AFTER AWHILE

After awhile,
Time heals,
Hearts may soften,
But some harden,
Minds are fixed,
Memories distorted,
All seen through rosy lenses,
Or perhaps still buried in bitterness,
Seeing things through a tinted blurry window pane.

After awhile,
Why peace still eludes the world?
Senseless destruction
of humankind and nature
Warped thinking
Bent on twisted mindset
Still...


After awhile,
Does it matter?
Yes, then do something about it.
No, then say nothing about it.
Enough negativity in the world...

After awhile,
Some lose
Some win
Some gain
Some let go
Others indifferent
Some care till the end.

After awhile,
Children grow,
People age,
Some pass on,
Life goes on.

~ Been awhile... Sue Sept 11, 2014

Life and how things don't really turn out the way you wish/hope/planned, only better.

I have always dreamed of having a little girl. Heck, I even have two goddaughters, starting from 2011 when I was in my 20s, I love my little girls to bits, they are now in their early teen years and just so fate would have it, this year, 2014 my youngest goddaughter Zahraa is born in June, sharing this precious little pink bundle of sweetness with her parents is truly a blessing. So now I have 3 goddaughters.

So I guess life thinks I have got enough little girls to add colour to my life. And so we got a little boy of our own, our precious little boy born earlier last year, 2013... a complete surprise but a wonderful addition to our life.

When we were told we were having a boy, I will be lying if I say I was not a little bit disappointed. I have always wanted a little girl before I became a mother. SORRY SON, if you are reading this when you could read a few years down the line, please continue reading, come on. I love you son.

Gone were my dreams to wear my little girl in pretty nice dresses and with laces and frills and tie up her hair in cute ponytails or braid them, and wear matching outfit with my girl when we go out and feel so proud I have a mini me. Okay, now that I put it this way, it seems like my dream of having a little girl is purely for self-gratification to doll her up and to stroke my ego/pride, hahaha.

However, now that I don't have a little girl, I have found that having a little boy is a totally different wonderful experience that I have never even given a thought in most of my life up till 2013.

Sure, there is one extra stuff to take care of when you change the diaper, and the diaper rash can or cannot be worse than a little girl's, babies stuff aside... now that our little boy is a toddler and hitting his milestones... it is the little stuff that makes me smile and chuckle everyday.

Our son has this thing for wheels since he could sit up steadily by 6 months and would point at moving blades like fans and would use his finger pointer to move any wheels, be it luggage wheels stroller wheels, his miniature car/toy wheels, any wheel, he will be fascinated.

The moment he could master some vocals, he started making boom boom, ggggnggg ggnnggg sound from his throat. And now at 16 and a half months, he finally learns the proper raspberry pout with his lips and makes the brrrrrrrrrrr, engine revving sounds and it doesn't stop there, he will take anything and pretend it is steering wheel and turn, and when there is nothing for him to get hold off, he will clasp his fingers together and started turning his hands like they are wheels and 'pretend drive'. 16 freaking months old... and he cannot converse yet with his limited vocabulary but gggggnggg ggggng has been in his vocab since like he could respond to us, lol. He loves that word more than mama or papa!

And the brooooooom broooom doesn't stop there. We take baths together, I will be beside him while he plays with his cup and duckies and he will be making the revving sounds, entertaining himself while the shower sprinkles down. He splashes the water everywhere in bath, so it figures to take bath together because I will be wet anyway. Baths aside, and yes hubby and I both agree there is nothing to be ashamed of by the natural state of our birthsuits, our little boy is growing up fine and he has his preferences and gets all excited when his fav cartoon Rory the racing car is on... wheeels aside, he loves Olive the Ostritch and Fifi and the Flowertops as well, so I guess he is an all-rounder, or at least I hope he will be!

It is a delight to dress him up too!
After much searching, and boys outfit unfortunately are not as extensive as a girl's wardrobe... so it really was a much more gratifying success when I finally found nice outfits for my boy.

And yes, we can dress up in the same colour scheme and pose for pix. Our boy is quite the camera pleaser after 'the training' in front of the camera that he went through - crazy mama (me) snapped thousands of photos in his first months on Earth and yes it has slowed down to maybe a hundred pix or so a month now haha.

