Future Letter to my One-month-old Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Before I become too tired due to night feedings and forget the feelings of anticipation and joy that your birth brings to us let me write this future letter to you meant to be read by myself on your one-monthaversary on June 17, 2016, which is also near mama and papa's engagement anniversary.

*Deep breath*

Your birth on May 17, 2016, came as a surprise as we were not expecting your arrival till early June.

You are one eager beaver to see the world just like me your mama and your elder brother Ray.

You are so precious, you are so wonderful, you are so so so so so wanted and loved. Remember that my darling baby girl.

Your birth has been so much anticipated. I love you so much, after I had your brother Ray I thought my heart could not contain all the love I felt for a little human being that is such a strong feeling I could cry just being soaked in the feeling of love... now with your arrival, it is totally amazing our heart could open up even more to extend the love to even a bigger emotion and there really is no limit to love, we love you so very much.

May you grow up to be as noble as your name as what your mama want you to be and be as compassionate as your name and most of all be as happy and joyful as what your father would want you to be.

We love you baby girl, all of us in the family. xoxo

Letter to my Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Today would have been your godmother's birthday, Godma Val is turning 36 on June 4th. It would be nice for you to be born on the same date, then you two can celebrate your birthdays together.

It is really deja vu because I wrote the same for  your elder brother Ray before he was born and it was near your other godmother Khaima Pei's birthday. But as fate would have it, he decided to come out way earlier than that.

I hope you won't pull a stunt like your brother and surprising us with your early arrival but just come out safely and in due time dear baby girl.

Know that we love you very much.

Mama, Papa and korkor Ray.

2014

Dear Baby Boy,

You will no longer be a baby in a couple of months from now. Gosh, time passes by too fast and you will be a toddler soon!

It has been awhile since mama dusted off her court shoes (shoes that cover up your toes)... It won't be long before mama is out there doing what she does best and brushing up on her skills and expertise... Only this time on her own terms and time. You are still my lucky star my precious baby boy.

Mama loves you more and more each day.

Jan 8, 2014

Earliest flight out from Penang - Baby Sleeping Through the Night (sttn)

It is 5.03am. The earliest flight out of Penang could be heard from our apartment suites. Maybe it is not the first earliest flight but for me in the calm of the night it is early enough. Even the Azan (dawn prayer) call has not been made from the mosque.

Just gave my baby boy his first sustenance of the day, he slept right throught from 9pm, so a 5am feeding after a 7-hour-stretch ain't that bad.

And it's off to bed again for me, as I can hear my baby boy's heavy breathing again, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

For those of you who are still reading this after being (mis)directed looking for the first flight schedule out of Penang, sorry!

For those of you who are intrigued and wanna know how train a baby 'sleep through the night' (sttn), read on. Yeah, how to sleep through the night.

This is my experience. I don't claim to be an expert but this is what I have learned as a new mom.

First, sleep training starts from newborn, yeah, the moment you bring him home from the hospital.

This tip of training them young came from my 60-year-old aunt.

My aunt was helping me out during the first month and she is a babysitter/nanny for over 30 years. She took care of me when I was a chubby baby and fast forward 33 years later, she was taking care of my baby boy.

Rule No 1, less 'cuddling'. 

Of course you can hold your baby anytime you want but when you see him sleepy (I have a boy so for a general term I'm gonna use 'he' instead of 'she'), learn to read his cues like smaller eyes, puffy lids, keep rubbing his eyes, using his hand to rub his head and face, making sounds like grunting, or in my baby's case, he makes sing-song sounds, you know he is sleepy. Put him down to sleep when he is sleepy but not overtired. If you have a habit of holding him till he sleeps try putting him down before he really fell fast asleep. If you are happy to hold him the whole time he is asleep then I guess you don't need any advice. My aunt said: "babies love to be held. He will sleep for as long as you hold him and you can forget about your toilet breaks, eating and bathing yourself"... Sarcastically said to me during the first month when I couldn't resist holding my newborn for longer than necessary everytime he cries.

How much is longer than necessary? If he is falling asleep in your arms then that is longer than 'necessary'. 

My baby started sttn at Month 3. Semi-sttn at Month 2 onwards.

