There are barely 7 more days left to the fundraising for the Internet Free Release of the movie BANGLASIA by the talented Namewee provided USD 500,000 is collected through Kickstarter.
The link is here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1416624528/banglasia-movie-by-namewee/description
So far less than half of the funds needed have been pledged by backers. Do take a look at the plight of this movie which could not survive the censorship of the country where it was referring to and decide if USD5 is too much for you to support this project.
Unless a miracle donor buys up all the bigger spots in the next one week... Chances are this project may be buried forever.... Imagine it as a kitten that is shivering in the rain and may die of cold if no one help soon.. Won't you help to relieve the suffering just a little by providing shelter? In the name of art and entertainment and regardless of how we may hate or love Namewee he has made an impact to Malaysia's colourful landscape to be even more vibrant. ONE THING IS FOR SURE, Namewee is surely truly passionate about whatever he does and he has lost a lot of weight in his latest video. Regardless of what happens please don't bury the movie Namewee. Don't ever stop being yourself.
The link again: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1416624528/banglasia-movie-by-namewee/description
I am listening to my favourite Japanese song, Tegami, google up アンジェラ・アキ Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君 which tells of a story of how a 15-year-old found it hard to live on in life and wrote a letter to her future self and her future self actually replied.
Here is another letter to myself. You can read about my previous letter here. Or just click on 'letters' on the labels menu for all the letters I've written, more like open letters, I'm an open book anyway. :-)
Dear Sue (myself) who just got married in 2007,
You should still be grieving for the loss of our little one (RIP 09092007) who did not even have the chance to be born and breathe his/her first breath of life... the pain is raw, especially in the first four years, but trust me, by 2011, you can talk about it calmly without shedding a tear. The sadness is still there, but I guess we just get stronger as time passes.
I know by now, end Oct, you feel like life is ending for you, you are blaming everyone and most of all, we blamed ourselves, and lashed out at the closest person, our darling husband, bless his kind soul. He is not a man of many words and yes, he is a loving man, despite his lack of sensitivity, he will surprise us, dear Sue, yes, I never knew love has no limit, I love him now even more than when I first married him. Guess this is what love is all about, not bound by any limit?
No, we don't have a kid yet five years plus from now, the pregnancy test kit is still showing the single line of negative. Trust me, all the months of trying and disappointment is a 'training' for us to be stronger and face what lies ahead of us. What you may ask? I didn't see the answer back then but now I can tell you this:
With the many happenings in my life right now, example - this, I find that my husband and I (and generally the whole family and everyone linked to us socially), are growing by leaps and bounds especially when it comes to self-reflection, character-reflection, changes in life's outlook (thoughts and opinions) and I can sum it up with one phrase: we all learn how to be true humans. My mother-in-law taught us all that.
In the past, in healthier times, our mother-in-law would do all she could, cook, clean, care, cook, clean care, she repeats all these with a fervent desire to give the very best to her loved ones, she does not discriminate even if it is a stranger asking for a glass of water at her gate, or the last customer to arrive when she was about to pack up and go home when she was selling cakes and delicacies called "kueh" (gway), sweet stuff she made and I was told her generosity extended to the extent she literally gave away free "kueh" at the end of the day.
There is not a single thought of greed in this noble woman, not a single shred of selfishness, she is truly selfless and only live to serve others. Some more materialistic people may think this is foolish, but over the years, the short five years I have been her daughter-in-law, I began to see things from her point of view.
You don't lose anything just by being helpful and generous, instead, you gain satisfaction and you gain more by giving.
Our mother-in-law truly embraced the meaning of giving unconditionally, loving unconditionally, she found joy in serving others.
I plan to write a book on her and I have started a bit on that, starting with this blogpost, I shall take November off from work and accompany her, be by her side wherever she goes, and I shall start typing away on my laptop, I shall remember to save everything and back it up on my thumb drive just in case my laptop fail me. I shall ask her questions if I am stumped, but that won't be much, I remember almost everything, every little story, every anecdote she told me since I first called her "Auntie" in 2004, up till now, I call her "Mommy". I guess every woman who talks a lot remembers a lot too as we relate and repeat the stories to one another.
My summary is:
In the past one and a half months, coming to two months, I have learned and still learning the art of living from this admirable woman I call my mother-in-law.
