One question I used to ask when I was still a school girl was Why can't female teachers in Malaysia wear pants to work?
I think it is some sort of a code of dressing left behind and still being practiced since the Colonial times. It has been more than 50 years since Independence, Malaysia. Time to relook and reconsider this dress code?
I remember fondly of the two years I spent as a Sixth Former in my pre-U days at St Joseph Secondary School in Kuching, Sarawak... The pride of La Salle in Borneo. The female teachers are allowed to wear pants.
The term who wears the pants also mean who is in control and have a say in deciding stuff so I guess not being allowed to wear pants may stem from a lack of gender equality as well. That is a whole different topic altogether so I won't delve into that.
But hello it is 2016 already ... Mengapa guru wanita tidak boleh memakai seluar panjang sebagai pakaian rasmi semasa bertugas?
With the fiasco on social media last year concerning our national Gold Medalist Gymnast Farah Ann Abdul Hadi who won six medals including two gold at the SEA games focusing on the V-line of her leotard instead of her gold victory speaks volumes about just how petty and archaic-thinking SOME of my fellow countrymen are. So I rest my case.
All opinions are expressed from my own personal view which you may agree or not agree but each to their own. I would like to clarify that I come from a family of Teachers and headmistress and principals. My baby sister is still a teacher in a government national school. So I do know what I am talking about. You don't have to agree. #peace
I have always dreamed of having a little girl. Heck, I even have two goddaughters, starting from 2011 when I was in my 20s, I love my little girls to bits, they are now in their early teen years and just so fate would have it, this year, 2014 my youngest goddaughter Zahraa is born in June, sharing this precious little pink bundle of sweetness with her parents is truly a blessing. So now I have 3 goddaughters.
So I guess life thinks I have got enough little girls to add colour to my life. And so we got a little boy of our own, our precious little boy born earlier last year, 2013... a complete surprise but a wonderful addition to our life.
When we were told we were having a boy, I will be lying if I say I was not a little bit disappointed. I have always wanted a little girl before I became a mother. SORRY SON, if you are reading this when you could read a few years down the line, please continue reading, come on. I love you son.
Gone were my dreams to wear my little girl in pretty nice dresses and with laces and frills and tie up her hair in cute ponytails or braid them, and wear matching outfit with my girl when we go out and feel so proud I have a mini me. Okay, now that I put it this way, it seems like my dream of having a little girl is purely for self-gratification to doll her up and to stroke my ego/pride, hahaha.
However, now that I don't have a little girl, I have found that having a little boy is a totally different wonderful experience that I have never even given a thought in most of my life up till 2013.
Sure, there is one extra stuff to take care of when you change the diaper, and the diaper rash can or cannot be worse than a little girl's, babies stuff aside... now that our little boy is a toddler and hitting his milestones... it is the little stuff that makes me smile and chuckle everyday.
Our son has this thing for wheels since he could sit up steadily by 6 months and would point at moving blades like fans and would use his finger pointer to move any wheels, be it luggage wheels stroller wheels, his miniature car/toy wheels, any wheel, he will be fascinated.
The moment he could master some vocals, he started making boom boom, ggggnggg ggnnggg sound from his throat. And now at 16 and a half months, he finally learns the proper raspberry pout with his lips and makes the brrrrrrrrrrr, engine revving sounds and it doesn't stop there, he will take anything and pretend it is steering wheel and turn, and when there is nothing for him to get hold off, he will clasp his fingers together and started turning his hands like they are wheels and 'pretend drive'. 16 freaking months old... and he cannot converse yet with his limited vocabulary but gggggnggg ggggng has been in his vocab since like he could respond to us, lol. He loves that word more than mama or papa!
And the brooooooom broooom doesn't stop there. We take baths together, I will be beside him while he plays with his cup and duckies and he will be making the revving sounds, entertaining himself while the shower sprinkles down. He splashes the water everywhere in bath, so it figures to take bath together because I will be wet anyway. Baths aside, and yes hubby and I both agree there is nothing to be ashamed of by the natural state of our birthsuits, our little boy is growing up fine and he has his preferences and gets all excited when his fav cartoon Rory the racing car is on... wheeels aside, he loves Olive the Ostritch and Fifi and the Flowertops as well, so I guess he is an all-rounder, or at least I hope he will be!
It is a delight to dress him up too!
After much searching, and boys outfit unfortunately are not as extensive as a girl's wardrobe... so it really was a much more gratifying success when I finally found nice outfits for my boy.
And yes, we can dress up in the same colour scheme and pose for pix. Our boy is quite the camera pleaser after 'the training' in front of the camera that he went through - crazy mama (me) snapped thousands of photos in his first months on Earth and yes it has slowed down to maybe a hundred pix or so a month now haha.