It is a delight to watch what new stuff he unleashes each day... he teaches us both to be better parents if we both listen and respond to his needs instead of vice versa. Patience is a virtue, yes, but patience can really save your life and sanity, we cannot rush things with our little ones, all in due time, and they will flourish when it is time, like a flower is supposed to be in bloom.

I guess we are in a comfortable relaxed environment now, just the three of us. I cannot imagine how life will be without our son, the laughter and cackles, how he grins and behaves playfully when he knows he did something funny and we are trying not to laugh. Even when we do get the rare night off for date night, both hubby and I would be talking about him and what he will say or do at the little things we stumble upon and when we finally picked him up, we are missing him more than ever... and he missing us. He knows we are his parents and he is our little boy. Nothing can change that.

A little girl suddenly appearing now as an addition into our family of three? hmm.... I won't say yes right away but I also won't say no. COME WHAT MAY... what will be, will be.

Even if we don't get a baby sister for our son, we are already complete as a family with his birth. Not to say another baby will not be as important or anything, a sibling will be a welcome addition in the family and love knows no bounds, so it will be a nice 'extension' of love and everything nice in life. And I don't support the notion of males being the more 'superior' gender and all, so I am gonna make sure our son never treats a female with anything but respect.

We love you so much baby boy, hugs and kisses. Thank you for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joys in ways we never imagined life would give us.

Love, Mama and Papa
June 30, 2014.

NOTE: *We have our baby son after nearly 6 years of marriage*

Talking about our problem is our greatest addiction...

Yeah, talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. 

Make the first move to break the habit. Talk about your joys.

Focus on what we have and not what we don't have. 

A reminder to self to set aside my grouses. Feeling really sick now, like the first major illness in a long while and mood/spirit is pretty low and all the recorded past came flooding back, playing over and over in my mind... some happy but partly unhappy... Bitter sweet past one year for our family.

Mommy, without you around this home isn't really the same. You shall always be the best mother-in-law I can ever wish for. For what I am lacking now, I take heart that in this situation you are always there for me, your words of wisdom, your selfless nature, what would mommy have to say about this, what would mommy do. Jan 24 is coming soon... Your first birthday after your passing. It will be hard for your son, it is hard enough for me so I can only imagine how hard it will be for him.

Our birthdays came and went without you last year... And our boy will be one soon, without you around... You are sorely dearly missed even if nearly a year has passed.

Bless us from the other side, mommy.

Hugs for eternity.

Sensitive Heart

I wonder how people can be so insensitive and when talking they just want to drag you in and make you feel bad, as bad as they are feeling.

Example, topic: having many kids does not guarantee they will grow up to be close to you. So one person, A person says B person shares the same fate. Then out of the blue, A says "like your parents, they have a son (my brother) but your brother isn't by their side, he just says he wanna fly and just flew away." Touché. 

Really touché.

It's not like my brother is overseas for fun. It's not like he doesn't call back on a weekly basis on the webcam to chat with face shown and whatsapp a few times a week. I bit my tongue to lash back. Useless to fight your point with this kinda person. They already see things through their tinted glass. If you refute one point, they will try to get another point to intentionally 'hurt' you so that you will feel almost as bad and as miserable as they are feeling.

I choose to learn to ignore those bullets and won't allow those words to be ammunition against me. 

What my brother does or what anyone dear to me does you can say all you want but only us know what is the real big picture. 

If saying such biased stuff makes you feel better in your miserable life, then I allow it, out of compassion, at least I am doing some merit/good deeds. 

I shall let it be and let it go. I shall let pity and compassion take over other negative feelings like anger and hurt.

Today, I make a conscious effort NOT to fall back to my old habit of replaying negative conversations over and over in my head. I choose to live life to the fullest and learn to pity those who can't and are envious of others. I have a brother who is a doctor and the pride of the family. Not many people can say that, can they? *wink*

Peace be unto this world where insecurities and ego make people fight over the smallest things.

2014

Dear Baby Boy,

You will no longer be a baby in a couple of months from now. Gosh, time passes by too fast and you will be a toddler soon!

It has been awhile since mama dusted off her court shoes (shoes that cover up your toes)... It won't be long before mama is out there doing what she does best and brushing up on her skills and expertise... Only this time on her own terms and time. You are still my lucky star my precious baby boy.

