My dear baby,
The date this blog post is scheduled is March 5, 2013, this date is your godmother's birthday, Auntie Pei whom you are should call Mommy Pei when you start talking later.
Mommy Pei used to tell me, your Mama, that she hopes you will be born today, on this date so you two can share the same birthday and celebrate together, that is so sweet.
By the time this post appears on Mama's blog, you should have been born already unless you are one of those babies who love to delay and take your own sweet time to make your debut in this world.
Your mama is in jitters already... at first it was euphoria and excitement that Mama and Papa will be parents, finally! You don't know how much we anticipate your arrival, oh my precious baby.
Then after the initial excitement is over, your Mama started worrying about so many things it is tiring. Like really keeping her awake.
What if you don't like Mama? What if Mama doesn't like you and it is not love at first sight?
What if Mama doesn't have what it takes to be a good mother? What if you bond with Papa more than Mama (selfish motherly thought)?
What if you cry and Mama doesn't know what to do? What if you fall sick and what Mama does only made it worse and it doesn't get better? What if a slight mistake in parenting affect your whole future?
So many 'What If's, only time will tell... so my dear baby, less than two more months and counting... it is mid January 2013 as I am typing this to you... by the time this blog post is published, you should be in my arms already.
I love you so much my baby. So does your Papa, both sets of grandparents, godmommy Pei, godmommy Val and goddaddy Eric. Know that you are much loved even before you are born.
Love,
Your Mama
p/s- after nearly six years of trying and dealing with stress of infertility, our family is nearly complete, just when we least expect it -- hope to celebrate our 6th anniversary with the three of us. :-) Our little Ray of hope is finally here.
Sequel to this letter
NEVER GIVE UP
Showing posts with label godchildren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label godchildren. Show all posts
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Our Love Story - How I became Mrs Lee in 2007
This is another personal blog post. If mushy/romantic stuff isn't for you, feel free to browse away or may I suggest to you a very angry blog post that is the total anti-thesis of romance HERE
I actually wrote a blog post of a similar nature on my Friendster Blog about five years ago in 2007, which has since closed down without notice, all the data just wiped out like that, all my precious blog posts, etc. Let's hope blogger won't suffer the same fate! Anyway, I digress.
If I have to sum up our romance in a phrase, it would be:
Your voice is like:
Music to the soul, music to my ears, music to my heart.
:-)
THE END: I became Mrs Lee
That is the short version of our love story.
Five years ago today, July 14, it was also a Saturday. Fancy the day actually 'repeated' five years later today. I thought it is supposed to be more than 10 years or something for the calendar to repeat.
It was the day where our courtship (dating relationship) as a dating couple ended in a series of wedding receptions. No kidding, THREE full wedding receptions to cover the legal, religious, ceremonial and traditional stuff - this is what happens when it is the LAST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION and THE FIRST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION.
We had our receptions - one each in three different states in Malaysia, one in April, two in July. So seriousy if you ask us when is our anniversary, I will ask you back, which one? Legal one, religious one, ceremonial one or traditional one?
I won't talk about my weddings. The wedding is only the end of courtship and the beginning of marriage.
I will talk about our LOVE STORY. #love Growing up, being brain-washed by Disney and fairy tales, I always believed in romance and love. It pains me that I have no boy friend when others have a special guy friend, I always asked if I am not cute enough, not attractive enough, not good enough, etc. Such were the growing pains.
Borrowing from the concept started in this particular blog post, I shall write a letter to myself, only this time, I am writing to my past-self.
Tegami by Angela Aki - If this doesn't play, Google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～ （歌詞 Lyrics） - Letter to my future self, a 15-year-old finds it hard to live and writes to her future self and she actually replied from the future and tells her to hang on.
I highly recommend you click on the play button above now, for effects.
WARNING: LONG LETTER TO SELF AHEAD
*******************************************************
Dear Sue from the past (before January 2012):
General Cover Letter:
I am not sure which past version of me will this letter reach so I shall write to each and every one of you, or rather, me, or maybe I will just refer to Sue as 'us' and 'we'.
Today is July 14, 2012. Yup, this is also the same era our favourite childhood movie by Michael J. Fox "Back to the Future" came from (Back to the Future II) - unfortunately there is no cool hoverboard that flies and no, we still never learned how to skate or roller-blade. I remembered that was our wish when we were still a little girl.
However, there is this amazing thing called the Internet - it is something like a totally different virtual world where real people interact with each other through various portals, on this thing we call computer, which has since evolved dramatically and we have these phones called mobile phones, yup, they are mobile, no, no, not the ones you see in black brief cases that men carry and take out to make phone calls, these are really small and now even small kids have them, technology has certainly changed and land lines are not exactly 'land' now with new technology. Anyway, all these are not important.
I have specific messages for each one of us starting from little Sue.
To little Sue in the 1980s-1990:
Hello little one,
We are just fine - I bet you didn't think that we'd live to be 30, or rather past 30, huh? Or maybe we did. We always had this crazy crushes with cute boys we see on TV or even in real life. Thanks to Disney, we always dream that one day our prince will really come, and we really hung on to that hope and were really excited when one of our dreams really came true -- in the form of dreams.
Oh, nearly 30 years on, yes, Sue, we are still a dreamer.
I mean literally a dreamer. We still remember our dreams. Dreams that occur when we were asleep. Remember how we had this 'to be continued' dream series back when we were in primary (elementary) school in the last 1980s? Fancy dreams having story line that continues and pick up from the previous night - we still have those now, but very rare and far in between - I sure hope we won't lose that special connection.
It goes without saying we still remember our dreams, still as vividly as ever. I think you would want to know what happens in the future right? I'm going to tell you in 'topics' so it will be easier for you to follow.
LOVE
Now, no point telling you the future dreams or else it will defeat the purpose, right? Let's talk about the dream that I know you already have at this age.
Do you recall this dream we had, where little kids our age - boys and girls - were paired up - a boy and a girl in a pair - and we were supposed to help each other cross the stream, not really a river, I remember it was more like a small stream. Do you remember our partner in the dream? Yup, the 'spoilt brat' who refused to lend us a hand in crossing the stream and we kept nagging him to the extent we behaved very un-ladylike in our favourite dress.
Do you remember his face? :-) I'd like to believe that I've married him. Unsmiling face, hair combed old-fashioned way to one side, on the chubby side, small eyes, typical Chinese boy. Dream on, in a positive way, and please make ALL THE MISTAKES in love, because without that, we will never meet this wonderful guy. For your age (less than 10) I think that's enough about love for now.
CHILDREN
I also have news to tell you, we have got this fervent (strong) dream to be a mother when we grew up, right? Well, well, don't worry so much about that dream - we have THREE 'free' kids as our godchildren now, two girls and a little boy. The two girls are related but the little boy is totally unrelated to the two girls. We became 'mummy' to these little girls pretty early! I won't spoil the surprise for you but just know that we finally became mummy and mama, although not in the way we expected.
How about our own children? Don't worry, I believe the time will come. We are still in our early 30s, and yes, we really love to have children to call our own, when playing with our dolls, Beautee and Reddie (oh I still have Beautee the teddy bear!) remember we always pretended they were our babies and we were thinking of how we are going to feed the babies and change their nappies. We will be a fine mother one day, we have three kids to 'practice' with now. When ours and only ours comes along, we will be totally ready for him or her. Don't worry so much little one.
SCHOOL
School is just fine. We will represent our school, represent our division (our district), and even represent our state at national level competition/contest - not sports though, I think you can figure out that much. We still hate to sweat or exercise but we still love books. Never lose sight of your studies, and yes, please follow your heart when choosing what to study next time. Make the same 'mistakes' and we should end up where I am at now. :-) What's our job now? I don't think it will make sense for you, little one, right about now. I have problem describing it to my two god daughters as well. Let's just say we are one very important person to many people at work. :-)
FRIENDS
Don't worry about making friends or if they don't want to be your friends. The world is so big out there, I tell you now, you can know hundreds and thousands of people you have not even met or will ever meet in real life, through this thing called the Internet.
Social life (friendship) will only get trickier after you turned 10, but don't worry so much about it, we have a great friend still very close to us, a friend we have known since we were 7. Won't tell you who she is. You will know when the time comes. So yes, we have many friends, they even help you 'count' your friends - my last count was nearly 2,000 friends. Yeah, that is like after 99, you get a 100, and after 999, you get a thousand, you just multiply that by 2!
I know this will be very overwhelming for you, dear little one, don't worry so much, and continue 'thinking' and wondering 'what ifs', but please don't let life break your soul.
Keep smiling always, little Sue.
I shall pretend I am recording an audio only-letter (voice only, no video) with a hard-copy of the letter & pix to my subsequent teen self for fun:
To teen Sue in 1990s:
Hello to the cutest girl I have ever known (we are still as narcisstic as ever),
Remember how we will get so cross (upset) when people call us cute and we always wonder why didn't anyone call us pretty? Now I know why, and I am not telling. *wink*
This was taken on our 16th birthday, how grumpy we looked in the pix! Oh, you are saying we look demure and cool in it, okay, whatever you say. And no, we don't look fat in the pix. No, no, no, you DON'T KNOW the meaning of fat yet, no, not in your teens.
Okay, you win, YOU ARE FAT, happy? - *end of argument with self and feels quite stupid trying to talk sense to a teenager* -
What do you mean the whole world 'owes' you an explanation? Hello girl, no one cares about your world, especially not in your secret code that you use in your diary, oh gosh, I can never forget those codes, and no one cares if you put on one pound or half a kg since yesterday, and no, you don't look fat, again, I repeat, you are not fat.
Okay, you ARE fat, you win, okay?
Are we still dancing in the future? Let's just say we are, but not on stage anymore. Enough said. Why? Oh, don't ask why. Sssssh. When was the last time we actually danced? Yesterday, why? What dance? You won't even know the song cos it is a current song, so quit asking so many irrelevant questions. And piano? Oh, oh yes, we still play it now. Just, treasure your piano now okay, take good care of Eterna, our beloved Yamaha piano.
