I really miss her now even when I am typing this alone in the living room while hubby is in the bedroom with our son... I miss her a lot.
I haven't really cried after she passed away. I actually have no regrets because I did my best for her and said all that I wanted to say... but I really miss her. I miss her it hurts so much everytime our boy cries and I wonder if it was his tummy hurting or his ear hurting, I wanted to call mommy and ask and I realised she is no longer here. When I saw how our life feels so empty because we are lacking that every two or three days phone call to mommy and say Hello to her in a sing-song manner.
I miss her belly laugh and how cheerful she seems whenever we talk, knowing very well we brought her happiness in her final years... I have no regrets I decided to hold on and started my mission to learn to love her, ... I have since truly loved another mother who isn't my own mother from the bottom of my heart, I deeply miss her.. the screen is blur now due to my tears... gosh, I miss mommy so much....
She will never see our son grow up. She will never see him take his first step, she will never hear him call her po po. If we have more children after our firstborn, she will never know... or maybe she knows from up there in Heaven because that is where she should be. With a heart that big, always selfless, she must be in Heaven now. Maybe she is polishing the Heaven's gates because she always said she will fall asleep if she just sit still doing nothing.
My birthday is coming soon... mommy celebrated my birthday three times with me last year... it was as if she knew she could not spend time with me anymore after last year, 2012.... she made longetivity noodles and cooked two eggs she dyed red for good luck and prosperity for me during my Chinese Lunar Birthday, then we had a great Karaoke dinner in a private room where she kissed me and gamely posed again for my sister to catch the kiss on replay... then on my actual birthday early October we had dinner with Pei in Kuching where we sought treatment for her tumours... three times, not once did we talk about death or dying... it wasn't until November when I was on unpaid leave, all alone with mommy that she asked me if she was really dying.
I still remembered what I told her... I answered yes to that but when she asked me how much longer she has, I replied that not even the doctor could predict because if the doctor said a few months but she could live a few years then the doctor is lying, and if the doctor said a few years but then she passed away in a few months, then the doctor is lying as well. I kept telling her to be positive and everything will be okay in the end. From May 2012 of final stage cancer... she only passed away on March 19, 2013, 10 months of surviving final stage cancer. She is one strong fighter, our mommy. Just in time for our son to celebrate his 30th day full moon day... mommy's passing away anniversary will always be our son's age minus 30 days.
Mommy, wherever you are, your spirit lives on in us... I shall tell my son about you and what a great grandmother you are, an ordinary woman with great achievements in human values.
I miss you, and I still love you, my only mother-in-law.
xoxo
Sue
Pix of mommy making her famous yong to fu for one last time before she was too weak to stand up in 2012 *miss her and her cooking and everything about her*
Read this and found it useful, hence I am sharing here on my blog:
TWENTY THINGS A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER SON
1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.
2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.
4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.
5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.
6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.
7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.
8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.
9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.
10. Take pride in your appearance.
11. Be strong and tender at the same time.
12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.
13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.
14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.
15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.
16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.
17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.
18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.
19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.
20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.
Something big is about to happen, I have been beside myself for many months now... this is getting too much to bear.
:)I have a smile on my face, and I have secret I can't tell you, a very good secret.
Today (Feb 16, 2013) is the 7th Day of the Chinese Lunar New Year. Usually the Lunar New Year is celebrated for 15 days. Today is Human Birthday for all humans in the world, "Ren Ri". Happy Birthday to all humans!
Happy Lunar New Year to all those who are celebrating!
I was taking a video of the congregation of Catholic devotees praying while facing the Mother Mary image that appeared since last Friday, Nov 9, 2012 at Sime Darby Medical Centre, Subang Jaya, Malaysia, when another lady, Blonde haired, blue-eyed, a rare view of Caucasian in this predominantly Asian society, came up beside me and snapped a photo as well.
Her name is Tina, I introduced myself first as Sue and shook her hand and she gave me her name. Apparently this middle-age pretty lady is a teacher at an international school and she was visiting her colleague, a Canadian lady who is battling breast cancer which has spread to the bones.
Tina was actually heading to the opposite direction to wait for her husband to pick her up, unbeknownst to me, yet our short five-minute-conversation drew her towards my direction, heading to the parking lot.
Our conversation went like this (mind you we are complete strangers and I still don't know her last name):
Tina: I am a Christian and I believe in God but to grasp on to such an image, I just cannot believe it.
Sue: Yeah, when the world gets too tough, people tend to look for hopes in all the places, something to cling on to with the hope their prayers will be answered.
Tina: Exactly! They ask me, "Don't you believe in God? I said, "Yes, I believe in God but not like this."
At this point I kept my camera phone and I walked towards the opposite direction Tina was heading. That was when I extended my hand in friendship and said "I'm Sue" and she was taken aback before taking my hand and muttered "Tina", I had to ask for her name again so I can hear it clearer (early deafness in my ears *shudder*).
Tina: So you are here to visit a patient?
Sue: My mother-in-law is sick. She has cancer, terminal stage. (I didn't answer if I was there visiting or just getting meds or any other reason as that is immaterial).
Tina: I am here to visit my friend too. She has breast cancer, had both her breasts removed and now it has spread to her bones and she is refusing all treatment from the doctor. We went out for a movie last week and she was still fine and now she is back to the hospital as she has been vomiting.
Sue: Why is she refusing treatment?
Tina: She says she believes in the alternative healing and she goes for acupuncture and herbs which she believes really help her. She says she refuses to believe she will die of cancer. She quoted her own mother who removed one breast many years ago and now at 80, she is still alive, so she will be like her own mother, she said she will not die of cancer.
I shook my head while I think back of many personal experiences of people dealing with death and went into serious denial as that is their coping mechanism.
Sue: That is serious denial.
Tina: Yes, she is in denial. She is beyond counseling and we all know she is stubborn. She says she is planning to go back to Canada because that is where she is from, but not now because she cannot get all the alternative treatment there. She will only go back to die. And she believes she is NOT dying.
Sue: Of course we hope she will recover, there are cases where willpower creates miracles but if her condition deteriorates which they usually will, since her cancer has already spread, she will no longer be fit for a long plane ride back to Canada soon! Didn't anyone tell her that?
Tina: She is stubborn. If you tell her to fly back to Canada now that is like telling her you will die for sure. And she cannot get her treatment there (alternative healing) which she believes is helping her get better.
Sue: That is a difficult situation. Does her family know. Didn't they talk to her?
Tina: Yeah, they know. But she is stubborn. She hasn't even named the beneficiary of her EPF (Employees Providence Fund).
Sue: Is she married to a local then? How old is she?
Tina: No, she is single. She's 52. There's quite a lot in her EPF which she plans to give to her mother.
Sue: 52, So young. But someone's gotta go to her and 'shake her' to let her see the reality of the situation?
Tina: Yeah. I am going to talk to my colleagues at the international school.
I was about to pay for my parking fees when I motioned Tina to pay hers but then she realized she is way off her route.
She asked me how to get out from there to the entrance and I pointed her out.
In a spontaneous gesture, just like how I first extended my hand in friendship, Tina muttered "Thank you for the chat, you are so strong to care for another person" and she extended both her arms, wide open, and we hugged. I said "This can happen to anyone regardless of race. Cancer is very common nowadays. Good luck (with your friend)."
We smiled genuinely at each other, and I can never forget Tina's clear sky-blue-eyes.
Then we parted ways. Two strangers who crossed path just because we love taking photos with our phones. Nov 16, 2012, Friday.
As a Buddhist, I reflect on death. We talk about death quite often, we even have a reflection on death and one of the three important teachings: Dukkha, Anicca, Anatta, the element of impermanence (Anicca) is reminding us humans to reflect on the impermanence in life, with life, it starts with birth, and it will surely end in death. Death is inevitable!
As Christians and other Creator-God-theological teachings will say, God gives us life and He shall take it back and we return to Him one day. I took catechism classes for six years (shorter than my own mom who went to church all the way till she was 19, she is also a Buddhist, we mother and daughter became Buddhists in 1993) and I remember the teachings. Going to church before classes on a weekly basis and praying "Our Father" the first thing before classes, making the cross sign and then end it with "Glory Be" at the end of the day before school ends. In between we gave thanks to the Lord for the food we are about to receive and then one more prayer of thanks for the food we savoured during break/recess. It is a good discipline, a discipline to be Thankful for what we have.
