Year End Post

It is the last month of 2014.

As usual, a nostalgic post.

Or maybe a reflective one.

Or maybe just another rambling post as usual.

Now, I have got many 'usuals' that is rather confusing isn't it?

ONE THING which hasn't been 'usual' lately is posting on this blog.

I would like to say I have been busy. But then again, like exercise, busy isn't a good excuse and not blogging isn't really excusable if I wanna call myself a blogger isn't it?

2015 is dawning.

Made a resolution to start a book on my late Mother-In-Law (MIL) when she passed in 2013, yes I started on that. It is still a work in progress... the emotions are still raw when the pages are flying... when I typed. Tears and chuckles as I relived those moments and putting them into words.

Made a resolution in 2013 when I had my son to quit putting so much emphasis on my career and focus more on my family, yes, I did... for awhile, and now I am guilty of putting more emphasis on my career now that he is nearly 2.

Made a resolution early 2014 to work out more... that is a failure. However, I have been walking a lot and usually walk minimum 5000-10,000 steps a day depending on the day.

In my mid-30s now, and life has been kind so far. Perhaps I am more mellow and less demanding, all in the mind, I guess.

Lost many good souls this year including my godfather... and a dear friend, and accompanied the last journey of a friend's dad... and the impending death of a dear family friend... and news of death of little ones as well, one known to a personal friend of mine.. life is just so so short... too brief, too fleeting. This year has seen me trying to make my mark, trying to make a difference knowing just how limited the years we have on Earth, some called me bold because I made some rash but necessary decisions, but so far no regrets. I don't mull over my own decisions.

But I am still learning how to let go of some past wrongs done to me, I am only human, it may take years to forgive and more years to forget.. my heart is still hurting and the memories still fresh, so pardon my being weak in the flesh in my human form as I still bear some serious grudges. May take some time for me to be Enlightened to truly let go of these human traits.

At the end of the day, no amount of money is ever going to be enough without one precious thing = Contentment. No life is going to be complete without one thing = Love.  No one is ever going to be truly happy without joy of giving and being truly happy for others without feeling bitter or jealous. Saintly words? Saints were humans like you and me too. Enough of wars and conflict and also ridiculous politics campaigning for the trivial issues while neglecting the real issues in this world. We need more WORLD PEACE and ditch the feeling of superiority over another living being.
 
So another year has gone. We shall see how next year will be. As long as we are still breathing, life is good, the best has yet to come. If I don't post till next year, have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year 2015.

p/s - Heck I just realised I have a tag/label called year end registered.. so this is really a yearly blog post come every year end. Enjoy the rest of 2014 everyone. *Peace*

AFTER AWHILE

After awhile,
Time heals,
Hearts may soften,
But some harden,
Minds are fixed,
Memories distorted,
All seen through rosy lenses,
Or perhaps still buried in bitterness,
Seeing things through a tinted blurry window pane.

After awhile,
Why peace still eludes the world?
Senseless destruction
of humankind and nature
Warped thinking
Bent on twisted mindset
Still...


After awhile,
Does it matter?
Yes, then do something about it.
No, then say nothing about it.
Enough negativity in the world...

After awhile,
Some lose
Some win
Some gain
Some let go
Others indifferent
Some care till the end.

After awhile,
Children grow,
People age,
Some pass on,
Life goes on.

~ Been awhile... Sue Sept 11, 2014

Not so smart phones

I got an upgrade late 2013 when I got iPhone 5s while still keeping my old faithful iPhone 4. 

As fate would have it, my iPhone 5s started having hardware problems by restarting itself again and again at the most unexpected times. Hence it was sent back to the Apple factory to claim warranty.

I got a replacement phone but was not offered any phone to loan while I was phone-less. I didn't expect a temporary phone to use but then I received a survey from apple and while filling up I saw aquestion  asking if I was offered a phone to use while my iPhone was in repair. I replied no and suddenly felt short changed. The SIM card gotta be changed many times from nano (for 5s) to micro for any other smart phones just for this purpose.