You see what happens when you don't play the piano? The string tends to be cold even with the heater on and it tends to break. What do you mean you are lazy? You still have Grade 8 exam coming up in 1996, isn't it? Hello!!!
Now, now...!
Don't you wish to know which guy you married in the end?
*silence*
There, I got your attention. Listen to what I have to say first then I will tell you who.
Listen there,
I know we hated being a teen. We always felt that we areout-of-place more mature than our age and we just cannot get along well with our peers. Oh, what is peers, I forgot your English vocab is still so limited - it means people who are of the same age as us. What looking down on your English? It doesn't matter you always get the top marks (among the top three) in English in class I tell you, your English isn't that good in the 1990s. Geez, you even lost that trophy of Best English for the whole grade (Form) to Vincent, remember? Oh, it hasn't happen yet, this is not yet 1995? Okay. Ssssh. Listen to me.
Okay gorgeous, listen to me. If this isn't 1997 yet, here is a preview of how we will look like in February 1997:
AND THIS too:
While you are oggling at your own pix, I will continue with what I have to say - geez, I am finally reminded of how difficult I was as a teenager.
I want to give you some advices, in point form, since your attention span is too short:
1. DO NOT DEFY YOUR PARENTS - okay, I think you just shook that off your ears, never mind.
2. YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, not everything is about you - okay, you still won't listen to me. Okay, okay, woe is me. You have the worst life in the universe, fine.
3. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, you may not still have what you are having now in the future - okay, you are still young, so you still are not listening and for the 10th time, YOU ARE NOT FAT, what do you mean your calves in the second pix look fat? I love that pink dress okay, I've been saving it till now, more than 10 years later! Okay, you don't care? Fine.
AND ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING!!!
4. NO ONE YOU LIKE NOW will be your husband, not even the pen pal you never met!
*can imagine glass shattering and thunder booming in the background*
I think I'd better end this letter now.
Take care, teen Sue.
Know that we were the best looking teen ever, smiling or unsmiling - peace:
-- end of letter for teen Sue --
If the song above has ended, feel free to press play on this one:
*I'd like to imagine myself teleporting to the early 2000s to talk to my younger self just for fun*
To my younger self (early 2000s)
Hello undergrad!
It was more than 12 years ago since I first stepped into the university as an undergrad.
Oh, the shadow that was looming back then? The heartbreak from our teens? Geez, that reminds me of how 'loyal' we were. You mean, oh, yeah, we are still 'loyal' now, just that, we know who to be loyal to now that we are older and more mature.
I tell you now, dear Sue, having had so many heartbreaks in such a short span of time, yeah, they are short, a few years is short, compared to a whole life time - I tell you now, heartbreaks and heartaches will only make you stronger, not kill you.
Once you are stronger, you will be very well-loved as you are more confident with yourself. I tell you, oh, you are munching on cookies again, Twisties this time? Okay, pass me some. It really soothes a broken heart huh, munching and munching. Hence the explanation why I look like this now. *points to future present self*
What do you mean no one will love you?
Look at me, I am fat, I am definitely more than a few pounds overweight but I am loved and I feel loved, and I am very much capable of loving. Be at peace with yourself girl, and stop torturing yourself mentally.
Oh, is this year 2002-2003 yet? Let me tell you something girl, before the most beautiful rainbow appear, there will be rain and sometimes storm, right? Know that after 2003, our rainbow will appear and never go away for the longest time, hopefully till the end of time.
I know, cos I come from the future.
Is our husband anyone we know now... erm, if this is before mid-2003, nope.
But that shouldn't stop you from dating. Go out and date, such social experiences enrich our lives, just play safe and be safe when going out with strangers from the Internet okay?
Don't worry about our career - I think our love life is more messed up than our career, just follow your heart and do whatever we want!!! Yeah~ gimme five.
~Ciao~
-- end of letter to early 20s Sue --
To my dating self (2003-2006)
Hello there!
No, you are not fat, you are thinner than how you will be in the future. hahahaha, laughs at self.
Who cares anyway, right? We've found a boyfriend! Oh, he is a keeper for sure!!!
If this is 2003, you are just out from a relationship, and nursing a broken heart, right? Yet another failure you say? Nah, it's just one of life's trials. We will go through it just fine.
What is the month now? Do you remember the guy who kept appearing at the top of your list on that online dating site we registered with just for fun? No, not the Korean guy or the Caucasian, the Chinese one - the Malaysian.
OH, you know him already by now? Did he email you? He did? lol, sssh, a secret on how to go past the 'paid membership' and him contacting us. *giggles*
Just a reminder that he is a real gentleman, okay, he never once asked us to forget about the ex, he even advised us to give that stupid ex a chance and listen to his side of the story when he knew we might have a chance together. He isn't selfish, that is for sure!
However, there is nothing we can do, that ex is our ex, and let him be. No more in our life, we can close that chapter now. We have got this 'new' guy now *giggles*
Oh, his voice is really musical isn't it? He actually held a concert for only you over the phone? Yeah, he has the nicest voice, the most handsome and soothing voice ever, if you can call a voice handsome.
'I knew I love you before I met you' rings true for us with this guy, huh? Loving someone before meeting him in real life.
Oh, is it 2004 already?
We finally became what we wanted to become, right? To meet people and do what we love most, to write, and get paid for it - we have been a journalist or reporter for the second year by now. And yes, we have uprooted from Borneo to Peninsular Malaysia including our cars across South China Sea, with our family trailing along. Yes, Sue, we are powerful, we moved the whole family over! muahahaha.
Have we met that guy yet? We have? Finally in person? Oh, by the road side!
The Internet is known as the Information Highway, hence meeting him via the Internet and finally in real life is like meeting him by the road side?
Yeah, literally by the road side near the traffic light. I got picked up by my future husband in his car by the road side.
Oh, mama is asking us to pursue our Masters while working? Go ahead and earn the Masters, it will come in handy. Don't worry about no time for dating, this sweet guy will still be there at the end of the two years.
Wedding plans? Don't worry about the pressure from our potential-in-laws - mama has her ways to put off the wedding date until after our Masters graduation.
We will be traditionally engaged first in 2006. Oh, just had our engagement now haven't we? This is the thinnest we have been in 5 years, hahaha.
Then we will have our wedding in 2007, you already know about that, okay, I can leave now. Bye!!!
-- end of conversation with dating self --
To my married self (5, 4, 3, 2 years ago) - saving a letter to my 2011 self in another blog post another time
One word - growth.
We are all still growing and growing with each passing moment. Embrace the moment and grow together with your man. Nothing is too difficult when you have each other by your side. There will be ups and down, and married life isn't always easy, but when it is shared, it is true that love will make it all worth while in the end.
Look at what we have and not what we lack, and the world will seem to be a more beautiful place.
-- end --
So today, after five short years together as husband and wife, I'd like to wish us happiness and joy.
Happy Anniversary to us, and may we live to a ripe old age together, side by side, happily and peacefully. May we grow old together, happily married like our grandparents before us, happy to say there is not a single divorce in our family so far, not as far as older generation is concerned anyway.
May we look forward (pun intended to coincide with the pose in the pix above) to many more years together in the future, happily married to each other.
I am proud to be Mrs Lee. :) I love my husband very much and I know that he loves me very much too.
It is true when they say words alone cannot truly describe this emotion called love, and I consider myself long-winded and wordy. I will be lying if I say I can truly fully put into words just how much love I am feeling right now. It is simply too overwhelming and 'deep'. No fireworks, no sparks, no adrenaline rush that young love used to get at the beginning of infatuation stage. It is more of a 'peaceful' love, more like "I am finally at home" love. Still that does NOT really describe this feeling called love. SO Sue, you fail big time, you cannot describe LOVE!
P/S: A brief insight of how much he loves me can be found in the comment section in this particular blog post
I actually wrote a blog post of a similar nature on my Friendster Blog about five years ago in 2007, which has since closed down without notice, all the data just wiped out like that, all my precious blog posts, etc. Let's hope blogger won't suffer the same fate! Anyway, I digress.
If I have to sum up our romance in a phrase, it would be:
Your voice is like:
Music to the soul, music to my ears, music to my heart.
:-)
THE END: I became Mrs Lee
That is the short version of our love story.
Five years ago today, July 14, it was also a Saturday. Fancy the day actually 'repeated' five years later today. I thought it is supposed to be more than 10 years or something for the calendar to repeat.
It was the day where our courtship (dating relationship) as a dating couple ended in a series of wedding receptions. No kidding, THREE full wedding receptions to cover the legal, religious, ceremonial and traditional stuff - this is what happens when it is the LAST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION and THE FIRST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION.
We had our receptions - one each in three different states in Malaysia, one in April, two in July. So seriousy if you ask us when is our anniversary, I will ask you back, which one? Legal one, religious one, ceremonial one or traditional one?
I won't talk about my weddings. The wedding is only the end of courtship and the beginning of marriage.
I will talk about our LOVE STORY. #love Growing up, being brain-washed by Disney and fairy tales, I always believed in romance and love. It pains me that I have no boy friend when others have a special guy friend, I always asked if I am not cute enough, not attractive enough, not good enough, etc. Such were the growing pains.
Borrowing from the concept started in this particular blog post, I shall write a letter to myself, only this time, I am writing to my past-self.
Tegami by Angela Aki - If this doesn't play, Google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～ （歌詞 Lyrics） - Letter to my future self, a 15-year-old finds it hard to live and writes to her future self and she actually replied from the future and tells her to hang on.
I highly recommend you click on the play button above now, for effects.
WARNING: LONG LETTER TO SELF AHEAD
*******************************************************
Dear Sue from the past (before January 2012):
General Cover Letter:
I am not sure which past version of me will this letter reach so I shall write to each and every one of you, or rather, me, or maybe I will just refer to Sue as 'us' and 'we'.
Today is July 14, 2012. Yup, this is also the same era our favourite childhood movie by Michael J. Fox "Back to the Future" came from (Back to the Future II) - unfortunately there is no cool hoverboard that flies and no, we still never learned how to skate or roller-blade. I remembered that was our wish when we were still a little girl.
