Dearly Departed

I struggle to find the right words for this blog post.

It has been 9 years since my grandpa passed on and 3 years since my mother-in-law passed on. Sometimes tears come. Sometimes the heart just feels numb. Memories are highlighted in fragments. You find yourself keep reliving the memories, good and bad over and over again, and you catch yourself looking on with nostalgia at old photographs.

The desperate clinging on to every single memory that you can keep in mind is further reinforced by the clinging of the few possessions that you still keep.

I panicked when the blouse I kept with mommy's scent lost its scent when I reached out to it and smelt it after so long... I tried imagining the smell is still there but it is just gone.. another part of mommy lost...but the smell is committed into memory.

I still call my late mom-in-law "Mommy". I still call my grandpa "Gong Gong".

I was sitting down in Singapore one day and I whiffed a scent of his favourite Brylcream haircream and I half expected him to be near me. Instead I saw an old man of Chinese descent, dressed in a similar style as Gong Gong, only he is much younger than Gong Gong's 95 years, yet just seeing that old man is like seeing an apparation of Gong Gong and I could not help but rudely stared for quite some time until I tried to hide my stare and started to peek... The feelings that surfaced were so strong I felt like crying in joy at such familiar memories and crying in sadness cos I deeply miss him.

Sometimes you miss a departed loved one so much your heart felt like it would burst. Sometimes you feel angry that their time is so short and you wish for just one more day with them to spend more time with them just to hear their voice again and to feel their touch and just to see them again in person. Like me, sometimes I wonder what if they are still alive. Will my son's life be different and be better shaped just because he could meet his grandma and greatgrandpa? Alas, that will remain a big What If. It is just not meant to be.

Such is the attachment we have to our dearly departed... Life goes on... but we are just too emotionally fragile sometimes and it is okay to miss them and let the tears fall once in awhile.

RIP May we find solace that our loved ones have departed to a peaceful, happier place.

 Image grabbed from Lotus Flower Project

AFTER AWHILE

After awhile,
Time heals,
Hearts may soften,
But some harden,
Minds are fixed,
Memories distorted,
All seen through rosy lenses,
Or perhaps still buried in bitterness,
Seeing things through a tinted blurry window pane.

After awhile,
Why peace still eludes the world?
Senseless destruction
of humankind and nature
Warped thinking
Bent on twisted mindset
Still...


After awhile,
Does it matter?
Yes, then do something about it.
No, then say nothing about it.
Enough negativity in the world...

After awhile,
Some lose
Some win
Some gain
Some let go
Others indifferent
Some care till the end.

After awhile,
Children grow,
People age,
Some pass on,
Life goes on.

~ Been awhile... Sue Sept 11, 2014

Papparich Service Terrible... Sucks doesn't even begin to describe it

Never thought my year-end post will be like this but here goes, LONG POST AHEAD, and I am still fuming hot!

Papparich Service Terrible

We arrived to a busy restaurant. A slight delay is unavoidable so we were prepared to wait half an hour or so... who knows it took an hour plus for our tummy to be filled. We are 4 adults and a baby. We took our seats with a 10-month-old baby. Asked for high chair before we sat down. Purposely went to the counter in front to ask. In the end we, one has to search for a baby chair ourselves. Sat down. No menu. Had to walk to get it ourselves. Pressed button many times.
Filled form. We submitted our form before the Indian customers two tables away. They haven't even arrived when we submitted the order form.
Indian customers get their drinks first. We waited patiently. Half an hour later no drinks.
Table 69 that is us grew hungry and impatient.
They forgot our order.
Even the table that arrived later than the Indians (no racism intended) got their drinks.

Then one person got her meal 45 minutes after ordering. Second person got her meal 15 mins later. Then last two waited till the other two nearly finished. I finished my drink and ordered another one. It never came.

Went to pay immediately after finishing the very late last two meals as baby is growing restless after more than an hour there.

Thirsty as my second drink never arrived. Messed up my order and brought wrong drink I didn't order.
Manager a Chinese, asked cashier to give 15% discount with no service tax. Cashier gave 8% discount. Then rectified and gave 15% discount but charged service tax for lousy service.had to leave fast as baby was crying. What's the point of saying won't charge service tax and give discount but in the end charge also. Liar.
The men laughed at me when I said I was thirsty. Manager even laughed and offered my drink that never arrived saying cheng lei yam. I said I dont feel like it anymore and he snickered. I then raised my voice and said why so funny. Kenapa ketawa. No one said sorry for snickering at my complaint. Said sorry for service. Can simply laugh at people. I never said any bad words or swear. Simply unprofessional. Pappa rich Sri Rampai near my house is way better than this Sunway Pyramid outlet.
I demand a proper apology for bad service cheating me of a promised discount and for laughing at a customer. I am deeply offended and disappointed.

