Beautiful Moments

I am grateful for being able to still breathe the air.

I looked back to the past with a heart swelling with gratitude and I look forward to the coming days in 2017 with great anticipation of what the future holds. Anything is possible.

Looking back, the pain is all worth it, without the down, there will be no up.
Without darkness, we won't appreciate the light.

Without children, and the state of childlessness, there will not be a fight to be parents, and the struggle make parenthood all the more precious when our baby finally came.. a boy and then a girl.

Life has been good. Even then, good won't be good unless we knew what is bad before that.

So whatever it is, it is all in the mind, it is all good, it is all bad, it is all beyond our control, what we can control is our attitude and reaction to all the 'labelled' happenings.

Take a deep breath and give thanks for this life here and now.
Live in the moment. Life is made up of little moments anyway. May we all have beautiful moments and cherish each and every one of these moments no matter how short.

Namaste.

Future Letter to my One-month-old Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Before I become too tired due to night feedings and forget the feelings of anticipation and joy that your birth brings to us let me write this future letter to you meant to be read by myself on your one-monthaversary on June 17, 2016, which is also near mama and papa's engagement anniversary.

*Deep breath*

Your birth on May 17, 2016, came as a surprise as we were not expecting your arrival till early June.

You are one eager beaver to see the world just like me your mama and your elder brother Ray.

You are so precious, you are so wonderful, you are so so so so so wanted and loved. Remember that my darling baby girl.

Your birth has been so much anticipated. I love you so much, after I had your brother Ray I thought my heart could not contain all the love I felt for a little human being that is such a strong feeling I could cry just being soaked in the feeling of love... now with your arrival, it is totally amazing our heart could open up even more to extend the love to even a bigger emotion and there really is no limit to love, we love you so very much.

May you grow up to be as noble as your name as what your mama want you to be and be as compassionate as your name and most of all be as happy and joyful as what your father would want you to be.

We love you baby girl, all of us in the family. xoxo

Letter to my Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Today would have been your godmother's birthday, Godma Val is turning 36 on June 4th. It would be nice for you to be born on the same date, then you two can celebrate your birthdays together.

It is really deja vu because I wrote the same for  your elder brother Ray before he was born and it was near your other godmother Khaima Pei's birthday. But as fate would have it, he decided to come out way earlier than that.

I hope you won't pull a stunt like your brother and surprising us with your early arrival but just come out safely and in due time dear baby girl.

Know that we love you very much.

Mama, Papa and korkor Ray.

Why Can't Female Teachers in Malaysia Wear Pants to Work?

Work pants or Long skirts for work?

One question I used to ask when I was still a school girl was Why can't female teachers in Malaysia wear pants to work?

I think it is some sort of a code of dressing left behind and still being practiced since the Colonial times. It has been more than 50 years since Independence, Malaysia. Time to relook and reconsider this dress code?

I remember fondly of the two years I spent as a Sixth Former in my pre-U days at St Joseph Secondary School in Kuching, Sarawak... The pride of La Salle in Borneo.  The female teachers are allowed to wear pants.

The term who wears the pants also mean who is in control and have a say in deciding stuff so I guess not being allowed to wear pants may stem from a lack of gender equality as well. That is a whole different topic altogether so I won't delve into that.

But hello it is 2016 already ... Mengapa guru wanita tidak boleh memakai seluar panjang sebagai pakaian rasmi semasa bertugas?

With the fiasco on social media last year concerning our national Gold Medalist Gymnast Farah Ann Abdul Hadi who won six medals including two gold at the SEA games focusing on the V-line of her leotard instead of her gold victory speaks volumes about just how petty and archaic-thinking SOME of my fellow countrymen are. So I rest my case.

All opinions are expressed from my own personal view which you may agree or not agree but each to their own. I would like to clarify that I come from a family of Teachers and headmistress and principals. My baby sister is still a teacher in a government national school. So I do know what I am talking about. You don't have to agree. #peace

Dearly Departed

I struggle to find the right words for this blog post.