If you don't agree with me, go ahead and let your baby sleep in your arms or on your chest every time. Attachment parenting is another approach in parenting so I won't judge. Read on if you are open to more sharing.

Rule No. 2 - NO need to turn down the volume.

If you turn down the volume of everything including your own voice, then your baby will expect the whole world outside to do so as well or he couldn't fall asleep. Which isn't practical or even possible. Who are you to control the PA system at the mall or say 'sssh' the public chattering away near you when your baby needs to take a nap in his pram?

I am not saying you turn on the tv at full blast or talk and scream at the top of your lungs. Just carry on with life normally. My baby can sleep right through with me and hubby watching a show on the bed and he is in his crib beside us. He can sleep in the living room when we are watching the tv. He can sleep in his pram in a noisy restaurant, usual dining places and of course not dance party or clubs. He can sleep in his car seat while Gangnam style is playing on the radio. You get the drift.

All these started from Month 1. If you follow someone I know and turn down the volume for everything you do around the baby, then tough luck getting him or her to nap anywhere out of the house due to the baby getting used to a controlled environment in order to fall asleep.

Rule 3 - Differentiate Daytime naps and Night sleeps

This one I have also read in sleep training articles written by experts. My aunt always made sure my boy sleeps in a darkened room at night and sleep outside the room anywhere else but the room during the day. This agrees with what the experts say according to what I read up myself. You need to teach them from newborn stage what is day and night. Easier on you who are taking care of them.

Do you need to leave the night light on, up to you. I used to need a night light but now anything goes.

I find that even with the sleep regression that happens a couple of times already in 7 months, this basic that we have ingrained in him helped tremendously.

Oh and another thing, don't let him get used to a single place to nap/sleep. If he is only used to his crib for his nap and sleep, then good luck in making him doze off out of the crib when he is older!

In the first month, my aunt used to place him in a bassinet and push him near to the front door with a grill door, with the dog on a leash nearby, her theory was, "to make him hear the dog barks at the occasional stranger and he can still nap on". All the 'startle reaction' is called Moro reflex that will stop gradually once he is a couple of months old, even if it is all quiet he will still have the Moro reflex, so chill. Or put him on the sofa next to you while you are watching tv and the newborn sleeps away. ALERT: *Don't leave him unattended once he starts rolling over from Month 2 onwards!* 

Places my son has slept/napped for his first seven months of his life:

- In my arms (naturally since is is very comfy there), while waiting for his turn to see the doc - this is a no brainer but in moderation please, put him down to sleep if you can once he is semi asleep

- in his crib/bassinet when newborn

- on the sofa of my aunt's house, my mom's house and our own home during the first two months until he could roll over

- on mattress on the floor in the living room 

- in the airplane while being carried, another no-brainer cos he was being held. Maybe I should write another article on how to survive flight rides with an infant. He has flown twice so far and going on another flight in a month's time. Flying is the only way to return to my hometown as East and West Malaysia is separated by the South China Sea.

- in a swing, rocker, pram/stroller, all the baby stuff.

- nap on an adult bed (before he could roll over), we don't co-share the bed. We only co-share the bedroom. Sleeping next to each other in our own bed/crib in the same room.

He used to have this Fisher-Price musical seahorse that plays songs for 5 minutes before fading, with a tummy that glows and with waves sound in the background. I'd like to believe that helped too, until the seahorse couldn't play anymore at 5 months plus as the electronic board broke or something and he has learned not to rely too much on it. I only introduced it to him after Month 2 anyway.

Another thing you may consider is the use of a pacifier/dummy. I restrict the use to only when he needs to sleep/nap and not while he is awake/normal times. Sometimes he even refuses it and can fall asleep on his own especially after Month 6. It is very useful when you need a 'snooze button' to buy time for you to visit the toilet when he is stirring and going to start his 'engine' demanding to be fed and you just need to go, so pacifier it is. 

Find a natural teat closest to nipple shape if you are Breastfeeding. This is very subjective so up to you. In the first six months of their life babies cannot really self soothe unless they suck and suckle to pacify themselves, so the pacifier is heaven-sent. You know how they fall asleep in your arms while you breast feed them with their little mouths still latched on? Yeah, some moms on the forum says: "human pacifier" = moms.

