The best seafood in Kuantan that I have tried so far is in this seemingly deserted-looking restaurant in Kuantan. Beserah Sea Food Restaurant along the beach at Kampung Batu Hitam Kuantan.
Don't follow the GPS location found via Google as apparently someone sabotaged the Google pin location and both directions we followed lead us to two different places right in front of Residential homes homes.
The best guide is to locate the Beach near Batu Hitam or its competitor PAK Su restaurant just a few doors away. It is right beside the restaurant Sajian De Alam.
We sat at the table looking over the beach. With such good food it should be full house on any given day.
Each dish is a winner in its own right. Like one reviewer on trip advisor said which prompted me to try out Restoran Beserah Seafood Restaurant each dish is a standalone success.
Even my husband who is currently on a vegetarian diet enjoyed the fried broccoli which is really fragrant and also the homemade tofu as well as the omelette. I tried the recommended by many online Salted egg butter squid.. OMG.. The aroma when it was served made me salivate immediately. When you place it in your mouth it is like... WOW... This is a little taste of heaven.. This is how you fry your squid!!! No rubbery feeling not too dry just nice and fragrant with curry leaves and even my toddler enjoyed it lots!
Do give this a try. Price is really reasonable starting from RM20 for the smallest portion for two of salted egg squid.
BESERAH SEAFOOD RESTAURANT
OPENING HOURS 12NOON TILL 10PM
KAMPUNG BARU HITAM BESERAH
26100 Kuantan Pahang
MALAYSIA
Now, I have got many 'usuals' that is rather confusing isn't it?
ONE THING which hasn't been 'usual' lately is posting on this blog.
I would like to say I have been busy. But then again, like exercise, busy isn't a good excuse and not blogging isn't really excusable if I wanna call myself a blogger isn't it?
2015 is dawning.
Made a resolution to start a book on my late Mother-In-Law (MIL) when she passed in 2013, yes I started on that. It is still a work in progress... the emotions are still raw when the pages are flying... when I typed. Tears and chuckles as I relived those moments and putting them into words.
Made a resolution in 2013 when I had my son to quit putting so much emphasis on my career and focus more on my family, yes, I did... for awhile, and now I am guilty of putting more emphasis on my career now that he is nearly 2.
Made a resolution early 2014 to work out more... that is a failure. However, I have been walking a lot and usually walk minimum 5000-10,000 steps a day depending on the day.
In my mid-30s now, and life has been kind so far. Perhaps I am more mellow and less demanding, all in the mind, I guess.
Lost many good souls this year including my godfather... and a dear friend, and accompanied the last journey of a friend's dad... and the impending death of a dear family friend... and news of death of little ones as well, one known to a personal friend of mine.. life is just so so short... too brief, too fleeting. This year has seen me trying to make my mark, trying to make a difference knowing just how limited the years we have on Earth, some called me bold because I made some rash but necessary decisions, but so far no regrets. I don't mull over my own decisions.
But I am still learning how to let go of some past wrongs done to me, I am only human, it may take years to forgive and more years to forget.. my heart is still hurting and the memories still fresh, so pardon my being weak in the flesh in my human form as I still bear some serious grudges. May take some time for me to be Enlightened to truly let go of these human traits.
At the end of the day, no amount of money is ever going to be enough without one precious thing = Contentment. No life is going to be complete without one thing = Love. No one is ever going to be truly happy without joy of giving and being truly happy for others without feeling bitter or jealous. Saintly words? Saints were humans like you and me too. Enough of wars and conflict and also ridiculous politics campaigning for the trivial issues while neglecting the real issues in this world. We need more WORLD PEACE and ditch the feeling of superiority over another living being.
So another year has gone. We shall see how next year will be. As long as we are still breathing, life is good, the best has yet to come. If I don't post till next year, have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year 2015.
p/s - Heck I just realised I have a tag/label called year end registered.. so this is really a yearly blog post come every year end. Enjoy the rest of 2014 everyone. *Peace*
I have always dreamed of having a little girl. Heck, I even have two goddaughters, starting from 2011 when I was in my 20s, I love my little girls to bits, they are now in their early teen years and just so fate would have it, this year, 2014 my youngest goddaughter Zahraa is born in June, sharing this precious little pink bundle of sweetness with her parents is truly a blessing. So now I have 3 goddaughters.
So I guess life thinks I have got enough little girls to add colour to my life. And so we got a little boy of our own, our precious little boy born earlier last year, 2013... a complete surprise but a wonderful addition to our life.
When we were told we were having a boy, I will be lying if I say I was not a little bit disappointed. I have always wanted a little girl before I became a mother. SORRY SON, if you are reading this when you could read a few years down the line, please continue reading, come on. I love you son.
Gone were my dreams to wear my little girl in pretty nice dresses and with laces and frills and tie up her hair in cute ponytails or braid them, and wear matching outfit with my girl when we go out and feel so proud I have a mini me. Okay, now that I put it this way, it seems like my dream of having a little girl is purely for self-gratification to doll her up and to stroke my ego/pride, hahaha.
