Tuesday, 9 August 2011

When You Had Your Heart Broken - When Relationships End

Girls, guys, ever felt like how Beyonce is singing in the video above?

Ever gone through the "Why?" phase when you read up anything and ask anyone you can get hold of to get the reason why it ended? You are not alone. Many has gone through that phase and they survived and put it behind them very soon.

I was looking for the most accurate proverb (谚语) for my observation of today's incident, August 9th, 2011. A girl was crying while concerned friends talked to her, and she was wiping her tears away with a tissue paper while continuing to narrate her story. Let's gloss over the details in respect of the privacy of the girl and the parties involved (which involves young love and heartache and of course girl-boy, that much I can say).

What would you say to a crying girl who had her heart broken? That brought me back to all the incidents in the past, the movies I've watched and the songs I've heard and played over and over again. The songs of heartache and heartbreak are not popular for nothing... the sentiment is echoed in many hearts, young and old alike and the resonance is so strong the songs become popular. 

The first thing that popped to my mind is 'This too, shall pass'.

Then the vision in mind is my memory of a scene from a poignant movie I watched (back in 1990s) and how two adults confided in each other and the other said, "My grandmother always told me, that 'This too shall pass'," I cannot recall the movie or even the gender of the characters but I remember that particular scene with that particular advice.

Hurt will pass, happiness will pass, emotions are temporary. Like the wheel, you seem to be at the same place but if you are a dot on the wheel, you are sometimes up and sometimes down. Nothing is fixed, especially not your feelings.

Even the most loving couple will have their down times, and it is through overcoming these adversity and difficult times that we learn to grow and improve in life.

Yes, I had my fair share of having been hurt and had my heart broken when I was younger, read: Before age 23. My parents said I was just dramatising and seeking attention cos they are adults after all but back then it felt like the end of the world for me.

At that time, I felt like wishing the Earth would open up and swallow me inside cos I was so ashamed to face my social circle now that I am no longer part of the couple they identified me with. Back when you are younger and the peers mean the world to you, and conformity is a must, it seemed like a dead-end for me.

Another time I felt like flying away like in a dream to a land where no one knows me.. and I'd be lying if I say I never thought of ending my life. Thank goodness I never really acted on that last thought! Many negative thoughts went through my mind like the film reel at those low points. I felt like no one could understand how I felt. I blamed the other party first, then turned self-destructive as I turned the blame to myself, saying I'm too fat (I was only less than 110 lbs back then at one point!), maybe I'm too ugly, too insensitive, not good enough, and that's why the relationship ended. I had done a few things back then in retaliation, now that I look back, they are kinda embarrassing but I learned from those humiliating instances. Now that I'm past 30, no one cares anyway!

If the pain was RAW at that time, then I'd say I'm RIPE with age now that it doesn't really matter anyway! :-) Can I copyright this line here?

Looking back, as I'm writing this, I tried to relive the pain and the answer from my heart, is a dull numbed scarred pain, very faint, and I cannot believe how much it hurt back then. It has passed. Yes, it has passed!

How do you mend a broken heart? 

The best remedy is self-forgiveness (and ignore the wrong-doer) and let time heal the pain. As for the one who wronged you, let him/her be, or let them be, karma is a b*tch that will get you back, so let karma do her job.

Turn inside yourself and start enduring. Enduring and forgiving a person are two totally different things. Like you endure having to save a patient's life cos you are a doctor but you cannot forgive that person because that patient killed someone you loved. Enduring is doing the right thing in life, to continue in living, and forgiving is something more personal and takes time, so no hurry there.

There will come a time in the future that the past does not matter anymore. The chapter will be closed and you will read back that chapter with neutral feelings.  The heart isn't made of glass, which I would like to believe back when I was a naive young girl. Silly young(er) me believed my heart was broken into tiny shards of glass and could never recover anymore after the heart breaks (yes, in plural form).

Nope, the heart is more versatile than you think. It is NOT made of glass. Time is essence when it comes to heart break. The pain is yours and yours alone, when the time comes, let it go and be amazed at the revelation that will only follow after we let go. Never close your heart for new wondrous opportunities. I'm an optimistic fool and I'm glad the optimism paid off to a certain extent in my life so far. 

*This advice comes from a girl (now woman) people call 'weak' and emotional. If I can come this far, so can everyone else*

A quick search on google came up with this link and the proverb 'This too shall pass' has roots so far back!

Both girls and guys had their hearts broken either way, so here's a song sung by guys to end this blogpost, that is only fitting since this blogpost starts with a song sung by a woman. :-)

How do you mend a broken heart from BeeGees (1971) but sung in 1998 video:

This is a continuation of A creature called woman: FEELINGS - from negative to positive (Part 1)

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