However, there is this amazing thing called the Internet - it is something like a totally different virtual world where real people interact with each other through various portals, on this thing we call computer, which has since evolved dramatically and we have these phones called mobile phones, yup, they are mobile, no, no, not the ones you see in black brief cases that men carry and take out to make phone calls, these are really small and now even small kids have them, technology has certainly changed and land lines are not exactly 'land' now with new technology. Anyway, all these are not important.
I have specific messages for each one of us starting from little Sue.
To little Sue in the 1980s-1990:
Hello little one,
We are just fine - I bet you didn't think that we'd live to be 30, or rather past 30, huh? Or maybe we did. We always had this crazy crushes with cute boys we see on TV or even in real life. Thanks to Disney, we always dream that one day our prince will really come, and we really hung on to that hope and were really excited when one of our dreams really came true -- in the form of dreams.
Oh, nearly 30 years on, yes, Sue, we are still a dreamer.
I mean literally a dreamer. We still remember our dreams. Dreams that occur when we were asleep. Remember how we had this 'to be continued' dream series back when we were in primary (elementary) school in the last 1980s? Fancy dreams having story line that continues and pick up from the previous night - we still have those now, but very rare and far in between - I sure hope we won't lose that special connection.
It goes without saying we still remember our dreams, still as vividly as ever. I think you would want to know what happens in the future right? I'm going to tell you in 'topics' so it will be easier for you to follow.
LOVE
Now, no point telling you the future dreams or else it will defeat the purpose, right? Let's talk about the dream that I know you already have at this age.
Do you recall this dream we had, where little kids our age - boys and girls - were paired up - a boy and a girl in a pair - and we were supposed to help each other cross the stream, not really a river, I remember it was more like a small stream. Do you remember our partner in the dream? Yup, the 'spoilt brat' who refused to lend us a hand in crossing the stream and we kept nagging him to the extent we behaved very un-ladylike in our favourite dress.
Do you remember his face? :-) I'd like to believe that I've married him. Unsmiling face, hair combed old-fashioned way to one side, on the chubby side, small eyes, typical Chinese boy. Dream on, in a positive way, and please make ALL THE MISTAKES in love, because without that, we will never meet this wonderful guy. For your age (less than 10) I think that's enough about love for now.
CHILDREN
I also have news to tell you, we have got this fervent (strong) dream to be a mother when we grew up, right? Well, well, don't worry so much about that dream - we have THREE 'free' kids as our godchildren now, two girls and a little boy. The two girls are related but the little boy is totally unrelated to the two girls. We became 'mummy' to these little girls pretty early! I won't spoil the surprise for you but just know that we finally became mummy and mama, although not in the way we expected.
How about our own children? Don't worry, I believe the time will come. We are still in our early 30s, and yes, we really love to have children to call our own, when playing with our dolls, Beautee and Reddie (oh I still have Beautee the teddy bear!) remember we always pretended they were our babies and we were thinking of how we are going to feed the babies and change their nappies. We will be a fine mother one day, we have three kids to 'practice' with now. When ours and only ours comes along, we will be totally ready for him or her. Don't worry so much little one.
SCHOOL
School is just fine. We will represent our school, represent our division (our district), and even represent our state at national level competition/contest - not sports though, I think you can figure out that much. We still hate to sweat or exercise but we still love books. Never lose sight of your studies, and yes, please follow your heart when choosing what to study next time. Make the same 'mistakes' and we should end up where I am at now. :-) What's our job now? I don't think it will make sense for you, little one, right about now. I have problem describing it to my two god daughters as well. Let's just say we are one very important person to many people at work. :-)
FRIENDS
Don't worry about making friends or if they don't want to be your friends. The world is so big out there, I tell you now, you can know hundreds and thousands of people you have not even met or will ever meet in real life, through this thing called the Internet.
Social life (friendship) will only get trickier after you turned 10, but don't worry so much about it, we have a great friend still very close to us, a friend we have known since we were 7. Won't tell you who she is. You will know when the time comes. So yes, we have many friends, they even help you 'count' your friends - my last count was nearly 2,000 friends. Yeah, that is like after 99, you get a 100, and after 999, you get a thousand, you just multiply that by 2!
I know this will be very overwhelming for you, dear little one, don't worry so much, and continue 'thinking' and wondering 'what ifs', but please don't let life break your soul.
Keep smiling always, little Sue.
I shall pretend I am recording an audio only-letter (voice only, no video) with a hard-copy of the letter & pix to my subsequent teen self for fun:
To teen Sue in 1990s:
Hello to the cutest girl I have ever known (we are still as narcisstic as ever),
Remember how we will get so cross (upset) when people call us cute and we always wonder why didn't anyone call us pretty? Now I know why, and I am not telling. *wink*
This was taken on our 16th birthday, how grumpy we looked in the pix! Oh, you are saying we look demure and cool in it, okay, whatever you say. And no, we don't look fat in the pix. No, no, no, you DON'T KNOW the meaning of fat yet, no, not in your teens.
Okay, you win, YOU ARE FAT, happy? - *end of argument with self and feels quite stupid trying to talk sense to a teenager* -
What do you mean the whole world 'owes' you an explanation? Hello girl, no one cares about your world, especially not in your secret code that you use in your diary, oh gosh, I can never forget those codes, and no one cares if you put on one pound or half a kg since yesterday, and no, you don't look fat, again, I repeat, you are not fat.
Okay, you ARE fat, you win, okay?
Are we still dancing in the future? Let's just say we are, but not on stage anymore. Enough said. Why? Oh, don't ask why. Sssssh. When was the last time we actually danced? Yesterday, why? What dance? You won't even know the song cos it is a current song, so quit asking so many irrelevant questions. And piano? Oh, oh yes, we still play it now. Just, treasure your piano now okay, take good care of Eterna, our beloved Yamaha piano.
Now, now...!
Don't you wish to know which guy you married in the end?
*silence*
There, I got your attention. Listen to what I have to say first then I will tell you who.
Listen there,
I know we hated being a teen. We always felt that we are
Okay gorgeous, listen to me. If this isn't 1997 yet, here is a preview of how we will look like in February 1997:
AND THIS too:
While you are oggling at your own pix, I will continue with what I have to say - geez, I am finally reminded of how difficult I was as a teenager.
I want to give you some advices, in point form, since your attention span is too short:
1. DO NOT DEFY YOUR PARENTS - okay, I think you just shook that off your ears, never mind.
2. YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, not everything is about you - okay, you still won't listen to me. Okay, okay, woe is me. You have the worst life in the universe, fine.
3. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, you may not still have what you are having now in the future - okay, you are still young, so you still are not listening and for the 10th time, YOU ARE NOT FAT, what do you mean your calves in the second pix look fat? I love that pink dress okay, I've been saving it till now, more than 10 years later! Okay, you don't care? Fine.
AND ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING!!!
4. NO ONE YOU LIKE NOW will be your husband, not even the pen pal you never met!
*can imagine glass shattering and thunder booming in the background*
I think I'd better end this letter now.
Take care, teen Sue.
Know that we were the best looking teen ever, smiling or unsmiling - peace:
-- end of letter for teen Sue --
If the song above has ended, feel free to press play on this one:
*I'd like to imagine myself teleporting to the early 2000s to talk to my younger self just for fun*
To my younger self (early 2000s)
Hello undergrad!
It was more than 12 years ago since I first stepped into the university as an undergrad.
Oh, the shadow that was looming back then? The heartbreak from our teens? Geez, that reminds me of how 'loyal' we were. You mean, oh, yeah, we are still 'loyal' now, just that, we know who to be loyal to now that we are older and more mature.
I tell you now, dear Sue, having had so many heartbreaks in such a short span of time, yeah, they are short, a few years is short, compared to a whole life time - I tell you now, heartbreaks and heartaches will only make you stronger, not kill you.
Once you are stronger, you will be very well-loved as you are more confident with yourself. I tell you, oh, you are munching on cookies again, Twisties this time? Okay, pass me some. It really soothes a broken heart huh, munching and munching. Hence the explanation why I look like this now. *points to future present self*
What do you mean no one will love you?
Look at me, I am fat, I am definitely more than a few pounds overweight but I am loved and I feel loved, and I am very much capable of loving. Be at peace with yourself girl, and stop torturing yourself mentally.
Oh, is this year 2002-2003 yet? Let me tell you something girl, before the most beautiful rainbow appear, there will be rain and sometimes storm, right? Know that after 2003, our rainbow will appear and never go away for the longest time, hopefully till the end of time.
I know, cos I come from the future.
Is our husband anyone we know now... erm, if this is before mid-2003, nope.
But that shouldn't stop you from dating. Go out and date, such social experiences enrich our lives, just play safe and be safe when going out with strangers from the Internet okay?
Don't worry about our career - I think our love life is more messed up than our career, just follow your heart and do whatever we want!!! Yeah~ gimme five.
~Ciao~
-- end of letter to early 20s Sue --
To my dating self (2003-2006)
Hello there!
No, you are not fat, you are thinner than how you will be in the future. hahahaha, laughs at self.
Who cares anyway, right? We've found a boyfriend! Oh, he is a keeper for sure!!!
If this is 2003, you are just out from a relationship, and nursing a broken heart, right? Yet another failure you say? Nah, it's just one of life's trials. We will go through it just fine.
What is the month now? Do you remember the guy who kept appearing at the top of your list on that online dating site we registered with just for fun? No, not the Korean guy or the Caucasian, the Chinese one - the Malaysian.
OH, you know him already by now? Did he email you? He did? lol, sssh, a secret on how to go past the 'paid membership' and him contacting us. *giggles*
Just a reminder that he is a real gentleman, okay, he never once asked us to forget about the ex, he even advised us to give that stupid ex a chance and listen to his side of the story when he knew we might have a chance together. He isn't selfish, that is for sure!
However, there is nothing we can do, that ex is our ex, and let him be. No more in our life, we can close that chapter now. We have got this 'new' guy now *giggles*
Oh, his voice is really musical isn't it? He actually held a concert for only you over the phone? Yeah, he has the nicest voice, the most handsome and soothing voice ever, if you can call a voice handsome.