My mother-in-law has been warded for more than two weeks now. Her spirits are high, and she is battling cancer. No details on that but here is something worth sharing:
This morning I talked to my MIL and she said she is okay in accepting death. She knows about her own body condition.
She even said: I have no regrets. I feel blessed already. If my time is here, I am ready to go.
I stayed the night with her and saw her sleeping peacefully... as per my tweet at @suetiong. I worried for awhile then I meditated and calmed down. This woman has gone through a lot, she is a survivor even without cancer. How can a small thing like cancer hold her back? That's when I muster enough courage to ask her the next morning when we both woke up and having breakfast and she calmly replied to all my "what if" questions. It is as if she has been expecting this talk and we both acted very naturally. It felt like a sacred moment.
Then she shot me this question: Tell me, did doctor say I am dying?
I replied without missing a beat spontaneously: Mommy, everyone will die one day, it is just a matter of time. Doctor did not say you are dying, nor did she say you are not dying. With cancer, which you know already you have, it is extremely hard to say, it can be big or small, dangerous or otherwise very fast. If doctor says you are dying and you did not die, then she would be lying, if the doctor says you are not dying and you died, then we would be saying she is lying, so it is not black and white.
She kept quiet and nodded, saying it made sense.
Then we joked and talked about light-hearted matters and recalling her past happy memories.
When we were going for radiotherapy, she in wheel chair and me beside her, she told me this: "Sue, thank Goodness for you. Having you around (since the beginning) ease my fears and I am not scared when you are around."
That's enough thanks, I don't hope for anything, only a peaceful mind for her till the end. I will love her all the way till the end and beyond.
I have truly accepted the truth, and I am thankful for each passing moment, each minute that we have together, quality time. She as my mother-in-law and me as her daughter-in-law, a special bond no one can take away from us.
Hubby received a telesales call in mid-2012, and after hearing out the offer, hubby agreed to sign up for a totally free Credit Shield Insurance Plan offered by ING insurance company in collaboration with Citibank Credit Card (Malaysia).
The terms he was told (and double confirmed in that phone call) is that he doesn't need to pay a single cent if he has no credit card outstanding balance every month. He was sent a terms and conditions booklet in the mail and kept it, did not think too much about it.
Anyway, come August, the statement reflected a 21bucks charge for Credit Shield insurance premium. He double checked with the terms and conditions and the previous months for any outstanding balance and confirmed that he has paid up all his credit card outstanding balance IN FULL every month. The Credit Shield premium was first reflected as 0bucks in July statement. The deal was he is given free insurance as a reward for paying his credit card balance in full every month. No extra charges for the insurance coverage.
He called Citibank and was told that the insurance plan is only free the first month and will be charged a nominal fee based on subsequent months' outstanding balance of credit spent every month. Hubby was livid and pointed out there is no mention of that clause in the written agreement he received. However, the customer service person finally said they will refund the 21bucks and asked hubby to email or fax to request for a termination of the insurance coverage. He claimed that it is ING's fault for changing the clause. Oh, well, then it is their fault for overlooking that change!
Anyway, just a rant because this is the second Citibank Credit Card issue hubby encountered so far. At least this time, the result seems amicable. Keep it up, Citibank!
I actually felt really moved when I listened to this song and pondered on its meaning, and thinking back of how far Namewee has come, from his student days (google up: Negarakuku) to his accomplishments today with many movies and accolades.
I know he is not popular with some sects of the society due to his vocal opinions, and I don't 100% condone his speech (can be futher filtered) but I actually feel proud our country has someone like him who dare to say, dare to do and dare to be himself.
Won't spoil the storyline for anyone but be assured the movie has a strong cast of heavyweight (famous) celebrities in Malaysia represented by the three main races in Malaysia (sorry Sabahans and my fellow Sarawakians, we are again, Dan Lain Lain - Others), for his second attempt after his first movie Nasi Lemak 2.0, Namewee has 'come of age' and I am sure he will only keep improving himself from this point on, provided he doesn't lose his focus along the way. Way to go, Namewee!
*For the record, Sarawak and Sabah are separated physically from Peninsular Malaysia by the South China Sea - Sarawak has 26 ethnicities and Sabah has 27 ethnicities, or maybe I miss one or two ethnicities there - Malaysia has more than 50 ethnicities, Peninsular Malaysia (Semenanjung) has THREE main major races. That's my only point of contention.*
Just in case you wish to view the review after the premier on Aug 9th, 2012, which included members of the public and some Malaysian celebrities:
Instead of imagining her as her present adult self, I always have this image of her chubby baby face, literally as a cute toddler in my mind whenever I think of her.
I guess this is almost as close to the 'my child will always be my baby' mentality, only I am in the elder sister's role.
A blur pix from the past when my sister was a wee baby, the cutest baby ever!!! For the record, I am the elder sister, just in case anyone missed the point. :)
My sis and I have a funny relationship. We did not really 'click' until our age gap became closer, yeah right, as if we could change the year we were born.
What I mean is: When I was talking about boys, she was still talking about dolls. Then when I entered uni, she was still in school. Then I started to work, and she was still in school. Then I got my Masters, she only entered uni. Then I got married, she was still single and still in uni. You get the drift.
It wasn't until after I get married, and she started working herself, and then she got herself a guy and started a decent relationship, that we started to really click.
Before that it was more of a one-way-spoiling relationship.
I love spoiling her with gifts. Oh, she does give me gifts as well, more so now that she's working (and after me 'complaining' it has been mostly one-way and it's high time she reciprocate accordingly now that she's working as well!)
Heck, the first present I could recall her giving me was from a thrift shop - a cute plushie mobile phone holder, she was in uni when she gave me that birthday present. Then... nada. Cards don't count. hahaha. Okay, I am not gonna record all the presents or non-presents from my sister, I am more magnanimous than that! My point is, I love showering my sister with gifts! There was one year I gave her a gift every single month leading to her birthday. Small gifts, just because.
I repeat, I love showering my sister with gifts! Once, I recalled it was the year I was getting married and our extended family came down to follow the bride during the 'actual' day reception at the groom's side - in Chinese weddings, the groom's side is considered the tradition/ceremonial and the penultimate 'recognition' a couple gets to be recognised as a socially-recognised-married couple. I digress.
That year was 2007. We have a younger girl cousin who is the youngest daughter of my aunt. Oh, if that was the incident, it should be a year before my wedding. In December 2006 or was it 2005, my aunt's family visited us and we went shopping. As usual, being females, we shopped for shoes and clothes. Then, just when I was paying at the counter, my sister casually inserted a few items of her own and told me she wanted them, I agreed to pay for them without any resistence, then she added a few more items she fancied and I did not react negatively at all. Then our cousin Samantha reacted, she exclaimed loudly: "Ah ney hor eh!!! So good!!! My elder brothers never bought anything for me so willingly!" My sister smiled sheepishly and I didn't think much about it but I felt good as I made my sister feel good about it too.
Then when I got married, naturally, my sister became my bridesmaid. Erm... Maid of Honour. As per the customs, if we are to follow tradition, the bride and the groom are supposed to bestow gifts and tokens of appreciation to the Maid of Honour. In Chinese customs, we have a very practical gift, a traditional practice of giving 'red packets' or 'red envelopes' or "Hong Bao or Angpow" with money (usually notes and not coins) inside as a form of 'blessings'. Consider it similar to gift vouchers in the Western culture.
As per my habit with my only sister, I gave her not only a token of appreciation in a red packet WITH MONEY, of course, a pair of yellow gold earrings studs in heart-shape with diamond studs (not sure if I am making sense here), and many other smaller gifts.
She kept complaning she was very tired, having to manage so many things during my two wedding receptions, and I didn't think much about that and gave her more gifts to shut her up anyway.
It was a few months later when her best friend Alicia came for a sleepover where the Maid of Honour tokens of appreciation cropped up in our conversation that my sister shut her friend up immediately when Alicia said: "But you have so many things from your sister! When I was the maid of honour for my elder sister, I got so little...." she was cut short. My sister didn't want me to know that I over-gifted her... hahaha, sis, even if you didn't stop Alicia, I won't ask for the gifts back, I gave them to you because I wanted you to have them in the first place!