I bet some may even wonder if this will change beyond Month 7. I shall update this blog post till he gets older than a year okay? 

The Azan (dawn prayer call for Muslims) has sounded. It is 5.53 now. 50 minutes have passed and my boys (hubby and baby) are breathing heavily deep in sleep so I shall join them. 

Need the rest for the rest of our trip. Happy (early) birthday to me. :)

Pix of hubby holding baby to doze off before putting him down to continue his zzz.

Baby's First Fever

Today, July 25, 2013, is the day our baby first broke 38 degree Celcius temperature, hitting 39 at its max - it is his first fever at five months and one week. 

Sponge bathed him to keep him cool, fed him paracetamol syrup and it is a constant vigilance around the clock.

Parents and carers around the world, I feel you now. 

Get well soon, baby boy. Hugs. I shall try my best to stay positive and not worry too much.

Missed Moment of Motherhood

Today my little one just rolled over for the first time from his back to his tummy and I wasn't there to witness it as I was at work....

I feel like I missed one important milestone in my baby's life and feel dreadful after that, I still feel awful as I am typing this so I feel that something's gotta give.... Hmmmm anyway, I digress.

Motherhood is not all bed and roses and taking a tip from one article directed at new mothers, I follow this one golden rule: Take time to look at the pictures of your little one when he is asleep. Looking at pictures of him is totally different from looking at your baby because when you are looking at him you are pressured to meet his needs and cater to him while you will appreciate the miracle your little one is if you look at the pix which gives you an overall sense of wonder at this little bundle of joy. 

I have been shielding my son from the virtual public world since his birth with his face mosaic off on this blog and now that he's over 4 months old, here's an unflattering pix of him with his eyes shut when he took a short nap in the car seat today, tired after playing for the whole afternoon at grandparents' house. He is so very much loved. We love you baby boy. Hugs and kisses. 

When It is Just Isn't Your Day and You Feel Down (more like you feel like shit)

Today just isn't my day.

My car battery went dead on me and I was already running late for work.

Instead of waiting to get it sorted out, I hailed a taxi from in front of my home and got to work within a reasonable time frame.

Then I had a 2pm-4pm break and the sky looked very dark. As if my mood isn't dark enough for the day.

It was then that I decided to take the cab back home to check on my baby boy, dark sky or not.

By the time I reached home, rain started pouring and the thunderous sky had an angry sounding orchestra up above.

My little one's smiling face changed to a frown and then his mouth turned downwards and he started wailing with the first thunder. The second lightning came and the second thunder sounded, causing him to wail even more. I picked him up and cuddled him while singing a nonsense lullaby that I just made up on the spot and he calmed down and settled into a singing response to me, cooing all the way in my arms as the thunders continue their symphony.

Bad day or not, I felt needed and I am glad I made that short trip back home right there and then before going back to work at 4pm later.

If you let them, babies have a way of brightening your day... the keyword here is "if you let them".

I have decided to let my baby taken over my life and my heart. Thank you baby boy.

Back to work now. :-)

How to remove poo or shit stains from baby napkin or clothes?

I bet parents to newborn will ask How to remove all that poo stains from my baby clothes? Macam mana nak cuci kesan tahi atau najis daripada pakaian atau lampin bayi?

My aunt introduced the most useful solution ever to me in my baby's first month.

Pureen ABD (Anti Bacterial Detergent). Perfect for removing the yellow stain made by poo or shit produced so diligently by your newborn, on clothes, sheets, and even napkins or the Malay will say "lampin".

First, rinse out the stool/poo/solids from the fabric. A water hose or a shower head does the job. Next, you are supposed to brush the stained place... but being not exactly hardworking, I skip to the next step - Soak it for a couple of hours in ABD powder and make sure the powder mix well in the pail or bucket... and before you know it when you rinse it again with clear water, the stain should be gone or at least easily rub off. I usually just let it soak whole day or whole night just to accumulate the washings.

A newborn baby can poo up more than 10 times a day so this was a lifesaver in February and March when my little one was at it!