Mama loves you more and more each day.

Jan 8, 2014

Why is Life like this? Because it just is

Well, life throws some things that we may be unprepared for but usually nothing is greater than a loss, a loss of material things, loss of dream, loss of a dear relationship or a loss of life (death) of someone who know or even hold dear to our heart.

Yeah, death is inevitable. In between birth and death there is life and like a candle lit in the wind we never know when life will be snuffed out. We are just passing through this journey called life. 

In the past half a year alone, birth, illness, death have happened to many including myself. Just the past one month alone, people I know have witnessed the birth of their child, lost a child... Life lost so young RIP little angel, lost a pregnancy when your belly is growing with your anticipation, one got married, another broke up, And had someone dear falling ill (my prayers are still with you) and lost someone very dear to the other side, more than once sometimes in a short span of time. 

Such is life.

Celebrate life with its ups and downs.

However, life isn't all thorns without roses. Without these we won't appreciate the transient stuff because everything isn't permanent. Without the bitter we can never enjoy the sweet.

We will learn to treasure the present moments with our loved ones. 

Live like it is your last day on earth isn't cliche, it is very true. We don't even know what is going to happen the next moment so what right we have to claim that we have everything under control?

With birth there is death. It is what we make of the 'dash' in between that matters. What matters when you are lying down on your dying bed? Think about it and do something to reduce your regrets at the end of the day.

Stop the rat race and pause to enjoy the roses sometimes. Life is too short, too fleeting. Say I love you to your loved ones. Smile. Peace.

Pix by Jessica Coppadge, an admirable woman with strength and wisdom 

Missed Moment of Motherhood

Today my little one just rolled over for the first time from his back to his tummy and I wasn't there to witness it as I was at work....

I feel like I missed one important milestone in my baby's life and feel dreadful after that, I still feel awful as I am typing this so I feel that something's gotta give.... Hmmmm anyway, I digress.

Motherhood is not all bed and roses and taking a tip from one article directed at new mothers, I follow this one golden rule: Take time to look at the pictures of your little one when he is asleep. Looking at pictures of him is totally different from looking at your baby because when you are looking at him you are pressured to meet his needs and cater to him while you will appreciate the miracle your little one is if you look at the pix which gives you an overall sense of wonder at this little bundle of joy. 

I have been shielding my son from the virtual public world since his birth with his face mosaic off on this blog and now that he's over 4 months old, here's an unflattering pix of him with his eyes shut when he took a short nap in the car seat today, tired after playing for the whole afternoon at grandparents' house. He is so very much loved. We love you baby boy. Hugs and kisses. 

"I Need Sleep" - Parents/Carers for Most Infants

Sleep deprived parents/carers of infants need not be embarrassed to occasionally ask for help just to get some rest and the much needed shut-eye.

Today is the weekend of our 6th Anniversary of hubby and me getting legally married and we asked my parents if they'd kindly take our 8-week-old baby as we would like to celebrate on a date. My mom agreed to babysit our boy for an afternoon till 8.30pm.

After dropping our baby son off at my mom's we checked out a local computer fair and soon after, we were checking out the movie show times on our mobile when I felt tired and mentioned it to hubby.

Anyway, I then recalled and related to hubby, an article I read before our son was born, about new parents should not feel bad or even embarrassed for taking a much needed nap during 'date night' when the baby caring duties are being relieved by someone trusted.

Hubby thought about it for awhile and asked if I would like to rest over a movie. I said yes. We then turned back home and now hubby is sleeping soundly beside me. My turn to snooze off now if I am to survive the night shift later.

After five years of celebration of our anniversary without a child, I think this is the first anniversary celebrated with a significant twist, so we will always remember we have a small baby boy during this year's anniversary.

Happy anniversary to us and may we get enough rest and stay healthy for our little family.

Welcome to parenthood!

Pix of our sleeping baby boy. Face mosaic to protect our baby's privacy. :)

My Mother-In-Law's 62th Birthday

It is mommy's birthday today, my MiL is 62 today, Jan 24, 2013... we cried last year when we thought she couldn't make it beyond 2012 or even live to see age 62, but now here she is, a living miracle.