She is a simple woman, some may even call her one of the simple country-folk, a typical housewife, but to everyone whose lives she touched, she is more than that! She is the epitome of the perfect woman, virtuous, God-fearing (she believes in the Goddess of Mercy and surrenders her fate to Her), generous, always putting others before Self (she has truly learned the art of mastering "Anatta", Buddhism teaching for no-self, no-ego), even in the past two months, her learning curve is pretty steep and she has actually perfected her character and started to let go a lot! I feel like she is almost a saint, my mother-in-law!
To the Sue five years ago,
I know you feel like life is at the bleakest now, especially when you yearn so much for a child and have him/her taken so suddenly away from you, it is rough on darling hubby too, but let me tell you this, if we have a cute adorable five-year-old now, we cannot do what we are doing now. We cannot grow as much as we are growing now (not growing fat, but growing up).
Darling hubby is growing up too, we are actually more mature and we are learning new things everyday, the meaning of what it truly means to be human.
It is simple, no religious incantations, no prayer, just one word: "ACCEPTANCE".
Remember how we used to ask: WHY? Why me? Why now? Why not?
Now I know why and I tell you this:
Everything happens for a reason. Whatever that happens, no matter how bad, it must be good. There is always hope in despair. Even when the going gets tough, the tough always get going. Yeah, I know, cliche but they are all TRUE!
Why are we still childless? The way I look at it, it is because we are meant to be serving this noble woman who have always put others before herself. How can we fully concentrate in caring for our beloved mother-in-law if we have a toddler or two towing along? We will feel bad if we neglect our kid(s) to care for an elderly, knowing our motherly instinct!
It is as if the jigsaw puzzle pieces are coming together and I can finally see the whole picture, mommy (yeah, we call her mommy now, we truly love her now, you know), mommy needs us to be by her side, and we are willing to be by her side and THANK GOODNESS we are childless now. It is a blessing in disguise. We are still in our early 30s, Sue, we can still try. Mommy needs us now. We shall be strong, child(ren) can wait.
It is a chance denied to many, to care for the elderly and repay all their love for us. I feel blessed, so hang in there. All will end well in the end. Have faith!
Yours lovingly,
Sue (Oct 27, 2012)
If you wish to read more, follow these in chronological order:
Since they are already published anyway, just sharing these if you have a few minutes to spare:
Read this first:
http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/10/third-letter-to-my-yo
unger-self-tegami.html
I admit I still have a lot to learn and I am still trying to improve on my manners, speech and thoughts. Sorry if I have offended anyone with my direct speech sometimes, and my hormonal emotional outbursts especially when I was younger and just newly married to the Lee family.
My reflection on mommy's illness started the second day after I found out (Dr Catherine told me at just before 5pm on Sept 5, 2012) - a snapshot of my 'journey' and what I have learned the past one month plus:
My week-long resolution's deadline is over. Seven days have passed and with the end of Tuesday for me, I am pleased to say that I've managed to clear a fair bit of my wardrobe.
My wardrobe can finally breathe now but I admit I can discard of more clothes.
I did resolve to clear out half my wardrobe. I failed. I only cleared out maybe a third or even less. I already gave away 3 bags and put aside a big bag to be sold as preloved clothing.
So mission is 75% completed. My in laws are coming down again next month so I resolve to further trim my wardrobe by next month. At least I've made some progress!!!
All three bags in the pix were given away and dropped into the charity collection bin already!
Instead of imagining her as her present adult self, I always have this image of her chubby baby face, literally as a cute toddler in my mind whenever I think of her.
I guess this is almost as close to the 'my child will always be my baby' mentality, only I am in the elder sister's role.
A blur pix from the past when my sister was a wee baby, the cutest baby ever!!! For the record, I am the elder sister, just in case anyone missed the point. :)
My sis and I have a funny relationship. We did not really 'click' until our age gap became closer, yeah right, as if we could change the year we were born.
What I mean is: When I was talking about boys, she was still talking about dolls. Then when I entered uni, she was still in school. Then I started to work, and she was still in school. Then I got my Masters, she only entered uni. Then I got married, she was still single and still in uni. You get the drift.
It wasn't until after I get married, and she started working herself, and then she got herself a guy and started a decent relationship, that we started to really click.
Before that it was more of a one-way-spoiling relationship.