Anyway I digress got back my phone albeit a different phone and everything worked one until it refuses to charge.

The phone just why dead and refused to charge. Managed to revive it until it charged until 15% and then it refuses to charge again. Very tempted to buy original apple cable but read the reviews they don't last more than 6months. 

To top it off my Samsung galaxy s4 has been cranky too and refuses to charge.

What's up with these advanced smart phones refusing To charge?

Geez. How can I use them if they are having flat batteries?

Guess it will be back to repair or iPhone 5s and perhaps S4.

Life and how things don't really turn out the way you wish/hope/planned, only better.

I have always dreamed of having a little girl. Heck, I even have two goddaughters, starting from 2011 when I was in my 20s, I love my little girls to bits, they are now in their early teen years and just so fate would have it, this year, 2014 my youngest goddaughter Zahraa is born in June, sharing this precious little pink bundle of sweetness with her parents is truly a blessing. So now I have 3 goddaughters.

So I guess life thinks I have got enough little girls to add colour to my life. And so we got a little boy of our own, our precious little boy born earlier last year, 2013... a complete surprise but a wonderful addition to our life.

When we were told we were having a boy, I will be lying if I say I was not a little bit disappointed. I have always wanted a little girl before I became a mother. SORRY SON, if you are reading this when you could read a few years down the line, please continue reading, come on. I love you son.

Gone were my dreams to wear my little girl in pretty nice dresses and with laces and frills and tie up her hair in cute ponytails or braid them, and wear matching outfit with my girl when we go out and feel so proud I have a mini me. Okay, now that I put it this way, it seems like my dream of having a little girl is purely for self-gratification to doll her up and to stroke my ego/pride, hahaha.

However, now that I don't have a little girl, I have found that having a little boy is a totally different wonderful experience that I have never even given a thought in most of my life up till 2013.

Sure, there is one extra stuff to take care of when you change the diaper, and the diaper rash can or cannot be worse than a little girl's, babies stuff aside... now that our little boy is a toddler and hitting his milestones... it is the little stuff that makes me smile and chuckle everyday.

Our son has this thing for wheels since he could sit up steadily by 6 months and would point at moving blades like fans and would use his finger pointer to move any wheels, be it luggage wheels stroller wheels, his miniature car/toy wheels, any wheel, he will be fascinated.

The moment he could master some vocals, he started making boom boom, ggggnggg ggnnggg sound from his throat. And now at 16 and a half months, he finally learns the proper raspberry pout with his lips and makes the brrrrrrrrrrr, engine revving sounds and it doesn't stop there, he will take anything and pretend it is steering wheel and turn, and when there is nothing for him to get hold off, he will clasp his fingers together and started turning his hands like they are wheels and 'pretend drive'. 16 freaking months old... and he cannot converse yet with his limited vocabulary but gggggnggg ggggng has been in his vocab since like he could respond to us, lol. He loves that word more than mama or papa!

And the brooooooom broooom doesn't stop there. We take baths together, I will be beside him while he plays with his cup and duckies and he will be making the revving sounds, entertaining himself while the shower sprinkles down. He splashes the water everywhere in bath, so it figures to take bath together because I will be wet anyway. Baths aside, and yes hubby and I both agree there is nothing to be ashamed of by the natural state of our birthsuits, our little boy is growing up fine and he has his preferences and gets all excited when his fav cartoon Rory the racing car is on... wheeels aside, he loves Olive the Ostritch and Fifi and the Flowertops as well, so I guess he is an all-rounder, or at least I hope he will be!

It is a delight to dress him up too!
After much searching, and boys outfit unfortunately are not as extensive as a girl's wardrobe... so it really was a much more gratifying success when I finally found nice outfits for my boy.