This is not a sponsored post. I just love this detergent so much I bought 5 all in one go! Give it a try when all else fail!

Feeling Emo

Long post ahead...

It has been quite some time since I last played any games on my iPhone or facebook, before Candy Crush became the craze for (almost) everyone.

Back when my late mom in law (MiL) was still alive and then diagnosed with final stage cancer, I was a regular in some Zynga games on mobile, and actually had some 'regular' game partners called 90tomh and worshipdrummer. Then I quit to attend to more pressing matters at home since my MiL stayed with us in her final days and left a message in our last game, to which worshipdrummer replied, giving me comforting words.

Now more than 200 days later, much have happened after my MiL passed away, had a baby boy, then attended my MiL's funeral, etc. then I checked out those games again and saw that it has been more than 200 days.

I checked back 11 days later and the game requests were still unanswered, I guess they too have moved on and dumped the game.

Some things can never be the same as time goes on. 

The only constant is change. This made me very emotional when I think about it. My baby will be a little boy soon and by the time he enters primary (elementary) school I will be 40. You can never return to all the 'good old times', that's why they inserted the word 'old' in everything nice and fine.

Am I scared of old age? A little... I will be lying if I say no. Am I afraid of death? Yes, sudden death especially, I wish to have some time to prepare myself and plan my 'exit' from this life.

It is the start of the 14th week for my darling son. He just turned exactly 3 months old last week, according to the calendar month. I was just looking at his newborn pix and I nearly teared up seeing how small he was back then. He has a little boy face now... I am torn in between wanting to see how he will grow up yet I am sad when I know he is growing and will never be as small and this way anymore. Human dilemma of not sure how to feel.

Guess everyone deal with grief their own way. I guess this is my grief talking. I haven't fully cried out after my MiL passed away as both hubby and me made a promise not to cry near her body. 

Having such precious happiness in my arms now in the form of my son and then losing my MiL seems like a cruel joke played on me by nature. 

I haven't dealt with the sadness or even the anger and frustration of the situation.

Yes I have busied myself with my baby for three full months and I was too tired to even think of anything on a daily basis. I do enjoy my baby tremendously.

But last night, my baby slept through the night and only woke up at 5.30am for his feeding, giving me a good night's sleep... 

As I woke up refreshed...which isn't a bad thing, and then these feelings flooded in, as I am only human. 

All these while fatigue helped me delay facing my grief. 

Now... Sigh. Mommy I hope you are happy where you are now, I know you are at peace now. Know that your youngest son and me don't feel the same without you around the house. We sorely miss you... More than words can say.

- end -

Reflection on the first 10 weeks of parenthood

Letter to my 10-week-old baby boy...

Dear my precious baby boy,

It has been 10 weeks since I first laid my eyes on you and held you in my arms, umblical cord still attached and your skin all reddish, pinkish and all wrinkly from delivery. You were so small mama was scared to hold you at first.

You were a fast, early one, wanting to be born an Aquarian instead of being a Pisces and gave us all a scare in the middle of the night. Labour was fast and you were born in the morning, same hour as mama, we are going to get along just fine, being a morning person.

Now fast forward 10 weeks, you have grown up so fast and it is hard to believe you are the same small wrinkly baby we brought home from the hospital.

IT AIN'T EASY CARING FOR A SMALL BABY
They are not kidding when they say taking care of a small baby ain't easy. Mama is lucky to have your grandaunt for help in the first month. Half the month, grandaunt helped out and the other half when mama felt better, it was just mama and you in the middle of the night when you decide to wail for your feeding. Papa helped out four nights as well when he flew over to Borneo twice, once in your first week and another time when you were four weeks old.

Then grandmama, papa's mommy passed away when you were 30 days old and mama left you with grandaunt to attend the funeral. It was a painful five days being separated from you my precious baby boy, but an adult gotta do what they gotta do. It was painful to think that you will grow up not knowing your grandmama too... She is an exemplary woman, I shall tell you lots of stories about her when you are bigger.

You were a champ in the plane when mama flew back when you were 35 days to bring you back home. Grandmama (mama's mom) hogged you for the most of the journey, not wanting to let you go, not even when mama wanted to hold you. Grandpapa (mama's dad) took care of all the bags, a baby is so small yet requires so much luggage! Know that you are very much loved my baby boy.