Pix below shows mommy today, wearing her new hat to cover her balding head. She actually is clinically improving. We are glad she is still with us.

We don't dare to look too far ahead, we don't dare to speculate, we take one step at a time now and count our blessings every single day, thank you for the prayers and good thoughts sent her way!

Hugs,
Sue

GOOD TO SHARE: NEVER GIVE UP

The "Misunderstood" Kids - We are not stupid, we are just misunderstood.

This blogpost is an English translation from Bahasa Malaysia (Malaysia's National Language), also written by the same author, Sue - Versi asli dalam Bahasa Malaysia di sini

WARNING: LONG BLOGPOST AHEAD

The Malaysian national education sistem's core is based on one mission - that is for children aged 7 to 12 to be able stay in primary (elementary) school, which is made compulsory by law, and upon completing six years in primary school, the child should be able to achieve basic skills like Reading, Writing and Counting/Arithmetic. In Bahasa Malaysia, they are called the 3M - Membaca, Menulis dan Mengira, which translates to Reading, Writing and Counting - the '-ing' in English is equivalent to 'Me-' in Bahasa Malaysia.

As far as I know, the 3M concept has been incorporated in Malaysia's education stem since the 'Learning' era before everything was standardised to 'Education'.

I would like to share some anecdotes on the Malaysian education system, especially the primary (elementary) school education in Malaysia.

Not every student age 7 (on 31 December of that year or on Jan 1 the following year), who started Primary One (Standard One knows how to read or write. Despite the trend for children to start going to pre-school before their Primary School years start at the age of 7, there are stil some families who cannot afford to send their kids to pre-school. Hence, in some areas, there are teachers who have to deal with a big gap of the level of Mastery of the 3M skills among students.

I still remember, our teachers would beam with pride when their 'good' students could write all the 26 letters in the alphabets and pronounce all the syllables in the words without any flaws. When some students kept quiet, they will be called 'stupid' and ridiculed in many manners. When I think back, I shudder to ponder on the possible trauma and psychological effects on these students who are laughed at by the whole class just because they are labelled as 'stupid' or dumb. Some teachers (only a fraction, not all), tend to laugh and ridicule others who cannot fulfill the society's requirements of 'normal' which is the basic learning standards like reading and writing properly. If the students are slower a little bit in academic performance, they will surely be laughed at and called 'stupid'.

Why am I moved to write this article?

I HAVE A GOOD FRIEND, let's call her Madam A, who shared with me her tale of her son's 'predicament' not too long ago.

Her son, N, cannot talk as a normal 6-year-old.

"Trust me, Sue, we have sought out government specialist clinic, underwent tests and our kid is normal, he is not autistic. He is only delayed in speech. Many people commented that we are irresponsible parents, we fail to teach our son to talk. However, N's elder sisters had no speech delay. We do not want our son to be like this!

"The most hurtful is when people leer at our son when he uttered incomprehensible words like 'ya ya ta ta' while pointing to something that caught his attention. To add salt to injury, There was once when a doctor acted as if our son. N, is mentally ill," lamented Madam A.

Madam A is concerned that her son N will be labelled as stupid in primary school when he is 7 in 2013.

Some teachers (not all, perhaps only a fraction) are of the habit to be impatient at slow students, some even go to the extent of scolding the words "stupid and fools" in front of the rest of the class.

This brought back memories from over 20 years ago. There was a boy named Larry who moved to our school in Standard Four from a village school. Being a school in town, our standards of education were on quite on par with those from the city. We were shocked when Larry could barely read and write. At age 10, he only knew all 26 alphabets and could not string the letters together. It was painstaking just watching him read a single word, "S-A sa Y-A ya, saya". Of course he was laughed at and he laughed at himself as well. According to my classmates, Larry returned to his village after Standard Six and there is no more news from him after that.

There are always a small fraction of children like N and Larry, yet they are not considered seriously impaired that they needed to be classified 'mentally retarded'.

How can we provide equal education opportunity for these kids in Malaysia, or as a matter of fact, in the whole world? Like in Larry's case, the remedial teacher helped to nurture him to a certain extent where he could spell out basic words and make simple sentences in that short few years (age 10-12).