It is a delight to watch what new stuff he unleashes each day... he teaches us both to be better parents if we both listen and respond to his needs instead of vice versa. Patience is a virtue, yes, but patience can really save your life and sanity, we cannot rush things with our little ones, all in due time, and they will flourish when it is time, like a flower is supposed to be in bloom.
I guess we are in a comfortable relaxed environment now, just the three of us. I cannot imagine how life will be without our son, the laughter and cackles, how he grins and behaves playfully when he knows he did something funny and we are trying not to laugh. Even when we do get the rare night off for date night, both hubby and I would be talking about him and what he will say or do at the little things we stumble upon and when we finally picked him up, we are missing him more than ever... and he missing us. He knows we are his parents and he is our little boy. Nothing can change that.
A little girl suddenly appearing now as an addition into our family of three? hmm.... I won't say yes right away but I also won't say no. COME WHAT MAY... what will be, will be.
Even if we don't get a baby sister for our son, we are already complete as a family with his birth. Not to say another baby will not be as important or anything, a sibling will be a welcome addition in the family and love knows no bounds, so it will be a nice 'extension' of love and everything nice in life. And I don't support the notion of males being the more 'superior' gender and all, so I am gonna make sure our son never treats a female with anything but respect.
We love you so much baby boy, hugs and kisses. Thank you for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joys in ways we never imagined life would give us.
Love, Mama and Papa
June 30, 2014.
NOTE: *We have our baby son after nearly 6 years of marriage*
I really miss her now even when I am typing this alone in the living room while hubby is in the bedroom with our son... I miss her a lot.
I haven't really cried after she passed away. I actually have no regrets because I did my best for her and said all that I wanted to say... but I really miss her. I miss her it hurts so much everytime our boy cries and I wonder if it was his tummy hurting or his ear hurting, I wanted to call mommy and ask and I realised she is no longer here. When I saw how our life feels so empty because we are lacking that every two or three days phone call to mommy and say Hello to her in a sing-song manner.
I miss her belly laugh and how cheerful she seems whenever we talk, knowing very well we brought her happiness in her final years... I have no regrets I decided to hold on and started my mission to learn to love her, ... I have since truly loved another mother who isn't my own mother from the bottom of my heart, I deeply miss her.. the screen is blur now due to my tears... gosh, I miss mommy so much....
She will never see our son grow up. She will never see him take his first step, she will never hear him call her po po. If we have more children after our firstborn, she will never know... or maybe she knows from up there in Heaven because that is where she should be. With a heart that big, always selfless, she must be in Heaven now. Maybe she is polishing the Heaven's gates because she always said she will fall asleep if she just sit still doing nothing.
My birthday is coming soon... mommy celebrated my birthday three times with me last year... it was as if she knew she could not spend time with me anymore after last year, 2012.... she made longetivity noodles and cooked two eggs she dyed red for good luck and prosperity for me during my Chinese Lunar Birthday, then we had a great Karaoke dinner in a private room where she kissed me and gamely posed again for my sister to catch the kiss on replay... then on my actual birthday early October we had dinner with Pei in Kuching where we sought treatment for her tumours... three times, not once did we talk about death or dying... it wasn't until November when I was on unpaid leave, all alone with mommy that she asked me if she was really dying.
I still remembered what I told her... I answered yes to that but when she asked me how much longer she has, I replied that not even the doctor could predict because if the doctor said a few months but she could live a few years then the doctor is lying, and if the doctor said a few years but then she passed away in a few months, then the doctor is lying as well. I kept telling her to be positive and everything will be okay in the end. From May 2012 of final stage cancer... she only passed away on March 19, 2013, 10 months of surviving final stage cancer. She is one strong fighter, our mommy. Just in time for our son to celebrate his 30th day full moon day... mommy's passing away anniversary will always be our son's age minus 30 days.
Mommy, wherever you are, your spirit lives on in us... I shall tell my son about you and what a great grandmother you are, an ordinary woman with great achievements in human values.
I miss you, and I still love you, my only mother-in-law.
xoxo
Sue
Pix of mommy making her famous yong to fu for one last time before she was too weak to stand up in 2012 *miss her and her cooking and everything about her*
Read this and found it useful, hence I am sharing here on my blog:
TWENTY THINGS A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER SON
1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.
2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.
4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.
5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.
6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.
7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.
8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.
9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.
10. Take pride in your appearance.
11. Be strong and tender at the same time.
12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.
13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.
14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.
15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.
16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.
17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.
18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.
