Thursday, 18 December 2008

It Has Been A Year...

It has been a year since I left my singlehood and embark on a whole new journey of sharing a life exclusively with another person, I have been married for a year and a half already. Time really flies.

It has been a year and 3 months and still counting when my heart was broken into shards of glasses when I lost a precious little life that did not have a chance to live and grow.

It has been a year and 1 month since I left the job that caused me so much emotional stress that it has contributed to me losing what matters most.

It has been a year that I ventured into a totally new field but eventually, that didn't last too.

PLEASE, I beg you, don't ask me or my spouse any of these questions as it hurts everytime you ask them:
Are you parents yet?
When are you starting a family?

Then, if we tell you the truth, DON't say things like this cos it will only hurt ME even more:
Aww, I'm sorry, at least you knew you could get one.
You're more lucky than those who carried to term or bigger tummy then lost the child.
Rest more, don't fret.

None of those really help to ease the pain and only serve a brutal reminder of the painful memories.

So the best bet is to let the subject pass and avoid the topic altogether.

Even my parents and my parents in law have learned not to broach the sensitive subject in front of me, and they are anxious to be grandparents.

Our parents, they have every right to ask, but NOT anyone else who are not even our flesh and blood.

So, who are you to ask and be so nosy to ask if my husband is a father already or me a mommy already?
We will announce when we are, so please don't hurt my feelings even more.

We are trying very hard and God knows how much that hurts to think back of what happened.

So please, spare me the heartache when we meet anywhere by avoiding this topic.

Yes, one year on, it still hurts. Everytime I think it's gone and think back of that bit of history, a part of me in my heart starts bleeding again. I guess you never outgrow such a painful memory.

Update: August 2012 - It will be exactly five years since I lost you, next month in September. I still mourn silently. I feel exactly the same way today, just that I have learned how to control my emotions and not let the dam of tears break everytime I think of you. I have changed gynae as I do not wish to be reminded of my loss. Trying very hard to move on. TRYING TO MOVE ON - A POST ON MY RECENT FEELINGS

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