Teachers cannot afford to spend more time on slower students so the 'slow' are usually left behind while 'the normal ones' are focused upon by the teachers.

This post is NOT meant to lash out at anyone, just to share some thoughts.

Reminder to Self

This serves as a reminder to myself:

I may be stressed but if I compare the things that are stressing me out, others may have it worse than me, so I am blessed to be stressed by these things;

I may be irked with whatever or whoever now but others may have it worse than me, so I am blessed to be irked by them now, I know it could be much worse;

I may be aware of the growing fine lines on my face, but I have a face to look back at me when I look into the mirror, and I am comfortable in my skin, and for that I am grateful;

I may be fatter than those thinner than me but I am healthy (relatively) and fine, and I have all my faculties complete, mental, physical and emotional, I can walk with my fat calves, My stubby fingers are able, and I am me for all that I am worth;

I may feel lost or unloved but ultimately if I am not loving myself enough, how can another love me when I myself deem myself worthy of my own love?

I look back and count my blessings, I look around now and count my blessings and with a heart full of gratitude, I remind myself that I am grateful for all that has been bestowed upon me;

I may stumble in life and have low period of mood, but ultimately I have always picked myself up no matter how hard it was, and this time around, I can do it too!

There is a reason I am still alive, and until the day I really die, there is still a reason I am alive. Sometimes there are more than one reason, so REMEMBER THAT!

Sue* Jan 17, 2013.

Pix taken in April 2012, at Orlando, Florida, USA.

NEVER GIVE UP

Happy 2013

2013 is at the door... REMEMBER life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, love truly and unconditionally, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!

(Excerpt from a modified text message/SMS)

May the coming year be one with peace and harmony for the world.

Signing off,
Sue, Dec 31, 2012.

Pix below is in memory of an amazing woman, Nobel Prize winner Rita Levi-Montalcini. RIP Rita!

20.12.2012

Dec 20, 2012, a nice number 20.12.2012.

This year 12.12.12 took the first prize as the most special date for the year and the next one shall be today. Or maybe Dec 21 tops every other date due to the hype it is the end of the world according to the Mayans? I don't know. Doesn't matter.

Since it has been more than a week since my last update, this shall be another reflection post.

A living miracle is at my home in the form of my mother-in-law who is fighting cancer and I am reminded of how blessed we are in life each day.

She is still alert, still can talk coherently and she still can eat and drink a little although she is mostly bed bound. She can stand up with assistance and support, to transfer to a wheelchair so she isn't exactly totally weak, there is still hope as she is eating and she has energy, although not as much as we'd like her to.

There are ups and downs in the last few months. With each down we are tested again and again, all of us in the family, especially the three of us who are the primary care giver. The learning curve is rather steep. When you are only given weeks to live, suddenly other things in life, it pales in comparison and becomes trivial all of the sudden.

Nothing is more important than matters concerning 'Life and death'. When time is running out and you know the end is near, what will YOU do?

Thought for today, as according to the Mayans, the world will end tomorrow. *chuckle*

The pix is a memorable one taken on Dec 14, 2012, a personal note to self to never ever forget that day. :) A life changing day you can say. *smiles*

Happy Year End, Merry Christmas and a Happy 2013! If the world is really ending tomorrow then I can tell myself I have no regrets. :)

12.12.12

A post to commemorate 12.12.12, Dec 12, 2012, a Wednesday.

On this special date, a unique occurrence in our Gregorian calendar, many couples tie the knot and have their wedding today, some plan to deliver their baby today, maybe some plan to depart this world today? I don't know.

For me, I am counting my blessings and the living miracle in the form of my mother-in-law, she defies all odds and she is still alive today despite the bleak prognosis from doctor of her end-stage cancer.

Each day is a gift, an extension from the estimated end, we are living in the moment and taking it a day at a time, each day with her is a blessing. She is alert and can carry conversations with us. We feel blessed she is still with us. I know this means a whole lot to hubby and all at home, it means a lot to me too. We treasure and cherish each moment together.

There is always a silver lining in the clouds and through each obstacle and challenge the lessons gained are truly priceless, whatever doesn't break you makes you stronger. Yeah, I have found out that adage is true.