However, now that I don't have a little girl, I have found that having a little boy is a totally different wonderful experience that I have never even given a thought in most of my life up till 2013.
Sure, there is one extra stuff to take care of when you change the diaper, and the diaper rash can or cannot be worse than a little girl's, babies stuff aside... now that our little boy is a toddler and hitting his milestones... it is the little stuff that makes me smile and chuckle everyday.
Our son has this thing for wheels since he could sit up steadily by 6 months and would point at moving blades like fans and would use his finger pointer to move any wheels, be it luggage wheels stroller wheels, his miniature car/toy wheels, any wheel, he will be fascinated.
The moment he could master some vocals, he started making boom boom, ggggnggg ggnnggg sound from his throat. And now at 16 and a half months, he finally learns the proper raspberry pout with his lips and makes the brrrrrrrrrrr, engine revving sounds and it doesn't stop there, he will take anything and pretend it is steering wheel and turn, and when there is nothing for him to get hold off, he will clasp his fingers together and started turning his hands like they are wheels and 'pretend drive'. 16 freaking months old... and he cannot converse yet with his limited vocabulary but gggggnggg ggggng has been in his vocab since like he could respond to us, lol. He loves that word more than mama or papa!
And the brooooooom broooom doesn't stop there. We take baths together, I will be beside him while he plays with his cup and duckies and he will be making the revving sounds, entertaining himself while the shower sprinkles down. He splashes the water everywhere in bath, so it figures to take bath together because I will be wet anyway. Baths aside, and yes hubby and I both agree there is nothing to be ashamed of by the natural state of our birthsuits, our little boy is growing up fine and he has his preferences and gets all excited when his fav cartoon Rory the racing car is on... wheeels aside, he loves Olive the Ostritch and Fifi and the Flowertops as well, so I guess he is an all-rounder, or at least I hope he will be!
It is a delight to dress him up too!
After much searching, and boys outfit unfortunately are not as extensive as a girl's wardrobe... so it really was a much more gratifying success when I finally found nice outfits for my boy.
And yes, we can dress up in the same colour scheme and pose for pix. Our boy is quite the camera pleaser after 'the training' in front of the camera that he went through - crazy mama (me) snapped thousands of photos in his first months on Earth and yes it has slowed down to maybe a hundred pix or so a month now haha.
It is a delight to watch what new stuff he unleashes each day... he teaches us both to be better parents if we both listen and respond to his needs instead of vice versa. Patience is a virtue, yes, but patience can really save your life and sanity, we cannot rush things with our little ones, all in due time, and they will flourish when it is time, like a flower is supposed to be in bloom.
I guess we are in a comfortable relaxed environment now, just the three of us. I cannot imagine how life will be without our son, the laughter and cackles, how he grins and behaves playfully when he knows he did something funny and we are trying not to laugh. Even when we do get the rare night off for date night, both hubby and I would be talking about him and what he will say or do at the little things we stumble upon and when we finally picked him up, we are missing him more than ever... and he missing us. He knows we are his parents and he is our little boy. Nothing can change that.
A little girl suddenly appearing now as an addition into our family of three? hmm.... I won't say yes right away but I also won't say no. COME WHAT MAY... what will be, will be.
Even if we don't get a baby sister for our son, we are already complete as a family with his birth. Not to say another baby will not be as important or anything, a sibling will be a welcome addition in the family and love knows no bounds, so it will be a nice 'extension' of love and everything nice in life. And I don't support the notion of males being the more 'superior' gender and all, so I am gonna make sure our son never treats a female with anything but respect.
We love you so much baby boy, hugs and kisses. Thank you for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joys in ways we never imagined life would give us.
Love, Mama and Papa
June 30, 2014.
NOTE: *We have our baby son after nearly 6 years of marriage*
I really miss her now even when I am typing this alone in the living room while hubby is in the bedroom with our son... I miss her a lot.
I haven't really cried after she passed away. I actually have no regrets because I did my best for her and said all that I wanted to say... but I really miss her. I miss her it hurts so much everytime our boy cries and I wonder if it was his tummy hurting or his ear hurting, I wanted to call mommy and ask and I realised she is no longer here. When I saw how our life feels so empty because we are lacking that every two or three days phone call to mommy and say Hello to her in a sing-song manner.
I miss her belly laugh and how cheerful she seems whenever we talk, knowing very well we brought her happiness in her final years... I have no regrets I decided to hold on and started my mission to learn to love her, ... I have since truly loved another mother who isn't my own mother from the bottom of my heart, I deeply miss her.. the screen is blur now due to my tears... gosh, I miss mommy so much....
She will never see our son grow up. She will never see him take his first step, she will never hear him call her po po. If we have more children after our firstborn, she will never know... or maybe she knows from up there in Heaven because that is where she should be. With a heart that big, always selfless, she must be in Heaven now. Maybe she is polishing the Heaven's gates because she always said she will fall asleep if she just sit still doing nothing.