Everytime I returned from any overseas trip, I would buy something for my sister. Her collection of plushies (soft toys) from me are uncountable! I even exchange 'stamps' to redeem for cute plushies and thought of her when I shop to get more stamps.
As we share almost the same dress/top size, I know how to shop for her and I remember the first top I bought her was during my first job - I was a reporter and I went to Langkawi island in my first month of starting my job. I bought two shirts - a cream and a pink one and she still wears them till today - I have been working for 10 years up to 2012, so that's how old those shirts are today!
Since then, I have bought dresses, gowns, evening gowns, maxi dresses, blouse and tops or T-Shirts for no special reason, or on special occassion or just because for my little sister. When I got my first VS brassiere from the US, I knew her size and let her try on my whole selection (shopping loot) and let her choose two from the loot. FOR FREE! VS = Victoria's Secret for those uninitiated. We don't have VS over here in our country so it was a real treat!
Okay, this is becoming a journal to chronicle my gifts to my sister!!!
You are my only sister, my only birth sister anyway, and I love you dearly. If those gifts are not enough to represent my love for you, then there is still another half a lifetime (provided I live to my 60s) to make it up to you.
Happy Birthday, Wei (Abby), do know that no matter what happens you have an elder sister you can count on, no matter how sarcastic my remarks are, know that deep down, I really care and will always love you as my baby sister.
Love, Jie (Jie - pronounced jeeyay is Chinese Mandarin word for elder sis)
Pix Taken During our only brother's wedding in Nov 2011 - we wore the same shade of colour without planning beforehand, talk about sisters' intuition! She is my younger sister, so of course she looks younger, she is the one on the right, just in case you mix us up. lol
Quote of the day: "Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected." - William Safire”
Sometimes it is funny and sometimes almost appalling that humans have a tendency to be very defensive when challenged, and even when proven 'wrong', they are not willing to be 'corrected'.
Ego perhaps? In Singapore and Malaysian slang, we call these 'I-can-never-lose' people the 'kiasu' people. Pronounced 'kee-ya-soo', it is derived from the Chinese Hockien (Mandarin: Fujian) dialect, which literally mean: scared to lose or fear of losing.
Examples of the trend of 'kiasu'-ism are:
1. If someone you know has a bigger house/car/material possession, you must have a bigger one to show them you will 'not lose'
2. If someone you know has kids who excel in their studies, your kids must not only excel in studies but be excellent in non-academic achievements like piano, ballet, taekwondo or karate, etc. And preferably your kid has won numerous awards in those activities while coming up tops in class so that you may boast to that 'friend' of yours.
3. Your job/spouse/holiday trips/pets/ and anything under the sun has to be better than the rest, so that you may 'casually' mention it to someone you know (note how I avoid using the term 'friends'?). You relish it when people show signs of awe or even envy.
However, when someone else appear to be 'better' than you, you turn into a monstrous envious person inside and 'strive' to be better - even at the expense of your spouse's or kids' well-being. Sad, tragic cases are when kids' couldn't stand the pressure from their 'kiasu' parents and tried ending their lives at the tender age of 12 or even younger. This is highly prominent in Asian countries including Japan and India - just google up student suicide after exams and pages and pages of news on such sad incidents will pop up.
What has our society become! Why do we need to compete so unnecessarily? Competition in innovation is always welcome, as well as competition in creativity. Competition in 'showing-off' isn't real competition!!! Especially not at the expense of other people's mental and physical well-being!
I guess humans will always compare, and this phenomenon will never really go away. I just hope it can be toned down to allow for a more peaceful and stress-free family lives in this already stressful world, especially in big cities.
This is another personal blog post. If mushy/romantic stuff isn't for you, feel free to browse away or may I suggest to you a very angry blog post that is the total anti-thesis of romance HERE
I actually wrote a blog post of a similar nature on my Friendster Blog about five years ago in 2007, which has since closed down without notice, all the data just wiped out like that, all my precious blog posts, etc. Let's hope blogger won't suffer the same fate! Anyway, I digress.
If I have to sum up our romance in a phrase, it would be:
Your voice is like: Music to the soul, music to my ears, music to my heart.
:-)
THE END: I became Mrs Lee
That is the short version of our love story.
Five years ago today, July 14, it was also a Saturday. Fancy the day actually 'repeated' five years later today. I thought it is supposed to be more than 10 years or something for the calendar to repeat.
It was the day where our courtship (dating relationship) as a dating couple ended in a series of wedding receptions. No kidding, THREE full wedding receptions to cover the legal, religious, ceremonial and traditional stuff - this is what happens when it is the LAST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION and THE FIRST WEDDING OF THE GENERATION.
We had our receptions - one each in three different states in Malaysia, one in April, two in July. So seriousy if you ask us when is our anniversary, I will ask you back, which one? Legal one, religious one, ceremonial one or traditional one?
I won't talk about my weddings. The wedding is only the end of courtship and the beginning of marriage.
I will talk about our LOVE STORY. #love Growing up, being brain-washed by Disney and fairy tales, I always believed in romance and love. It pains me that I have no boy friend when others have a special guy friend, I always asked if I am not cute enough, not attractive enough, not good enough, etc. Such were the growing pains.
Borrowing from the concept started in this particular blog post, I shall write a letter to myself, only this time, I am writing to my past-self.
Tegami by Angela Aki - If this doesn't play, Google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～ （歌詞 Lyrics） - Letter to my future self, a 15-year-old finds it hard to live and writes to her future self and she actually replied from the future and tells her to hang on.
I highly recommend you click on the play button above now, for effects.
WARNING: LONG LETTER TO SELF AHEAD
*******************************************************
Dear Sue from the past (before January 2012):
General Cover Letter:
I am not sure which past version of me will this letter reach so I shall write to each and every one of you, or rather, me, or maybe I will just refer to Sue as 'us' and 'we'.
Today is July 14, 2012. Yup, this is also the same era our favourite childhood movie by Michael J. Fox "Back to the Future" came from (Back to the Future II) - unfortunately there is no cool hoverboard that flies and no, we still never learned how to skate or roller-blade. I remembered that was our wish when we were still a little girl.
However, there is this amazing thing called the Internet - it is something like a totally different virtual world where real people interact with each other through various portals, on this thing we call computer, which has since evolved dramatically and we have these phones called mobile phones, yup, they are mobile, no, no, not the ones you see in black brief cases that men carry and take out to make phone calls, these are really small and now even small kids have them, technology has certainly changed and land lines are not exactly 'land' now with new technology. Anyway, all these are not important.
I have specific messages for each one of us starting from little Sue.
To little Sue in the 1980s-1990:
Hello little one,
We are just fine - I bet you didn't think that we'd live to be 30, or rather past 30, huh? Or maybe we did. We always had this crazy crushes with cute boys we see on TV or even in real life. Thanks to Disney, we always dream that one day our prince will really come, and we really hung on to that hope and were really excited when one of our dreams really came true -- in the form of dreams.
Oh, nearly 30 years on, yes, Sue, we are still a dreamer.
I mean literally a dreamer. We still remember our dreams. Dreams that occur when we were asleep. Remember how we had this 'to be continued' dream series back when we were in primary (elementary) school in the last 1980s? Fancy dreams having story line that continues and pick up from the previous night - we still have those now, but very rare and far in between - I sure hope we won't lose that special connection.
It goes without saying we still remember our dreams, still as vividly as ever. I think you would want to know what happens in the future right? I'm going to tell you in 'topics' so it will be easier for you to follow.
LOVE
Now, no point telling you the future dreams or else it will defeat the purpose, right? Let's talk about the dream that I know you already have at this age.
Do you recall this dream we had, where little kids our age - boys and girls - were paired up - a boy and a girl in a pair - and we were supposed to help each other cross the stream, not really a river, I remember it was more like a small stream. Do you remember our partner in the dream? Yup, the 'spoilt brat' who refused to lend us a hand in crossing the stream and we kept nagging him to the extent we behaved very un-ladylike in our favourite dress.