The past few months have been full of turmoil. Yup, it has been a bumpy ride with emotional roller coaster where we nearly lost Mommy three times but she pulled through each time.

We are all the same yet not exactly the same inside compared to a month ago, a week ago, a day ago... we are ever so growing and learning with each passing day, we are progressing spiritually and growing stronger inside, building our mental strength.

I like who I have become now compared to the me a month or two ago. More resilient and actually 'calmer', yeah, I surprised myself that I can actually be so calm. Conquered my fear of needles as we took turns to administer the jabs twice daily, we hardly cringe now when we see blood and pus oozing out from her sores, and they are improving much to our relief, we faced the Truth and open communication really opens many doors with closed doors, we learned to let go a whole lot and found that by doing so we are able to receive more blessings.

It is true that we don't ever stop learning in life. I am thankful for everything I have and look forward to everything I will ever have in life. Gratitude and humility go hand in hand. Happy 12.12.12 everyone!

Random pix below shows the newest addition to our aquarium/tank, meet Pearly the puffiest, roundest Goldie ever!!!

Quote of the day

Everything can be taken from a man except one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. ~ Viktor Frankl.

So don't ever ever say you "don't have a choice". Life is a matter of making decisions and choices about how YOU want to respond to Life.

Everyone has a choice, starting with think positively as opposed to think negatively.

Remember the choice is always yours. Quitters say it is impossible, winners go get it done without much excuses or even negative thoughts about how big the challenge may be.

All talk no action will only result in the below as depicted in the image.

Food for thought on Nov 22, 2012.

Dealing with Terminal Illness and Death

I was taking a video of the congregation of Catholic devotees praying while facing the Mother Mary image that appeared since last Friday, Nov 9, 2012 at Sime Darby Medical Centre, Subang Jaya, Malaysia, when another lady, Blonde haired, blue-eyed, a rare view of Caucasian in this predominantly Asian society, came up beside me and snapped a photo as well.

Her name is Tina, I introduced myself first as Sue and shook her hand and she gave me her name. Apparently this middle-age pretty lady is a teacher at an international school and she was visiting her colleague, a Canadian lady who is battling breast cancer which has spread to the bones.

Tina was actually heading to the opposite direction to wait for her husband to pick her up, unbeknownst to me, yet our short five-minute-conversation drew her towards my direction, heading to the parking lot.

Our conversation went like this (mind you we are complete strangers and I still don't know her last name):

Tina: I am a Christian and I believe in God but to grasp on to such an image, I just cannot believe it.

Sue: Yeah, when the world gets too tough, people tend to look for hopes in all the places, something to cling on to with the hope their prayers will be answered.

Tina: Exactly! They ask me, "Don't you believe in God? I said, "Yes, I believe in God but not like this."

At this point I kept my camera phone and I walked towards the opposite direction Tina was heading. That was when I extended my hand in friendship and said "I'm Sue" and she was taken aback before taking my hand and muttered "Tina", I had to ask for her name again so I can hear it clearer (early deafness in my ears *shudder*).

Tina: So you are here to visit a patient?

Sue: My mother-in-law is sick. She has cancer, terminal stage. (I didn't answer if I was there visiting or just getting meds or any other reason as that is immaterial).

Tina: I am here to visit my friend too. She has breast cancer, had both her breasts removed and now it has spread to her bones and she is refusing all treatment from the doctor. We went out for a movie last week and she was still fine and now she is back to the hospital as she has been vomiting.

Sue: Why is she refusing treatment?

Tina: She says she believes in the alternative healing and she goes for acupuncture and herbs which she believes really help her. She says she refuses to believe she will die of cancer. She quoted her own mother who removed one breast many years ago and now at 80, she is still alive, so she will be like her own mother, she said she will not die of cancer.

I shook my head while I think back of many personal experiences of people dealing with death and went into serious denial as that is their coping mechanism.

Sue: That is serious denial.

Tina: Yes, she is in denial. She is beyond counseling and we all know she is stubborn. She says she is planning to go back to Canada because that is where she is from, but not now because she cannot get all the alternative treatment there. She will only go back to die. And she believes she is NOT dying.