And yes, we can dress up in the same colour scheme and pose for pix. Our boy is quite the camera pleaser after 'the training' in front of the camera that he went through - crazy mama (me) snapped thousands of photos in his first months on Earth and yes it has slowed down to maybe a hundred pix or so a month now haha.

It is a delight to watch what new stuff he unleashes each day... he teaches us both to be better parents if we both listen and respond to his needs instead of vice versa. Patience is a virtue, yes, but patience can really save your life and sanity, we cannot rush things with our little ones, all in due time, and they will flourish when it is time, like a flower is supposed to be in bloom.

I guess we are in a comfortable relaxed environment now, just the three of us. I cannot imagine how life will be without our son, the laughter and cackles, how he grins and behaves playfully when he knows he did something funny and we are trying not to laugh. Even when we do get the rare night off for date night, both hubby and I would be talking about him and what he will say or do at the little things we stumble upon and when we finally picked him up, we are missing him more than ever... and he missing us. He knows we are his parents and he is our little boy. Nothing can change that.

A little girl suddenly appearing now as an addition into our family of three? hmm.... I won't say yes right away but I also won't say no. COME WHAT MAY... what will be, will be.

Even if we don't get a baby sister for our son, we are already complete as a family with his birth. Not to say another baby will not be as important or anything, a sibling will be a welcome addition in the family and love knows no bounds, so it will be a nice 'extension' of love and everything nice in life. And I don't support the notion of males being the more 'superior' gender and all, so I am gonna make sure our son never treats a female with anything but respect.

We love you so much baby boy, hugs and kisses. Thank you for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joys in ways we never imagined life would give us.

Love, Mama and Papa
June 30, 2014.

NOTE: *We have our baby son after nearly 6 years of marriage*

Life, Death and Love

Between life and death there is love.

It is who and how we love that makes a difference.

I have the privilege of attending a funeral of a dear friend's dad today. Monday, May 14, 2014.

They played 'you raise me up' by Josh Groban at the final farewell at the church before the casket was whisked away in the car... The music and the tears got to me and brought me back to my late MIL's passing and those who passed on before her whom I have had the privilege of knowing....

The final kiss, the final look, the final farewell before your loved one is laid to rest... either buried or cremated.... 

Have you loved and truly lived so far? Where can we improve and what else can we do? 

Pix of the last rite, placing the flower in the coffin before the casket is closed one final time and whisked into the crematorium.

My friend Mary and I hugged tightly and sobbed without saying anything for a good 3 minutes or maybe more... United in our sorrow of having to part with a loved one.

RIP Uncle Pang. 

May all who went before us rest in peace.

Disclaimer: I am not a Catholic nor a Christian but was raised in a multi religious environment so I have no taboo against death or anything or even be in another religion's place of worship. It is all in our mind, our perspective.  

First year death anniversary

19.03.2013 was when you left us when your youngest grandson was exactly 30 days old.

A year has passed, you are deeply missed and fondly remembered by those you left behind. 

While Fate may seem like playing a cruel joke on us, taking away a loved one just after we got our son... It serves as a lesson in life for us, one year on, we could see what lesson Fate was trying to impart to us.

A somber reminder of the fleeting nature of life. With birth there is death. With joy there is sadness. With every gain there is a loss. That's the balance of nature. Life....

 

RIP mommy. My only mother-in-law.

RIP TH Lu, former Tribune photographer

RIP TH Lu, former Sarawak Tribune photographer. 

He breathed his last this morning, March 16, 2014. He is 62. Another death/passing away due to the big C - cancer.

I called him Godpapa and he looked out for me every time we were assigned together when I was a reporter and he the photographer for the English daily I used to work at. When I was married, he was the photographer for my wedding reception in Kuching. Gosh, I am still in shock. I will remember you in my prayers, Papa Lu.

Rest in peace.

Repair work after Fire

A month after the fire, insurance company gave the greenlight for repair work to start...  a month of being rendered homeless, we've got a house yet we cannot stay there, pending repair.