It has been 9 years since my grandpa passed on and 3 years since my mother-in-law passed on. Sometimes tears come. Sometimes the heart just feels numb. Memories are highlighted in fragments. You find yourself keep reliving the memories, good and bad over and over again, and you catch yourself looking on with nostalgia at old photographs.

The desperate clinging on to every single memory that you can keep in mind is further reinforced by the clinging of the few possessions that you still keep.

I panicked when the blouse I kept with mommy's scent lost its scent when I reached out to it and smelt it after so long... I tried imagining the smell is still there but it is just gone.. another part of mommy lost...but the smell is committed into memory.

I still call my late mom-in-law "Mommy". I still call my grandpa "Gong Gong".

I was sitting down in Singapore one day and I whiffed a scent of his favourite Brylcream haircream and I half expected him to be near me. Instead I saw an old man of Chinese descent, dressed in a similar style as Gong Gong, only he is much younger than Gong Gong's 95 years, yet just seeing that old man is like seeing an apparation of Gong Gong and I could not help but rudely stared for quite some time until I tried to hide my stare and started to peek... The feelings that surfaced were so strong I felt like crying in joy at such familiar memories and crying in sadness cos I deeply miss him.

Sometimes you miss a departed loved one so much your heart felt like it would burst. Sometimes you feel angry that their time is so short and you wish for just one more day with them to spend more time with them just to hear their voice again and to feel their touch and just to see them again in person. Like me, sometimes I wonder what if they are still alive. Will my son's life be different and be better shaped just because he could meet his grandma and greatgrandpa? Alas, that will remain a big What If. It is just not meant to be.

Such is the attachment we have to our dearly departed... Life goes on... but we are just too emotionally fragile sometimes and it is okay to miss them and let the tears fall once in awhile.

RIP May we find solace that our loved ones have departed to a peaceful, happier place.

 Image grabbed from Lotus Flower Project

BEST SEAFOOD IN KUANTAN (in my opinion)

The best seafood in Kuantan that I have tried so far is in this seemingly deserted-looking restaurant in Kuantan. Beserah Sea Food Restaurant along the beach at Kampung Batu Hitam Kuantan.

Don't follow the GPS location found via Google as apparently someone sabotaged the Google pin location and both directions we followed lead us to two different places right in front of Residential homes homes.

The best guide is to locate the Beach near Batu Hitam or its competitor PAK Su restaurant just a few doors away. It is right beside the restaurant Sajian De Alam.

We sat at the table looking over the beach. With such good food it should be full house on any given day.

Each dish is a winner in its own right. Like one reviewer on trip advisor said which prompted me to try out Restoran Beserah Seafood Restaurant each dish is a standalone success.

Even my husband who is currently on a vegetarian diet enjoyed the fried broccoli which is really fragrant and also the homemade tofu as well as the omelette. I tried the recommended by many online Salted egg butter squid.. OMG..  The aroma when it was served made me salivate immediately. When you place it in your mouth it is like... WOW... This is a little taste of heaven.. This is how you fry your squid!!! No rubbery feeling not too dry just nice and fragrant with curry leaves and even my toddler enjoyed it lots!

Do give this a try. Price is really reasonable starting from RM20 for the smallest portion for two of salted egg squid.

BESERAH SEAFOOD RESTAURANT
OPENING HOURS 12NOON TILL 10PM

KAMPUNG BARU HITAM BESERAH
26100 Kuantan Pahang
MALAYSIA

Contact tel no 095448810 or 0167839168

BANGLASIA BY Namewee: where to donate

There are barely 7 more days left to the fundraising for the Internet Free Release of the movie BANGLASIA by the talented Namewee provided USD 500,000 is collected through Kickstarter.

The link is here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1416624528/banglasia-movie-by-namewee/description

So far less than half of the funds needed have been pledged by backers. Do take a look at the plight of this movie which could not survive the censorship of the country where it was referring to and decide if USD5 is too much for you to support this project.