'I knew I love you before I met you' rings true for us with this guy, huh? Loving someone before meeting him in real life.
Oh, is it 2004 already?
We finally became what we wanted to become, right? To meet people and do what we love most, to write, and get paid for it - we have been a journalist or reporter for the second year by now. And yes, we have uprooted from Borneo to Peninsular Malaysia including our cars across South China Sea, with our family trailing along. Yes, Sue, we are powerful, we moved the whole family over! muahahaha.
Have we met that guy yet? We have? Finally in person? Oh, by the road side!
The Internet is known as the Information Highway, hence meeting him via the Internet and finally in real life is like meeting him by the road side?
Yeah, literally by the road side near the traffic light. I got picked up by my future husband in his car by the road side.
Oh, mama is asking us to pursue our Masters while working? Go ahead and earn the Masters, it will come in handy. Don't worry about no time for dating, this sweet guy will still be there at the end of the two years.
Wedding plans? Don't worry about the pressure from our potential-in-laws - mama has her ways to put off the wedding date until after our Masters graduation.
We will be traditionally engaged first in 2006. Oh, just had our engagement now haven't we? This is the thinnest we have been in 5 years, hahaha.
Then we will have our wedding in 2007, you already know about that, okay, I can leave now. Bye!!!
-- end of conversation with dating self --
To my married self (5, 4, 3, 2 years ago) - saving a letter to my 2011 self in another blog post another time
One word - growth.
We are all still growing and growing with each passing moment. Embrace the moment and grow together with your man. Nothing is too difficult when you have each other by your side. There will be ups and down, and married life isn't always easy, but when it is shared, it is true that love will make it all worth while in the end.
Look at what we have and not what we lack, and the world will seem to be a more beautiful place.
-- end --
So today, after five short years together as husband and wife, I'd like to wish us happiness and joy.
Happy Anniversary to us, and may we live to a ripe old age together, side by side, happily and peacefully. May we grow old together, happily married like our grandparents before us, happy to say there is not a single divorce in our family so far, not as far as older generation is concerned anyway.
I am proud to be Mrs Lee. :) I love my husband very much and I know that he loves me very much too.
It is true when they say words alone cannot truly describe this emotion called love, and I consider myself long-winded and wordy. I will be lying if I say I can truly fully put into words just how much love I am feeling right now. It is simply too overwhelming and 'deep'. No fireworks, no sparks, no adrenaline rush that young love used to get at the beginning of infatuation stage. It is more of a 'peaceful' love, more like "I am finally at home" love. Still that does NOT really describe this feeling called love. SO Sue, you fail big time, you cannot describe LOVE!
P/S: A brief insight of how much he loves me can be found in the comment section in this particular blog post
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
FAMILY - The nucleus of every society
I love the photograph above which I have grabbed online, author/photographer unknown. The fingers/palm of the mother are similar to mine, chubby and stubby. :-) This is part of my visualisation in my daily reflection and hope that one day, our family of two will be three. Gotta keep the positive thoughts/feelings flowing!
This, and many other things and support I am grateful for in life at the moment kept me going in this journey of TTC (trying to conceive).
F- Father
A- and
M- Mother
I- I
L- Love
Y- You
We are not parents ourselves yet but hubby and I are lucky in the sense that we both have loving parents, complete sets, still alive and well. Not many have that privilege of having both sets of parents alive, and that is indeed a blessing.
We have to keep reminding ourselves not to lose sight of what we have in front of/beside us in pursuit of something we hope to gain but do not have yet. I guess 'letting go' is the start of a new beginning. My resolution is I shall resolve to not hold on too tightly to my 'goal' and live more in the present moment.
Come what may. Take a deep breath and have faith that everything will be alright in the end. Baby dust to all TTC couples.
Monday, 9 July 2012
Old Wives Tale? - That time of the month for women
Foreword: This is a blog post targeted at female and only females. Consider yourself warned, guys.
Ladies,
Unless you don't have a womb/uterus, in your 'child bearing years', we will usually have that inevitable month visit by our 'favourite aunt', hence the term AV (Auntie Visit), and many other variations of the Monthly Period (MP).
Of course there are exceptions to the monthly AV,
1. The girl hasn't come of age (nowadays girls as young as 8 starts menstruating)
2. Hormonal imbalance
3. Menopause
4. Pregnancy (yay! for me anyway as I'm trying to conceive)
5. removal/absence of womb
A young female is said to have reached menarche when she has her first menstrual cycle begin with the excretion of blood from her womb.
Quoted from wikipedia.org
Menarche is the culmination of a series of physiological and anatomic processes of puberty:
Attainment of a sufficient body mass (typically 17% body fat).
Disinhibition of the GnRH pulse generator in the arcuate nucleus of the hypothalamus
Secretion of estrogen by the ovaries in response to pituitary hormones.
Over an interval of about 2 to 3 years, estrogen stimulates growth of the uterus (as well as height growth, breast growth, widening of the pelvis, and increased regional adipose tissue).
Estrogen stimulates growth and vascularity of the endometrium, the lining of the uterus.
Fluctuations of hormone levels can result in changes of adequacy of blood supply to parts of the endometrium.
Death of some of the endometrial tissue from these hormone or blood supply fluctuations leads to deciduation, a sloughing of part of the lining with some blood flow from the vagina.
A specific hormonal signal for menarche is not known; menarche as a discrete event is thought to be the relatively chance result of the gradual thickening of the endometrium induced by rising but fluctuating pubertal estrogen.
The menstruum, or "flow," consists of a combination of fresh and clotted blood with endometrial tissue. The initial flow of menarche is usually brighter red than mature menstrual flow. It is often scanty in amount and may be very brief, even a single instance of "spotting." Like other menses, menarche may be accompanied by abdominal cramping.
Now this is a very interesting read on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstruation_and_the_origins_of_culture
Anyway, I am digressing.
Old wives tale as far as AV is concerned varies from culture to culture.
In Eastern/Asian culture, traditionally menstrual blood is treated as 'dirty' and 'filthy' and the implication of that perception is that women are severely restricted in their actions and freedom in daily life, traditionally of course.
Here are some random Old Wives Tales (OWT) I had been exposed to in the past - I won't say I agree with all of them, just sharing them and up to you to decide if there is any truth in these OWT:
(A) Well-being of the female herself -
1. Do not drink or consume icy drink/food, best if not chilled - warm food/drink are recommended during that time of the month. It is said that the 'cold' things we put into our bodies will result in blood clots and causes cramps, or in extreme cases, stop the menstrual flow for awhile then when it flows again, sometimes after a few days, it will come with a vengeance, painful cramps.
2. Avoid consuming acidic food, especially sour-tasting food like preserved plums prior to your AV. By 'prior', it can mean up to a week before your first day of MP. This is supposed to cause even more cramps and pain or sometimes even more bleeding.
3. Avoid washing your hair when you are menstruating.
By that, some even go to the extent of avoiding cold bath water or cold shower and only bathe with hot/warm water, careful not to wet their hair. The reason being it will 'stop' the menstrual flow as the temple of your head is like the main point in Eastern traditional medicine that affects your bodily function.
However I think the philosophy is that the female is 'weak' when she is losing blood hence this is supposed to 'protect' her from the cold energy from being transferred into her body. The Yin (cold) and Yang (hot). Doesn't apply to me as my "energy" is all messed up due to too much Western medical intervention in my attempt to conceive.
4. Eat 'warm' food, and food that encourages blood circulation towards the end of your MP to 'flush out' the remaining 'dirty blood'. Example of 'warm' food are anything cooked with ginger, including home-made ginger wine, even ginger tea (they even have it in packets/granules) is supposed to help ease the cramps and ease the flow of MP.
5. Keep your lower belly and your lower back warm. That is supposed to keep the blood circulation smooth and will ease your cramps.
And there are many more Food/drink you may or may not consume before, during and after your MP. End of well-being part.
(B) Taboo during MP
1. Females are considered 'unlucky' during that time of the month and should separately carry on her daily tasks and do not have any physical contact, especially with the males. So no intercourse during MP.
2. They cannot touch scared stuff on the altar of the ancestors are they are considered 'impure' during MP. Most Asian cultures forbid them from entering sacred worship places. Buddhism however, DOES NOT hold this belief and only treat this as a natural monthly phenomenon of excretion from female body. It is more of a cultural taboo and not a religious restriction.
3. Some cultures have some kind of practice in disposing the used sanitary towels/pads/napkins - some ethnic culture dictates that female must wash the towels clean before disposing of them and some do not wash them but just add some table salt in it before throwing them away.
Some even go to the extent of scaring young girls by saying some ghosts and evil spirits feed on menstrual blood and if they don't have enough, they will trace back to you by the scent of your blood and appear before you. I think the rationale behind this is hygiene. The rubbish/garbage disposal wasn't as efficient in the yester years hence washing the pads is a practice ingrained from the previous generation who used cloth pads/towels which are reusable before the advent of those with adhesive.
EVOLVING SANITARY PAD or TOWELS or NAPKINS
The sanitary pad/towels have evolved rapidly over the last 50 years. However, due to the disposable nature of the mass production catered to the majority of females, the traditional cloth sanitary pads are seeing a reemergence with their better and improved versions compared to their predecessors - the start up kit does cost a bomb, last I checked.
Despite them costing a bomb, I guess if you care about the environment and do not wish to contribute to more waste, going green and going back to natural towels/pads is the way to go... I just am not that 'moved' to purchase it yet. Don't flame me please.
I am not sure of old wives tales in other non-East Asian cultures. I welcome sharing/comments. Till the next month, hang in there, ladies!!
Ladies,
Unless you don't have a womb/uterus, in your 'child bearing years', we will usually have that inevitable month visit by our 'favourite aunt', hence the term AV (Auntie Visit), and many other variations of the Monthly Period (MP).
Of course there are exceptions to the monthly AV,
1. The girl hasn't come of age (nowadays girls as young as 8 starts menstruating)
2. Hormonal imbalance
3. Menopause
4. Pregnancy (yay! for me anyway as I'm trying to conceive)
5. removal/absence of womb
A young female is said to have reached menarche when she has her first menstrual cycle begin with the excretion of blood from her womb.