Anyway we need to pay the contractor first out of our own pockets, pending insurance disbursement of the money.  Pix taken the night before real work starts. Smaller stuff are mostly moved to my cousin's house where her spare room is now full of our stuff. Bigger stuff like furniture are stacked up together and covered like this to prevent dust from landing on them.

We should be moving back into our home sweet home by Easter. Can't wait.

Full fire story a few blogposts back.

Lose, Loss, Losing, Lost

Standing here alone in an empty house where things are half packed into boxes and the walls and ceilings are still half or mostly still covered in soot after the fire on Feb 3, Monday early morning at dawn 5-6am... Today is Friday, Day 5 after the fire....

Standing here from the position of where only a year ago my Late mother-in-law was resting daily in her lazy chair when she was stricken with end-stage cancer, looking at her photograph staring back at me nearly did it for me. I felt like curling into a ball on this soot-covered floor and cry like a baby.

At that time, when we gained a baby boy, our precious son, 30 days later we lost the matriarch (hubby's mother) in Lee family. We lose the closest link to my husband's family. Things were never the same after that.

After this fire, it was as if we were shook to our very core to bring us back to reality. Hubby said he felt as if the cloud just disappeared and he could see now.

Another thing that caught our attention was how the smoke went around this Buddha image stuck on the wall.

This is the same Buddha image that our late mommy prayed to daily when she couldn't move when her cancer ate away her mobility as well. Perhaps her energy was still there, protecting us, protecting our small family. Perhaps holy images/items are really blessed and through this fire incident, we could see how blessed we were, whatever religion you are professing, holy items are truly blessed. An inch away from many more destruction or even loss of life... We were and are truly blessed. 

Gotta keep that in mind so I won't be losing my mind in dealing with being rendered homeless for at least a month... The electricity still trips (whole house shut down) when we try to use some power socket/point... This is not a safe place for residence until stuff are repaired... Waiting for insurance approval now....

Anyway, not gonna end this on a somber note. It is still the first two weeks of the New Lunar Year of the Horse. 

Instead of mulling on things we are losing or have lost... We should remind ourselves of our blessings... Thankful for just being alive.

Life indeed is blessed for everyone because just being able to breathe is a blessing in itself. Thank you.

May everyone be blessed with peace, good health and joy.

CLICK HERE FOR THE FIRE STORY

Fire at Home - Sharing from Malaysia

Sharing some sort like a diary/journal of our experience with fire at home on Feb 3, 2014, the fire broke at dawn, 5-6am.

Two hours plus after the 6am fire at 8something am... Returned home and saw my mobile phone survived and started sending out messages to loved ones and family/friends:

Feb 3, 2014 - Monday. 4th day of CNY

FIRST UPDATE:

Fire early in the morning at our home. We are saved by the baby crying. Siang put out the fire at living room faulty electrical point. Bomba (firemen) came n went. Today will be busy lodge police report n making insurance claim. Luckily we have baby Ray who woke us up....

THEN....

Tentatively, for the cause, the fire department determined it is an old faulty socket/electrical plug point. Our house is bought second hand... 

And please all of us make it a point to install a fire extinguisher and also a smoke detector alarm because not everyone has a baby like Ray to wake them up... Most people die not because of the burning fire but the smoke that knock them unconscious....

UPDATE Feb 3, 2014, 10++pm....Malaysian time:

14 hours plus have passed since 6am this morning. We are like in a daze... Like we are walking in our dream... We had a fire at our home?!?