You only cried twice the entire flight, once for feeding and another time for diaper change as you soiled yourself. Luckily the old wives' remedy for ear popping worked for you. We are going to many places after this when you are bigger my baby boy, gotta use your passport to the fullest the next five years. *wink*

At first, especially when mama first cared for you, unfamiliarity with your cues and habits made it quite frustrating for the both of us. Slowly, after a week or so, mama learned to read your cries and your preference, you are one fussy little one dear baby boy.

There was once in the middle of the night when all were asleep, mama was so tired she just popped the pacifier into your mouth and the next thing she knows when she woke up, it was already 7am, you slept through the night without a feeding! Mama panicked and quickly fed you despite you being asleep and all. Then mama found out a small baby like you is capable of sleeping through the night and won't feel hunger if you are sleeping and not crying.

Of course by now, 10 weeks, you still need constant feeding, you are like a little alarm clock, every two hourly feeding on normal days. Sometimes you chose to sleep more and you can stretch your sleep/naps to 4-5 hours.

Your waking time is longer now too. There was once you refused to sleep for six hours straight. You wanted to see the world, you kept staring and turning your head in all directions. You didn't cry much so we let you join us in the living room, you looking around while papa and mama enjoyed a movie marathon while feeding you in between, the three of us in our little home.

A BABY CHANGES YOUR LIFE
True, papa and mama's lives have changed the moment you came into the picture but the change is in a good way.

True, 'sacrifices' had to be made like lacking sleep, lacking freedom to just leave the house without having to pack the entire nursery supplies (nearly exaggerating), smelly poo on a daily basis, mama never felt so much relief when you poo after one whole day of no poo, suddenly the study of poo became mama's new interest and google helped a lot.

However, all these 'sacrifices' are not really a big deal after all, they are easily made up the moment we hold you, our precious little bundle in our arms, you feel so soft and cuddly and the feeling is 'you are finally home with us', the feeling is the most peaceful and comfortable feeling mama has ever felt.

You still haven't really smile your first real smile yet, you still haven't laughed yet, yet you have already captured our hearts just by being there in our lives.

Thank you my baby boy.

People say you are lucky to be born and have a family like us, however I will say mama and papa are VERY LUCKY to have a precious little one like you in our family. You are truly our blessing. We love you so so so much and will try not to spoil you (too much). *wink*

Hugs,
Mama

(pix of our sleeping baby in Week 8 who likes to cover his eyes, so no need for face mosaic to protect his privacy)

"I Need Sleep" - Parents/Carers for Most Infants

Sleep deprived parents/carers of infants need not be embarrassed to occasionally ask for help just to get some rest and the much needed shut-eye.

Today is the weekend of our 6th Anniversary of hubby and me getting legally married and we asked my parents if they'd kindly take our 8-week-old baby as we would like to celebrate on a date. My mom agreed to babysit our boy for an afternoon till 8.30pm.

After dropping our baby son off at my mom's we checked out a local computer fair and soon after, we were checking out the movie show times on our mobile when I felt tired and mentioned it to hubby.

Anyway, I then recalled and related to hubby, an article I read before our son was born, about new parents should not feel bad or even embarrassed for taking a much needed nap during 'date night' when the baby caring duties are being relieved by someone trusted.

Hubby thought about it for awhile and asked if I would like to rest over a movie. I said yes. We then turned back home and now hubby is sleeping soundly beside me. My turn to snooze off now if I am to survive the night shift later.

After five years of celebration of our anniversary without a child, I think this is the first anniversary celebrated with a significant twist, so we will always remember we have a small baby boy during this year's anniversary.

Happy anniversary to us and may we get enough rest and stay healthy for our little family.

Welcome to parenthood!

Pix of our sleeping baby boy. Face mosaic to protect our baby's privacy. :)

20 Things a Woman Should Tell Her Son

Read this and found it useful, hence I am sharing here on my blog:

TWENTY THINGS A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER SON

1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.

18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.