My birthday is coming soon... mommy celebrated my birthday three times with me last year... it was as if she knew she could not spend time with me anymore after last year, 2012.... she made longetivity noodles and cooked two eggs she dyed red for good luck and prosperity for me during my Chinese Lunar Birthday, then we had a great Karaoke dinner in a private room where she kissed me and gamely posed again for my sister to catch the kiss on replay... then on my actual birthday early October we had dinner with Pei in Kuching where we sought treatment for her tumours... three times, not once did we talk about death or dying... it wasn't until November when I was on unpaid leave, all alone with mommy that she asked me if she was really dying.
I still remembered what I told her... I answered yes to that but when she asked me how much longer she has, I replied that not even the doctor could predict because if the doctor said a few months but she could live a few years then the doctor is lying, and if the doctor said a few years but then she passed away in a few months, then the doctor is lying as well. I kept telling her to be positive and everything will be okay in the end. From May 2012 of final stage cancer... she only passed away on March 19, 2013, 10 months of surviving final stage cancer. She is one strong fighter, our mommy. Just in time for our son to celebrate his 30th day full moon day... mommy's passing away anniversary will always be our son's age minus 30 days.
Mommy, wherever you are, your spirit lives on in us... I shall tell my son about you and what a great grandmother you are, an ordinary woman with great achievements in human values.
I miss you, and I still love you, my only mother-in-law.
xoxo
Sue
Pix of mommy making her famous yong to fu for one last time before she was too weak to stand up in 2012 *miss her and her cooking and everything about her*
Don't sweat the small stuff because at the end of the day they will become bigger than you'll ever know without you having to do any worrying.
We remember people who have passed on because of the little things and little stuff that got stuck in memory. Today I was reminded of another memory of you, mommy, because of these tomato cherries.
I was walking down the aisle of the supermarket searching for the ingredients to make salad for Sunday lunch and then I spotted the tomato cherries. In a flash, I remembered what you told me about picking these red round ones, mommy. Thanks for the lesson I will never forget, little things like how to select the sweetest cherries and avoid the sour ones.
You are sorely missed nearly four months on... The best mother-in-law one can ever hope for. RIP.
Read this and found it useful, hence I am sharing here on my blog:
TWENTY THINGS A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER SON
1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.
2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.
4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.
5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.
6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.
7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.
8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.
9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.
10. Take pride in your appearance.
11. Be strong and tender at the same time.
12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.
13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.
14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.
15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.
16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.
17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.
18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.
19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.
20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.
The date this blog post is scheduled is March 5, 2013, this date is your godmother's birthday, Auntie Pei whom you are should call Mommy Pei when you start talking later.
Mommy Pei used to tell me, your Mama, that she hopes you will be born today, on this date so you two can share the same birthday and celebrate together, that is so sweet.
By the time this post appears on Mama's blog, you should have been born already unless you are one of those babies who love to delay and take your own sweet time to make your debut in this world.
Your mama is in jitters already... at first it was euphoria and excitement that Mama and Papa will be parents, finally! You don't know how much we anticipate your arrival, oh my precious baby.
Then after the initial excitement is over, your Mama started worrying about so many things it is tiring. Like really keeping her awake.
What if you don't like Mama? What if Mama doesn't like you and it is not love at first sight?
What if Mama doesn't have what it takes to be a good mother? What if you bond with Papa more than Mama (selfish motherly thought)?
What if you cry and Mama doesn't know what to do? What if you fall sick and what Mama does only made it worse and it doesn't get better? What if a slight mistake in parenting affect your whole future?
So many 'What If's, only time will tell... so my dear baby, less than two more months and counting... it is mid January 2013 as I am typing this to you... by the time this blog post is published, you should be in my arms already.
I love you so much my baby. So does your Papa, both sets of grandparents, godmommy Pei, godmommy Val and goddaddy Eric. Know that you are much loved even before you are born.
Love,
Your Mama
p/s- after nearly six years of trying and dealing with stress of infertility, our family is nearly complete, just when we least expect it -- hope to celebrate our 6th anniversary with the three of us. :-) Our little Ray of hope is finally here.
It is mommy's birthday today, my MiL is 62 today, Jan 24, 2013... we cried last year when we thought she couldn't make it beyond 2012 or even live to see age 62, but now here she is, a living miracle.
Pix below shows mommy today, wearing her new hat to cover her balding head. She actually is clinically improving. We are glad she is still with us.
We don't dare to look too far ahead, we don't dare to speculate, we take one step at a time now and count our blessings every single day, thank you for the prayers and good thoughts sent her way!
I may be stressed but if I compare the things that are stressing me out, others may have it worse than me, so I am blessed to be stressed by these things;
I may be irked with whatever or whoever now but others may have it worse than me, so I am blessed to be irked by them now, I know it could be much worse;
I may be aware of the growing fine lines on my face, but I have a face to look back at me when I look into the mirror, and I am comfortable in my skin, and for that I am grateful;
I may be fatter than those thinner than me but I am healthy (relatively) and fine, and I have all my faculties complete, mental, physical and emotional, I can walk with my fat calves, My stubby fingers are able, and I am me for all that I am worth;
I may feel lost or unloved but ultimately if I am not loving myself enough, how can another love me when I myself deem myself worthy of my own love?