Do you remember his face? :-) I'd like to believe that I've married him. Unsmiling face, hair combed old-fashioned way to one side, on the chubby side, small eyes, typical Chinese boy. Dream on, in a positive way, and please make ALL THE MISTAKES in love, because without that, we will never meet this wonderful guy. For your age (less than 10) I think that's enough about love for now.
CHILDREN
I also have news to tell you, we have got this fervent (strong) dream to be a mother when we grew up, right? Well, well, don't worry so much about that dream - we have THREE 'free' kids as our godchildren now, two girls and a little boy. The two girls are related but the little boy is totally unrelated to the two girls. We became 'mummy' to these little girls pretty early! I won't spoil the surprise for you but just know that we finally became mummy and mama, although not in the way we expected.
How about our own children? Don't worry, I believe the time will come. We are still in our early 30s, and yes, we really love to have children to call our own, when playing with our dolls, Beautee and Reddie (oh I still have Beautee the teddy bear!) remember we always pretended they were our babies and we were thinking of how we are going to feed the babies and change their nappies. We will be a fine mother one day, we have three kids to 'practice' with now. When ours and only ours comes along, we will be totally ready for him or her. Don't worry so much little one.
SCHOOL
School is just fine. We will represent our school, represent our division (our district), and even represent our state at national level competition/contest - not sports though, I think you can figure out that much. We still hate to sweat or exercise but we still love books. Never lose sight of your studies, and yes, please follow your heart when choosing what to study next time. Make the same 'mistakes' and we should end up where I am at now. :-) What's our job now? I don't think it will make sense for you, little one, right about now. I have problem describing it to my two god daughters as well. Let's just say we are one very important person to many people at work. :-)
FRIENDS
Don't worry about making friends or if they don't want to be your friends. The world is so big out there, I tell you now, you can know hundreds and thousands of people you have not even met or will ever meet in real life, through this thing called the Internet.
Social life (friendship) will only get trickier after you turned 10, but don't worry so much about it, we have a great friend still very close to us, a friend we have known since we were 7. Won't tell you who she is. You will know when the time comes. So yes, we have many friends, they even help you 'count' your friends - my last count was nearly 2,000 friends. Yeah, that is like after 99, you get a 100, and after 999, you get a thousand, you just multiply that by 2!
I know this will be very overwhelming for you, dear little one, don't worry so much, and continue 'thinking' and wondering 'what ifs', but please don't let life break your soul.
Keep smiling always, little Sue.
I shall pretend I am recording an audio only-letter (voice only, no video) with a hard-copy of the letter & pix to my subsequent teen self for fun:
To teen Sue in 1990s:
Hello to the cutest girl I have ever known (we are still as narcisstic as ever),
Remember how we will get so cross (upset) when people call us cute and we always wonder why didn't anyone call us pretty? Now I know why, and I am not telling. *wink*
This was taken on our 16th birthday, how grumpy we looked in the pix! Oh, you are saying we look demure and cool in it, okay, whatever you say. And no, we don't look fat in the pix. No, no, no, you DON'T KNOW the meaning of fat yet, no, not in your teens.
Okay, you win, YOU ARE FAT, happy? - *end of argument with self and feels quite stupid trying to talk sense to a teenager* -
What do you mean the whole world 'owes' you an explanation? Hello girl, no one cares about your world, especially not in your secret code that you use in your diary, oh gosh, I can never forget those codes, and no one cares if you put on one pound or half a kg since yesterday, and no, you don't look fat, again, I repeat, you are not fat.
Okay, you ARE fat, you win, okay?
Are we still dancing in the future? Let's just say we are, but not on stage anymore. Enough said. Why? Oh, don't ask why. Sssssh. When was the last time we actually danced? Yesterday, why? What dance? You won't even know the song cos it is a current song, so quit asking so many irrelevant questions. And piano? Oh, oh yes, we still play it now. Just, treasure your piano now okay, take good care of Eterna, our beloved Yamaha piano.
You see what happens when you don't play the piano? The string tends to be cold even with the heater on and it tends to break. What do you mean you are lazy? You still have Grade 8 exam coming up in 1996, isn't it? Hello!!!
Now, now...!
Don't you wish to know which guy you married in the end?
*silence*
There, I got your attention. Listen to what I have to say first then I will tell you who.
Listen there,
I know we hated being a teen. We always felt that we are out-of-place more mature than our age and we just cannot get along well with our peers. Oh, what is peers, I forgot your English vocab is still so limited - it means people who are of the same age as us. What looking down on your English? It doesn't matter you always get the top marks (among the top three) in English in class I tell you, your English isn't that good in the 1990s. Geez, you even lost that trophy of Best English for the whole grade (Form) to Vincent, remember? Oh, it hasn't happen yet, this is not yet 1995? Okay. Ssssh. Listen to me.
Okay gorgeous, listen to me. If this isn't 1997 yet, here is a preview of how we will look like in February 1997:
AND THIS too:
While you are oggling at your own pix, I will continue with what I have to say - geez, I am finally reminded of how difficult I was as a teenager.
I want to give you some advices, in point form, since your attention span is too short:
1. DO NOT DEFY YOUR PARENTS - okay, I think you just shook that off your ears, never mind.
2. YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, not everything is about you - okay, you still won't listen to me. Okay, okay, woe is me. You have the worst life in the universe, fine.
3. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, you may not still have what you are having now in the future - okay, you are still young, so you still are not listening and for the 10th time, YOU ARE NOT FAT, what do you mean your calves in the second pix look fat? I love that pink dress okay, I've been saving it till now, more than 10 years later! Okay, you don't care? Fine.
AND ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING!!!
4. NO ONE YOU LIKE NOW will be your husband, not even the pen pal you never met!
*can imagine glass shattering and thunder booming in the background*
I think I'd better end this letter now.
Take care, teen Sue.
Know that we were the best looking teen ever, smiling or unsmiling - peace:
-- end of letter for teen Sue --
If the song above has ended, feel free to press play on this one:
*I'd like to imagine myself teleporting to the early 2000s to talk to my younger self just for fun*
To my younger self (early 2000s)
Hello undergrad!
It was more than 12 years ago since I first stepped into the university as an undergrad.
Oh, the shadow that was looming back then? The heartbreak from our teens? Geez, that reminds me of how 'loyal' we were. You mean, oh, yeah, we are still 'loyal' now, just that, we know who to be loyal to now that we are older and more mature.
I tell you now, dear Sue, having had so many heartbreaks in such a short span of time, yeah, they are short, a few years is short, compared to a whole life time - I tell you now, heartbreaks and heartaches will only make you stronger, not kill you.
Once you are stronger, you will be very well-loved as you are more confident with yourself. I tell you, oh, you are munching on cookies again, Twisties this time? Okay, pass me some. It really soothes a broken heart huh, munching and munching. Hence the explanation why I look like this now. *points to future present self*
What do you mean no one will love you?
Look at me, I am fat, I am definitely more than a few pounds overweight but I am loved and I feel loved, and I am very much capable of loving. Be at peace with yourself girl, and stop torturing yourself mentally.
Oh, is this year 2002-2003 yet? Let me tell you something girl, before the most beautiful rainbow appear, there will be rain and sometimes storm, right? Know that after 2003, our rainbow will appear and never go away for the longest time, hopefully till the end of time.
I know, cos I come from the future.
Is our husband anyone we know now... erm, if this is before mid-2003, nope.
But that shouldn't stop you from dating. Go out and date, such social experiences enrich our lives, just play safe and be safe when going out with strangers from the Internet okay?
Don't worry about our career - I think our love life is more messed up than our career, just follow your heart and do whatever we want!!! Yeah~ gimme five.
~Ciao~
-- end of letter to early 20s Sue --
To my dating self (2003-2006)
Hello there!
No, you are not fat, you are thinner than how you will be in the future. hahahaha, laughs at self.
Who cares anyway, right? We've found a boyfriend! Oh, he is a keeper for sure!!!
If this is 2003, you are just out from a relationship, and nursing a broken heart, right? Yet another failure you say? Nah, it's just one of life's trials. We will go through it just fine.