Unless a miracle donor buys up all the bigger spots in the next one week... Chances are this project may be buried forever.... Imagine it as a kitten that is shivering in the rain and may die of cold if no one help soon.. Won't you help to relieve the suffering just a little by providing shelter? In the name of art and entertainment and regardless of how we may hate or love Namewee he has made an impact to Malaysia's colourful landscape to be even more vibrant. ONE THING IS FOR SURE, Namewee is surely truly passionate about whatever he does and he has lost a lot of weight in his latest video. Regardless of what happens please don't bury the movie Namewee. Don't ever stop being yourself. 

The link again: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1416624528/banglasia-movie-by-namewee/description

Year End Post

It is year end again.
Lots have happened this year. 2015 had been an eventful year with lots of tears, grief, disappointment and frustration but we have learned to rise from all that and manage a smile, laugh about it and holds a hope that 2016 will be an even better year.

Lots have been accomplished and lots have given way for other priorities.

May 2016 be kinder to all of us and the world. Peace

UPDATE ON ABBY

JULY 4, 2015 (continuation from earlier blog post http://suesanctuary.blogspot.com/2015/06/mid-year-crisis.html)

Today (July 3) is a glorious day ... after 10 nights in ICU (and the earlier 2 nights in a private hospital) our sister Abby is finally transferred out from ICU to a normal ward.

As she had fasciotomy performed to save her limb (left arm), her entire arm is of no use at the moment.. the doctor has not ascertained the exact extent of the dead muscles but we are told she still has enough muscles left to regain most use of her left arm, if not 100%... the road ahead will be a slow and painful one for her as she struggle with relearning how to move and use her left arm. She can barely clench her fingers now and she cannot unflex her grasp without the help of her right hand.

She still needs to be hospitalised as the doctor needed to perform further operations on her and they are leaving the wound open, mostly unstitched as that is usually what fasciotomy is and it shall be a few more weeks for her at the hospital and then some more weeks of medical leave until she is fit enough to go back to work.. driving will be a problem.. but she shall have us by her side at every juncture of the journey.

We are thankful for all prayers and well wishes from all. We truly are grateful and glad we still have Abby with us and most importantly she is going to live to celebrate her 30th birthday in August.

Her internal organs are out of danger (hence the transfer out from ICU) and her blood levels are back to normal, well, almost normal.

And yes.. her initial diagnosis was dengue fever which she has contracted the second time in 6 years and neither of the remedies worked... not papaya leaf juice.. young papaya fruit sap.. crabs soup and flesh... not frog with bitter gourd.. not this not that.. we have literally tried everything up till her platlets dropped to below critical to dangerously low below 15.

What helped were constant blood transfusion alternating with platelet transfusions and lots of prayer and positive thoughts sent her way. She was drifting in and out of consciousness as her organs were under attack, especially her liver, which caused her blood to not be like us normal people hence causing compartment syndrome.

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2058838-overview

If you see the link above.. it must be performed within 6 hours of it happening yet Abby only had it done after 2 days as her blood works were not good enough for surgery or else she will risk excessive bleeding to death. Hence the death of her muscles. She is very lucky in the sense that they didn't have to sacrifice her arm in order to save her life, i.e. amputation after allowing the arm to die. She saw the scar this morning when they were doing dressing and it was depressing  but she quickly forced herself to accept the scar and the still open wound as part of her now. We are so proud of how brave she is.

Doctors said her condition was very critical where mortality rate is high especially with an almost definite mortality for the very young or very old... and we were right to fear her death. She fought and won and for that we are truly thankful.

If she is to get dengue the third time it will be even more dangerous. She is renting with her husband at a landed property, single storey terrace house now. My parents are persuading them to move to higher floors, i.e. condominiums when she is discharged but we shall cross the bridge when we come there.

Her husband also contracted dengue at the same time and recovered quickly within a week with lots of 100Plus and rest at home. No need for the remedies, etc. We were quite taken aback by some well wishes who vehemently preached certain remedies and implied that our mother had not tried hard enough to save her. God knows how much we tried and to what extent our dear mother has tried for her youngest daughter to the extent of begging for the ingredients from the gardens of strangers.