I look back and count my blessings, I look around now and count my blessings and with a heart full of gratitude, I remind myself that I am grateful for all that has been bestowed upon me;
I may stumble in life and have low period of mood, but ultimately I have always picked myself up no matter how hard it was, and this time around, I can do it too!
There is a reason I am still alive, and until the day I really die, there is still a reason I am alive. Sometimes there are more than one reason, so REMEMBER THAT!
Sue* Jan 17, 2013.
Pix taken in April 2012, at Orlando, Florida, USA.
A post to commemorate 12.12.12, Dec 12, 2012, a Wednesday.
On this special date, a unique occurrence in our Gregorian calendar, many couples tie the knot and have their wedding today, some plan to deliver their baby today, maybe some plan to depart this world today? I don't know.
For me, I am counting my blessings and the living miracle in the form of my mother-in-law, she defies all odds and she is still alive today despite the bleak prognosis from doctor of her end-stage cancer.
Each day is a gift, an extension from the estimated end, we are living in the moment and taking it a day at a time, each day with her is a blessing. She is alert and can carry conversations with us. We feel blessed she is still with us. I know this means a whole lot to hubby and all at home, it means a lot to me too. We treasure and cherish each moment together.
There is always a silver lining in the clouds and through each obstacle and challenge the lessons gained are truly priceless, whatever doesn't break you makes you stronger. Yeah, I have found out that adage is true.
The past few months have been full of turmoil. Yup, it has been a bumpy ride with emotional roller coaster where we nearly lost Mommy three times but she pulled through each time.
We are all the same yet not exactly the same inside compared to a month ago, a week ago, a day ago... we are ever so growing and learning with each passing day, we are progressing spiritually and growing stronger inside, building our mental strength.
I like who I have become now compared to the me a month or two ago. More resilient and actually 'calmer', yeah, I surprised myself that I can actually be so calm. Conquered my fear of needles as we took turns to administer the jabs twice daily, we hardly cringe now when we see blood and pus oozing out from her sores, and they are improving much to our relief, we faced the Truth and open communication really opens many doors with closed doors, we learned to let go a whole lot and found that by doing so we are able to receive more blessings.
It is true that we don't ever stop learning in life. I am thankful for everything I have and look forward to everything I will ever have in life. Gratitude and humility go hand in hand. Happy 12.12.12 everyone!
Random pix below shows the newest addition to our aquarium/tank, meet Pearly the puffiest, roundest Goldie ever!!!
I was taking a video of the congregation of Catholic devotees praying while facing the Mother Mary image that appeared since last Friday, Nov 9, 2012 at Sime Darby Medical Centre, Subang Jaya, Malaysia, when another lady, Blonde haired, blue-eyed, a rare view of Caucasian in this predominantly Asian society, came up beside me and snapped a photo as well.
Her name is Tina, I introduced myself first as Sue and shook her hand and she gave me her name. Apparently this middle-age pretty lady is a teacher at an international school and she was visiting her colleague, a Canadian lady who is battling breast cancer which has spread to the bones.
Tina was actually heading to the opposite direction to wait for her husband to pick her up, unbeknownst to me, yet our short five-minute-conversation drew her towards my direction, heading to the parking lot.
Our conversation went like this (mind you we are complete strangers and I still don't know her last name):
Tina: I am a Christian and I believe in God but to grasp on to such an image, I just cannot believe it.
Sue: Yeah, when the world gets too tough, people tend to look for hopes in all the places, something to cling on to with the hope their prayers will be answered.
Tina: Exactly! They ask me, "Don't you believe in God? I said, "Yes, I believe in God but not like this."
At this point I kept my camera phone and I walked towards the opposite direction Tina was heading. That was when I extended my hand in friendship and said "I'm Sue" and she was taken aback before taking my hand and muttered "Tina", I had to ask for her name again so I can hear it clearer (early deafness in my ears *shudder*).
Tina: So you are here to visit a patient?
Sue: My mother-in-law is sick. She has cancer, terminal stage. (I didn't answer if I was there visiting or just getting meds or any other reason as that is immaterial).
Tina: I am here to visit my friend too. She has breast cancer, had both her breasts removed and now it has spread to her bones and she is refusing all treatment from the doctor. We went out for a movie last week and she was still fine and now she is back to the hospital as she has been vomiting.
Sue: Why is she refusing treatment?
Tina: She says she believes in the alternative healing and she goes for acupuncture and herbs which she believes really help her. She says she refuses to believe she will die of cancer. She quoted her own mother who removed one breast many years ago and now at 80, she is still alive, so she will be like her own mother, she said she will not die of cancer.
I shook my head while I think back of many personal experiences of people dealing with death and went into serious denial as that is their coping mechanism.