Receipt number 428606 Saturday Dec 21 2013

Exact complaint lodged at Papparich official website tonight

P/s - Yes, of course they gave me hot water while waiting for my baby's bottle, and yes, they did offer me air kosong, plain water after I asked at the cashier when paying - don't you have water? Kamu tidak ada air kosong ka? More than 5 times. FIVE FREAKING TIMES and MORE.

Missing Someone Who Will Never Come Back

A breath away is not far to where you are....

I miss my late mother-in-law.

I really miss her now even when I am typing this alone in the living room while hubby is in the bedroom with our son... I miss her a lot.

I haven't really cried after she passed away. I actually have no regrets because I did my best for her and said all that I wanted to say... but I really miss her. I miss her it hurts so much everytime our boy cries and I wonder if it was his tummy hurting or his ear hurting, I wanted to call mommy and ask and I realised she is no longer here. When I saw how our life feels so empty because we are lacking that every two or three days phone call to mommy and say Hello to her in a sing-song manner.

I miss her belly laugh and how cheerful she seems whenever we talk, knowing very well we brought her happiness in her final years... I have no regrets I decided to hold on and started my mission to learn to love her, ... I have since truly loved another mother who isn't my own mother from the bottom of my heart, I deeply miss her.. the screen is blur now due to my tears... gosh, I miss mommy so much....

She will never see our son grow up. She will never see him take his first step, she will never hear him call her po po. If we have more children after our firstborn, she will never know... or maybe she knows from up there in Heaven because that is where she should be. With a heart that big, always selfless, she must be in Heaven now. Maybe she is polishing the Heaven's gates because she always said she will fall asleep if she just sit still doing nothing.

My birthday is coming soon... mommy celebrated my birthday three times with me last year... it was as if she knew she could not spend time with me anymore after last year, 2012.... she made longetivity noodles and cooked two eggs she dyed red for good luck and prosperity for me during my Chinese Lunar Birthday, then we had a great Karaoke dinner in a private room where she kissed me and gamely posed again for my sister to catch the kiss on replay... then on my actual birthday early October we had dinner with Pei in Kuching where we sought treatment for her tumours... three times, not once did we talk about death or dying... it wasn't until November when I was on unpaid leave, all alone with mommy that she asked me if she was really dying.

I still remembered what I told her... I answered yes to that but when she asked me how much longer she has, I replied that not even the doctor could predict because if the doctor said a few months but she could live a few years then the doctor is lying, and if the doctor said a few years but then she passed away in a few months, then the doctor is lying as well. I kept telling her to be positive and everything will be okay in the end. From May 2012 of final stage cancer... she only passed away on March 19, 2013, 10 months of surviving final stage cancer. She is one strong fighter, our mommy. Just in time for our son to celebrate his 30th day full moon day... mommy's passing away anniversary will always be our son's age minus 30 days.

Mommy, wherever you are, your spirit lives on in us... I shall tell my son about you and what a great grandmother you are, an ordinary woman with great achievements in human values.

I miss you, and I still love you, my only mother-in-law.

xoxo
Sue

Pix of mommy making her famous yong to fu for one last time before she was too weak to stand up in 2012 *miss her and her cooking and everything about her*

30 DAYS... THE BEGINNING AND THE END

Why is Life like this? Because it just is

Well, life throws some things that we may be unprepared for but usually nothing is greater than a loss, a loss of material things, loss of dream, loss of a dear relationship or a loss of life (death) of someone who know or even hold dear to our heart.

Yeah, death is inevitable. In between birth and death there is life and like a candle lit in the wind we never know when life will be snuffed out. We are just passing through this journey called life. 

In the past half a year alone, birth, illness, death have happened to many including myself. Just the past one month alone, people I know have witnessed the birth of their child, lost a child... Life lost so young RIP little angel, lost a pregnancy when your belly is growing with your anticipation, one got married, another broke up, And had someone dear falling ill (my prayers are still with you) and lost someone very dear to the other side, more than once sometimes in a short span of time. 

Such is life.

Celebrate life with its ups and downs.

However, life isn't all thorns without roses. Without these we won't appreciate the transient stuff because everything isn't permanent. Without the bitter we can never enjoy the sweet.

We will learn to treasure the present moments with our loved ones. 

Live like it is your last day on earth isn't cliche, it is very true. We don't even know what is going to happen the next moment so what right we have to claim that we have everything under control?

With birth there is death. It is what we make of the 'dash' in between that matters. What matters when you are lying down on your dying bed? Think about it and do something to reduce your regrets at the end of the day.

Stop the rat race and pause to enjoy the roses sometimes. Life is too short, too fleeting. Say I love you to your loved ones. Smile. Peace.

Pix by Jessica Coppadge, an admirable woman with strength and wisdom