Don't forget to share

(Credit: +Nino Rostomashvili)

You may be interested in: http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/30-days.html

or

A Hand Reaching Out to Touch Her Son

SOMETHING BIG IS HAPPENING

30 Days... The Beginning and the End

All alone in the first five rows of the plane heading back to Kuala Lumpur, taking the last flight out.

My mother-in-law's condition is critical now. Her respiratory tract is full of phlegm and she is but skin and bones now. The video my husband took and sent via whatsapp to me is too shocking that I hopped onto the next available flight which is also the last flight out for the day, leaving behind my 30-day-old baby boy. I miss him already.

I have given 30 days to my mother-in-law full time in Nov to care for her in illness and likewise I have given 30 days with my son, today is his 30th day on earth.

I need to tend to the 'end' first before the 'beginning'. Life begins at birth and ends with death, joy and sorrow both come hand in hand in life. I just did not expect both to come at the same time at this point in life.

The inevitable is near.

Please pray for strength and calm for everyone in the Lee family, my hubby's surname is Lee.

Am typing this on a note app in the flight with 1001 things running through my mind. Please let me make it back there in time while she is still somewhat conscious.

I pray for peace and pain-free last moments for this woman I call mommy. Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers as well. *hugs*

Post note: Received this the moment my plane landed - Mommy just passed away at 22:56

Related Post:
http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-mother-in-law-62th-birthday.html

Reflection on accepting death: http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/reflection-on-accepting-death.html

REMEMBER THIS

In Anticipation - Second Letter to my unborn baby

My dear precious baby,

This is Mama's second letter to you, by the time this blogpost is published, it should be March 10, 2013, this is your uncle's birthday, your maternal grandmama who is mama's mama, said, hopefully my first grandchild will be born on the same date as my son (your uncle). You see your uncle is Mama's younger brother, and he was born today many years ago, it should be swell if you two can celebrate your birthdays together.

Of course, your godmommy Pei wants you to be born on March 5, her birthday, we shall see when you decide to pop out.

I have a feeling if this is a leap year, and you are like me, always wanting to be different and trying new dares, you would have chosen to pop out on Feb 29, but alas, 2013 has no Feb 29. So my precious baby, come out anytime you are ready, Mama and Papa are just waiting... we have been waiting for nearly six years for you. A few more days should not be a problem (although each passing second is full of anticipation and jitters).

May you be a healthy happy baby, my precious one.

Mama and Papa love you very much. Always remember that.

Prequel to this letter

In Jitters - First letter to my unborn baby

My dear baby,

The date this blog post is scheduled is March 5, 2013, this date is your godmother's birthday, Auntie Pei whom you are should call Mommy Pei when you start talking later.

Mommy Pei used to tell me, your Mama, that she hopes you will be born today, on this date so you two can share the same birthday and celebrate together, that is so sweet.

By the time this post appears on Mama's blog, you should have been born already unless you are one of those babies who love to delay and take your own sweet time to make your debut in this world.

Your mama is in jitters already... at first it was euphoria and excitement that Mama and Papa will be parents, finally! You don't know how much we anticipate your arrival, oh my precious baby.

Then after the initial excitement is over, your Mama started worrying about so many things it is tiring. Like really keeping her awake.

What if you don't like Mama? What if Mama doesn't like you and it is not love at first sight?

What if Mama doesn't have what it takes to be a good mother? What if you bond with Papa more than Mama (selfish motherly thought)?

What if you cry and Mama doesn't know what to do? What if you fall sick and what Mama does only made it worse and it doesn't get better? What if a slight mistake in parenting affect your whole future?

So many 'What If's, only time will tell... so my dear baby, less than two more months and counting... it is mid January 2013 as I am typing this to you... by the time this blog post is published, you should be in my arms already.

I love you so much my baby. So does your Papa, both sets of grandparents, godmommy Pei, godmommy Val and goddaddy Eric. Know that you are much loved even before you are born.

Love,
Your Mama

p/s- after nearly six years of trying and dealing with stress of infertility, our family is nearly complete, just when we least expect it -- hope to celebrate our 6th anniversary with the three of us. :-) Our little Ray of hope is finally here.

Sequel to this letter

NEVER GIVE UP