Sue: That is serious denial.
Tina: Yes, she is in denial. She is beyond counseling and we all know she is stubborn. She says she is planning to go back to Canada because that is where she is from, but not now because she cannot get all the alternative treatment there. She will only go back to die. And she believes she is NOT dying.
Sue: Of course we hope she will recover, there are cases where willpower creates miracles but if her condition deteriorates which they usually will, since her cancer has already spread, she will no longer be fit for a long plane ride back to Canada soon! Didn't anyone tell her that?
Tina: She is stubborn. If you tell her to fly back to Canada now that is like telling her you will die for sure. And she cannot get her treatment there (alternative healing) which she believes is helping her get better.
Sue: That is a difficult situation. Does her family know. Didn't they talk to her?
Tina: Yeah, they know. But she is stubborn. She hasn't even named the beneficiary of her EPF (Employees Providence Fund).
Sue: Is she married to a local then? How old is she?
Tina: No, she is single. She's 52. There's quite a lot in her EPF which she plans to give to her mother.
Sue: 52, So young. But someone's gotta go to her and 'shake her' to let her see the reality of the situation?
Tina: Yeah. I am going to talk to my colleagues at the international school.
I was about to pay for my parking fees when I motioned Tina to pay hers but then she realized she is way off her route.
She asked me how to get out from there to the entrance and I pointed her out.
In a spontaneous gesture, just like how I first extended my hand in friendship, Tina muttered "Thank you for the chat, you are so strong to care for another person" and she extended both her arms, wide open, and we hugged. I said "This can happen to anyone regardless of race. Cancer is very common nowadays. Good luck (with your friend)."
We smiled genuinely at each other, and I can never forget Tina's clear sky-blue-eyes.
Then we parted ways. Two strangers who crossed path just because we love taking photos with our phones. Nov 16, 2012, Friday.
I am listening to my favourite Japanese song, Tegami, google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君 which tells of a story of how a 15-year-old found it hard to live on in life and wrote a letter to her future self and her future self actually replied.
Here is another letter to myself. You can read about my previous letter here. Or just click on 'letters' on the labels menu for all the letters I've written, more like open letters, I'm an open book anyway. :-)
Dear Sue (myself) who just got married in 2007,
You should still be grieving for the loss of our little one (RIP 09092007) who did not even have the chance to be born and breathe his/her first breath of life... the pain is raw, especially in the first four years, but trust me, by 2011, you can talk about it calmly without shedding a tear. The sadness is still there, but I guess we just get stronger as time passes.
I know by now, end Oct, you feel like life is ending for you, you are blaming everyone and most of all, we blamed ourselves, and lashed out at the closest person, our darling husband, bless his kind soul. He is not a man of many words and yes, he is a loving man, despite his lack of sensitivity, he will surprise us, dear Sue, yes, I never knew love has no limit, I love him now even more than when I first married him. Guess this is what love is all about, not bound by any limit?
No, we don't have a kid yet five years plus from now, the pregnancy test kit is still showing the single line of negative. Trust me, all the months of trying and disappointment is a 'training' for us to be stronger and face what lies ahead of us. What you may ask? I didn't see the answer back then but now I can tell you this:
With the many happenings in my life right now, example - this, I find that my husband and I (and generally the whole family and everyone linked to us socially), are growing by leaps and bounds especially when it comes to self-reflection, character-reflection, changes in life's outlook (thoughts and opinions) and I can sum it up with one phrase: we all learn how to be true humans. My mother-in-law taught us all that.
In the past, in healthier times, our mother-in-law would do all she could, cook, clean, care, cook, clean care, she repeats all these with a fervent desire to give the very best to her loved ones, she does not discriminate even if it is a stranger asking for a glass of water at her gate, or the last customer to arrive when she was about to pack up and go home when she was selling cakes and delicacies called "kueh" (gway), sweet stuff she made and I was told her generosity extended to the extent she literally gave away free "kueh" at the end of the day.
There is not a single thought of greed in this noble woman, not a single shred of selfishness, she is truly selfless and only live to serve others. Some more materialistic people may think this is foolish, but over the years, the short five years I have been her daughter-in-law, I began to see things from her point of view.
You don't lose anything just by being helpful and generous, instead, you gain satisfaction and you gain more by giving.
Our mother-in-law truly embraced the meaning of giving unconditionally, loving unconditionally, she found joy in serving others.
I plan to write a book on her and I have started a bit on that, starting with this blogpost, I shall take November off from work and accompany her, be by her side wherever she goes, and I shall start typing away on my laptop, I shall remember to save everything and back it up on my thumb drive just in case my laptop fail me. I shall ask her questions if I am stumped, but that won't be much, I remember almost everything, every little story, every anecdote she told me since I first called her "Auntie" in 2004, up till now, I call her "Mommy". I guess every woman who talks a lot remembers a lot too as we relate and repeat the stories to one another.
