Friday, 30 August 2013
Missing Someone Who Will Never Come Back
A breath away is not far to where you are....
I miss my late mother-in-law.
I really miss her now even when I am typing this alone in the living room while hubby is in the bedroom with our son... I miss her a lot.
I haven't really cried after she passed away. I actually have no regrets because I did my best for her and said all that I wanted to say... but I really miss her. I miss her it hurts so much everytime our boy cries and I wonder if it was his tummy hurting or his ear hurting, I wanted to call mommy and ask and I realised she is no longer here. When I saw how our life feels so empty because we are lacking that every two or three days phone call to mommy and say Hello to her in a sing-song manner.
I miss her belly laugh and how cheerful she seems whenever we talk, knowing very well we brought her happiness in her final years... I have no regrets I decided to hold on and started my mission to learn to love her, ... I have since truly loved another mother who isn't my own mother from the bottom of my heart, I deeply miss her.. the screen is blur now due to my tears... gosh, I miss mommy so much....
She will never see our son grow up. She will never see him take his first step, she will never hear him call her po po. If we have more children after our firstborn, she will never know... or maybe she knows from up there in Heaven because that is where she should be. With a heart that big, always selfless, she must be in Heaven now. Maybe she is polishing the Heaven's gates because she always said she will fall asleep if she just sit still doing nothing.
My birthday is coming soon... mommy celebrated my birthday three times with me last year... it was as if she knew she could not spend time with me anymore after last year, 2012.... she made longetivity noodles and cooked two eggs she dyed red for good luck and prosperity for me during my Chinese Lunar Birthday, then we had a great Karaoke dinner in a private room where she kissed me and gamely posed again for my sister to catch the kiss on replay... then on my actual birthday early October we had dinner with Pei in Kuching where we sought treatment for her tumours... three times, not once did we talk about death or dying... it wasn't until November when I was on unpaid leave, all alone with mommy that she asked me if she was really dying.
I still remembered what I told her... I answered yes to that but when she asked me how much longer she has, I replied that not even the doctor could predict because if the doctor said a few months but she could live a few years then the doctor is lying, and if the doctor said a few years but then she passed away in a few months, then the doctor is lying as well. I kept telling her to be positive and everything will be okay in the end. From May 2012 of final stage cancer... she only passed away on March 19, 2013, 10 months of surviving final stage cancer. She is one strong fighter, our mommy. Just in time for our son to celebrate his 30th day full moon day... mommy's passing away anniversary will always be our son's age minus 30 days.
Mommy, wherever you are, your spirit lives on in us... I shall tell my son about you and what a great grandmother you are, an ordinary woman with great achievements in human values.
I miss you, and I still love you, my only mother-in-law.
Pix of mommy making her famous yong to fu for one last time before she was too weak to stand up in 2012 *miss her and her cooking and everything about her*
30 DAYS... THE BEGINNING AND THE END