I love spoiling her with gifts. Oh, she does give me gifts as well, more so now that she's working (and after me 'complaining' it has been mostly one-way and it's high time she reciprocate accordingly now that she's working as well!)
Heck, the first present I could recall her giving me was from a thrift shop - a cute plushie mobile phone holder, she was in uni when she gave me that birthday present. Then... nada. Cards don't count. hahaha. Okay, I am not gonna record all the presents or non-presents from my sister, I am more magnanimous than that! My point is, I love showering my sister with gifts! There was one year I gave her a gift every single month leading to her birthday. Small gifts, just because.
I repeat, I love showering my sister with gifts! Once, I recalled it was the year I was getting married and our extended family came down to follow the bride during the 'actual' day reception at the groom's side - in Chinese weddings, the groom's side is considered the tradition/ceremonial and the penultimate 'recognition' a couple gets to be recognised as a socially-recognised-married couple. I digress.
That year was 2007. We have a younger girl cousin who is the youngest daughter of my aunt. Oh, if that was the incident, it should be a year before my wedding. In December 2006 or was it 2005, my aunt's family visited us and we went shopping. As usual, being females, we shopped for shoes and clothes. Then, just when I was paying at the counter, my sister casually inserted a few items of her own and told me she wanted them, I agreed to pay for them without any resistence, then she added a few more items she fancied and I did not react negatively at all. Then our cousin Samantha reacted, she exclaimed loudly: "Ah ney hor eh!!! So good!!! My elder brothers never bought anything for me so willingly!" My sister smiled sheepishly and I didn't think much about it but I felt good as I made my sister feel good about it too.
Then when I got married, naturally, my sister became my bridesmaid. Erm... Maid of Honour. As per the customs, if we are to follow tradition, the bride and the groom are supposed to bestow gifts and tokens of appreciation to the Maid of Honour. In Chinese customs, we have a very practical gift, a traditional practice of giving 'red packets' or 'red envelopes' or "Hong Bao or Angpow" with money (usually notes and not coins) inside as a form of 'blessings'. Consider it similar to gift vouchers in the Western culture.
As per my habit with my only sister, I gave her not only a token of appreciation in a red packet WITH MONEY, of course, a pair of yellow gold earrings studs in heart-shape with diamond studs (not sure if I am making sense here), and many other smaller gifts.
She kept complaning she was very tired, having to manage so many things during my two wedding receptions, and I didn't think much about that and gave her more gifts to shut her up anyway.
It was a few months later when her best friend Alicia came for a sleepover where the Maid of Honour tokens of appreciation cropped up in our conversation that my sister shut her friend up immediately when Alicia said: "But you have so many things from your sister! When I was the maid of honour for my elder sister, I got so little...." she was cut short. My sister didn't want me to know that I over-gifted her... hahaha, sis, even if you didn't stop Alicia, I won't ask for the gifts back, I gave them to you because I wanted you to have them in the first place!
Everytime I returned from any overseas trip, I would buy something for my sister. Her collection of plushies (soft toys) from me are uncountable! I even exchange 'stamps' to redeem for cute plushies and thought of her when I shop to get more stamps.
As we share almost the same dress/top size, I know how to shop for her and I remember the first top I bought her was during my first job - I was a reporter and I went to Langkawi island in my first month of starting my job. I bought two shirts - a cream and a pink one and she still wears them till today - I have been working for 10 years up to 2012, so that's how old those shirts are today!
Since then, I have bought dresses, gowns, evening gowns, maxi dresses, blouse and tops or T-Shirts for no special reason, or on special occassion or just because for my little sister. When I got my first VS brassiere from the US, I knew her size and let her try on my whole selection (shopping loot) and let her choose two from the loot. FOR FREE! VS = Victoria's Secret for those uninitiated. We don't have VS over here in our country so it was a real treat!
Okay, this is becoming a journal to chronicle my gifts to my sister!!!
You are my only sister, my only birth sister anyway, and I love you dearly. If those gifts are not enough to represent my love for you, then there is still another half a lifetime (provided I live to my 60s) to make it up to you.
Happy Birthday, Wei (Abby), do know that no matter what happens you have an elder sister you can count on, no matter how sarcastic my remarks are, know that deep down, I really care and will always love you as my baby sister.