My summary is:
In the past one and a half months, coming to two months, I have learned and still learning the art of living from this admirable woman I call my mother-in-law.
She is a simple woman, some may even call her one of the simple country-folk, a typical housewife, but to everyone whose lives she touched, she is more than that! She is the epitome of the perfect woman, virtuous, God-fearing (she believes in the Goddess of Mercy and surrenders her fate to Her), generous, always putting others before Self (she has truly learned the art of mastering "Anatta", Buddhism teaching for no-self, no-ego), even in the past two months, her learning curve is pretty steep and she has actually perfected her character and started to let go a lot! I feel like she is almost a saint, my mother-in-law!
To the Sue five years ago,
I know you feel like life is at the bleakest now, especially when you yearn so much for a child and have him/her taken so suddenly away from you, it is rough on darling hubby too, but let me tell you this, if we have a cute adorable five-year-old now, we cannot do what we are doing now. We cannot grow as much as we are growing now (not growing fat, but growing up).
Darling hubby is growing up too, we are actually more mature and we are learning new things everyday, the meaning of what it truly means to be human.
It is simple, no religious incantations, no prayer, just one word: "ACCEPTANCE".
Remember how we used to ask: WHY? Why me? Why now? Why not?
Now I know why and I tell you this:
Everything happens for a reason. Whatever that happens, no matter how bad, it must be good. There is always hope in despair. Even when the going gets tough, the tough always get going. Yeah, I know, cliche but they are all TRUE!
Why are we still childless? The way I look at it, it is because we are meant to be serving this noble woman who have always put others before herself. How can we fully concentrate in caring for our beloved mother-in-law if we have a toddler or two towing along? We will feel bad if we neglect our kid(s) to care for an elderly, knowing our motherly instinct!
It is as if the jigsaw puzzle pieces are coming together and I can finally see the whole picture, mommy (yeah, we call her mommy now, we truly love her now, you know), mommy needs us to be by her side, and we are willing to be by her side and THANK GOODNESS we are childless now. It is a blessing in disguise. We are still in our early 30s, Sue, we can still try. Mommy needs us now. We shall be strong, child(ren) can wait.
It is a chance denied to many, to care for the elderly and repay all their love for us. I feel blessed, so hang in there. All will end well in the end. Have faith!
Yours lovingly,
Sue (Oct 27, 2012)
If you wish to read more, follow these in chronological order:
Since they are already published anyway, just sharing these if you have a few minutes to spare:
Read this first:
http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/10/third-letter-to-my-yo
unger-self-tegami.html
I admit I still have a lot to learn and I am still trying to improve on my manners, speech and thoughts. Sorry if I have offended anyone with my direct speech sometimes, and my hormonal emotional outbursts especially when I was younger and just newly married to the Lee family.
My reflection on mommy's illness started the second day after I found out (Dr Catherine told me at just before 5pm on Sept 5, 2012) - a snapshot of my 'journey' and what I have learned the past one month plus:
As a Buddhist, I reflect on death. We talk about death quite often, we even have a reflection on death and one of the three important teachings: Dukkha, Anicca, Anatta, the element of impermanence (Anicca) is reminding us humans to reflect on the impermanence in life, with life, it starts with birth, and it will surely end in death. Death is inevitable!
As Christians and other Creator-God-theological teachings will say, God gives us life and He shall take it back and we return to Him one day. I took catechism classes for six years (shorter than my own mom who went to church all the way till she was 19, she is also a Buddhist, we mother and daughter became Buddhists in 1993) and I remember the teachings. Going to church before classes on a weekly basis and praying "Our Father" the first thing before classes, making the cross sign and then end it with "Glory Be" at the end of the day before school ends. In between we gave thanks to the Lord for the food we are about to receive and then one more prayer of thanks for the food we savoured during break/recess. It is a good discipline, a discipline to be Thankful for what we have.
My mother-in-law has been warded for more than two weeks now. Her spirits are high, and she is battling cancer. No details on that but here is something worth sharing:
This morning I talked to my MIL and she said she is okay in accepting death. She knows about her own body condition.
She even said: I have no regrets. I feel blessed already. If my time is here, I am ready to go.
I stayed the night with her and saw her sleeping peacefully... as per my tweet at @suetiong. I worried for awhile then I meditated and calmed down. This woman has gone through a lot, she is a survivor even without cancer. How can a small thing like cancer hold her back? That's when I muster enough courage to ask her the next morning when we both woke up and having breakfast and she calmly replied to all my "what if" questions. It is as if she has been expecting this talk and we both acted very naturally. It felt like a sacred moment.
Then she shot me this question: Tell me, did doctor say I am dying?
I replied without missing a beat spontaneously: Mommy, everyone will die one day, it is just a matter of time. Doctor did not say you are dying, nor did she say you are not dying. With cancer, which you know already you have, it is extremely hard to say, it can be big or small, dangerous or otherwise very fast. If doctor says you are dying and you did not die, then she would be lying, if the doctor says you are not dying and you died, then we would be saying she is lying, so it is not black and white.