What is the month now? Do you remember the guy who kept appearing at the top of your list on that online dating site we registered with just for fun? No, not the Korean guy or the Caucasian, the Chinese one - the Malaysian.
OH, you know him already by now? Did he email you? He did? lol, sssh, a secret on how to go past the 'paid membership' and him contacting us. *giggles*
Just a reminder that he is a real gentleman, okay, he never once asked us to forget about the ex, he even advised us to give that stupid ex a chance and listen to his side of the story when he knew we might have a chance together. He isn't selfish, that is for sure!
However, there is nothing we can do, that ex is our ex, and let him be. No more in our life, we can close that chapter now. We have got this 'new' guy now *giggles*
Oh, his voice is really musical isn't it? He actually held a concert for only you over the phone? Yeah, he has the nicest voice, the most handsome and soothing voice ever, if you can call a voice handsome.
'I knew I love you before I met you' rings true for us with this guy, huh? Loving someone before meeting him in real life.
Oh, is it 2004 already?
We finally became what we wanted to become, right? To meet people and do what we love most, to write, and get paid for it - we have been a journalist or reporter for the second year by now. And yes, we have uprooted from Borneo to Peninsular Malaysia including our cars across South China Sea, with our family trailing along. Yes, Sue, we are powerful, we moved the whole family over! muahahaha.
Have we met that guy yet? We have? Finally in person? Oh, by the road side!
The Internet is known as the Information Highway, hence meeting him via the Internet and finally in real life is like meeting him by the road side?
Yeah, literally by the road side near the traffic light. I got picked up by my future husband in his car by the road side.
Oh, mama is asking us to pursue our Masters while working? Go ahead and earn the Masters, it will come in handy. Don't worry about no time for dating, this sweet guy will still be there at the end of the two years.
Wedding plans? Don't worry about the pressure from our potential-in-laws - mama has her ways to put off the wedding date until after our Masters graduation.
We will be traditionally engaged first in 2006. Oh, just had our engagement now haven't we? This is the thinnest we have been in 5 years, hahaha.
Then we will have our wedding in 2007, you already know about that, okay, I can leave now. Bye!!!
-- end of conversation with dating self --
To my married self (5, 4, 3, 2 years ago) - saving a letter to my 2011 self in another blog post another time
One word - growth.
We are all still growing and growing with each passing moment. Embrace the moment and grow together with your man. Nothing is too difficult when you have each other by your side. There will be ups and down, and married life isn't always easy, but when it is shared, it is true that love will make it all worth while in the end.
Look at what we have and not what we lack, and the world will seem to be a more beautiful place.
-- end --
So today, after five short years together as husband and wife, I'd like to wish us happiness and joy.
Happy Anniversary to us, and may we live to a ripe old age together, side by side, happily and peacefully. May we grow old together, happily married like our grandparents before us, happy to say there is not a single divorce in our family so far, not as far as older generation is concerned anyway.
May we look forward (pun intended to coincide with the pose in the pix above) to many more years together in the future, happily married to each other.
I am proud to be Mrs Lee. :) I love my husband very much and I know that he loves me very much too.
It is true when they say words alone cannot truly describe this emotion called love, and I consider myself long-winded and wordy. I will be lying if I say I can truly fully put into words just how much love I am feeling right now. It is simply too overwhelming and 'deep'. No fireworks, no sparks, no adrenaline rush that young love used to get at the beginning of infatuation stage. It is more of a 'peaceful' love, more like "I am finally at home" love. Still that does NOT really describe this feeling called love. SO Sue, you fail big time, you cannot describe LOVE!
P/S: A brief insight of how much he loves me can be found in the comment section in this particular blog post
Don't be cheated, no matter how desperately you wish for a baby to adopt!
I saw the advertisement on one of the pages online, and copied the whole ad (sob story of unpaid rent and no money for doctor check-ups worth a few K) and wrote an email to this supposedly 'pregnant girl', though I do suspect she is actually a 'he' and the pregnant mother never existed.
The ad was posted on July 2, 2012. I emailed on July 9, 2012. I got a reply 5 hours later. For someone who has no money, it is amazing they still have internet access, eh?
I was feeling quite down and the No.1 thing that I am hoping for most fervently as those who have been following my blog for quite some time would know, yes, is to have my own child. My hormones have settled down after a few hours (yeah, my 'down time' lasts only several hours at most) and now my rational mind is trying to make sense of the story. It is obviously a case where RM8k is the 'minimum' price to pay UPFRONT!
There is no guarantee there is a baby in the end. You can kiss your RM8k good bye the moment you believe in it and pass the money to this guy, with pregnant mother or otherwise.
So please, don't commit by paying up front payments, it is considered buying and selling if you do that, you are only encouraging fraud and baby trafficking, so please, be patient, go through proper channel and yes, wish and hope and pray if you believe in the power of prayers.
In one of my 'down times' when the hormones surged too high or dipped too low, which doesn't happen that much lately, the maternal instinct tugged and pulled inside me, hence I went online and keyed in various keywords, looking for Baby For Adoption/Child For Adoption.
I looked on with envy when I see Americans (US citizens) are provided with International adoption agencies and even our neighbouring Singapore has their own adoption agency (which also caters for international adoption!), as compared to Malaysia - there is no official adoption agency, only the Social Welfare Department and the only baby hatch in Malaysia, Orphancare (orphancare.org).
The rest who help unwed mothers like shelters by various non-governmental organisations (NGO) does not make adoption their main priority, most of the girls chose to raise their babies after giving birth and only a small percentage gives up their baby for adoption.
However, there is a page on facebook that is started by a good soul to save unwanted babies from infanticide, there are many cases of baby dumping, most of the babies did not survive and it is the saddest thing for many to see the news reporting yet another baby dumping case. In this part of the world, it is still a social stigma for unmarried woman to be pregnant. To help save these innocent souls, Anak Angkat Untuk Dibela (AAUD) was started by a group of admin who worked closely with the Social Welfare Department (Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat) and they cater only to Malaysians who are Muslims.
I am a non-Muslim, and I don't qualify even though I am a Malaysian, so why am I highlighting them? In Malaysia, a non-Muslim adult can only adopt a non-Muslim child up to the age of 18. A Muslim adult/couple can adopt both Muslim and non-Muslim children, to protect the sanctity of Islam as the official religion of Malaysia. It's part of the constitution hence we are known as an Islamic country, but not all Malaysians are Muslims nor Malays, which is the common misconception of the world towards Malaysia.
Anyway, I digress. I feel that such a good cause is worth highlighting. On the basis of saving innocent lives and giving joy to potential parents who are really hoping and wishing for a child to love. Thumbs up for such a noble cause!
I know that the Indian community have their own private NGO, Christian-missionary-related shelters for girls, and Buddhist Welfare Homes and Shelters are available but the wait list for adoption, which isn't their main priority is very long.
We made it to a waiting list of one of those and it has been over a year, and still waiting. Someone we know have been on the wait list for years and in the end, they opted for private adoption (de facto adoption) where they deal directly with the birth mother.
Congratulations to adoptive parents who finally have a bundle of joy to call their own.
To all those who are still hoping and wishing, like me, just keep in mind that in our 'desperation' for a baby, do not fall prey to cheaters or those who are just out to fleece you of your hard earned money. Remember if they are sincere (ikhlas in BM), they will not rob you in broad daylight because raising a child is not cheap nowadays - milk formula, diapers, insurance, education, etc. If they are thinking for the good of their baby, they will not act so unreasonably. If they are, either they are really selfish or they mean to make 'profit' from the 'transaction' - that is when it becomes baby trafficking, and it is illegal.
Foreword: This is a blog post targeted at female and only females. Consider yourself warned, guys.
Ladies,
Unless you don't have a womb/uterus, in your 'child bearing years', we will usually have that inevitable month visit by our 'favourite aunt', hence the term AV (Auntie Visit), and many other variations of the Monthly Period (MP).
Of course there are exceptions to the monthly AV,
1. The girl hasn't come of age (nowadays girls as young as 8 starts menstruating)
2. Hormonal imbalance
3. Menopause
4. Pregnancy (yay! for me anyway as I'm trying to conceive)
5. removal/absence of womb
A young female is said to have reached menarche when she has her first menstrual cycle begin with the excretion of blood from her womb.
