Talking about our problem is our greatest addiction...

Yeah, talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. 

Make the first move to break the habit. Talk about your joys.

Focus on what we have and not what we don't have. 

A reminder to self to set aside my grouses. Feeling really sick now, like the first major illness in a long while and mood/spirit is pretty low and all the recorded past came flooding back, playing over and over in my mind... some happy but partly unhappy... Bitter sweet past one year for our family.

Mommy, without you around this home isn't really the same. You shall always be the best mother-in-law I can ever wish for. For what I am lacking now, I take heart that in this situation you are always there for me, your words of wisdom, your selfless nature, what would mommy have to say about this, what would mommy do. Jan 24 is coming soon... Your first birthday after your passing. It will be hard for your son, it is hard enough for me so I can only imagine how hard it will be for him.

Our birthdays came and went without you last year... And our boy will be one soon, without you around... You are sorely dearly missed even if nearly a year has passed.

Bless us from the other side, mommy.

Hugs for eternity.

Sensitive Heart

I wonder how people can be so insensitive and when talking they just want to drag you in and make you feel bad, as bad as they are feeling.

Example, topic: having many kids does not guarantee they will grow up to be close to you. So one person, A person says B person shares the same fate. Then out of the blue, A says "like your parents, they have a son (my brother) but your brother isn't by their side, he just says he wanna fly and just flew away." Touché. 

Really touché.

It's not like my brother is overseas for fun. It's not like he doesn't call back on a weekly basis on the webcam to chat with face shown and whatsapp a few times a week. I bit my tongue to lash back. Useless to fight your point with this kinda person. They already see things through their tinted glass. If you refute one point, they will try to get another point to intentionally 'hurt' you so that you will feel almost as bad and as miserable as they are feeling.

I choose to learn to ignore those bullets and won't allow those words to be ammunition against me. 

What my brother does or what anyone dear to me does you can say all you want but only us know what is the real big picture. 

If saying such biased stuff makes you feel better in your miserable life, then I allow it, out of compassion, at least I am doing some merit/good deeds. 

I shall let it be and let it go. I shall let pity and compassion take over other negative feelings like anger and hurt.

Today, I make a conscious effort NOT to fall back to my old habit of replaying negative conversations over and over in my head. I choose to live life to the fullest and learn to pity those who can't and are envious of others. I have a brother who is a doctor and the pride of the family. Not many people can say that, can they? *wink*

Peace be unto this world where insecurities and ego make people fight over the smallest things.

2014

Dear Baby Boy,

You will no longer be a baby in a couple of months from now. Gosh, time passes by too fast and you will be a toddler soon!

It has been awhile since mama dusted off her court shoes (shoes that cover up your toes)... It won't be long before mama is out there doing what she does best and brushing up on her skills and expertise... Only this time on her own terms and time. You are still my lucky star my precious baby boy.

Mama loves you more and more each day.

Jan 8, 2014