At our most worrying and trying times, it got too much for our parents to even answer phone calls or reply to messages on whatsapp or even meet and talk with another person... each time they relate to an individual about our sister's condition, they will be sad and tears tend to fall.. imagine you have 100 enquiries and you need to cry 100 times... it was really emotionally taxing.. if your queries went unanswered during that period, we are truly sorry but for our sanity and to keep things together... we needed to shut out the world for awhile.

With Abby's life out of danger now, our family can now sleep soundly for the first time in nearly 2 weeks.

AGAIN, THANK YOU for your support and we believe every prayer counts in her recovery. With every worst scenario that was presented to us, many u-turns were provided that somehow our sister managed to scrap through with the slightest margin.. and we were met with much kindness, many sympathetic nurses and doctors, much support from every one, most who have never known Abby personally and many who donated blood to replenish the hospital's blood bank for the general good, and the many prayers and well wishes from everyone whom we may not be able to name one by one... from the bottom of our hearts.. thank you. We saw the true human spirit and have not lost hope with humanity. We are truly blessed. Thank you for the help and prayers rendered from people from multiracial and multireligious backgrounds or denominations. We saw religious tolerance at its best when it is a matter of life and death.

THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR HUMANITY.

THANK YOU.

p/s- Aedes mosquito breeding grounds must be eliminated... Dengue is very real and it really can kill.

I would not wish this upon anyone or for any family to go through the grief or heartache of this illness.. And there is still no medicine for this. Forget the traditional remedies.. seek treatment from the government hospital immediately and get your blood tests done. My sister was initially rejected a blood test from a 24 hour clinic near our are in Setapak, we are still contemplating if we should pursue further action with that clinic with two very sarcastic locum doctors (visited twice in two consecutive evenings). Go straight to a hospital if you display the symptoms of dengue which may include high or low grade fever with extreme pain on your bones and joints and a terrible splitting headache and lethargy.

May all beings be well and happy.

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatha.

MID YEAR CRISIS

Our family is currently (June 2015) in the midst of a crisis.. our youngest sister is critically ill and has been admitted into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and her condition has worsened since her first admission only days before.

There is no medicines for her condition and the only thing the medical team can do is to take her blood for testing to monitor the level of her blood and as of now her liver is at high risk for liver failure (worst case scenario) or other complications to her internal organs.. you don't get admitted into ICU if it is not critical so that is the gravity of the situation.

If you are reading this... I humbly plea for a short prayer for my sister Abby so that she may be granted with the strength to be able to fight and get well soon.

She has just gotten married 6 months ago and has only started out in life. And the prospect of losing my baby sister is a daunting one.

Watching my parents emotionally collapse when her condition deteriorated yesterday, I steeled myself up inside. I had to be strong. I will be no use if I falter now.

The first day she was transferred from a private hospital into the ambulance to the emergency of the government hospital where they are better equipped and better trained to deal with severe critical cases like hers, we did not think she would be so... we were very optimistic that she will get well soon.

Only 2 months ago when my parents were out of town and her husband was outstation for work training, she called me for help as she was terribly unwell and I handled her hospitalisation and visited her daily, lunch and dinner and finally her husband returned and took over and she got over it. This time round... instead of showing signs of recovery... she has consistently deteriorated.. with each 6 hourly blood test we are beside ourselves.. nervously waiting for the latest results.

TRADITIONAL REMEDIES
Friends have shown concerned and asked for updates. For that we are thankful.
Some are helpful and offered advices and remedies which our dear mother religiously gathered the ingredients to the extent of begging from the gardens of strangers.. our mother, bless her heart, got them all and each meal.. breakfast.. lunch.. dinner...she brings over to my sister with the boiled remedies with hope she can take a few sips and keep them down and not vomit them all out... my sister can hardly keep her liquid or food down and for her not to vomit anything ingested is a small victory each time.

ALONE TIME
Since my sister is in good hands in ICU and her husband is at her side, I dragged myself to the gym at which we are both enrolled in. The picture is her hairband which I carried with me when she needed us to keep her stuff for her as there are no spaces to store your belongings at the ICU. I wore her band as if it was like the old times when we work out at the gym. The concerned ladies coaches asked about Abby.. and all of them sent their best regards to her and wish her speedy recovery... one initiated the process of holding her membership for a month so she would not be charged. Bless their heart.

HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
I always find it easier to write out my thoughts to sort them out and put things in perspective.

Friends have been asking how am I holding up. My husband has been asking if I am okay.

Honestly I feel numb... it all felt so surreal.
A routine visit to my sister's ward at a normal ward turned out to be critical and the ambulance rush.. the siren... the emergency department.. staying at emergency department for some 7 hours waited another 2 hours before I was truly sure that her condition is well taken care of by the nurses at ICU... sleeping at 3am and waking up hours later to play with my son cos I felt guilty for not kissing him goodnight... and more hospital visits.. and finally today where I have yet to visit my sister.

It is sort of like 2012 when a routine visit to the hospital with my late mother in law saw her being detained in emergency department for hours while a bed is being cleared for her... it is like a similar roller coaster ride only at a different time and with different fellow riders.

Tears have not come yet. Fears that crop up are being brushed aside and suppressed each time they surface. I guess my defence mechanism is kicking in full gear.. denial stage.. I cannot cry, I gotta be strong, I need to harden up myself. I find myself doing it all over again... with my mother in law...and now with my sister.

Let there be healing for my sister... and also all who may be critically ill now
I only have one sister and I really hope she can fight and get through this....
Who cares about the details when you are lying down in ICU and critically ill with the numbers deteriorating with each test...
may what should be up is up and what should be down is down in all her results.

WE SHALL UPDATE AS AND WHEN WE SEE FIT AS IT IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER FOR US AS A FAMILY. WE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN BUT PRAYERS AND POSITIVE VIBES SENT TO OUR SISTER ABBY is more apt in situation like this than questions about the details. The numbers are changing as we are speaking so the general aim now is for her to get well. I believe in the power of prayer and collective positive mental energy channeled to the sick.

There is no meds and it is up to her to fight it.

2015 so far

LIFE JUST PASSES YOU BY AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT POOOOF, ALL IS GONE.

SO much for 2015.

Hope the next half will be okay for everyone.

Year End Post

It is the last month of 2014.

As usual, a nostalgic post.

Or maybe a reflective one.

Or maybe just another rambling post as usual.

Now, I have got many 'usuals' that is rather confusing isn't it?

ONE THING which hasn't been 'usual' lately is posting on this blog.

I would like to say I have been busy. But then again, like exercise, busy isn't a good excuse and not blogging isn't really excusable if I wanna call myself a blogger isn't it?

2015 is dawning.

Made a resolution to start a book on my late Mother-In-Law (MIL) when she passed in 2013, yes I started on that. It is still a work in progress... the emotions are still raw when the pages are flying... when I typed. Tears and chuckles as I relived those moments and putting them into words.

Made a resolution in 2013 when I had my son to quit putting so much emphasis on my career and focus more on my family, yes, I did... for awhile, and now I am guilty of putting more emphasis on my career now that he is nearly 2.

Made a resolution early 2014 to work out more... that is a failure. However, I have been walking a lot and usually walk minimum 5000-10,000 steps a day depending on the day.

In my mid-30s now, and life has been kind so far. Perhaps I am more mellow and less demanding, all in the mind, I guess.

Lost many good souls this year including my godfather... and a dear friend, and accompanied the last journey of a friend's dad... and the impending death of a dear family friend... and news of death of little ones as well, one known to a personal friend of mine.. life is just so so short... too brief, too fleeting. This year has seen me trying to make my mark, trying to make a difference knowing just how limited the years we have on Earth, some called me bold because I made some rash but necessary decisions, but so far no regrets. I don't mull over my own decisions.

But I am still learning how to let go of some past wrongs done to me, I am only human, it may take years to forgive and more years to forget.. my heart is still hurting and the memories still fresh, so pardon my being weak in the flesh in my human form as I still bear some serious grudges. May take some time for me to be Enlightened to truly let go of these human traits.