Quoted from wikipedia.org Menarche is the culmination of a series of physiological and anatomic processes of puberty:
Attainment of a sufficient body mass (typically 17% body fat).
Disinhibition of the GnRH pulse generator in the arcuate nucleus of the hypothalamus
Secretion of estrogen by the ovaries in response to pituitary hormones.
Over an interval of about 2 to 3 years, estrogen stimulates growth of the uterus (as well as height growth, breast growth, widening of the pelvis, and increased regional adipose tissue).
Estrogen stimulates growth and vascularity of the endometrium, the lining of the uterus.
Fluctuations of hormone levels can result in changes of adequacy of blood supply to parts of the endometrium.
Death of some of the endometrial tissue from these hormone or blood supply fluctuations leads to deciduation, a sloughing of part of the lining with some blood flow from the vagina.
A specific hormonal signal for menarche is not known; menarche as a discrete event is thought to be the relatively chance result of the gradual thickening of the endometrium induced by rising but fluctuating pubertal estrogen.
The menstruum, or "flow," consists of a combination of fresh and clotted blood with endometrial tissue. The initial flow of menarche is usually brighter red than mature menstrual flow. It is often scanty in amount and may be very brief, even a single instance of "spotting." Like other menses, menarche may be accompanied by abdominal cramping.
Now this is a very interesting read on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstruation_and_the_origins_of_culture
Anyway, I am digressing.
Old wives tale as far as AV is concerned varies from culture to culture.
In Eastern/Asian culture, traditionally menstrual blood is treated as 'dirty' and 'filthy' and the implication of that perception is that women are severely restricted in their actions and freedom in daily life, traditionally of course.
Here are some random Old Wives Tales (OWT) I had been exposed to in the past - I won't say I agree with all of them, just sharing them and up to you to decide if there is any truth in these OWT:
(A) Well-being of the female herself -
1. Do not drink or consume icy drink/food, best if not chilled - warm food/drink are recommended during that time of the month. It is said that the 'cold' things we put into our bodies will result in blood clots and causes cramps, or in extreme cases, stop the menstrual flow for awhile then when it flows again, sometimes after a few days, it will come with a vengeance, painful cramps.
2. Avoid consuming acidic food, especially sour-tasting food like preserved plums prior to your AV. By 'prior', it can mean up to a week before your first day of MP. This is supposed to cause even more cramps and pain or sometimes even more bleeding.
3. Avoid washing your hair when you are menstruating.
By that, some even go to the extent of avoiding cold bath water or cold shower and only bathe with hot/warm water, careful not to wet their hair. The reason being it will 'stop' the menstrual flow as the temple of your head is like the main point in Eastern traditional medicine that affects your bodily function.
However I think the philosophy is that the female is 'weak' when she is losing blood hence this is supposed to 'protect' her from the cold energy from being transferred into her body. The Yin (cold) and Yang (hot). Doesn't apply to me as my "energy" is all messed up due to too much Western medical intervention in my attempt to conceive.
4. Eat 'warm' food, and food that encourages blood circulation towards the end of your MP to 'flush out' the remaining 'dirty blood'. Example of 'warm' food are anything cooked with ginger, including home-made ginger wine, even ginger tea (they even have it in packets/granules) is supposed to help ease the cramps and ease the flow of MP.
5. Keep your lower belly and your lower back warm. That is supposed to keep the blood circulation smooth and will ease your cramps.
And there are many more Food/drink you may or may not consume before, during and after your MP. End of well-being part.
(B) Taboo during MP
1. Females are considered 'unlucky' during that time of the month and should separately carry on her daily tasks and do not have any physical contact, especially with the males. So no intercourse during MP.
2. They cannot touch scared stuff on the altar of the ancestors are they are considered 'impure' during MP. Most Asian cultures forbid them from entering sacred worship places. Buddhism however, DOES NOT hold this belief and only treat this as a natural monthly phenomenon of excretion from female body. It is more of a cultural taboo and not a religious restriction.
3. Some cultures have some kind of practice in disposing the used sanitary towels/pads/napkins - some ethnic culture dictates that female must wash the towels clean before disposing of them and some do not wash them but just add some table salt in it before throwing them away.
Some even go to the extent of scaring young girls by saying some ghosts and evil spirits feed on menstrual blood and if they don't have enough, they will trace back to you by the scent of your blood and appear before you. I think the rationale behind this is hygiene. The rubbish/garbage disposal wasn't as efficient in the yester years hence washing the pads is a practice ingrained from the previous generation who used cloth pads/towels which are reusable before the advent of those with adhesive.
EVOLVING SANITARY PAD or TOWELS or NAPKINS
The sanitary pad/towels have evolved rapidly over the last 50 years. However, due to the disposable nature of the mass production catered to the majority of females, the traditional cloth sanitary pads are seeing a reemergence with their better and improved versions compared to their predecessors - the start up kit does cost a bomb, last I checked.
Despite them costing a bomb, I guess if you care about the environment and do not wish to contribute to more waste, going green and going back to natural towels/pads is the way to go... I just am not that 'moved' to purchase it yet. Don't flame me please.
I am not sure of old wives tales in other non-East Asian cultures. I welcome sharing/comments. Till the next month, hang in there, ladies!!
Pix above was taken at Disney World, Orlando, Florida end March 2012, when hubby and I were there on our US honeymoon - also hubby's working trip. It was taken near the Aerosmith's Rock and Roll terrying roller coaster, which we both chickened out and settled for just a few photographs from the outside, will blog about the rides soon, the ones in Disney Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM Studios), at Disney World are really scary! Not sure when I will get around to write that blog post though, lol.
A preview of how scary the ride was - we hung about the area for about 5-10 minutes and many times, we overheard riders who just exited the ride walked past us saying things like, "I am not gonna line up a freaking one hour for that (scary) ride anymore" - "That was so scary I'm not going on it anymore", and they are young boys/teenagers, so the two of us, being past 30, opted out, call us chicken! haha
What caught my attention at the souvenir shop upon exiting the coaster ride (we went in the reverse way as we did not go into the ride) was the T-shirt, specifically, the wordings.
"If it's too loud, you're too old."
It struck a nerve. Not only is the message defiant, it thinks it's cool to be defiant to the elders. That's my personal opinion anyway.
NOTE: This blogpost will turn into a reflective post (read: Ranting) on the 'moral degradation' of our youth/adults/young seniors who ill-treat their elders who may still be alive or even put them down even in death, in memory.
It has always irked me when people lack respect or blatantly acting disrespectful to elders, by elders, it is a broad definition ranging from someone who is the younger or same age as you but is your 'aunt' or senior in some form of school/class/rank, to the definition of being older than you in age, and the 'elders' in the family, i.e. those who came before you, in your clan/family.
RUDE CHILDREN
I remembered an incident last year when I went to renew my passport and was waiting for my number to be called, when I overheard a grandmother talking to her grandson, giving him advice/asking him questions, and he ignored her completely as he was engrossed in his PSP in his hands, he was about 8 years old. Suddenly, I had to turn around and look at them as I heard a loud snappy remark from the grandson - "You are so annoying/noisy!". The grandma shut up, stunned, I guess, or maybe she is already used to that retort from her precious grandson.
Geez, if I ever have a son in the future, and I will never ever let him get away with such speech to the elders, and this is a close elder, his own grandmother! The thing is, the grandma still so lovingly offered him a jacket to ask if he was cold in the air-conditioned waiting area/offered him a drink, etc after that. Such is the unconditional love of an elder towards the young'uns. Spare the rod, spoil the kids - oh well, not my family, who am I to tell that boy a piece of my mind?
INTUITION PUT TO GOOD USE - PSYCHOLOGY GAME
Kids nowadays are smarter and craftier than before. Back when I was a kid, you will be smacked on the bottom when you were out of line (rude, lacking good manners, etc) when you were younger and when you grow older, pre-teens into teens, the cane (rattan) will land on your thighs/legs when you try to run away from the punisher, usually the dad.
Sorry, pardon my language, but a recent 'study' conducted which claimed those who were smacked when they were younger tend to fall into mental problems when they are adults are kinda 'bull' in my opinion. Are we dysfunctional? Look around.