Quoted from wikipedia.org
Menarche is the culmination of a series of physiological and anatomic processes of puberty:
Attainment of a sufficient body mass (typically 17% body fat).
Disinhibition of the GnRH pulse generator in the arcuate nucleus of the hypothalamus
Secretion of estrogen by the ovaries in response to pituitary hormones.
Over an interval of about 2 to 3 years, estrogen stimulates growth of the uterus (as well as height growth, breast growth, widening of the pelvis, and increased regional adipose tissue).
Estrogen stimulates growth and vascularity of the endometrium, the lining of the uterus.
Fluctuations of hormone levels can result in changes of adequacy of blood supply to parts of the endometrium.
Death of some of the endometrial tissue from these hormone or blood supply fluctuations leads to deciduation, a sloughing of part of the lining with some blood flow from the vagina.
A specific hormonal signal for menarche is not known; menarche as a discrete event is thought to be the relatively chance result of the gradual thickening of the endometrium induced by rising but fluctuating pubertal estrogen.
The menstruum, or "flow," consists of a combination of fresh and clotted blood with endometrial tissue. The initial flow of menarche is usually brighter red than mature menstrual flow. It is often scanty in amount and may be very brief, even a single instance of "spotting." Like other menses, menarche may be accompanied by abdominal cramping.
Now this is a very interesting read on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstruation_and_the_origins_of_culture
Anyway, I am digressing.
Old wives tale as far as AV is concerned varies from culture to culture.
In Eastern/Asian culture, traditionally menstrual blood is treated as 'dirty' and 'filthy' and the implication of that perception is that women are severely restricted in their actions and freedom in daily life, traditionally of course.
Here are some random Old Wives Tales (OWT) I had been exposed to in the past - I won't say I agree with all of them, just sharing them and up to you to decide if there is any truth in these OWT:
(A) Well-being of the female herself -
1. Do not drink or consume icy drink/food, best if not chilled - warm food/drink are recommended during that time of the month. It is said that the 'cold' things we put into our bodies will result in blood clots and causes cramps, or in extreme cases, stop the menstrual flow for awhile then when it flows again, sometimes after a few days, it will come with a vengeance, painful cramps.
2. Avoid consuming acidic food, especially sour-tasting food like preserved plums prior to your AV. By 'prior', it can mean up to a week before your first day of MP. This is supposed to cause even more cramps and pain or sometimes even more bleeding.
3. Avoid washing your hair when you are menstruating.
By that, some even go to the extent of avoiding cold bath water or cold shower and only bathe with hot/warm water, careful not to wet their hair. The reason being it will 'stop' the menstrual flow as the temple of your head is like the main point in Eastern traditional medicine that affects your bodily function.
However I think the philosophy is that the female is 'weak' when she is losing blood hence this is supposed to 'protect' her from the cold energy from being transferred into her body. The Yin (cold) and Yang (hot). Doesn't apply to me as my "energy" is all messed up due to too much Western medical intervention in my attempt to conceive.
4. Eat 'warm' food, and food that encourages blood circulation towards the end of your MP to 'flush out' the remaining 'dirty blood'. Example of 'warm' food are anything cooked with ginger, including home-made ginger wine, even ginger tea (they even have it in packets/granules) is supposed to help ease the cramps and ease the flow of MP.
5. Keep your lower belly and your lower back warm. That is supposed to keep the blood circulation smooth and will ease your cramps.
And there are many more Food/drink you may or may not consume before, during and after your MP. End of well-being part.
(B) Taboo during MP
1. Females are considered 'unlucky' during that time of the month and should separately carry on her daily tasks and do not have any physical contact, especially with the males. So no intercourse during MP.
2. They cannot touch scared stuff on the altar of the ancestors are they are considered 'impure' during MP. Most Asian cultures forbid them from entering sacred worship places. Buddhism however, DOES NOT hold this belief and only treat this as a natural monthly phenomenon of excretion from female body. It is more of a cultural taboo and not a religious restriction.
3. Some cultures have some kind of practice in disposing the used sanitary towels/pads/napkins - some ethnic culture dictates that female must wash the towels clean before disposing of them and some do not wash them but just add some table salt in it before throwing them away.
Some even go to the extent of scaring young girls by saying some ghosts and evil spirits feed on menstrual blood and if they don't have enough, they will trace back to you by the scent of your blood and appear before you. I think the rationale behind this is hygiene. The rubbish/garbage disposal wasn't as efficient in the yester years hence washing the pads is a practice ingrained from the previous generation who used cloth pads/towels which are reusable before the advent of those with adhesive.
EVOLVING SANITARY PAD or TOWELS or NAPKINS
The sanitary pad/towels have evolved rapidly over the last 50 years. However, due to the disposable nature of the mass production catered to the majority of females, the traditional cloth sanitary pads are seeing a reemergence with their better and improved versions compared to their predecessors - the start up kit does cost a bomb, last I checked.
Despite them costing a bomb, I guess if you care about the environment and do not wish to contribute to more waste, going green and going back to natural towels/pads is the way to go... I just am not that 'moved' to purchase it yet. Don't flame me please.
I am not sure of old wives tales in other non-East Asian cultures. I welcome sharing/comments. Till the next month, hang in there, ladies!!
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Disney Princesses - little girls' dresses! - Pix mostly taken at Disney World, Orlando, Florida, USA
Aren't the dresses above simply gorgeous? They come in all sizes, from as small as 1-year-old up to 12, I think.
Why didn't they have them on sale when I was a little girl? *Goes all dreamy-eyed*
I remember my favourity was Princess Aurora's pink dress, not when it turned blue (by Merryweather, the youngest fairy godmother), but pink (turned by Flora, the fairy godmother who loves red/pink). The last scene where she was dancing with the prince in the ballroom with her dresses changing colour from pink to blue to pink and blue again made a lasting impression in my mind.
Besides these more elaborate gowns, they also have the 'cheaper'/affordably priced dresses, more like sun dresses with two straps, best for the hot Florida sun in Disney World, Orlando.
For the elaborate dresses, in terms of the actual dresses on sale, despite me loving the cartoon's pink Sleeping Beauty dress, I find that I prefer Snow White's gown as the colours are just so vibrant and eye-catching. I can totally see my daughter wearing that... em, if I am ever to have a daughter in the future, or if I have the chance to bring my two pre-teens god daughters to Disneyland/Disney World one day.
Even the Princesses have to practice a few poses like standing up, sitting down, especially the gracefully sitting down pose in between photoshoots to rest their poor feet. Example:
On closer look, however:
Do you notice the quill simply served as decoration and Princess Aurora (whom I ignored during my turn to take pix with her - you can read about that in the blog post entitled "Do You Believe in the Green Dragon?"), Sleeping Beauty was signing with a regular, normal pen, what a disappointment! lol Another Disney dream crushed, at that time, this slipped my mind, but now that I look at all the pix, it really is a dream crusher.
I really sound skeptical, don't I? Okay, I shall stop here before I tear down more illusions/dreams.
I shall end this with some of the pix of some really pretty princesses, big and small (taken from far):
There are the fairies (which we didn't check out at all) but I never watched the show but I know my god daughters do, and the line was terribly long, it had a 55-min-wait time when we came to the start of the line, and I settled for this pix instead:
Check out my other Disney blog posts under the label "Disney": http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/search/label/Disney
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Do you Believe in the Green Dragon? - Disney World, Orlando, Florida, USA
Yup, the entire Disney World is about the size of San Francisco city in California. Disney World is so huge that it is about twice the size of the island of Manhattan in New York.
Since I have more or less started to blog about our experience at Disney World, Orlando, Florida, (March 2012) at http://tinyurl.com/7h5rueq - here is a continuation of the narration, this time, I will talk about the Disney Princesses, there are so many of them, so I will start with the two earliest princesses in my own memory, so this is just a personal blogpost about these two Disney Princesses.
First of all, we have Snow White.
She is one of the earliest princesses in my memory, of her singing "A ah ah Ah ah" to the birds - you can see the clip here "A Smile and a Song":
I don't really like the intro to another song "One Day My Prince will Come" except maybe for that phrase itself. You can search on Youtube for the clip to see what I mean.
Up next is the Sleeping Beauty, she and Snow White, they are the earliest princesses in my memory. Amazing how animation was so advanced (thanks to Disney) even back when it wasn't even 1960 yet, huh?
As a little girl, I always remember that I cower in fear yet still watching repeatedly when Maleficent (the evil Queen) turned into a dragon (I think she's green) and Prince Charming fought his way through to rescue Sleeping Beauty, his beloved Princess Aurora.
The VCR my parents got played these cartoons, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc. over and over again, back when we did not have cable tv/paid subscription or even the Internet. I consider myself privileged, as my parents consider these 'edutainment' materials, hence I get to watch most of (read: ALL) the Disney cartoons back in the 1980s.
You can easily google up the wikipedia of the Disney Princesses, especially classics like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, but for the uninitiated, if I have to describe them in a single paragraph/sentence each:
Snow White
She is born a Princess and her mother died young and the King remarried, giving her a beautiful young stepmother, who unfortunately got jealous of Snow White's beauty (Skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony) and the hatred for Snow White grew after the King died, which in turn drove Snow White into the woods, into the home of the Seven Dwarves and a poison apple, deep sleep and a handsome Prince who then married Snow White and they lived happily ever after.
Sleeping Beauty
She is born the only daughter of a King and Queen who longed for a child for so long, however, her birth was cursed by an Evil Witch who predicted that when she is 18, her finger will be pricked by a spindle (to weave thread/cloths) and die - hence all the spindles in the kingdom were destroyed and she was raised by three fairy godmothers (who are good witches) in the woods - however when she turned 18, she fell in love with the prince and somehow the curse came true but the fairy godmothers helped her to NOT Die but fall into a deep sleep and the Prince came and kiss her and she awoke, and they got married and lived happily ever after.
Here is a 10-min-clip on Aurora singing in the forest and the Prince Charming attracted to her singing.