At the end of the day, no amount of money is ever going to be enough without one precious thing = Contentment. No life is going to be complete without one thing = Love.  No one is ever going to be truly happy without joy of giving and being truly happy for others without feeling bitter or jealous. Saintly words? Saints were humans like you and me too. Enough of wars and conflict and also ridiculous politics campaigning for the trivial issues while neglecting the real issues in this world. We need more WORLD PEACE and ditch the feeling of superiority over another living being.
 
So another year has gone. We shall see how next year will be. As long as we are still breathing, life is good, the best has yet to come. If I don't post till next year, have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year 2015.

p/s - Heck I just realised I have a tag/label called year end registered.. so this is really a yearly blog post come every year end. Enjoy the rest of 2014 everyone. *Peace*

AFTER AWHILE

After awhile,
Time heals,
Hearts may soften,
But some harden,
Minds are fixed,
Memories distorted,
All seen through rosy lenses,
Or perhaps still buried in bitterness,
Seeing things through a tinted blurry window pane.

After awhile,
Why peace still eludes the world?
Senseless destruction
of humankind and nature
Warped thinking
Bent on twisted mindset
Still...


After awhile,
Does it matter?
Yes, then do something about it.
No, then say nothing about it.
Enough negativity in the world...

After awhile,
Some lose
Some win
Some gain
Some let go
Others indifferent
Some care till the end.

After awhile,
Children grow,
People age,
Some pass on,
Life goes on.

~ Been awhile... Sue Sept 11, 2014

Not so smart phones

I got an upgrade late 2013 when I got iPhone 5s while still keeping my old faithful iPhone 4. 

As fate would have it, my iPhone 5s started having hardware problems by restarting itself again and again at the most unexpected times. Hence it was sent back to the Apple factory to claim warranty.

I got a replacement phone but was not offered any phone to loan while I was phone-less. I didn't expect a temporary phone to use but then I received a survey from apple and while filling up I saw aquestion  asking if I was offered a phone to use while my iPhone was in repair. I replied no and suddenly felt short changed. The SIM card gotta be changed many times from nano (for 5s) to micro for any other smart phones just for this purpose.

Anyway I digress got back my phone albeit a different phone and everything worked one until it refuses to charge.

The phone just why dead and refused to charge. Managed to revive it until it charged until 15% and then it refuses to charge again. Very tempted to buy original apple cable but read the reviews they don't last more than 6months. 

To top it off my Samsung galaxy s4 has been cranky too and refuses to charge.

What's up with these advanced smart phones refusing To charge?

Geez. How can I use them if they are having flat batteries?

Guess it will be back to repair or iPhone 5s and perhaps S4.

Life and how things don't really turn out the way you wish/hope/planned, only better.

I have always dreamed of having a little girl. Heck, I even have two goddaughters, starting from 2011 when I was in my 20s, I love my little girls to bits, they are now in their early teen years and just so fate would have it, this year, 2014 my youngest goddaughter Zahraa is born in June, sharing this precious little pink bundle of sweetness with her parents is truly a blessing. So now I have 3 goddaughters.

So I guess life thinks I have got enough little girls to add colour to my life. And so we got a little boy of our own, our precious little boy born earlier last year, 2013... a complete surprise but a wonderful addition to our life.

When we were told we were having a boy, I will be lying if I say I was not a little bit disappointed. I have always wanted a little girl before I became a mother. SORRY SON, if you are reading this when you could read a few years down the line, please continue reading, come on. I love you son.

Gone were my dreams to wear my little girl in pretty nice dresses and with laces and frills and tie up her hair in cute ponytails or braid them, and wear matching outfit with my girl when we go out and feel so proud I have a mini me. Okay, now that I put it this way, it seems like my dream of having a little girl is purely for self-gratification to doll her up and to stroke my ego/pride, hahaha.

However, now that I don't have a little girl, I have found that having a little boy is a totally different wonderful experience that I have never even given a thought in most of my life up till 2013.

Sure, there is one extra stuff to take care of when you change the diaper, and the diaper rash can or cannot be worse than a little girl's, babies stuff aside... now that our little boy is a toddler and hitting his milestones... it is the little stuff that makes me smile and chuckle everyday.