The previous generations have survived all that smacking hundreds and thousands of years before us but in the past 30-40 years, more and more younger mental health patients were recorded, and smacking has become illegal in some states, so go figure, spare the rod, spoil the child, which in turn, affect their mental health, strong statement, I know, but that's a retort against that study, not a personal attack on anyone.
Of course, ideally, it will be best if we use the ideal gentle parenting approach with no lifting of a finger against a child. However, with the hyperactive kids overfed with sugar-filled milk powder, some sort of 'force' is required. If you are too gentle, like my close friend with a very bad-tempered toddler, the parent will be the one on the receiving end of the 'smacking' - a barely 2-year-old tot hitting his own mother. Come to think about it, a little boy I know back in the 1990s hit his own mother as well, when he was throwing tantrum and the mother didn't even lift a finger against him. The kid knows that, hence he dared to smack his own mother and continued his tantrum. Smart kid, poor mom?
WHO TO BLAME?
What has the society become? I am not blaming the gentle mothers. I cannot blame the children, as they are still young. Who is to be blamed? The milk powder/formula? The mass media the kids are exposed to? The environment/surrounding? The immediate family members? The extended family? The working mom phenomenon, hence the caretaker/nursery/babysitter is responsible?
A CRAB CAN NEVER TEACH ITS YOUNG TO WALK STRAIGHT - MALAY PROVERB
Yup, you got that right. If you have been to the beach, you may have seen the crabs walking side ways. This Malay proverb means that if the parents are behaving in a certain way, their actions will speak louder than the words they say to their children.
Children follow by example. If they see you behaving a certain way even though you have told them not to behave that way, they will usually follow the action and not what you said.
Example (many variations of the story had been told before):
Father and Mother live together with the grandma and grandpa (father's parents) and their two little children. Mother is very annoyed by the extra burden to care for the elderly on top of her two kids. Kept nagging her husband, the Father, to do something to lessen her 'burden'. The two elders' are weak and frail, cannot hold the cutlery firmly. Spilling food on the table. To 'solve' this problem, the Mother asked them to sit away from the table and gave them wooden cutleries and bowls so they will not break her precious china/glass.
The nagging by Mother continued until one day, Father relented and followed Mother's wishes to 'get rid' of the elders. He carried his parents on his back (in the older version of the traditional story) or in our modern version, he carried his parents into the car, and went up to the mountains and left them there(older version of the traditional story) - our modern version will be he left them at the nursing home (if with money), or the old folks' home under Social Welfare if he doesn't wish to part with his money.
When Father returned home, he thought he will be happy if his wife is happy. Then he saw his little boy and little girl (some versions there is only a boy, some there is only a child, no gender specified) playing in front of the house, deeply engrossed in a craft project. Curious, Father walked close and asked what were they doing.
"Oh, Father, we are making a wooden bowl and wooden cutleries."
Amused, Father asked "What is the purpose of the craft?"
"So we can give them to you and Mother when you are old like grandpa and grandma."
The little girl held out a stack of newspapers and said she will be saving them for Father and Mother to use so the food won't spill on the table/floor when they are old. *dirty* she said, making a face like how her Mother always do when talking about the two elders.
Something struck the Father and his heart beat got faster. He just saw a flash of his future and saw himself as his own parents and how wrong he was.
He went back for his parents and carried them home and lovingly took care of them until their final days. He literally put his wife in her place and she had no say in this matter. The end
Of course, this traditional story has been retold many times, and yet, not many people pay heed to the moral of the story - filial piety.
Sadly, many such stories have been circulated and people felt touched for awhile, then forget all about it when life gets overwhelming.
WHO AM I TO SAY THESE THINGS?
I am not a parent yet, but I am a child to my parents and a grandchild to my grandparents and I have the privilege of being a great-grandchild of my great-grandmother up to the age of 10. I have been taught since young to respect the elders and reprimanded if I did not greet an elder when I see them, out of respect. Asian values are deeply instilled in me, despite me not being able to read and write in my own mothertongue, having been English-educated. Usually the perception is that Chinese-educated (with English and national language in Malaysia) people are more 'strong' in Chinese-values, I am a walking contradiction of that as I am more 'Chinese' than any Chinese-educated peers, if not the same.
RESPECT - I find that the more highly you think of yourself, the harder it is to show genuine respect to others. The more humble you are, respecting others will come naturally. "Seperti resmi padi, makin berisi, makin menunduk", a Malay proverb, the more knowledgeable you are, the more you should be humble.
EGO - Again, referring to my blogpost on "Where is the Love?", there is a thin line between low self-esteem and big ego. Enough said.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL AND BULLYING - These people usually resort to emotional blackmail and 'bullying', yup, they will bully even their elders or their spouse via verbal abuse/physical violence on others/children/spouse or self-destructive behaviour like banging their fists hard on the wall/concrete/furniture or banging the door or stamping their feet.
Sounds familiar? Sorry if anyone felt offended by this blog post. This is entirely my opinion and if I struck a chord in your heart, I sincerely wish for a better society with solid values that make us humans. If my opinion is valid, accept it, if you feel I am wrong, feel free to discard it.
Everyone will grow old some day. The Aging Population are still humans and we shouldn't treat them otherwise. Even if they ask you the same question repeatedly, you should patiently answer them gently and try to control your irritation/temper, being an old person is hard enough without you mocking them. Imagine when you were a baby/tot and you repeated all those 'mistakes' the aging are doing now, when you were learning skills like talking and walking and you cried, did they snap at you unreasonably or scolded you impatiently when you repeated your speech? Not if they love you, you should show them some love too.
The pix above was taken on our very first day in the US, we arrived at nearly midnight the night before at LA before taking the midnight flight from LA to MCO (airport) Orlando, hence night cannot be considered the first DAY, right? We touched down at the sunshiney state of Florida at 7am, left the airport at about 8.30am, and we were checked into our Disney World hotel by 9.15am (no rooms yet but we could check in earlier just to get our entry passes to the parks), and by 9.30am, we were off to our first destination, i.e. EPCOT, which is one of the four theme parks in Disney World, Orlando. More detail on epcot here: http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/parks/epcot/
I won't be blogging chronologically so pardon me 'jumping' to the next scene:
Cinderella saw us approaching her and her first question was to me: Is he your Prince?
I replied yes.
Then she turned to my husband and asked, "Do you mind if I hold your arm?" and turned to look at me.
I nodded my approval and we got the pix taken. Too bad this is our only shot with this Cinderella cos she is just so pretty!
Compared to the one who waited at the Princesses 'chamber', whom we met at Magic Kingdom (one of the four Disney parks at Disney World, Florida) a few days after our first Cinderella:
Me and Cinderella (the indoor one):
I randomly snapped a pix of a mother and her two girls who were ahead of us in line - and as mentioned in my previous post on Disney Princesses, the line was about an hour long.
I feel that the 'outdoor' Cinderella we first met was just so much prettier, no offence to the indoor one, it's just that when there are more than one model, one can't help but compare! Sorry, indoor Cinderella!
DIFFERENT VERSIONS
There are many versions of Cinderella's stories and dresses. I love her when she is in her normal garb/dress compared to when she is in her princess gown, partly because of her hairdo when she is in her princess gown. She looks way sweeter when she has her hair down and tied back with a hankerchief/cloth/bandana, whatever it is.
The version of the Cinderella story that I like best, is only one part - the part where her name was really Ella, but after her father died (not after marrying her stepmother after the death of his first wife, and gained two stepsisters), she was treated like a maid and always cleaned the chimney and in turn, she is covered in Cinder, and her stepmother and stepsisters mocked her and called her Cinder-Ella, with later became Cinderella.
What makes Cinderella different from the other Disney princesses is that she has a pumpkin carriage that her fairy godmother turned temporarily for her, which will turn back into a pumpkin at the stroke of 12 at midnight, and a glass slipper/shoes, to name a few. Which girl doesn't love shoes? *Sleeping Beauty/Princess Aurora has 3 fairy godmothers, so I guess the 1959 princess in pink is luckier? And she gets to sleep too, unlike Cinderella who had to clean and scrub and cook every day.