Love, Jie (Jie - pronounced jeeyay is Chinese Mandarin word for elder sis)
Pix Taken During our only brother's wedding in Nov 2011 - we wore the same shade of colour without planning beforehand, talk about sisters' intuition! She is my younger sister, so of course she looks younger, she is the one on the right, just in case you mix us up. lol
"Prepare to be dazzled." - Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point and Blink
I finally got down to 'reading' the audio CD of the "Freakonomics" by Steven D. Jevitt and Stephen J. Dubner, it is an audio CD read by Stephen J. Dubner.
The CD has been bought when hubby and I were rushing to literally buy up to the maximum limit for tax-relief purposes some more than one year ago, along with many other reading materials now lying nicely on multiple shelves at home.
I love Malcolm Gladwell, and I've heard of Steven Levitt, so that is strong enough reason for me to grab the Unabridged version of the Freakonomics - A rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything - and New York Times Bestseller (which is kinda like cheating as the co-author and the voice beind the CD, Dubner, writes for the New York Times, oh well).
Why do people cheat? Cheating may not be part of human nature but it still happens... whatever if worth having is worth cheating for - "Cheating is getting more for less".
Okay, I am not judging the authors... I am just paraphrasing from what I hear being read. Just couldn't resist the play of words.
"To catch a cheater, you have to think like one".
From the back cover of the CD case:
QUOTE
"Which is more dangerous, a gun or a swimming pool? What do schoolteachers and sumo wrestlers have in common? If drug dealers make so much money, why do drug dealers still live with their moms? How much do parents really matter? What kind of impact did Roe v. Wade have on violent crime?"
These may not sound like typical questions for an economist to ask. But Steven D. Levitt s not a typical economist. He is a much-heralded scholar who studies the riddes of everyday life - from cheating and crime to sports and child rearing - and whose conclusions regularly turn the conventionl wisdom on its head. Thus the new field of study contained in this book: Freakonomics.
Levitt and co-author Stephen J. Dubner showthat economics is, at root, the study of incentives - how people get what they want or need especially when other people want or need the same thing. In Freaknomics, they set out o explore the hidden side of ... well, everything. The inner workings of acrack gang. The truth abuot real-estate agents. The secrets of the Ku Klux Klan.
What unites all these stories is a belief that the modern world is even more intriguing than we think. All it takes is a new way of looking. Steven Levitt, through devilishly clever and clear-eyed thinking, shows how to see through all the clutter.
UNQUOTE
Hubby has returned from his work trip, hence I have put a hold to my listening of the 7 hours worth of audio. Yeah, it was more to entertain myself while I was home alone when hubby was away on his work trip those few days. I am hardly half way through, but I already like what I hear. Will continue with the rest when the time comes.
Don't be cheated, no matter how desperately you wish for a baby to adopt!
I saw the advertisement on one of the pages online, and copied the whole ad (sob story of unpaid rent and no money for doctor check-ups worth a few K) and wrote an email to this supposedly 'pregnant girl', though I do suspect she is actually a 'he' and the pregnant mother never existed.
The ad was posted on July 2, 2012. I emailed on July 9, 2012. I got a reply 5 hours later. For someone who has no money, it is amazing they still have internet access, eh?
I was feeling quite down and the No.1 thing that I am hoping for most fervently as those who have been following my blog for quite some time would know, yes, is to have my own child. My hormones have settled down after a few hours (yeah, my 'down time' lasts only several hours at most) and now my rational mind is trying to make sense of the story. It is obviously a case where RM8k is the 'minimum' price to pay UPFRONT!
There is no guarantee there is a baby in the end. You can kiss your RM8k good bye the moment you believe in it and pass the money to this guy, with pregnant mother or otherwise.
So please, don't commit by paying up front payments, it is considered buying and selling if you do that, you are only encouraging fraud and baby trafficking, so please, be patient, go through proper channel and yes, wish and hope and pray if you believe in the power of prayers.
In one of my 'down times' when the hormones surged too high or dipped too low, which doesn't happen that much lately, the maternal instinct tugged and pulled inside me, hence I went online and keyed in various keywords, looking for Baby For Adoption/Child For Adoption.
I looked on with envy when I see Americans (US citizens) are provided with International adoption agencies and even our neighbouring Singapore has their own adoption agency (which also caters for international adoption!), as compared to Malaysia - there is no official adoption agency, only the Social Welfare Department and the only baby hatch in Malaysia, Orphancare (orphancare.org).