Our son has this thing for wheels since he could sit up steadily by 6 months and would point at moving blades like fans and would use his finger pointer to move any wheels, be it luggage wheels stroller wheels, his miniature car/toy wheels, any wheel, he will be fascinated.

The moment he could master some vocals, he started making boom boom, ggggnggg ggnnggg sound from his throat. And now at 16 and a half months, he finally learns the proper raspberry pout with his lips and makes the brrrrrrrrrrr, engine revving sounds and it doesn't stop there, he will take anything and pretend it is steering wheel and turn, and when there is nothing for him to get hold off, he will clasp his fingers together and started turning his hands like they are wheels and 'pretend drive'. 16 freaking months old... and he cannot converse yet with his limited vocabulary but gggggnggg ggggng has been in his vocab since like he could respond to us, lol. He loves that word more than mama or papa!

And the brooooooom broooom doesn't stop there. We take baths together, I will be beside him while he plays with his cup and duckies and he will be making the revving sounds, entertaining himself while the shower sprinkles down. He splashes the water everywhere in bath, so it figures to take bath together because I will be wet anyway. Baths aside, and yes hubby and I both agree there is nothing to be ashamed of by the natural state of our birthsuits, our little boy is growing up fine and he has his preferences and gets all excited when his fav cartoon Rory the racing car is on... wheeels aside, he loves Olive the Ostritch and Fifi and the Flowertops as well, so I guess he is an all-rounder, or at least I hope he will be!

It is a delight to dress him up too!
After much searching, and boys outfit unfortunately are not as extensive as a girl's wardrobe... so it really was a much more gratifying success when I finally found nice outfits for my boy.

And yes, we can dress up in the same colour scheme and pose for pix. Our boy is quite the camera pleaser after 'the training' in front of the camera that he went through - crazy mama (me) snapped thousands of photos in his first months on Earth and yes it has slowed down to maybe a hundred pix or so a month now haha.

It is a delight to watch what new stuff he unleashes each day... he teaches us both to be better parents if we both listen and respond to his needs instead of vice versa. Patience is a virtue, yes, but patience can really save your life and sanity, we cannot rush things with our little ones, all in due time, and they will flourish when it is time, like a flower is supposed to be in bloom.

I guess we are in a comfortable relaxed environment now, just the three of us. I cannot imagine how life will be without our son, the laughter and cackles, how he grins and behaves playfully when he knows he did something funny and we are trying not to laugh. Even when we do get the rare night off for date night, both hubby and I would be talking about him and what he will say or do at the little things we stumble upon and when we finally picked him up, we are missing him more than ever... and he missing us. He knows we are his parents and he is our little boy. Nothing can change that.

A little girl suddenly appearing now as an addition into our family of three? hmm.... I won't say yes right away but I also won't say no. COME WHAT MAY... what will be, will be.

Even if we don't get a baby sister for our son, we are already complete as a family with his birth. Not to say another baby will not be as important or anything, a sibling will be a welcome addition in the family and love knows no bounds, so it will be a nice 'extension' of love and everything nice in life. And I don't support the notion of males being the more 'superior' gender and all, so I am gonna make sure our son never treats a female with anything but respect.

We love you so much baby boy, hugs and kisses. Thank you for coming into our lives and bringing us so much joys in ways we never imagined life would give us.

Love, Mama and Papa
June 30, 2014.

NOTE: *We have our baby son after nearly 6 years of marriage*

Life, Death and Love

Between life and death there is love.

It is who and how we love that makes a difference.

I have the privilege of attending a funeral of a dear friend's dad today. Monday, May 14, 2014.

They played 'you raise me up' by Josh Groban at the final farewell at the church before the casket was whisked away in the car... The music and the tears got to me and brought me back to my late MIL's passing and those who passed on before her whom I have had the privilege of knowing....

The final kiss, the final look, the final farewell before your loved one is laid to rest... either buried or cremated.... 