What do they share in common? There are many, being created by Disney, but I'd like to narrow them down to three
1. Both are princesses,
2. Both got someone who 'hated' them, motivated by jealousy, and
3. Both are singers, their beautiful singing mesmerised their potential husbands, who happen to be princes.
So my passion in music, and singing was mostly motivated by these cartoons.
Like seriously! I love to sing "A ahh ahhh" without real lyrics to the tunes (back when my English vocabulary was very limited as a multi-lingual little girl) with dreamy eyes whenever I think of these two Princesses.
Anyway, talking about the evil villains in Disney, I was amused when I was at Disney World. Disney World is divided into FOUR different theme parks and TWO water parks - the Princesses could be found mostly at Magic Kingdom (of which HK Disneyland was heavily based on).
At Magic Kingdom, Hubby and I took photographs of the princesses and with them - we queued up early and even then it took nearly an hour just for us to reach the Princesses in their 'rooms'/chambers.
We were the only 'dinkies' around, and Asians to top it off, the rest of the line were non-Asians and/or with children, or were just barely children (teenagers) themselves. 'Dinkies' are married couple with dual-income with no children. We are 'grown-children' - we have found each other via Disney love story, you can put it that way!
Three paragraphs on and I still haven't talked about the evil villains... I am too long-winded!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE GREEN DRAGON?
The first princess that you reach in the line was Sleeping Beauty in her pink costume.
I went up to her first for a pix, while hubby snapped a few pix with our camera, and then he joined me and the princess for another pix, so we can maximise the photos taken for such a long wait.
We were wearing matching Minnie and Mickey shirts we bought from HK Disneyland two years before, and it is not difficult to see that we are a couple.
Princess Aurora was really chatty and chatted me up with her Disney-character-mode - the conversation went like this (paraphrased from memory):
Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) hereafter referred to as SB: Is he your prince?
Me: Yes.
SB: Wow, you are so lucky to have found your prince.
Me: --- *silent*(continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
SB: Are you two married?
Me: Yes (continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
SB: Wow, did he save you from the Green Dragon?Did he save you from the Queen's Dragon? (this was after thinking about the conversation that I finally get what she meant) - at that moment, I thought I heard 'DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE GREEN DRAGON'?!? I nearly rolled my eyes if not for the cameras pointing at me.
Me: --- *silent* (continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
By then, she shut up and looked at the camera, I think she must be seething inside for this rude, stupid Asian woman who totally ignored her attempt at a conversation.
Then hubby joined us for a pix, and then we moved on to the next princess who were waiting just beside her 'chamber'.
Thinking back, I feel it is kinda funny and I do feel quite bad for ignoring that young lady who played Princess Aurora.
Here is the pix of me totally ignoring Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) - proof that I am no longer a kid who will believe these young ladies are really princesses - kinda take the 'magic' away, but hey, I am already past 30, you can't blame me!
You see how in the pix she was talking to me animatedly and I just looked straight on with a smile plastered on my face while totally ignoring her? Bad Bad Disney fan, i.e. me. *grins*
I will talk about Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast in the next blog post. They warrant another blog post. :)
Saturday, 17 March 2012
CONDITIONAL LOVE: Mommy I love you, thank you for buying me ice-cream.
"Mommy I love you... " that phrase made hearts melt.. but not the following phrase that comes with it - "Thank you for buying me ice-cream."
I couldn't help but chuckle softly and turned over to my right and sure enough hubby was suppressing a grin. The little boy of about 6 or 7 was walking with his mommy one fine evening in Singapore during our Sept 2011 trip, and we happened to be within earshot of the cute exchange.
If I remember correctly, children does not really 'love' or learn to love unconditionally until they have 'matured' into an adult, at least that is what my Psychology classes taught me last time during my undergrad years. Imagine you are born and everything revolves around you from infancy right up to childhood, and you cannot help but have this self-centered mind-set and imagine the rebellion when some 'sense of responsibility' were being forced upon these self-centered individuals who had everything served right up to their hands/mouth all these while, and then we have this thing called the rebellious teens. Not a surprise why they rebel, isn't it? They have been conditioned that way, and suddenly you are changing the rules? Kinda unfair if you ask me... lol, anyway, it's part of the growing pains.
I don't know, I don't have children myself, but I do have goddaughters, two of them and I love them to bits, I know they love me as their godmother but to what extent, I am not disillusioned, they love me for the gifts I supply on a regular basis, like more than a couple of times a year. Proof? They finally verbalised it, or rather, the elder girl, when I arrived at the airport and followed her parents (my friends) to pick her up from school, the first thing she said was "Mommy Sue, where is my birthday present?", it was her birthday a couple of years back. I think as children, they quantify love to the amount/total of gifts you give them?
Anyway, she is turning 11 this year and her sister, my younger goddaughter is turning 9, and I had a glimpse of what kind of teenagers they would grow up to the last time I saw them as I slept with them my entire trip there and we had some girly chat before going to sleep.
Hmmm.... let's hope their tween (pre-teen) years are prolonged and still keep the innocence around them, they still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, thanks to their mother, my good frend Audrey who wanted to provide/preserve the sanctity of a childhood in today's harsh world. Instead of a coin, Audrey gave her girls 5 bucks for each tooth under their pillow, *salute* I didn't even have any when I was a little girl!!!
Back to conditional love, it is quite disheartening to see that some children never grew out of their infancy, i.e. adults who are self-centered and hardly make the effort to expand their view/horizon. "Of course I love you, honey, you are so beautiful".... five or ten years later, they are no more beautiful or sweet anymore and they move on.
Infidelity aside, we have people who don't treasure relationships of any kind and for them, it all boils down to "how much is she/he of use to me and what does it matter to me?" Hence with these kind of people, friendship has an 'expiry date'. When they feel that you are of no more use to them, you are considered expired friends and they cease to even make effort to be friends with you anymore.
That, my friends, is called Conditional Love. Maybe not 'LOVE', Love, maybe conditional relationship. Nope, conditional ties is more like it, relationship takes a lot of work, so they just form ties that are easy to cut off after it has run its course.
I have learned to not really care about these 'children/kidults (kid+adults) who never grew out of their infancy' and their self-centered little world over the years. Of course that is learned through many bitter and painful experiences with such people whom you thought were your 'true friends'. Oh well, good riddance I guess. I have more like-minded people whom I call friends in later part of my life and there is nothing that I would change about them!
Here's a toast to maintaining a good relationship with as little conditions as possible! Happy relationships, everyone!!!
I couldn't help but chuckle softly and turned over to my right and sure enough hubby was suppressing a grin. The little boy of about 6 or 7 was walking with his mommy one fine evening in Singapore during our Sept 2011 trip, and we happened to be within earshot of the cute exchange.
If I remember correctly, children does not really 'love' or learn to love unconditionally until they have 'matured' into an adult, at least that is what my Psychology classes taught me last time during my undergrad years. Imagine you are born and everything revolves around you from infancy right up to childhood, and you cannot help but have this self-centered mind-set and imagine the rebellion when some 'sense of responsibility' were being forced upon these self-centered individuals who had everything served right up to their hands/mouth all these while, and then we have this thing called the rebellious teens. Not a surprise why they rebel, isn't it? They have been conditioned that way, and suddenly you are changing the rules? Kinda unfair if you ask me... lol, anyway, it's part of the growing pains.
I don't know, I don't have children myself, but I do have goddaughters, two of them and I love them to bits, I know they love me as their godmother but to what extent, I am not disillusioned, they love me for the gifts I supply on a regular basis, like more than a couple of times a year. Proof? They finally verbalised it, or rather, the elder girl, when I arrived at the airport and followed her parents (my friends) to pick her up from school, the first thing she said was "Mommy Sue, where is my birthday present?", it was her birthday a couple of years back. I think as children, they quantify love to the amount/total of gifts you give them?
Anyway, she is turning 11 this year and her sister, my younger goddaughter is turning 9, and I had a glimpse of what kind of teenagers they would grow up to the last time I saw them as I slept with them my entire trip there and we had some girly chat before going to sleep.
Hmmm.... let's hope their tween (pre-teen) years are prolonged and still keep the innocence around them, they still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, thanks to their mother, my good frend Audrey who wanted to provide/preserve the sanctity of a childhood in today's harsh world. Instead of a coin, Audrey gave her girls 5 bucks for each tooth under their pillow, *salute* I didn't even have any when I was a little girl!!!
Back to conditional love, it is quite disheartening to see that some children never grew out of their infancy, i.e. adults who are self-centered and hardly make the effort to expand their view/horizon. "Of course I love you, honey, you are so beautiful".... five or ten years later, they are no more beautiful or sweet anymore and they move on.
Infidelity aside, we have people who don't treasure relationships of any kind and for them, it all boils down to "how much is she/he of use to me and what does it matter to me?" Hence with these kind of people, friendship has an 'expiry date'. When they feel that you are of no more use to them, you are considered expired friends and they cease to even make effort to be friends with you anymore.
That, my friends, is called Conditional Love. Maybe not 'LOVE', Love, maybe conditional relationship. Nope, conditional ties is more like it, relationship takes a lot of work, so they just form ties that are easy to cut off after it has run its course.
I have learned to not really care about these 'children/kidults (kid+adults) who never grew out of their infancy' and their self-centered little world over the years. Of course that is learned through many bitter and painful experiences with such people whom you thought were your 'true friends'. Oh well, good riddance I guess. I have more like-minded people whom I call friends in later part of my life and there is nothing that I would change about them!
Here's a toast to maintaining a good relationship with as little conditions as possible! Happy relationships, everyone!!!
Monday, 18 July 2011
My First Letter to My Future Self - July 18, 2011
This is meant as a reflection, to write down my thoughts and also as a reminder of the frailty of human life.
Dear Sue (in the future),
I'm writing to you, my future self, at this point in time. Today is a cool, cloudy Monday, July 18th, 2011, and our fourth wedding anniversary on July 14th just came and went without much 'feeleefaalaa' - remember that's our favourite phrase for 'frills'? :-) *chuckles softly to self*
This is kinda cool, writing to you, my future self, we are the one and same person, and we share the same private joke. :o)
Okay, let's start the reflection. You know I always think that I can become like my mother and be happily married, have beautiful children who grow up to be successful, and have a fulfilling life. So far I have all that my mother has accomplished at her age now, the only thing lacking is a child. By the time she was my age, she already 'closed shop' and already popped out her third and youngest child. I know this kinda thing cannot be rushed or compared that way, but we are just humans, comparison is a sure thing to make sure our species advanced in life, so comparison is only natural.