19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.
20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.
This is Mama's second letter to you, by the time this blogpost is published, it should be March 10, 2013, this is your uncle's birthday, your maternal grandmama who is mama's mama, said, hopefully my first grandchild will be born on the same date as my son (your uncle). You see your uncle is Mama's younger brother, and he was born today many years ago, it should be swell if you two can celebrate your birthdays together.
Of course, your godmommy Pei wants you to be born on March 5, her birthday, we shall see when you decide to pop out.
I have a feeling if this is a leap year, and you are like me, always wanting to be different and trying new dares, you would have chosen to pop out on Feb 29, but alas, 2013 has no Feb 29. So my precious baby, come out anytime you are ready, Mama and Papa are just waiting... we have been waiting for nearly six years for you. A few more days should not be a problem (although each passing second is full of anticipation and jitters).
May you be a healthy happy baby, my precious one.
Mama and Papa love you very much. Always remember that.
The date this blog post is scheduled is March 5, 2013, this date is your godmother's birthday, Auntie Pei whom you are should call Mommy Pei when you start talking later.
Mommy Pei used to tell me, your Mama, that she hopes you will be born today, on this date so you two can share the same birthday and celebrate together, that is so sweet.
By the time this post appears on Mama's blog, you should have been born already unless you are one of those babies who love to delay and take your own sweet time to make your debut in this world.
Your mama is in jitters already... at first it was euphoria and excitement that Mama and Papa will be parents, finally! You don't know how much we anticipate your arrival, oh my precious baby.
Then after the initial excitement is over, your Mama started worrying about so many things it is tiring. Like really keeping her awake.
What if you don't like Mama? What if Mama doesn't like you and it is not love at first sight?
What if Mama doesn't have what it takes to be a good mother? What if you bond with Papa more than Mama (selfish motherly thought)?
What if you cry and Mama doesn't know what to do? What if you fall sick and what Mama does only made it worse and it doesn't get better? What if a slight mistake in parenting affect your whole future?
So many 'What If's, only time will tell... so my dear baby, less than two more months and counting... it is mid January 2013 as I am typing this to you... by the time this blog post is published, you should be in my arms already.
I love you so much my baby. So does your Papa, both sets of grandparents, godmommy Pei, godmommy Val and goddaddy Eric. Know that you are much loved even before you are born.
Love,
Your Mama
p/s- after nearly six years of trying and dealing with stress of infertility, our family is nearly complete, just when we least expect it -- hope to celebrate our 6th anniversary with the three of us. :-) Our little Ray of hope is finally here.
2013 is at the door... REMEMBER life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, love truly and unconditionally, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!
(Excerpt from a modified text message/SMS)
May the coming year be one with peace and harmony for the world.
Signing off,
Sue, Dec 31, 2012.
Pix below is in memory of an amazing woman, Nobel Prize winner Rita Levi-Montalcini. RIP Rita!
I am listening to my favourite Japanese song, Tegami, google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君 which tells of a story of how a 15-year-old found it hard to live on in life and wrote a letter to her future self and her future self actually replied.
Here is another letter to myself. You can read about my previous letter here. Or just click on 'letters' on the labels menu for all the letters I've written, more like open letters, I'm an open book anyway. :-)
Dear Sue (myself) who just got married in 2007,
You should still be grieving for the loss of our little one (RIP 09092007) who did not even have the chance to be born and breathe his/her first breath of life... the pain is raw, especially in the first four years, but trust me, by 2011, you can talk about it calmly without shedding a tear. The sadness is still there, but I guess we just get stronger as time passes.
I know by now, end Oct, you feel like life is ending for you, you are blaming everyone and most of all, we blamed ourselves, and lashed out at the closest person, our darling husband, bless his kind soul. He is not a man of many words and yes, he is a loving man, despite his lack of sensitivity, he will surprise us, dear Sue, yes, I never knew love has no limit, I love him now even more than when I first married him. Guess this is what love is all about, not bound by any limit?
No, we don't have a kid yet five years plus from now, the pregnancy test kit is still showing the single line of negative. Trust me, all the months of trying and disappointment is a 'training' for us to be stronger and face what lies ahead of us. What you may ask? I didn't see the answer back then but now I can tell you this:
With the many happenings in my life right now, example - this, I find that my husband and I (and generally the whole family and everyone linked to us socially), are growing by leaps and bounds especially when it comes to self-reflection, character-reflection, changes in life's outlook (thoughts and opinions) and I can sum it up with one phrase: we all learn how to be true humans. My mother-in-law taught us all that.