Sue: Of course we hope she will recover, there are cases where willpower creates miracles but if her condition deteriorates which they usually will, since her cancer has already spread, she will no longer be fit for a long plane ride back to Canada soon! Didn't anyone tell her that?

Tina: She is stubborn. If you tell her to fly back to Canada now that is like telling her you will die for sure. And she cannot get her treatment there (alternative healing) which she believes is helping her get better.

Sue: That is a difficult situation. Does her family know. Didn't they talk to her?

Tina: Yeah, they know. But she is stubborn. She hasn't even named the beneficiary of her EPF (Employees Providence Fund).

Sue: Is she married to a local then? How old is she?

Tina: No, she is single. She's 52. There's quite a lot in her EPF which she plans to give to her mother.

Sue: 52, So young. But someone's gotta go to her and 'shake her' to let her see the reality of the situation?

Tina: Yeah. I am going to talk to my colleagues at the international school.

I was about to pay for my parking fees when I motioned Tina to pay hers but then she realized she is way off her route.

She asked me how to get out from there to the entrance and I pointed her out.

In a spontaneous gesture, just like how I first extended my hand in friendship, Tina muttered "Thank you for the chat, you are so strong to care for another person" and she extended both her arms, wide open, and we hugged. I said "This can happen to anyone regardless of race. Cancer is very common nowadays. Good luck (with your friend)."

We smiled genuinely at each other, and I can never forget Tina's clear sky-blue-eyes.

Then we parted ways. Two strangers who crossed path just because we love taking photos with our phones. Nov 16, 2012, Friday.

You may be interested in: http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/30-days.html

When our best is not enough

"Sometimes it is not enough that we do our best; we must do what is required." ~ Sir Winston Churchill

What is required means what is needed and hopefully what is right, morally, ethically and socially.

Food for thought on Nov 14, 2012

View taken from my mother-in-law's ward when she was still hospitalized at Hospital Kuala Lumpur on Nov 11, 2012

http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/09/when-darkness-seemed-forever-first-ray.html

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build them up with work out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

P/S - And the women shall be equals? Ah well, we get the drift, Kipling. Shall strive to excel and persevere while keeping our virtues. Thanks for the motivating poem which tide me through my preteen years and now in my 30s.

Happy 11th Birthday to my eldest god daughter Rachel dearie, 11.11.2012 and she is 11! Gotta love her birth date! Mommy loves you too!

Child's Play - Wildflowers and Playing House

Seeing these wildflowers, a sense of déjà vu came over me.

Some 30 years ago, or maybe less, the little Sue used to pick wild flowers and play 'House' or in Malay, 'masak-masak'. Once in awhile, there will be a wedding and sometimes due to a lack of boys playing the game, a girl shall be the groom. The bride always wear the wild flowers in her hair, tucked behind her ears, every little girl wanted to be the bride so we can look pretty with the wild flowers in our hair.

Fast forward 30 years later, half of us have married and quarter of us are mothers. Another half are still single. The game has taken place on a bigger setting called "Life". How far we have come from those bygone days of innocence and child's play.

Life has been quite good to me with many lessons along the way. I look back with no regrets. Hope it is the same for everyone.

Post script: I think I just showed the whole world my palm. It's okay, as long as no random fortune teller/palm reader gives me a similar prediction he gave Arnold the California Governor that he isn't gonna live beyond age 49 and see how old he is now. Random, I know. :)

Quote of the day on Halloween 2012

“@WEPromote: Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Kahlil Gibran”

These past two months (since Sept), relationships have been pulled closer as the martriarch of my husband's family, my mother-in-law (MIL) is diagnosed with cancer and the battle with the disease actually brought all family members closer together.

The one thing that is the most significant is the husband and wife, my in-laws, the couple who had been married for 40 years, who never held hands in public or kisses or even hugged or shown any public display of affection (PDA)... They have grown not only closer but more loving in these past two months. It is true that love manifests itself especially more so if you know you risk losing love.

In adversity good things rises, like a Phoenix that rises from the ashes, so shall we overcome this difficult challenge and pull through as a united family, loving and caring. We are cautiously optimistic now.

Pix below: The third bouquet of flowers/roses from my father-in-law to his beloved wife. No roses for 40 years and suddenly three bouquets in two months. Love is great, love is wonderful. :)