Have you loved and truly lived so far? Where can we improve and what else can we do? 

Pix of the last rite, placing the flower in the coffin before the casket is closed one final time and whisked into the crematorium.

My friend Mary and I hugged tightly and sobbed without saying anything for a good 3 minutes or maybe more... United in our sorrow of having to part with a loved one.

RIP Uncle Pang. 

May all who went before us rest in peace.

Disclaimer: I am not a Catholic nor a Christian but was raised in a multi religious environment so I have no taboo against death or anything or even be in another religion's place of worship. It is all in our mind, our perspective.  

First year death anniversary

19.03.2013 was when you left us when your youngest grandson was exactly 30 days old.

A year has passed, you are deeply missed and fondly remembered by those you left behind. 

While Fate may seem like playing a cruel joke on us, taking away a loved one just after we got our son... It serves as a lesson in life for us, one year on, we could see what lesson Fate was trying to impart to us.

A somber reminder of the fleeting nature of life. With birth there is death. With joy there is sadness. With every gain there is a loss. That's the balance of nature. Life....

 

RIP mommy. My only mother-in-law.

RIP TH Lu, former Tribune photographer

RIP TH Lu, former Sarawak Tribune photographer. 

He breathed his last this morning, March 16, 2014. He is 62. Another death/passing away due to the big C - cancer.

I called him Godpapa and he looked out for me every time we were assigned together when I was a reporter and he the photographer for the English daily I used to work at. When I was married, he was the photographer for my wedding reception in Kuching. Gosh, I am still in shock. I will remember you in my prayers, Papa Lu.

Rest in peace.

Repair work after Fire

A month after the fire, insurance company gave the greenlight for repair work to start...  a month of being rendered homeless, we've got a house yet we cannot stay there, pending repair.

Anyway we need to pay the contractor first out of our own pockets, pending insurance disbursement of the money.  Pix taken the night before real work starts. Smaller stuff are mostly moved to my cousin's house where her spare room is now full of our stuff. Bigger stuff like furniture are stacked up together and covered like this to prevent dust from landing on them.

We should be moving back into our home sweet home by Easter. Can't wait.

Full fire story a few blogposts back.

Lose, Loss, Losing, Lost

Standing here alone in an empty house where things are half packed into boxes and the walls and ceilings are still half or mostly still covered in soot after the fire on Feb 3, Monday early morning at dawn 5-6am... Today is Friday, Day 5 after the fire....

Standing here from the position of where only a year ago my Late mother-in-law was resting daily in her lazy chair when she was stricken with end-stage cancer, looking at her photograph staring back at me nearly did it for me. I felt like curling into a ball on this soot-covered floor and cry like a baby.

At that time, when we gained a baby boy, our precious son, 30 days later we lost the matriarch (hubby's mother) in Lee family. We lose the closest link to my husband's family. Things were never the same after that.

After this fire, it was as if we were shook to our very core to bring us back to reality. Hubby said he felt as if the cloud just disappeared and he could see now.

Another thing that caught our attention was how the smoke went around this Buddha image stuck on the wall.

This is the same Buddha image that our late mommy prayed to daily when she couldn't move when her cancer ate away her mobility as well. Perhaps her energy was still there, protecting us, protecting our small family. Perhaps holy images/items are really blessed and through this fire incident, we could see how blessed we were, whatever religion you are professing, holy items are truly blessed. An inch away from many more destruction or even loss of life... We were and are truly blessed. 

Gotta keep that in mind so I won't be losing my mind in dealing with being rendered homeless for at least a month... The electricity still trips (whole house shut down) when we try to use some power socket/point... This is not a safe place for residence until stuff are repaired... Waiting for insurance approval now....

Anyway, not gonna end this on a somber note. It is still the first two weeks of the New Lunar Year of the Horse. 

Instead of mulling on things we are losing or have lost... We should remind ourselves of our blessings... Thankful for just being alive.

Life indeed is blessed for everyone because just being able to breathe is a blessing in itself. Thank you.

May everyone be blessed with peace, good health and joy.

CLICK HERE FOR THE FIRE STORY