In the past, in healthier times, our mother-in-law would do all she could, cook, clean, care, cook, clean care, she repeats all these with a fervent desire to give the very best to her loved ones, she does not discriminate even if it is a stranger asking for a glass of water at her gate, or the last customer to arrive when she was about to pack up and go home when she was selling cakes and delicacies called "kueh" (gway), sweet stuff she made and I was told her generosity extended to the extent she literally gave away free "kueh" at the end of the day.
There is not a single thought of greed in this noble woman, not a single shred of selfishness, she is truly selfless and only live to serve others. Some more materialistic people may think this is foolish, but over the years, the short five years I have been her daughter-in-law, I began to see things from her point of view.
You don't lose anything just by being helpful and generous, instead, you gain satisfaction and you gain more by giving.
Our mother-in-law truly embraced the meaning of giving unconditionally, loving unconditionally, she found joy in serving others.
I plan to write a book on her and I have started a bit on that, starting with this blogpost, I shall take November off from work and accompany her, be by her side wherever she goes, and I shall start typing away on my laptop, I shall remember to save everything and back it up on my thumb drive just in case my laptop fail me. I shall ask her questions if I am stumped, but that won't be much, I remember almost everything, every little story, every anecdote she told me since I first called her "Auntie" in 2004, up till now, I call her "Mommy". I guess every woman who talks a lot remembers a lot too as we relate and repeat the stories to one another.
My summary is:
In the past one and a half months, coming to two months, I have learned and still learning the art of living from this admirable woman I call my mother-in-law.
She is a simple woman, some may even call her one of the simple country-folk, a typical housewife, but to everyone whose lives she touched, she is more than that! She is the epitome of the perfect woman, virtuous, God-fearing (she believes in the Goddess of Mercy and surrenders her fate to Her), generous, always putting others before Self (she has truly learned the art of mastering "Anatta", Buddhism teaching for no-self, no-ego), even in the past two months, her learning curve is pretty steep and she has actually perfected her character and started to let go a lot! I feel like she is almost a saint, my mother-in-law!
To the Sue five years ago,
I know you feel like life is at the bleakest now, especially when you yearn so much for a child and have him/her taken so suddenly away from you, it is rough on darling hubby too, but let me tell you this, if we have a cute adorable five-year-old now, we cannot do what we are doing now. We cannot grow as much as we are growing now (not growing fat, but growing up).
Darling hubby is growing up too, we are actually more mature and we are learning new things everyday, the meaning of what it truly means to be human.
It is simple, no religious incantations, no prayer, just one word: "ACCEPTANCE".
Remember how we used to ask: WHY? Why me? Why now? Why not?
Now I know why and I tell you this:
Everything happens for a reason. Whatever that happens, no matter how bad, it must be good. There is always hope in despair. Even when the going gets tough, the tough always get going. Yeah, I know, cliche but they are all TRUE!
Why are we still childless? The way I look at it, it is because we are meant to be serving this noble woman who have always put others before herself. How can we fully concentrate in caring for our beloved mother-in-law if we have a toddler or two towing along? We will feel bad if we neglect our kid(s) to care for an elderly, knowing our motherly instinct!
It is as if the jigsaw puzzle pieces are coming together and I can finally see the whole picture, mommy (yeah, we call her mommy now, we truly love her now, you know), mommy needs us to be by her side, and we are willing to be by her side and THANK GOODNESS we are childless now. It is a blessing in disguise. We are still in our early 30s, Sue, we can still try. Mommy needs us now. We shall be strong, child(ren) can wait.
It is a chance denied to many, to care for the elderly and repay all their love for us. I feel blessed, so hang in there. All will end well in the end. Have faith!
Yours lovingly,
Sue (Oct 27, 2012)
If you wish to read more, follow these in chronological order:
Since they are already published anyway, just sharing these if you have a few minutes to spare:
Read this first:
http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/10/third-letter-to-my-yo
unger-self-tegami.html
I admit I still have a lot to learn and I am still trying to improve on my manners, speech and thoughts. Sorry if I have offended anyone with my direct speech sometimes, and my hormonal emotional outbursts especially when I was younger and just newly married to the Lee family.
My reflection on mommy's illness started the second day after I found out (Dr Catherine told me at just before 5pm on Sept 5, 2012) - a snapshot of my 'journey' and what I have learned the past one month plus:
As a Buddhist, I reflect on death. We talk about death quite often, we even have a reflection on death and one of the three important teachings: Dukkha, Anicca, Anatta, the element of impermanence (Anicca) is reminding us humans to reflect on the impermanence in life, with life, it starts with birth, and it will surely end in death. Death is inevitable!