Last Saturday, July 16th, I was waiting for my turn at the specialist clinic (gynae/BM: Klinik Pakar Sakit Puan) - the Bersih 2.0 rally/demonstration on July 9th, the week before caused all the doc's appointment to be pushed to last Saturday, a week after the rally. It took me a whole 5 hours just to return home after leaving home for my appointment, and the doc is only 10-min-drive away. Oh, the drive was okay a week after the rally.. it's the number of ladies waiting cos they are all cramped into one day due to the cancelled appointments, hence the long wait. -_-
So in that four and a half hours of waiting among all the other ladies waiting to see the very patient and gentle male doctor, I read my newspaper from cover to cover, and suddenly a deep sense of loss and emptiness engulfed me. Around me, were many baby bumps carried proudly by ladies in all stages of the trimester. Some are alone, some are accompanied by their partners. Of course there are some who are middle-aged and some who have flat tummies, but they are in the minority, including myself.
The deep sense of vacuum inside quickly overcame me and I find myself tearing up. First, sadness cos I'm still childless. Second, the feeling of blame came - at first I blamed life for being unfair (as usual), then the blame turned to myself - I started blaming myself for being useless for not being able to make my husband a father. I blamed myself for not being able to make my own parents a first-time-grandparents, I also started blaming myself for not being able to be a 'normal' woman, what's the use of being a woman, and being married, and not being able to conceive naturally? Geez.. it was a downward spiral down the dark abyss deep inside me, it's so scarily alone down there.
Then the last feeling came - self-loathe. I hated myself for being less-than-a woman for not being able to carry a baby inside me. Just as I thought it doesn't get worse than that, I actually felt the first drop of tear threatening to wash down my face. I folded my newspaper (which I was reading the second round anyway), and started turning to my mobile phone and started texting to share the magnamity of my feelings at that moment. I sent so many text messages (sms) that day, in that short 2-3 hours, that I think my girl friend didn't know what else to say and finally after awhile, they left me alone. Sorry girl friends, I didn't know what to do without distracting myself, or else I'll be this nutcase who's sobbing while reading the newspaper at the gynae's waiting lounge.
To cut a long story short, got back home, the heart still felt heavy. Then when I was walking through the door, my in-laws greeted me, they were staying with me for the past two weeks, with their grandson (eldest son's son, my hubby's nephew), who is also our godson. The 14-month-old toddler could barely stand up unassisted, so he crawled quickly towards me from across my tiny living room, with a big grin on his face, showing some of his half-grown teeth, and when he reached where I was standing, the little baby held on to my pants for support, stood up and looked up at me. Gosh, at that moment, I felt like crying in joy, I smiled instead. I held him up in my arms and it was as if a sudden force pulled me up from the dark abyss of my emotions just to see a child's unconditional smile at you.
It doesn't matter that he is not mine, at this point in life, I'm part of his world. And for that, I'm thankful. I count my blessings and opened my eyes a little bit more to the little things in life to be grateful for, and not to count our losses or emptiness so much. It is natural to be down sometimes, but with each down, there will be an up. So I'm hanging on. :-)
Yours truly,
Sue (2011)
post-script: The first comment on this blog, CS, is my husband. Thank you so much for reminding me of how much loved I am. Hugs.
Dear Sue (in the future),
I'm writing to you, my future self, at this point in time. Today is a cool, cloudy Monday, July 18th, 2011, and our fourth wedding anniversary on July 14th just came and went without much 'feeleefaalaa' - remember that's our favourite phrase for 'frills'? :-) *chuckles softly to self*
This is kinda cool, writing to you, my future self, we are the one and same person, and we share the same private joke. :o)
Okay, let's start the reflection. You know I always think that I can become like my mother and be happily married, have beautiful children who grow up to be successful, and have a fulfilling life. So far I have all that my mother has accomplished at her age now, the only thing lacking is a child. By the time she was my age, she already 'closed shop' and already popped out her third and youngest child. I know this kinda thing cannot be rushed or compared that way, but we are just humans, comparison is a sure thing to make sure our species advanced in life, so comparison is only natural.
Last Saturday, July 16th, I was waiting for my turn at the specialist clinic (gynae/BM: Klinik Pakar Sakit Puan) - the Bersih 2.0 rally/demonstration on July 9th, the week before caused all the doc's appointment to be pushed to last Saturday, a week after the rally. It took me a whole 5 hours just to return home after leaving home for my appointment, and the doc is only 10-min-drive away. Oh, the drive was okay a week after the rally.. it's the number of ladies waiting cos they are all cramped into one day due to the cancelled appointments, hence the long wait. -_-
So in that four and a half hours of waiting among all the other ladies waiting to see the very patient and gentle male doctor, I read my newspaper from cover to cover, and suddenly a deep sense of loss and emptiness engulfed me. Around me, were many baby bumps carried proudly by ladies in all stages of the trimester. Some are alone, some are accompanied by their partners. Of course there are some who are middle-aged and some who have flat tummies, but they are in the minority, including myself.
The deep sense of vacuum inside quickly overcame me and I find myself tearing up. First, sadness cos I'm still childless. Second, the feeling of blame came - at first I blamed life for being unfair (as usual), then the blame turned to myself - I started blaming myself for being useless for not being able to make my husband a father. I blamed myself for not being able to make my own parents a first-time-grandparents, I also started blaming myself for not being able to be a 'normal' woman, what's the use of being a woman, and being married, and not being able to conceive naturally? Geez.. it was a downward spiral down the dark abyss deep inside me, it's so scarily alone down there.
Then the last feeling came - self-loathe. I hated myself for being less-than-a woman for not being able to carry a baby inside me. Just as I thought it doesn't get worse than that, I actually felt the first drop of tear threatening to wash down my face. I folded my newspaper (which I was reading the second round anyway), and started turning to my mobile phone and started texting to share the magnamity of my feelings at that moment. I sent so many text messages (sms) that day, in that short 2-3 hours, that I think my girl friend didn't know what else to say and finally after awhile, they left me alone. Sorry girl friends, I didn't know what to do without distracting myself, or else I'll be this nutcase who's sobbing while reading the newspaper at the gynae's waiting lounge.
To cut a long story short, got back home, the heart still felt heavy. Then when I was walking through the door, my in-laws greeted me, they were staying with me for the past two weeks, with their grandson (eldest son's son, my hubby's nephew), who is also our godson. The 14-month-old toddler could barely stand up unassisted, so he crawled quickly towards me from across my tiny living room, with a big grin on his face, showing some of his half-grown teeth, and when he reached where I was standing, the little baby held on to my pants for support, stood up and looked up at me. Gosh, at that moment, I felt like crying in joy, I smiled instead. I held him up in my arms and it was as if a sudden force pulled me up from the dark abyss of my emotions just to see a child's unconditional smile at you.
It doesn't matter that he is not mine, at this point in life, I'm part of his world. And for that, I'm thankful. I count my blessings and opened my eyes a little bit more to the little things in life to be grateful for, and not to count our losses or emptiness so much. It is natural to be down sometimes, but with each down, there will be an up. So I'm hanging on. :-)
Yours truly,
Sue (2011)
post-script: The first comment on this blog, CS, is my husband. Thank you so much for reminding me of how much loved I am. Hugs.
Friday, 1 October 2010
Reflections on Turning 30
I'm turning 30 tomorrow, 2nd Oct 2010.
At first I feel that it will be just like any other past birthdays.. heck, for the rest of the world (except maybe my loved ones who are close to me) it is just another day in the calendar.
However, as the day drew near, especially in the past one week, I reflected on my life, and instead of feeling happy and contented, I became disturbed and yearning for all that I hoped to achieve and gain by the time I turn 30, but will never make it in time.
Hence, to put things in perspective, I am jotting down "Things I hope to do/get by 30 but I'm going to be late":
1. To climb up to Mount Kinabalu's Low's Peak (the highest peak founded by someone named Low, ironic eh?) -- okay.. I've been up to mid-mountain via a vehicle to snap pictures but that's it. Always told myself.. one of these days.. and before I know it, I'm already 30.
2. To at least start my PhD (doctorate degree).. okay, scrap the proposals for doctorate thesis, I am no where near starting my PhD, not with the change of career and direction in the past 3 years.. so nope.. maybe I should move the gauge to age 40.
3. To return to journalism/being a journalist - when I left full-time news desk journalism in 2005, I told myself I may return cos that is my first passion, writing and being a journalist. Now, I'm a lecturer.. but far from teaching journalism, I'm teaching marketing communication and Public Relations related stuff instead as I branched out to take Masters Corporate Communication in attempt to steer my career options (which is successful I guess). Talk about being off-tangent!
4. To return to Kuching, Sarawak, my hometown - when I left Sarawak in early 2004 to take up a job offer as a journalist in Kuala Lumpur (spurning a psychotic suitor in doing so.. but I was getting nearer to my future husband back then) -- I told everyone I will be back before they know it and take up my old job after I'm tired with the metropolitan city stress and all... 6 years on.. and coming to 30.. I think that is not going to happen anytime soon. My family has relocated to my current city.. so what's the point of going back to an empty family holiday home full time? Fate changes via our action.. so never say never.
5. To have my own child/children - By now, completed our 3rd year of marriage and entering our 4th year, you'd have guessed the many well-meaning questions.. "when are you gonna add on to your family, when are you gonna have a baby", or even the more direct one: "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" -- I have learned to smile and say, I wish.. and we're trying hard, the baby just won't come.. they are usually stumped by that. Our childless state is NOT by choice.. I guess the timing isn't right? Experienced a very emotional and painful episode on 09/09/2007 -- losing hope and losing a child is the worst and lowest point in my life so far, and yes, I'm still grieving but not giving up hope. Wish us luck and strength to get through this.