The rest who help unwed mothers like shelters by various non-governmental organisations (NGO) does not make adoption their main priority, most of the girls chose to raise their babies after giving birth and only a small percentage gives up their baby for adoption.
However, there is a page on facebook that is started by a good soul to save unwanted babies from infanticide, there are many cases of baby dumping, most of the babies did not survive and it is the saddest thing for many to see the news reporting yet another baby dumping case. In this part of the world, it is still a social stigma for unmarried woman to be pregnant. To help save these innocent souls, Anak Angkat Untuk Dibela (AAUD) was started by a group of admin who worked closely with the Social Welfare Department (Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat) and they cater only to Malaysians who are Muslims.
I am a non-Muslim, and I don't qualify even though I am a Malaysian, so why am I highlighting them? In Malaysia, a non-Muslim adult can only adopt a non-Muslim child up to the age of 18. A Muslim adult/couple can adopt both Muslim and non-Muslim children, to protect the sanctity of Islam as the official religion of Malaysia. It's part of the constitution hence we are known as an Islamic country, but not all Malaysians are Muslims nor Malays, which is the common misconception of the world towards Malaysia.
Anyway, I digress. I feel that such a good cause is worth highlighting. On the basis of saving innocent lives and giving joy to potential parents who are really hoping and wishing for a child to love. Thumbs up for such a noble cause!
I know that the Indian community have their own private NGO, Christian-missionary-related shelters for girls, and Buddhist Welfare Homes and Shelters are available but the wait list for adoption, which isn't their main priority is very long.
We made it to a waiting list of one of those and it has been over a year, and still waiting. Someone we know have been on the wait list for years and in the end, they opted for private adoption (de facto adoption) where they deal directly with the birth mother.
Congratulations to adoptive parents who finally have a bundle of joy to call their own.
To all those who are still hoping and wishing, like me, just keep in mind that in our 'desperation' for a baby, do not fall prey to cheaters or those who are just out to fleece you of your hard earned money. Remember if they are sincere (ikhlas in BM), they will not rob you in broad daylight because raising a child is not cheap nowadays - milk formula, diapers, insurance, education, etc. If they are thinking for the good of their baby, they will not act so unreasonably. If they are, either they are really selfish or they mean to make 'profit' from the 'transaction' - that is when it becomes baby trafficking, and it is illegal.
As the title says, I love shopping so I decided to start a whole new blog about shopping and shopping alone!
First, for April 2012, I am offering the Coach wristlets and handbags I bought from my last US trip to fellow Malaysians, if there are no takers, I get to keep them, *glee* hahaha.
When I am not selling anything, I plan to blog about my most recent purchases, as a form of sharing with like-minded shoppers out there! A woman sure loves shopping especially when you know it's a great bargain!!!
I was going through the books that survived many house-moving from across the South China Sea and travelled the thousands of kilometres over and over again. Five years back, when I was still in my 20s, I could not bear the thought of giving up the books that I bought with my savings (as a student) and read over and over again. Okay, repeatedly, shouldn't overuse 'over and over' here.. but that's exactly what I did more than a decade ago.
More than 10 years have passed and now, I finally could let go and bid my Sweet Valley High, Sweet Valley University series and novels goodbye. Dropped them at the recycling and donation bin near my parents' place in Kuala Lumpur today.
Initially, I wanted to keep some of them (or maybe all of them) for my younger cousins who are still in their mid-teens.. maybe for my eldest goddaughter who'll be 10 this year.. but then again, it's better to give away to those who are nearer to me geographically and even though I do not know who will be reading them, I sure hope they will bring reading pleasure to many teens or young and old adults if they do get hold of them.
Goodbye Sweet Valley and countless of other girly novels. I've moved on.
It's more of a relief than anything else. I'm actually glad I'm older now. How simplistic were the mindset of the younger girls (I was one of them) and I could not help but shake my head as I read through the synopsis and the back cover and flip through the yellowed pages. Anyway, Sweet Valley represents my teens and early adulthood, SWEET as it is, life has never been better and I'm sure it will only get better from now on.. like old wine. :)
Happy Valentine's Everyone, and Happy belated Lunar New Year to all those celebrating.
