values are deeply instilled in me, despite me not being able to read and write in my own mothertongue, having been English-educated. Usually the perception is that Chinese-educated (with English and national language in Malaysia) people are more 'strong' in Chinese-values, I am a walking contradiction of that as I am more 'Chinese' than any Chinese-educated peers, if not the same.
RESPECT - I find that the more highly you think of yourself, the harder it is to show genuine respect to others. The more humble you are, respecting others will come naturally. "Seperti resmi padi, makin berisi, makin menunduk", a Malay proverb, the more knowledgeable you are, the more you should be humble.
EGO - Again, referring to my blogpost on "Where is the Love?", there is a thin line between low self-esteem and big ego. Enough said.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL AND BULLYING - These people usually resort to emotional blackmail and 'bullying', yup, they will bully even their elders or their spouse via verbal abuse/physical violence on others/children/spouse or self-destructive behaviour like banging their fists hard on the wall/concrete/furniture or banging the door or stamping their feet.
Sounds familiar? Sorry if anyone felt offended by this blog post. This is entirely my opinion and if I struck a chord in your heart, I sincerely wish for a better society with solid values that make us humans. If my opinion is valid, accept it, if you feel I am wrong, feel free to discard it.
Everyone will grow old some day. The Aging Population are still humans and we shouldn't treat them otherwise. Even if they ask you the same question repeatedly, you should patiently answer them gently and try to control your irritation/temper, being an old person is hard enough without you mocking them. Imagine when you were a baby/tot and you repeated all those 'mistakes' the aging are doing now, when you were learning skills like talking and walking and you cried, did they snap at you unreasonably or scolded you impatiently when you repeated your speech? Not if they love you, you should show them some love too.
I have a new (crazy passion). Guess what, guess what? *grins*
I finally acted on my long-time-wish to learn a second (classical) musical instrument. I don't count the recorder that we learned back in primary school as a second instrument to my piano. I've been talking about it since I was in my teens, then kinda put it on hold when I was busy with tertiary studies, then work, then marriage.
Now, thanks to my childless state, which is a curse or blessing in disguise depending on how you are looking at it (I want a child more than anything at this point but wanting too much of something you don't have yet is very painful, so I decided to pick up and pursue my girly dream, which I figured is a good distraction) - I adjusted a bit of my schedule and found time to enrol in a music school nearby home for my first music lesson in a decade (or maybe more than a decade!). I actually started teaching music in 1998 when I was still studying and hadn't attended another music class after I 'graduated'.
I believe I've always been musically inclined since young. I've been exposed to almost everything parents could afford, from kiddies song since young up to classical music education (piano) up to my teen years; the rich experience of both English and Chinese oldies and then some (read: three) singing classes before I left my hometown and everything in music behind as I moved to Kuala Lumpur and even had my piano sold in the last decade. Now that is one complex sentence, I'm just long-winded and don't practice what I preach (simple writing is always the best, don't use too many brackets, etc.etc.).
So which instrument did I choose? Guess, guess, guess?
The flute. Still involving pressing the keys albeit not on the keyboard but on the keypad of the flute. It's so heavy compared to a Chinese flute! My dad had a flute's Chinese cousin and I remembered him blowing the Chinese flute in my younger days. He stopped as we grew bigger and he older, lack of stamina, I think.
And man, it really does take a lot of stamina to blow, and the use of the correct breathing technique from the thoracic diaphragm is essential to produce the correct sound/pitch from the flute. Took me about 10 minutes of soundless blowing as I adjusted my oral cavity and my lips and my body stance before I produced the first audible deep B note from the flute!
I was nearly giving up and the instructor/teacher was encouraging me to be patient cos it takes some time to get used to the blowing. It was a one-on-one class, it's a male instructor (I don't know why but I prefer this term more than 'teacher') and he's very polite and very gentleman, asking prior permission and apologising in the few instances there are bound to be necessary physical contact like adjusted my fingers on the keys and my wrist holding position of the flute and my chin against the lip plate of the flute.
It was only 45 minutes (with a few minutes extra time as it was the first class) -- but man, I talked about it endlessly after that while narrating to my hubby about it, I was excited and erm, I think passionate is a better word. I plan to buy a flute to keep practising at home. Put that on the tab of my darling as my upcoming birthday gift then. *wink* I just discovered how expensive flutes are and found out that it's because they are mostly handmade as it's a very sensitive musical instrument. There are even gold plated ones because the better quality the metal is, the better the sound is!
The good thing about learning a second instrument at such a mature age (read: old) is that you are more prepared to absorb what the lessons had to teach as you pay for it yourself, and you are more focused. Younger students usually are 'forced' at a young age to learn the piano or violin and it doesn't help that music lessons are so exam-based - think ABRSM (abbreviation for Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music) and Trinity College music exams.
The disadvantage of taking up a second/new instrument when you are an adult is that you are slower to pick up on certain things, i.e. your brain and body coordination is a bit slower if you've never tapped into that area ever! Like playing the electone where you need to use both hands and legs at the same time, like driving, like playing the piano, or any other musical instrument or even dancing.
Trust me, I cannot NOT admit old age is catching up. I feel a bit like a failure after the first lesson cos I can barely blow the notes, the sound coming from my flute is like lacking energy and not even 50% of the richness of my instructor's. Maybe it's the ego/kiasu'ism inside me, cos I consider myself a fast learner. So I'm even more determined to get myself a flute to practice!
Oh yes, I'm continuing this passion. Will learn flute for long term and it's more portable than a piano anyway, I can bring it anywhere like a laptop, lol. It's so cool! Why do I choose the flute? Because of the haunting, melancholic but smooth melodious sound.
The music centre which I picked to have my one-on-one flute lesson seems to be lacking online presence, they are on fb (via foursquare check-in) and on foursquare though but lack of review and other info about them online. They are here - Dream World Music:
https://foursquare.com/venue/17291442
I shall end this blogpost with a soothing tune of a flute duet for the classic song, "Unchained Melody".
I sang this song as a duet with my husband at my wedding dinner in 2007, and my goal is to be able to play it on the flute by my next wedding anniversary next July 2012. It's a kinda crazy goal cos my instructor said it will take 3-5 months just to learn 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'! - but I'm determined. So I decide I'm gonna enjoy achieving my goal!!! Wish me luck. :-)
I have decided to start a whole new blog to record my 'journey' into mastering my second musical instrument here: http://fluteforfun.blogspot.com/
My hubby just consulted the stand-in doctor at Klinik dan Surgeri Setapak at Jalan Prima Setapak 5 who is totally rude and lacking interpersonal skills. It was an Indian male doctor who stood in for the usual jovial weekday doctor. He consulted this doctor on 24th January 2010, at about 7.00pm.
The doctor was giving his diagnosis of what we have already suspected, a middle ear infection, and he had actually paused and there was a pregnant pause in the conversation, so my husband asked a question to clarify and the doctor indignantly said: Let ME finish first.
That shut my husband up cos he was utterly pissed with people who are lacking finesse in their speech. He even charged a bomb for such shoddy consultation. He actually turned my husband's head around roughly and complained my husband turned his head wrongly/not enough/not the right way for him to see. Instead of feeling better, my hubby came out from the consultation room feeling slighted and said: "that is why I hate going to doctors."
Don't get us wrong, the usual doctor is very nice and friendly but this stand-in doctor brings the image of this branch down.
FYI: the address of this clinic is Klinik dan Surgeri Setapak, 19, Jln Prima Setapak 5, Setapak, KL