She kept quiet and nodded, saying it made sense.
Then we joked and talked about light-hearted matters and recalling her past happy memories.
When we were going for radiotherapy, she in wheel chair and me beside her, she told me this: "Sue, thank Goodness for you. Having you around (since the beginning) ease my fears and I am not scared when you are around."
That's enough thanks, I don't hope for anything, only a peaceful mind for her till the end. I will love her all the way till the end and beyond.
I have truly accepted the truth, and I am thankful for each passing moment, each minute that we have together, quality time. She as my mother-in-law and me as her daughter-in-law, a special bond no one can take away from us.
I was traveling in Air Asia flight and an elegant packaging I knew was a perfume box caught my attention as the steward and stewardess pushed the merchandise cart past me.
It was the new Simply Siti range of perfume - EDP (Eau De Parfum). Retailing for over RM70-RM80, the three scents were only retailing for RM59 EACH only on Air Asia flights
Being an ardent perfume lover, especially EDP, I asked them which is the best seller among the three and was recommended Memoire, 50ml. I took the chance and bought it. Hubby got himself 'Aura' perfume which is only RM17 on board for 100ml.
Here are the pix of the EDP. I love the scent, it is light and 'flowery', sweet and pleasant, not too heavy and just nice for day wear yet subtle enough for dinner functions. I will definitely try it again if the price is right!
P/s- Simply Siti is a brand founded by Malaysia songbird Siti Nurhaliza.
On Oct 2, my birthday, I wish myself a pleasant day ahead and may I have a good year ahead with just the right pinch of trials and challenges as well as the sweet satisfaction of a job well done, be it a job/task in career, family or any of the roles I need to play in life.
May my loved ones and friends be blessed with good health, peace and happiness. May nothing hinder them from good, and everything negative is overcome with ease. May your days be filled with laughter and joy, may your footsteps be light and may you all eat, sleep and live happily with the lightest heart filled with joy and gratitude. I wish you all the very best.
May those who dislike (or even hate me), my 'frenemies' or 'enemies' or those who are hostile towards me, I wish you peace of mind and may your hearts find peace in the coming year. I do not condone what you say/think/do but I respect your rights as an individual. By bashing me or talking and thinking negatively you can never find peace within. I just wish to wish you inner peace from the bottom of my heart.
With each year that I age, I resolve to only better myself and practice kindness and positivity in my life. May I have the strength and perseverance to achieve success with minimal harm or damage/inconvenience to others and may I have the resolve to overcome all things negative which I hope will turn into something positive at the end of the day.
May 2012 (the last quarter) be a good one for everyone and 2013 be an even better year. As corny as it sounds, I wish for world peace. Peace begins at home. Peace - That is my fervent peace.
I just blogged to say... I love you all (radiating the love/'metta' to all). Happy birthday, Sue. Happy birthday to me. *Peace*
Photos copyright reserved, Taken 3 days before my 2012 birthday. I am blessed to be so loved by my own mom and hubby's mom.
I had a very restful sleep last night and I remember dreaming of this bottle of perfume that I bought back from Guilin, China.
Guilin's name is derived from GUI tree which grows in abundance in the area, almost like a 'jungle/forest' which is the "Lin" word. In autumn, GUI flowers will be in bloom and permeate the entire city with their fragrance.
In my dream, a random woman was holding this bottle and while my smell senses are not really activated in my dream, I could smell it as I've smelt the perfume in real life. Call it subconscious mind's memory or what, it was a pleasant and peaceful dream.
Guilin is a beautiful place. Its surrounding cities/towns are even more beautiful, only two hours of driving from Guilin city, Yangshuo and LongSheng are on opposite ends from Guilin. We needed separate days to visit both towns. I regretted not having at least a semi-pro camera to capture the beauty of nature there. My iPhone and 'point-and-shoot' automatic camera cannot do the real deal justice!!!
Besides nature and beautiful scenery, the food is very agreeable to my sensitive tummy too. Being more neutral and bland compared to Northern China cuisines, foreign tourists will not have any problems with eating in Guilin and its surrounding towns. If you fancy a hot(spicy) dish, just add on the condiments.
The second pic below is the Three Gems of Guilin, a bottle of GUI Flower wine, a shrimp paste thingy and a homemade chilli, similar to some Malaysian homemade condiments to add to the rice during lunch and dinner or add to porridge during breakfast.
We will definitely return to Guilin, especially to see the fragrant GUI flowers in bloom. It is truly a beautiful place.
I have not been able to fit into my 2006 clothes for the past six years.
One favorite dress of mine was worn once for our official engagement announcement photoshoot (pix below) and the beautiful tailor-made dress hung there in one of my cupboards without a chance to see daylight and has survived many spring cleaning exercises.
I am sticking to my one-week-resolution to halve my wardrobe. I am filling up the big plastic bags with mostly unworn tops.
I hope to fill up at least two big bags with clothes to be given away to charity by today (Sunday) and maybe another big bag by the end of my deadline in two dad (Tuesday).