However, on a positive note I think I should add: "Things that I do have by 30, and glad I did", which should correspond with the above negative statements of regret:
1. I was a true 'go-getter' -- Seize the Day! - Even though I did not climb up to the Peak of Mount Kinabalu, the highest peak in South East Asia, I've climbed up significantly in my young adult life and have actually tried all the jobs I ever wanted to do (hence my facebook profile saying I've had too many ex-bosses to last me a lifetime).
Yeah.. by the time I came to my current job and they looked at my CV (resume), I was already jaded and have had enough. There isn't any regrets in particular in my career choice, from each place I joined (even for the shortest time), I found at least one good friend.
I think it's fate's way to link my affinity with my ex-colleagues, some of whom became my very close friends and confidantes. Love you all. I truly love my seize-the-day-spirit (which has toned down a bit now).. cos I was daring enough to make changes that most wouldn't. I feel that I've 'truly lived' my life before settling down for a quieter one. :-) No regrets.
2. I got my priorities right and I'm proud of it. Enough said. And of course, I am proud of my mature decision to invest my time and effort in my family and personal relationships instead of using that same time for something else.. PhD can always wait, but not people. Having lost my beloved grandpa in 2007 (Gosh, how I miss him!) I treasure my time with my family members even more than ever. You never know for sure what tomorrow will bring, we may be gone like a poof of the wind.. so cherish your loved ones today.
3. I loved my jobs and love my current job too - Yeah, journalism was my first love, I got published when I was 10, if I remember correctly, but sadly didn't keep that magazine.. but as I age, I find that my go-getter spirit brought me places I never imagined before and sometimes to situations I'd never dreamed myself being into, with positions and jobs I never anticipated.. I love every moment of it, sweet and bitter.. and I consciously choose to be in my current job, which I enjoy doing.. so I guess I'm blessed. :-)
4. I love Kuala Lumpur - Yes, Kuching will always be my hometown(city) and Sarawak will always be my homestate.. but now I consider Kuala Lumpur my home. This is where I 'grew up' again from a young adult to a mature adult, so to speak. Unless my husband and I have any drastic career changes that require us to move, I think this city will be my home for many more years to come... I can always go back to Kuching with the budget airlines and all, but things really have changed in life. I do make it a point to at least return once or twice each year cos I have two little reasons that are really important to me .. read point 5.
5. I have two goddaughters (born 2001 and 2003) and a new baby godson (born 2010). Life is fair if you know where to look. I may not have any birth children (my own flesh and blood), but I am called "Mami" by my girls, Rachel and Genevie since they could speak, and "Mama" by my new baby godson, Herman.
My girls are sisters born to my distant cousin/childhood friend while Herman is my nephew on my husband's side. Love them to bits. For now, my maternal instincts are sort of satisfied by me doting on my three godchildren. When one door closes to shut off the sunlight, somewhere, another window or door is open -- go towards the light and look at the positivity in things, no matter how difficult.
Hence, with this long blog post, here's a very Happy Birthday to me and I hope turning the big 3-0 isn't gonna make me more depressed or anything.. I wish myself strength and perseverence to make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I meet. Happy Birthday, Sue, have a great day. :-)
At first I feel that it will be just like any other past birthdays.. heck, for the rest of the world (except maybe my loved ones who are close to me) it is just another day in the calendar.
However, as the day drew near, especially in the past one week, I reflected on my life, and instead of feeling happy and contented, I became disturbed and yearning for all that I hoped to achieve and gain by the time I turn 30, but will never make it in time.
Hence, to put things in perspective, I am jotting down "Things I hope to do/get by 30 but I'm going to be late":
1. To climb up to Mount Kinabalu's Low's Peak (the highest peak founded by someone named Low, ironic eh?) -- okay.. I've been up to mid-mountain via a vehicle to snap pictures but that's it. Always told myself.. one of these days.. and before I know it, I'm already 30.
2. To at least start my PhD (doctorate degree).. okay, scrap the proposals for doctorate thesis, I am no where near starting my PhD, not with the change of career and direction in the past 3 years.. so nope.. maybe I should move the gauge to age 40.
3. To return to journalism/being a journalist - when I left full-time news desk journalism in 2005, I told myself I may return cos that is my first passion, writing and being a journalist. Now, I'm a lecturer.. but far from teaching journalism, I'm teaching marketing communication and Public Relations related stuff instead as I branched out to take Masters Corporate Communication in attempt to steer my career options (which is successful I guess). Talk about being off-tangent!
4. To return to Kuching, Sarawak, my hometown - when I left Sarawak in early 2004 to take up a job offer as a journalist in Kuala Lumpur (spurning a psychotic suitor in doing so.. but I was getting nearer to my future husband back then) -- I told everyone I will be back before they know it and take up my old job after I'm tired with the metropolitan city stress and all... 6 years on.. and coming to 30.. I think that is not going to happen anytime soon. My family has relocated to my current city.. so what's the point of going back to an empty family holiday home full time? Fate changes via our action.. so never say never.
5. To have my own child/children - By now, completed our 3rd year of marriage and entering our 4th year, you'd have guessed the many well-meaning questions.. "when are you gonna add on to your family, when are you gonna have a baby", or even the more direct one: "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" -- I have learned to smile and say, I wish.. and we're trying hard, the baby just won't come.. they are usually stumped by that. Our childless state is NOT by choice.. I guess the timing isn't right? Experienced a very emotional and painful episode on 09/09/2007 -- losing hope and losing a child is the worst and lowest point in my life so far, and yes, I'm still grieving but not giving up hope. Wish us luck and strength to get through this.
However, on a positive note I think I should add: "Things that I do have by 30, and glad I did", which should correspond with the above negative statements of regret:
1. I was a true 'go-getter' -- Seize the Day! - Even though I did not climb up to the Peak of Mount Kinabalu, the highest peak in South East Asia, I've climbed up significantly in my young adult life and have actually tried all the jobs I ever wanted to do (hence my facebook profile saying I've had too many ex-bosses to last me a lifetime).
Yeah.. by the time I came to my current job and they looked at my CV (resume), I was already jaded and have had enough. There isn't any regrets in particular in my career choice, from each place I joined (even for the shortest time), I found at least one good friend.
I think it's fate's way to link my affinity with my ex-colleagues, some of whom became my very close friends and confidantes. Love you all. I truly love my seize-the-day-spirit (which has toned down a bit now).. cos I was daring enough to make changes that most wouldn't. I feel that I've 'truly lived' my life before settling down for a quieter one. :-) No regrets.
2. I got my priorities right and I'm proud of it. Enough said. And of course, I am proud of my mature decision to invest my time and effort in my family and personal relationships instead of using that same time for something else.. PhD can always wait, but not people. Having lost my beloved grandpa in 2007 (Gosh, how I miss him!) I treasure my time with my family members even more than ever. You never know for sure what tomorrow will bring, we may be gone like a poof of the wind.. so cherish your loved ones today.
3. I loved my jobs and love my current job too - Yeah, journalism was my first love, I got published when I was 10, if I remember correctly, but sadly didn't keep that magazine.. but as I age, I find that my go-getter spirit brought me places I never imagined before and sometimes to situations I'd never dreamed myself being into, with positions and jobs I never anticipated.. I love every moment of it, sweet and bitter.. and I consciously choose to be in my current job, which I enjoy doing.. so I guess I'm blessed. :-)
4. I love Kuala Lumpur - Yes, Kuching will always be my hometown(city) and Sarawak will always be my homestate.. but now I consider Kuala Lumpur my home. This is where I 'grew up' again from a young adult to a mature adult, so to speak. Unless my husband and I have any drastic career changes that require us to move, I think this city will be my home for many more years to come... I can always go back to Kuching with the budget airlines and all, but things really have changed in life. I do make it a point to at least return once or twice each year cos I have two little reasons that are really important to me .. read point 5.
5. I have two goddaughters (born 2001 and 2003) and a new baby godson (born 2010). Life is fair if you know where to look. I may not have any birth children (my own flesh and blood), but I am called "Mami" by my girls, Rachel and Genevie since they could speak, and "Mama" by my new baby godson, Herman.
My girls are sisters born to my distant cousin/childhood friend while Herman is my nephew on my husband's side. Love them to bits. For now, my maternal instincts are sort of satisfied by me doting on my three godchildren. When one door closes to shut off the sunlight, somewhere, another window or door is open -- go towards the light and look at the positivity in things, no matter how difficult.
Hence, with this long blog post, here's a very Happy Birthday to me and I hope turning the big 3-0 isn't gonna make me more depressed or anything.. I wish myself strength and perseverence to make a difference in my life and in the lives of those I meet. Happy Birthday, Sue, have a great day. :-)
Sunday, 11 July 2010
New Godson!
My hubby and I got a new baby godson yesterday (10th July 2010). Little Herman was born to my hubby's elder bro and sister-in-law on 17th May 2010, coincidentally that's also the 25th birthday of my god brother from my mother's side of the family. Talk about serendipity.
Herman's parents travelled all the way from Singapore for the godson/godparenting ceremony with Herman's elder bro, Norman who is going to be 4 on 22nd July. I am not sure about others but for the traditional Chinese, the godparenting ceremony is still done the traditional way, with gifts exchanges and tokens, etc.
Back in my hometown, I already have two god daughters from my childhood friend/distant cousin Audery (Odri).. Rachel is nearly 9 and Genevie is already 7... how fast time flies! Three godchildren and nearing the third decade of my life.. I still do not have a little mini me yet.. crossing my fingers and pray it will happen soon!
Herman's parents travelled all the way from Singapore for the godson/godparenting ceremony with Herman's elder bro, Norman who is going to be 4 on 22nd July. I am not sure about others but for the traditional Chinese, the godparenting ceremony is still done the traditional way, with gifts exchanges and tokens, etc.
Back in my hometown, I already have two god daughters from my childhood friend/distant cousin Audery (Odri).. Rachel is nearly 9 and Genevie is already 7... how fast time flies! Three godchildren and nearing the third decade of my life.. I still do not have a little mini me yet.. crossing my fingers and pray it will happen soon!
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