Been to police station, been to the fire department and will need to return tomorrow, need to settle insurance claim tomorrow, cleaning has not even started since we are NOT supposed to clean till the insurance adjusters come to assess the damages so we cannot sleep or stay at our soot-covered home for at least a few days... At my mom's home now, all three of us safe and sound. Maid was with my mom in Borneo for CNY and they just touched down in KL today. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CONCERN AND WELL WISHES ON FB, pm, whatsapp, SMS, phone call to me and my family. We are truly touched. If it wasn't for baby Ray's cry and scream, we would not be alive...if it was just a few more seconds later, Our only exit out would be blocked... If it was just a few minutes more our three homes (including two neighbours' family) only exit would be blocked... If, if, if... We are truly blessed by the guardian angels and our little angel in the form of our son Ray. Our faces were all covered in soot, like we were just out from a coal mining cave or something... Ray was a champ and did not make any fuss the whole two hours we were downstairs while papa was upstairs putting out the fire and then making sure it doesn't continue... Papa (Siang) wanted to follow us out after we thought the fire was put out but then another stuff caught fire and he asked us to leave first... The security guard was very responsive and took good care of me and Ray in their rest room and the comfy sofa they offered to us... They offered us their walkie so we could communicate, us on ground zero and Siang on level 11... Been a really LONG day... 14 hours have passed, we are relatively unscathed and still dazed. Thank you all. 

We are truly grateful to be still breathing. Hugs.

Third Update (3-4am the next day after the fire):

Relatively unscathed. We still plan to go ahead and celebrate Ray's bday anyway cos life is worth celebrating!

And awake at this hour indicates a post traumatic stress of some sort for me I guess, and every single noise Ray makes woke me up now.. Talk about paranoia....

Anyway, it is 5am now and I better try to continue my zzz. Baby Ray has been having disturbed sleep tonight with at least once awakening each hour... I guess we are all having some sort of a trauma. Checks at the emergency department at a hospital nearby ruled out serious injuries/illness and we are supposed to be observing ourselves especially baby Ray for the symptoms of nausea, vomiting and coughing which are common symptoms after smoke inhalation in fire.

Things we learned in this short less than 24 hours, GOOD TO SHARE:

1. Invest in a smoke detector alarm, a couple hundred of Ringgit can save your life.

2. Invest in a fire extinguisher and make sure the fire extinguisher isn't past its expiry date. Not everyone has a lucky star in the form of our little angel Ray.

3. Do not stop and think to stop to save any material possessions when the fire is spreading. Every second counts between life and death. Make sure you go to sleep decent so you won't have to run out of your house naked. Seriously. No bra is still ok as long as you are covered by something besides a blanket.

When we were rudely awakened and overwhelmed by the smoke, hubby turned on the lights and we COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING THROUGH THE SMOKE. 

Lucky for us we were all conscious and Could hear the baby crying and voice which led me to him and I estimated his location and scooped him up in my arms and ran out past the burning fire out from our front door... A few seconds later might be a few seconds later too late. 

Of course 1001 things ran through my mind... What about my son's birth certificate and documents, what about my mobile phone to inform my family, what about this what about that... 

What about my son's formula milk and bottles, trust me, they all ran through my mind in that split second but my feet had a life of their own and took off with my baby in my arms. 

A mother's survival instinct or a human's survival instinct In a life and death situation. Hubby did what he could to prevent the fire from spreading and stayed back and asked us to seek help from the security guards at the condo/apartment guard post. That was the hardest decision for me to leave him alone in a smoke-filled house but what needs to be done needs to be done and off we went downstairs and was separated for nearly 2 hours until things cooled down, literally.

4. After the fire, don't clean up the mess. Two or three parties need to visit the site and take pictures for evidence for insurance claims/police/fire department report. Hotel stays are eligible for claims. We are putting up at my mother's place as I am typing this, thank goodness for family close by.

5. Make sure you renew your fire insurance. Shit happens, fire happens.

6. Practice safe electricity usage at home. Credits to Chan Chun Wai, my former student from public relations class for sharing this tip from among my over 120 comments on fb within 24 hours of the incident:

thanks god u n' ur family is safe.

some electrical tips to share around ppl here:

1) a single plug point is support up to 13amp current, around 3120 watts (+-10%)

2) don't attach multiple power strips (a.k.a extension) to a single plug point and run it with concurrently with high power consumption devices. Btw, power strip nowaday has very bad internal connection even it's NEW. 