Like all Disney love stories, Cinderella left behind her glass slipper and the Prince right in the middle of a dance at a ball for the Prince to choose his bride, and unlike girls today, she didn't leave her phone number or address, she left behind a glass slipper. Now there is an anomaly in the theory of when the clock struck 12 times at midnight, everything will turn back to their original state - the carriage turned back into pumpkin, the horsemen and footmen and the horses turned back into her pet mice, her dress turned back into rags, but the glass slippers, supposedly one was left behind and separated from the other one on her feet, stayed on as glass slippers.
Okay, let's stop the cynical comment on Cinderella's story. It's just my opinion, a 30-something-Disney fan who could memorise all the Princess cartoons by heart, up to Mulan, after which, I just lost interest in Princess and the Frog, I guess, nothing personal, I was already too 'old' when the movie was released, and we just never gotten around to watch it. That's all. Yes, blame it on my age. :-)
I thought I could blog about Beauty and the Beast too with Cinderella but thinking back, I've got so much more to talk about Beauty (Belle) as there is special Beauty and the Beast Show at Disney Hollywood Studies (formerly Disney MGM Studios) - another of the four theme parks in Disney World that I think Beauty needs a single blogpost for herself.
Back to Cinderella, here are some pix of the parade (day time) that we saw, and a real life-sized pumpkin carriage, with a pretty prince and a jovial fairy godmother.
There are more pix of Cinderella and the other characters from Cinderella, especially for the night time Electrical Parade which was simply awesome! The Electrical Parade warrants a whole blog post on its own, but here's a teaser pix, not of Cinderella, but Disney's first couple - Mickey and Minnie!!!
Just realised I've blogged about Disney World in three blog posts and I haven't even uploaded a Mickey/Minnie pix, except for them on our T-shirts. lol And that will be another blog post on its own.
Geez, I think I will blog about Disney World for maybe the whole month or something. It is so huge it is about the size of the City of San Francisco in California, and we spent 12-16 waking hours a day for a whole week (full seven days) in Disney World alone, so you can just guess how overwhelming the experience was! 8am-12midnight almost every day at the parks in Disney World.
We stayed up for up to 16 hours straight (woke up an hour earlier for breakfast etc. and at the end of the day, another hour to wind down/bathe etc) - even when we are at work, we don't stay up so many hours at a one-week stretch! Now this is 'working' for your 'fun'! A new way to look at things! The whole experience was really an eye-opening fun-filled honeymoon for hubby and I. Will surely visit again in the next 10 years, maybe more than once! ;)
Yup, the entire Disney World is about the size of San Francisco city in California. Disney World is so huge that it is about twice the size of the island of Manhattan in New York.
Since I have more or less started to blog about our experience at Disney World, Orlando, Florida, (March 2012) at http://tinyurl.com/7h5rueq - here is a continuation of the narration, this time, I will talk about the Disney Princesses, there are so many of them, so I will start with the two earliest princesses in my own memory, so this is just a personal blogpost about these two Disney Princesses.
First of all, we have Snow White.
She is one of the earliest princesses in my memory, of her singing "A ah ah Ah ah" to the birds - you can see the clip here "A Smile and a Song":
I don't really like the intro to another song "One Day My Prince will Come" except maybe for that phrase itself. You can search on Youtube for the clip to see what I mean.
Up next is the Sleeping Beauty, she and Snow White, they are the earliest princesses in my memory. Amazing how animation was so advanced (thanks to Disney) even back when it wasn't even 1960 yet, huh?
As a little girl, I always remember that I cower in fear yet still watching repeatedly when Maleficent (the evil Queen) turned into a dragon (I think she's green) and Prince Charming fought his way through to rescue Sleeping Beauty, his beloved Princess Aurora.
The VCR my parents got played these cartoons, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc. over and over again, back when we did not have cable tv/paid subscription or even the Internet. I consider myself privileged, as my parents consider these 'edutainment' materials, hence I get to watch most of (read: ALL) the Disney cartoons back in the 1980s.
You can easily google up the wikipedia of the Disney Princesses, especially classics like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, but for the uninitiated, if I have to describe them in a single paragraph/sentence each:
Snow White
She is born a Princess and her mother died young and the King remarried, giving her a beautiful young stepmother, who unfortunately got jealous of Snow White's beauty (Skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony) and the hatred for Snow White grew after the King died, which in turn drove Snow White into the woods, into the home of the Seven Dwarves and a poison apple, deep sleep and a handsome Prince who then married Snow White and they lived happily ever after.
Sleeping Beauty
She is born the only daughter of a King and Queen who longed for a child for so long, however, her birth was cursed by an Evil Witch who predicted that when she is 18, her finger will be pricked by a spindle (to weave thread/cloths) and die - hence all the spindles in the kingdom were destroyed and she was raised by three fairy godmothers (who are good witches) in the woods - however when she turned 18, she fell in love with the prince and somehow the curse came true but the fairy godmothers helped her to NOT Die but fall into a deep sleep and the Prince came and kiss her and she awoke, and they got married and lived happily ever after.
Here is a 10-min-clip on Aurora singing in the forest and the Prince Charming attracted to her singing.
What do they share in common? There are many, being created by Disney, but I'd like to narrow them down to three
1. Both are princesses,
2. Both got someone who 'hated' them, motivated by jealousy, and
3. Both are singers, their beautiful singing mesmerised their potential husbands, who happen to be princes.
So my passion in music, and singing was mostly motivated by these cartoons.
Like seriously! I love to sing "A ahh ahhh" without real lyrics to the tunes (back when my English vocabulary was very limited as a multi-lingual little girl) with dreamy eyes whenever I think of these two Princesses.
Anyway, talking about the evil villains in Disney, I was amused when I was at Disney World. Disney World is divided into FOUR different theme parks and TWO water parks - the Princesses could be found mostly at Magic Kingdom (of which HK Disneyland was heavily based on).
At Magic Kingdom, Hubby and I took photographs of the princesses and with them - we queued up early and even then it took nearly an hour just for us to reach the Princesses in their 'rooms'/chambers.
We were the only 'dinkies' around, and Asians to top it off, the rest of the line were non-Asians and/or with children, or were just barely children (teenagers) themselves. 'Dinkies' are married couple with dual-income with no children. We are 'grown-children' - we have found each other via Disney love story, you can put it that way!
Three paragraphs on and I still haven't talked about the evil villains... I am too long-winded!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE GREEN DRAGON?
The first princess that you reach in the line was Sleeping Beauty in her pink costume.
I went up to her first for a pix, while hubby snapped a few pix with our camera, and then he joined me and the princess for another pix, so we can maximise the photos taken for such a long wait.
We were wearing matching Minnie and Mickey shirts we bought from HK Disneyland two years before, and it is not difficult to see that we are a couple.
Princess Aurora was really chatty and chatted me up with her Disney-character-mode - the conversation went like this (paraphrased from memory):
Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) hereafter referred to as SB: Is he your prince?
Me: Yes.
SB: Wow, you are so lucky to have found your prince.
Me: --- *silent*(continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
SB: Are you two married?
Me: Yes (continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
SB: Wow, did he save you from the Green Dragon?Did he save you from the Queen's Dragon? (this was after thinking about the conversation that I finally get what she meant) - at that moment, I thought I heard 'DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE GREEN DRAGON'?!? I nearly rolled my eyes if not for the cameras pointing at me.
Me: --- *silent* (continued to smile to the camera and looking straight ahead, ignoring her by my side)
By then, she shut up and looked at the camera, I think she must be seething inside for this rude, stupid Asian woman who totally ignored her attempt at a conversation.
Then hubby joined us for a pix, and then we moved on to the next princess who were waiting just beside her 'chamber'.
Thinking back, I feel it is kinda funny and I do feel quite bad for ignoring that young lady who played Princess Aurora.
Here is the pix of me totally ignoring Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) - proof that I am no longer a kid who will believe these young ladies are really princesses - kinda take the 'magic' away, but hey, I am already past 30, you can't blame me!
You see how in the pix she was talking to me animatedly and I just looked straight on with a smile plastered on my face while totally ignoring her? Bad Bad Disney fan, i.e. me. *grins*
I will talk about Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast in the next blog post. They warrant another blog post. :)