Anyway, I have another resolution to top up and complement my mid-year resolution to exercise more. I give myself three months to lose some weight, and hope to fit loosely into my 2006 dress by 2013, anytime next year.
I find that by putting my resolution in writing and going a step further by publishing it on my blog, my resolutions have somewhat worked so far!
Keeping fingers crossed.
Now hubby and I will go for an early swim before dinner. Both of us have plumped up at lot after our China trip!!! Rice, rice and more rice, similar to potato and more potato - carbs turn to fat when you are sedentary!
I cut off hubby's face in the pix as the collage doesn't allow full view, all the more to protect his identity anyway hahaha. The Chinese words beside me under the 'Engagement' words are our names in Chinese. :) 2006, seems so long ago!
Hubby and I are on our honeymoon - yeah, again, and I have lost count of our trips together in the past five years of marriage.
We are in Guilin, China, and as I have not been to China since Internet became part of our daily life, my first and last trip to China (HK doesn't count) was when I was still a reporter with an English daily in Malaysia, that was even just before I physically 'met' my husband (we met online first you see) - you can read about our love story here.
Anyway, this is a scheduled post to keep to my resolution to blog at least once a day.
Why China? I know some of you think it is the least preferred destination (especially those of Chinese descent who are living out of China), but hey, Guilin is a Heaven on Earth!
Don't talk about all the other 'shortcomings' of China that you are so happy to harp on and give me that look - "Told you so", I've been to Guangzhou, the third largest city in China (if my memory serves me right, if not you may google to confirm) and Shenzhen (the closest city to HK and Macao) - I tell you, even nearly a decade ago, they are nothing like what people who never visited China usually envision - the facilities are superb and we even became adventurous and took public transportation there!!!
Some people's mentality are so narrow it's to the point of being ridiculous: This is like saying, don't talk to anyone you don't know and stay cooped up at home because strangers are dangerous. Oh, you may judge me back on this one as well. I don't mind. I don't have any aversion towards China, that's all.
This is hubby's first trip to China! He has been to HK on business trips (and with me for our first Disneyland experience - you can look up the label Disney if you are a Disney fan) - and this is our first trip to Guilin for the both of us. Yay!
We chose a package that includes a trip to the Rice Terraces (most ground tours skip the rice terraces as it is a bit too far from the city). Reviews say the rice terraces are one-of-a-kind and we just wish to see it!
Let the pictures do the talking. I tell you, Guilin is a Heaven on Earth, a pix can tell a thousand words so include a few, all grabbed online via google images search. End of post.
A quote from a youtube commenter:
"Actually, the photos don't even come close to expressing the beauty of Guilin. I spent 6 months in this enchanted place. My fiance is from Guilin and we plan to retire in Guilin to live out our golden years." ~ Cougaram
This Mongolian kid is amazing! He was only 12 when he joined China got talent and he made it to the final round and came third!
Mother in Dreams (Heaven) is his signature song - remembering his late mother (and father) who passed away in a road accident.
I feel so touched I feel like hugging him!
His name is Uudam or in Chinese is called Uudamu 乌达木
Here is a more uplifting song after the initial clips with the sad song in the background:
Many criticisms by supposedly narrow-minded people has been thrown at this kid just because he is a Mongolian, and to this, I agree with the top commenter of one of the videos:
"The ugly wrong doing of adults and/or organizations reflects Uudam's the high valuable character: simple, original, and natural. Millions of people watched his excellent performance and so many experts were on the stage to eye witnessed his great presentation. How can the black cloud cover the bright moon? "Real gold does (sic: is) not afraid of fire" and Uudam should make those people ashamed of themselves. They still owe Uudam an apology!" ~Liyuksum
He's a good husband. Even more so now than when I first married him, we grew together mentally, spiritually and emotionally, still learning on how to improve. :)
Gosh, can I say I love him again?
I was looking at him when he was on his XBox and thought: "I really love this man, and he is my husband". The feeling is surreal.
Whatever happens, this post serves as a reminder to myself that I should never lose this bond that we have. It's true that you need to work for what you wish to keep. However, it is not really 'work' when it's something you love to do, like loving someone and be loved back in return.
Someone commented that we are so close to each other - like newly-weds or dating couple - has it been five years already? We've been together (dating) since we were 23. It will be our 10th year anniversary together next year! :-)
A pix of the both of us when we became legally married (and had the religious ceremony in one go) - the first of the three wedding ceremonies five years ago in mid-April 2007.
I feel so old now! However I am happy there is someone beside me who accompanies me in our journey in life, hopefully we will grow older together as the years go by.
I love you, darling!
A short clip of our final wedding ceremony on July 14, 2007 where we sang two songs to 'display our love for each other' - please don't mind the video quality or the singing quality, it's just for fun:
If you note the date of this post, Aug 14, it is exactly a month since our 5th wedding anniversary (the final ceremony). Happy Five Years and One Month Wedding anniversary! hihihihi (I'm giggling like a school girl in love now).