3) even you have several plug points on the same wall, they might be connected parallelly to a same circuit breaker, which is support up to 20amp current, around 4800 watts max theoritically (it still depends on the thickness of the wire buried in the wall).

4) some plug points MAY NOT be properly installed or loose due to age (e.g: wire loose with the contact point), bad contact results plug point melting or spark may comes out. The burn mark gives you signal to replace it asap.

5) some electrical devices imported from China without SIRIM approval are not that safe to be used in Malaysia because they are designed to fit 220v voltage. (Malaysia adapt 240 voltage with +-10% tolerance)

6) etc, can't recall others.

End of Quote

7. Please don't use water or wet cloth to clean your house after fire. Clear the soot (uppermost layer of black ash/dirt) with a dry lint cloth or something or DRY clean them... Water makes them harder to clean if the soot is still there. For other smaller articles, soak them in washing detergent or even dish washer for one day and one night according to the internet resources we looked up in our dazed mode cos we were just too overwhelmed to see the damages/dirt/debris etc. For the skin... Hmmm this is after three times of washing with normal soap, my soot covered baby after 3 times of washing... 

And this is him already washed and changed into new clothes. You need to scrub and wash more than 3 times to regain your original skin complexion, that's for sure. Normal soap will do. I find that cheaper soap the ones in bar does the trick best. More fat components in them I guess, I dunno. Whatever works.

8. Get help. You will need all the help you can. I am glad I reached out and many offered support and words of encouragement and help/assistance. Google is a big help too.

Thank you all. Thanks to The Lord (God/Allah/Lord Buddha/higher Being) the guardian angels and our little angel in the form of our son, we are still a very much alive family.

THANK YOU!!!

Love,

Sue, proud mama of a heroic baby boy and proud wife to an equally heroic and responsible man she calls her husband.

~Truly Glad to be alive....

Update: Two days after the fire...

Feb 5, 2014 - 9am

Extent of damages:

Ceiling and walls needed scraping and repainting. Furniture that are burnt needed to be thrown away. Aquarium cracked and the water from the aquarium actually slowed down the fire, we suspected the fire started maybe at 5am and slowed down due to water from the aquarium, and by the time our house is filled with smoke it was nearly 6am when baby Ray alerted us. By then our lungs and nose and throat are filled with black soot already as we were sleeping.

Some floor tiles needed changing as they were cracked.

My mannequin (only one) for my baby/kids shop was burnt to a charred skeleton. 

Hubby's Targus laptop bag about USD100 was partially burnt, his laptop survived and just needed to replace the charger/adapter, his work data is saved.

The fire missed the flammables by a few cm, maybe one inch away from burning papers, one inch away from burning more fabrics (kain), one inch away from burning the baby daytime bed/mattress which will emit more toxic fumes, one inch away from many many things that will render us trapped in our own house... It was really a matter of IF it was a few Seconds more, we would not be alive today. We were truly blessed, we feel truly blessed and we truly believe our little family is blessed. 

Visiting the fire scene (we are staying at my mother's house for the time being), we looked through the place and saw how close, just HOW CLOSE IT WAS and things could be much worse if things continue for a few more seconds, Thank you to all the external forces and our good graces and baby Ray our little angel and all the unseen guardian angels at work. 

Insurance claim has been submitted, but we were told they only cover fittings and immovable objects and other stuff like furniture and appliances and belongings are considered NOT Covered by insurance.. Oh well... it has been a crazy past two days with LITTLE SLEEP as we fill up paperwork, run between the police station, fire department and management office and waiting for people to snap pix of our place, three different photo shoots, many other quotations from external parties needed... We are rendered homeless and cannot move back in for the next 2-4 weeks. Everywhere is still covered in soot/grease/ashes that whenever we visited our home, our nostrils will be black when we bathed later... The smell inside the house is still strong we turned on the Medikleen air steriliser one room at a time as we only had one working one as the rest had their wire/electric cable/plug burnt. 