As Christians and other Creator-God-theological teachings will say, God gives us life and He shall take it back and we return to Him one day. I took catechism classes for six years (shorter than my own mom who went to church all the way till she was 19, she is also a Buddhist, we mother and daughter became Buddhists in 1993) and I remember the teachings. Going to church before classes on a weekly basis and praying "Our Father" the first thing before classes, making the cross sign and then end it with "Glory Be" at the end of the day before school ends. In between we gave thanks to the Lord for the food we are about to receive and then one more prayer of thanks for the food we savoured during break/recess. It is a good discipline, a discipline to be Thankful for what we have.
My mother-in-law has been warded for more than two weeks now. Her spirits are high, and she is battling cancer. No details on that but here is something worth sharing:
This morning I talked to my MIL and she said she is okay in accepting death. She knows about her own body condition.
She even said: I have no regrets. I feel blessed already. If my time is here, I am ready to go.
I stayed the night with her and saw her sleeping peacefully... as per my tweet at @suetiong. I worried for awhile then I meditated and calmed down. This woman has gone through a lot, she is a survivor even without cancer. How can a small thing like cancer hold her back? That's when I muster enough courage to ask her the next morning when we both woke up and having breakfast and she calmly replied to all my "what if" questions. It is as if she has been expecting this talk and we both acted very naturally. It felt like a sacred moment.
Then she shot me this question: Tell me, did doctor say I am dying?
I replied without missing a beat spontaneously: Mommy, everyone will die one day, it is just a matter of time. Doctor did not say you are dying, nor did she say you are not dying. With cancer, which you know already you have, it is extremely hard to say, it can be big or small, dangerous or otherwise very fast. If doctor says you are dying and you did not die, then she would be lying, if the doctor says you are not dying and you died, then we would be saying she is lying, so it is not black and white.
She kept quiet and nodded, saying it made sense.
Then we joked and talked about light-hearted matters and recalling her past happy memories.
When we were going for radiotherapy, she in wheel chair and me beside her, she told me this: "Sue, thank Goodness for you. Having you around (since the beginning) ease my fears and I am not scared when you are around."
That's enough thanks, I don't hope for anything, only a peaceful mind for her till the end. I will love her all the way till the end and beyond.
I have truly accepted the truth, and I am thankful for each passing moment, each minute that we have together, quality time. She as my mother-in-law and me as her daughter-in-law, a special bond no one can take away from us.
In conjunction with my birthday in 2012, I decided to change my hair from straight to curly so I permed my hair.
I know I made a vow not to straighten my hair anymore this year so this is a good change I guess, haha, this is relatively maintenance free, as long as I have the mousse or the gel or whatchamacallit to keep the curls in place and make them bouncy. My hairstylist called this method 'air perm', don't ask me why, haha. I was so happy it didn't cross my mind to ask why is it called 'air'.
Anyway, hubby doesn't really like it a first but I guess that is because I have never permed my hair in my adult life. It takes some time to get used to changes.
I found this gem of a duet of two talented South Koreans (one is American Korean):
The conductor can really sing!!! However, I am more wowed by the lady, American-born Rose Jang, daughter of a National Seoul University graduated who then pursued his doctorate at Princeton University and finally settled down with his family in the USA. Quote from her biography:
"Princeton-born Rose Jang is an acclaimed award-winning Korean-American pop opera artist who is well-known for singing operatic arias, musical and classic pop songs."
A very private person online, I cannot get much personal information in English about American born Rose Jang, but I gathered if she was 30 in 2009, (as quoted in one news report), then she must have been born in 1979. That's all I gathered. The rest are polished background info easily found online.
I love her voice and her whole persona. I noted that in 2011 in an interview in Korea (most recent video I could find online) - she has put on quite a bit of weight, more like water retention on her face and arms. Her voice is still splendid nonetheless.
The other classical cross-over singer I like is Hayley Westenra. She's in her 20s now and has been singing since she was a little girl, then blossomed into a wonderful teen with a big voice.
I hope Rose Jang and the New Zealander Hayley can perform a duet some day, or maybe Rose may attempt a cover of Nella Fantasia or the English version with lyrics penned by Hayley herself - Whispers in a Dream as embedded below:
It is only viewable on desktop/laptop but not on mobile.
There are many more talented ladies (and even little girls) in this genre. Usually they dislike it when you refer to their genre as poppera or popera (pop+opera), so classical cross-over it is!
If you haven't checked out this genre before, search for these two names on youtube, and there are scores of many more like Sarah Brightman, Katherine Jenkins, Celtic Women, and oh, the ever so adorable Jackie Evancho (- there are many more you just need to discover them as it will do no good to list them out one by one!