We can't wait to return home but we can't for the next two weeks to a month... Anyway baby Ray's first birthday is coming up and we already pre booked his party venue so a thanksgiving party it will be, a celebration of live and to celebrate the joy and gratitude of being alive and well. Ray is truly our miracle baby from the beginning. 

Thank you all... We are slowly picking up the pieces now and still staying at my mother's spare room, thank Goodness for family nearby, and thank God for good caring friends.

End of update 9am, Feb 5, 2014, 2 days after the fire.

Update Feb 6, 2014 - finally the paperwork has been done, now we can start cleaning the house but any repair work can only start after insurance claim approval, which takes 14 days to process. We need to stay at my mom's place for at least a month before we can move back in. 

End of update for Feb 6, 2014

Talking about our problem is our greatest addiction...

Yeah, talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. 

Make the first move to break the habit. Talk about your joys.

Focus on what we have and not what we don't have. 

A reminder to self to set aside my grouses. Feeling really sick now, like the first major illness in a long while and mood/spirit is pretty low and all the recorded past came flooding back, playing over and over in my mind... some happy but partly unhappy... Bitter sweet past one year for our family.

Mommy, without you around this home isn't really the same. You shall always be the best mother-in-law I can ever wish for. For what I am lacking now, I take heart that in this situation you are always there for me, your words of wisdom, your selfless nature, what would mommy have to say about this, what would mommy do. Jan 24 is coming soon... Your first birthday after your passing. It will be hard for your son, it is hard enough for me so I can only imagine how hard it will be for him.

Our birthdays came and went without you last year... And our boy will be one soon, without you around... You are sorely dearly missed even if nearly a year has passed.

Bless us from the other side, mommy.

Hugs for eternity.

Sensitive Heart

I wonder how people can be so insensitive and when talking they just want to drag you in and make you feel bad, as bad as they are feeling.

Example, topic: having many kids does not guarantee they will grow up to be close to you. So one person, A person says B person shares the same fate. Then out of the blue, A says "like your parents, they have a son (my brother) but your brother isn't by their side, he just says he wanna fly and just flew away." Touché. 

Really touché.

It's not like my brother is overseas for fun. It's not like he doesn't call back on a weekly basis on the webcam to chat with face shown and whatsapp a few times a week. I bit my tongue to lash back. Useless to fight your point with this kinda person. They already see things through their tinted glass. If you refute one point, they will try to get another point to intentionally 'hurt' you so that you will feel almost as bad and as miserable as they are feeling.

I choose to learn to ignore those bullets and won't allow those words to be ammunition against me. 

What my brother does or what anyone dear to me does you can say all you want but only us know what is the real big picture. 

If saying such biased stuff makes you feel better in your miserable life, then I allow it, out of compassion, at least I am doing some merit/good deeds. 

I shall let it be and let it go. I shall let pity and compassion take over other negative feelings like anger and hurt.

Today, I make a conscious effort NOT to fall back to my old habit of replaying negative conversations over and over in my head. I choose to live life to the fullest and learn to pity those who can't and are envious of others. I have a brother who is a doctor and the pride of the family. Not many people can say that, can they? *wink*

Peace be unto this world where insecurities and ego make people fight over the smallest things.

2014

Dear Baby Boy,

You will no longer be a baby in a couple of months from now. Gosh, time passes by too fast and you will be a toddler soon!

It has been awhile since mama dusted off her court shoes (shoes that cover up your toes)... It won't be long before mama is out there doing what she does best and brushing up on her skills and expertise... Only this time on her own terms and time. You are still my lucky star my precious baby boy.

Mama loves you more and more each day.

Jan 8, 2014